Is this girl playing games?

[Jack Hensy]

I went on three dates with this woman. We were intimate on the third date and everything was great.
We texted back and forth for a week. She wanted to see me again and I wanted to see her too. So we agreed to set something up within a week. Then my sibling got sick and he ended up in the hospital and I didn't text her for a few days because I was concerned for a family member. I was sort of incognito. I didn't text her and she didn't text me for two days and she finally she texts me and says........ "I like you but we were not exclusive and you didn't ask me to exclusive with you so I met someone else who I connected with and we are going to be exclusive. Wish you the best."

I was crushed and sort of went off on a tangent and said mean things to her. She got mad and told me to never contact her again!

I waited about 3 weeks and sent her an email telling her I had liked her and was crushed that she had dumped me and wanted to reconcile. She responded and said she liked me too and fortunately it did not work out with the other guy. So after much texting we decided to give it another chance.
We both apologized to each other for miscommunication. She was hurt too that I blew her off. Anyway, I asked her to be exclusive with me this time...she said I had said mean things to her and she would promise a date with me and see how things go between us. But couldn't promise exclusivity. I accepted the date, but was somewhat disappointed.
She and another guy get exclusive on the very first date. Without no intimacy? How does that happen?
I have been on 3 dates with her and intimate and yet she still doesn't want to be exclusive with me? Something doesn't add up.

Does saying mean things to a girl really a dealbreaker? I apologized and I accepted she went out with someone else. Am I being played? Or should have her be straight with me?

 

[Tictac]

Kinda of a rough start. And you may feel like you have to 'work uphill' which is not good.

But she did say she'd see you. And she's already been 'straight' with you. You've already apologized so I would never mention it again. If you do, she may decide to hold it over you which you should not allow. If that's not enough for her, walk away - no histrionics.

As for being 'exclusive', I've no idea what that's about for either of you.

 

[wakingup]

OP, not sure how long you've been a member here or how familiar you might be with how attraction and sexual relationships between a man and woman work, but I'll just point out the obvious "no-nos" that everyone else in this forum will notice and comment on. I've only been here 5-6 months and have completely benefited from the advice on here. I was SUUUCH a submissive guy when it came to relationships because I thought that's what women were attracted to (pretty much everyone on this forum used to be this way and still struggles with it).

Ok, now for the feedback.

#1. LOW INTEREST LEVEL, since she was going after other guys while dating you AND she had no problem flat out telling you this. When a girl really has high IL, they drop everyone else and go after the prize. If her IL (interest level) was high, then you not texting for two days would have made her crazy and she would be texting you and would been feeling the anxiety of "will he ever call me." In your case, you didn't text and her feeling was more like "well he was OK, but I haven't heard from him so I'll just move on... no big deal."

#2. You emailed her that you liked her three weeks after you get dumped? First off, this forum is for guys over 25 years old. Second, if you are over 25, why are you emailing a girl that you've been intimate that you like her after she dumps you? Obviously you like her if you're intimate. For whatever reason, she wasn't into you, so you tell her straight up "hey I like you, do you like me?" As you should learn if you spend more time here, you NEVER tell a girl you like them before they say they like you. The whole natural game is that women want to feel like they are on the pulse of the relationship (which in reality they are much moreso than men). If you blurt out "I like you" before they have, they feel like you're kinda in their role and taking the role of being on the pulse of the relationship. It's like you're the woman and when they feel that, BOOM, their interest goes away in a split second. It's like if you car is broken down on the side of the road and the woman gets out the toolbox and starts working on the engine, you'd feel a bit wierd right?

#2b. Saying "I like you" was even worse in this case because she already rejected you and told you she wanted some other dude. It tells her "hey I barely know you, you dumped me, its been 3 weeks, but you're still my only option." Think if you told some girl she was ugly and she kept calling you and acting like you should like her, you'd be disgusted and consider her to be very low value. Or even think of it like in school if you told some kid you didn't like him and he kept hanging out with you, you'd be like "why the heck doesn't this person get that I don't want to be their friend." Deep down she's asking herself "whats wrong with this guy to keep pursuing me after I told him I wanted some other dude?"

#3. You asked her to be exclusive? This is also like #2a. Let the woman push this issue, it's her natural role. You again took the power from what is a woman's power, leaving her feeling like the man in the relationship and you, the woman. Further, why would you ask a woman to be exclusive after she dumped you and you didn't talk for 3 weeks? Not good. Further still, she REJECTED the offer.

Here's what happened, she had low interest level, dumped you for some other dude, told you they were exclusive as an excuse to not see you (they were not likely exclusive), this other guy was either a jerk and she got over him or he ditched her, she had no other guys on the line, you're bugging her, she already hooked up with you and knows you'll do anything for her pvssy, so she figures "hey what do I have to lose?"

What doesn't add up is the logic in YOUR head, she's lonely, got no options, knows she can reject you and you'll still be there eager for the pvssy, so until she finds another guy, she's got no problem going on dates and getting free food/drinks/entertainment from you. She won't commit to exclusivity because then it will be harder for her to find someone else.

 

[Jack Hensy]

Tictac you made some good points(based on theory). But what you pointed out were mind games. "Interest level" doesn't always make a girl fall for a guy. What kind of interests are we referring too? Interest level could be so many things: It could be money, it could be his clothes, it could be his car, it could be the way he smells, the way he talks. But that doesn't mean she will pursue a guy or even date him based strictly on Interest level.

Again, high IL is an overrated phrase. Just because a girl has a high interest level in you doesn't mean jack. I have known girls who would marry a guy who has a great career and make a great father even though her interest level is low. I have witnessed it and many are still together and happy years later.
I can count on my fingers and toes the women who had high interest levels in me where it didn't get off the ground and it ended before it started versus girls who had low interest where I dated them for years. Again, women have different needs, goals, and desires at different times, and want a man who can fulfill their needs in one way or another. Interest level is just ONE PART OF IT. It does not make up a whole.
This is where sosuave sometimes fails. These "don juan" tricks, games, power, gimmicks and the DJ bible is not golden ad will not work more than 50% of the time because it is based on theories, not practical usage. Plus it only appeals to the younger crowd under 30.
Secondly, every woman is so different and you can't place them in Pavlov's box and expect them to respond to the same stimuli in the same way every time.
Here are two case examples....
Case #1 One girl I dated(who was very immature) said she liked a guy who was a challenge. I was submissive and needy and I was dumped. Then I started being a challenge by dating other women and she came back to me. The less I texted her the more she wanted me. I am sure all the 'don juan's" would be nodding their heads in agreement and saying "yes, this works every time" because that's the way a woman's mind works. That is very incorrect and silly.
Case #2 This girl I am currently seeing(very mature) agreed to be exclusive with me tonight and she told me the reason she dumped me three weeks ago was because I was too much of a challenge and thought I was a player and had all the girls wanting me. She got jealous and dumped me. She didn't want the drama. She doesn't want to date a challenging guy. She told me she likes a guy who was "open and honest" with her and just being myself. Since then we have been texting and she is becoming more closer together and she is more attracted to me.

Each girl has different needs....maybe the first girl wanted something unattainable. Whereas the 2nd girl probably has been cheated on and wants an honest, open guy who is mature and doesn't play the game.

 

[sodbuster]

They all play a game of some kind. Your job is to figure it out. Some like the unattainable guy. Some who are ready to settle down want the "stable guy" Your girl seems to be in the first camp. BUT since it took you 3 dates to get what the other guy got in ONE..... I'd say you AREN'T the guy she REALLY wants. Just the guy who is "good enough for now". Dip your wick, but don't lose your heart