Is This Girl Interested Or Am I Wasting My Time?

[Dark Horse]

For the record, I am almost 27 and a virgin who's never kissed, or been in a relationship. So I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating.

Iv'e met up twice with this girl from a blind date. The first time, we met at an Arcade where we played some games for about an hour, and then went around and talked. She is very talkative and likes to ask me questions about myself and I did the same thing. She did express interest in seeing each other again and at the parking lot, she asked for a hug and then we hugged.

She typically takes a while to respond, sometimes hours, and sometimes as long as 24 hours. I did express interest in seeing her again. At first, she was really busy because she's a student and working on getting graduate applications in and flaked a couple times but always offered to reschedule. We eventually met on a Wednesday night at 8 PM. At first, I thought she was truly too busy but she did apologize and always did offer to reschedule.

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up. During our time, she apologized for rescheduling because she truly is too busy but took the time to meet up with me. When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home. We spent about 2 hours talking to each other and afterwards, we hugged and went our separate ways.

I later texted her giving suggestions on what we could do next. It took her about a day to respond but when she responded, she said that this week and next week, it will be hard to meet up because she is stressed from turning in applications (she's applying for grad school) and because of thanksgiving break but she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

So the question is, am I wasting my time with this girl? My gut tells me she isn't interested but if she's willing to go out again, then maybe it's a yes. Maybe if we go out again, I will try and make a move and ask if I can kiss her, and try to flirt with her more. I have no idea how to flirt or even kiss a girl (since I've never kissed) but if she's willing to go out with me again, maybe I'll make a move since by then it will be 3 times.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up.

Waste of your time.

An interested girl will always take the time to dress up for an evening date.

That, coupled with her taking forever to respond and saying she's busy for the next 2 weeks...

Move on. Don't reach out to her again. I know you likely will, since you're inexperienced. But just, don't reach out again.

 

[Dark Horse]

Waste of your time.

An interested girl will always take the time to dress up for an evening date.

That, coupled with her taking forever to respond and saying she's busy for the next 2 weeks...

Move on. Don't reach out to her again. I know you likely will, since you're inexperienced. But just, don't reach out again.

I kind of get the feeling she's low interest as well.

But I understand her being busy next week because it's Thanksgiving break and she'll be out of town. And she did also say that December could work for her, so it wasn't like she was too busy and didn't offer to reschedule.

I'm not going to contact her until December and i'll ask her out then. If she still says she's too busy, i'll move on.

But if she says yes and we wind up meeting up, i'll try to make a move on her and try to get a kiss. If she says no (which she might) then at least I tried. I'm not sure I want to date this girl long term anyways and she might be moving away in May so what do I have to lose at that point?

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

I think start over with a new girl. There are millions of girls. There are thousands of hb10’s who would date you. That would unconditionally suck your c0ck. One of the first things I think a budding Don Juan should know is that there is no “the one”. There will always be another equally as hot girl. Always. You just have to have game enough to find her.

 

[Dark Horse]

I think start over with a new girl. There are millions of girls. There are thousands of hb10’s who would date you. That would unconditionally suck your c0ck. One of the first things I think a budding Don Juan should know is that there is no “the one”. There will always be another equally as hot girl. Always. You just have to have game enough to find her.

I don't know. Iv'e never had a single girl (at least here) show a high interest in me. So I doubt my ability to attract high quality women.

And if we're being honest, this girl wasn't that attractive. She was probably a 4 or 5 out of 10. BUT I wanted to give her a chance partially because I want to be open minded but also I can't afford to be too picky since i'm not too much of a looker myself. I'm short, average face, and also high functioning autistic, so i'm never going to be a "ladies man". I work out and used to compete in powerlifting competitions but at the end of the day, i'm never going to be above a 6/10.


It's interesting though because during the summer, I signed up for an international dating site and actually had conversations with many women from different countries; particularly the Philippines. What I like about filipino girls is that they're very friendly and not flaky at all. I used to spend hours Facebook messaging these girls; they'd always respond within 5 minutes, would ask me questions, and were always willing to video chat. Many of them would even initiate chats as well, and tell me "good morning". And some of these girls, I would spend months texting them almost everyday, and occasionally video chat as well.

Listen when you're like me and not used to receiving a lot of attention, the fact that a woman is giving you attention can be a really emotionally validating experience. It feels good to be wanted and appreciated, especially when you've been deprived of it. I just wish that American women gave me half of the validation that I receive from Filipino women online.

 

[Konada]

She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up.

Red flag #1: Women always try to leave a good first impression with someone they are interested in.

She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc...

Red flag #2: All these sh!t will happen once you are in a relationship with her. It will "just happen" that she made out with a random stranger. Also, she doesn't bother to cover up. You wouldn't share such stuff at risk of leaving a bad impression would you?

Red flag #3: She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him.

You will not be dating her, you will be dating her friends. You can be the best fvcking man in the world but if one of her dude "friends" has itchy **** you're out. She doesn't have her own views.

Count your lucky stars she's not interested in you, run as far as you can.

On to the next one, also trust your gut.

 

[The Duke]

This girl only has time for you when she isn't getting attention from the 5 other dudes she is talking to and or fuhking. Forget her. Girls that are worth spending time on are never confusing. There will be no uncertainty. This one sounds a little crazy too.

 

[Dark Horse]

Count your lucky stars she's not interested in you, run as far as you can.

On to the next one, also trust your gut.

Yeah it kind of makes sense to be honest.

If you like someone, you're going to try and dress up nice for them, which she didn't. She also mentioned she only likes to dress up for special occasions like going out or to work. So she probably doesn't see me as a special occasion, hence the reason why she doesn't dress up, because she simply doesn't care about me.


And if a girl likes you, she's probably not going to mention making out with random guys at the club (even if she does it) and doing other kinds of acts with guys. I know that if I liked a girl and was going on a date with her, I sure as hell wouldn't mention other girls I was seeing or having sex with without any shame.

The fact that she smoked right in front of me in the middle of our "date" Tells me she probably doesn't give a **** because she's not trying to impress me.


When she specifically said that she probably won't take me home.

The fact she sometimes takes 24 hours to respond.








She was interested at first (before our first meetup) but I think that fundamentally, we are incompatible and perhaps she sensed that hence why she lost interest. She's more of a party girl who's DTF and likes to drink and do drugs. While I rarely go out, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, and i'm more of a relationship guy then just a guy who just wants to have sex. And even if I wanted to just have sex, my flirting skills suck (due to a lack of experience). I'm probably not compatible with "party girls" who's idea of fun is going out and getting f'd up every Saturday night. That's just not the kind of person I am. I was never this way, even during my college age years.



-sigh- damnit, I really wanted this to be the year I get a girlfriend or at least have sex. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

 

[Dark Horse]

Tomorrow, my plan is to ask several girls out from various meetups that I have attended for the past couple of months. I'll send them a text first thing in the morning.

Will they say yes? I'm not sure. If none of them say yes, to be honest, i'm kind of going to give up on American women for a while, and shift all my focus on trying to meet and date international women because I think I have better prospects in foreign countries. I had some success talking to girls from different countries during this summer, so who knows? Maybe that's my way out of being foreveralone.

 

[bat soup]

For the record, I am almost 27 and a virgin who's never kissed, or been in a relationship. So I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating.

Iv'e met up twice with this girl from a blind date. The first time, we met at an Arcade where we played some games for about an hour, and then went around and talked. She is very talkative and likes to ask me questions about myself and I did the same thing. She did express interest in seeing each other again and at the parking lot, she asked for a hug and then we hugged.

She typically takes a while to respond, sometimes hours, and sometimes as long as 24 hours. I did express interest in seeing her again. At first, she was really busy because she's a student and working on getting graduate applications in and flaked a couple times but always offered to reschedule. We eventually met on a Wednesday night at 8 PM. At first, I thought she was truly too busy but she did apologize and always did offer to reschedule.

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up. During our time, she apologized for rescheduling because she truly is too busy but took the time to meet up with me. When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home. We spent about 2 hours talking to each other and afterwards, we hugged and went our separate ways.

I later texted her giving suggestions on what we could do next. It took her about a day to respond but when she responded, she said that this week and next week, it will be hard to meet up because she is stressed from turning in applications (she's applying for grad school) and because of thanksgiving break but she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

So the question is, am I wasting my time with this girl? My gut tells me she isn't interested but if she's willing to go out again, then maybe it's a yes. Maybe if we go out again, I will try and make a move and ask if I can kiss her, and try to flirt with her more. I have no idea how to flirt or even kiss a girl (since I've never kissed) but if she's willing to go out with me again, maybe I'll make a move since by then it will be 3 times.

Why didn't you get close to her and escalate instead of listening to her endless list of demands? If you did, you'd know her real level of interest from the way she responded.

I'm hearing: busy, not responding to messages and setting dates weeks away. Apart from that, she's telling you how she makes out with random guys (whilst not making out with you) and a bunch of BS about inviting along her stupid kokblocking friends.

I'd say she's not just not interested - she's a total timewasting biatch. She's out to get a free dinner or drink whilst totally clowning you for her own amusement.

 

[Dark Horse]

Why didn't you get close to her and escalate instead of listening to her endless list of demands? If you did, you'd know her real level of interest from the way she responded.

I'm hearing: busy, not responding to messages and setting dates weeks away. Apart from that, she's telling you how she makes out with random guys (whilst not making out with you) and a bunch of BS about inviting along her stupid kokblocking friends.

That's just because I'm inexperienced and honestly don't know what I'm doing. Next time, if I do wind up meeting with her, I'm definitely making a move. Even if she says no (which she might) then at least I don't have anything to lose.

Two weeks away though is understandable because next week is Thanksgiving break and a lot of people are out of town, so it would make sense that she can't meet up then, since she lives in a different state.

The reason why i'm so desperate is because I don't have a lot of options and it may be another year before I even get another date. That's how crappy my situation is.

 

[Willie Naylor]

That's just because I'm inexperienced and honestly don't know what I'm doing. Next time, if I do wind up meeting with her, I'm definitely making a move. Even if she says no (which she might) then at least I don't have anything to lose.

Two weeks away though is understandable because next week is Thanksgiving break and a lot of people are out of town, so it would make sense that she can't meet up then, since she lives in a different state.

The reason why i'm so desperate is because I don't have a lot of options and it may be another year before I even get another date. That's how crappy my situation is.

Men learn from personal experiences with women. You're gonna have to experience this L in order to learn from it.

She's already giving you clear signs that she's not interested. You're attempting to climb up a mountain that's unclimbable.

But, as I said, we only learn by enduring painful experiences with women.

People, including women, tell us exactly who they are, and what their true intentions are, very early on. We never pay attention, though, because we're so focused on what we want to happen.

 

[bat soup]

That's just because I'm inexperienced and honestly don't know what I'm doing. Next time, if I do wind up meeting with her, I'm definitely making a move. Even if she says no (which she might) then at least I don't have anything to lose.

Two weeks away though is understandable because next week is Thanksgiving break and a lot of people are out of town, so it would make sense that she can't meet up then, since she lives in a different state.

The reason why i'm so desperate is because I don't have a lot of options and it may be another year before I even get another date. That's how crappy my situation is.

When you go on a date, you can't just wait for the girl to give you an invitation or a signal. Women are generally passive and they wait for the man to make a move. At the most, they might come close to you and create a situation where the two of you are alone together and then expect you to do the rest. If you don't, they'll start to think that you are either not interested in them enough or don't have what it takes.

But when you make a move, don't suddenly lunge at her and try to kiss or something like that. You have to take it in small steps and give her the opportunity to react at each stage. The first stage is to get close to her and see if she moves away and maintains a distance. The second is to put your arm around her or touch her in a friendly way (as you would when talking to a friend). At each stage, if she is reacting positively (by not objecting or obstructing) then you can take it a step further. It sounds like a slow process, but you can literally spend about 10 seconds on each stage if there is not resistance at all. The point is to see if she's comfortable and stop or slow down if it gets to that point.

I'd say with this particular girl the interest level is likely very low. She's done a lot of things that throw up red flags in my mind, such as her use of the word "busy", trying to bring along kokblockers and talking about other dudes. All of these things are ways of creating obstructions. Plus the fact that nothing happened when you were alone together. Even if you didn't know what to do, a girl that likes you would have given you "green light" signals such as coming really close to you and letting you touch her. It's actually all pretty easy when a girl really likes you. But on the other hand you have to kind of know how to recognise those signs.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

i feel like shes trying to add you to her friends list, another male orbiter in her pack. I find it amusing her guy friends never approve of the guys shes dating, like you'll be any different? Liking to make out with strangers is another red flag, she'll be cheating on you in no time. Also don't ask a woman for a kiss, you pick the right moment carefully, show some balls and go for it, just don't lunge in there like a seal chasing a sardine. 27 yr old virgin?? we need to get you laid man, you're wasting your best years, Its a fast decline 30-50

 

[bat soup]

just don't lunge in there like a seal chasing a sardine.

Haha I've done exactly that in the past. The girl reacts negatively, gets shocked and wants to leave. Her reaction makes you feel like you did something wrong and so you don't dare make a move again, with the end result that the whole evening is wasted. The key is to take it in small steps.

I actually find that the best moment to kiss a girl is when you know that she's going to accept it, in fact that she's waiting for you to kiss her. Usually it takes quite a bit of touching to get to that point (you have your arm around her, you're holding hands and looking into each other's eyes etc).

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

sometimes its hard to read if they want you to kiss em. Cheesy as it sounds i like the 90% rule in the movie Hitch. Go in 90% of the way for the kiss but make her come the last 10%. That way she knows what you want but gets to make the final decision. And don't expect a make out session right then and there, its an ice breaker kiss and lays the ground work for follow up kissing later. And yes, should be a lot of touching and body contact before you try. Got to feel the vibe and judge accordingly.

 

[2Rocky]

DH, I think you need to just get more experience with women. Get strung along, get rejected, get ghosted,. Because we all did. And that experience made us better men. There is no cheat code to meeting and sleeping with women, just learning from experience.

I kissed my first girl at age 6 (her name was Karen by the way) It was 10 or 11 more years before I lost my virginity. Then another 4 before I slept with the same woman more than once. Along the way I experienced unrequited feelings, rejected escalation advances, and missed opportunities. Don't feel like your failures are because you are less deserving. it will get better as you learn to read women better....

 

[Modern Man Advice]

For the record, I am almost 27 and a virgin who's never kissed, or been in a relationship. So I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating.

Iv'e met up twice with this girl from a blind date. The first time, we met at an Arcade where we played some games for about an hour, and then went around and talked. She is very talkative and likes to ask me questions about myself and I did the same thing. She did express interest in seeing each other again and at the parking lot, she asked for a hug and then we hugged.

She typically takes a while to respond, sometimes hours, and sometimes as long as 24 hours. I did express interest in seeing her again. At first, she was really busy because she's a student and working on getting graduate applications in and flaked a couple times but always offered to reschedule. We eventually met on a Wednesday night at 8 PM. At first, I thought she was truly too busy but she did apologize and always did offer to reschedule.

Our second time meeting up, it was at a bar downtown at around 8 PM. She wasn't dressed up too nice, just wearing a normal shirt and sweat pants, because she had just gotten out of school and told me that she always feels the most comfortable not dressing up. During our time, she apologized for rescheduling because she truly is too busy but took the time to meet up with me. When I asked her what she's looking for in a partner, she told me that she has high standards and wants to meet someone with similar interests. She also told me that she's a crazy girl; that she really likes going to bars, making out with random strangers, smoking weed in the bathroom, etc... She also said she has lots of guy friends and that perhaps I can go out with them sometimes to see what her friends think of me, because in the past she has taken guys she has liked to meet her friends, but they didn't approve of him. She did say that she was interested in meeting up with me again (without me asking) and that during the weekend, she could spend as much time with me as possible, but then said probably wont take you home. We spent about 2 hours talking to each other and afterwards, we hugged and went our separate ways.

I later texted her giving suggestions on what we could do next. It took her about a day to respond but when she responded, she said that this week and next week, it will be hard to meet up because she is stressed from turning in applications (she's applying for grad school) and because of thanksgiving break but she did say that we may have to "meet up" sometime in December.

So the question is, am I wasting my time with this girl? My gut tells me she isn't interested but if she's willing to go out again, then maybe it's a yes. Maybe if we go out again, I will try and make a move and ask if I can kiss her, and try to flirt with her more. I have no idea how to flirt or even kiss a girl (since I've never kissed) but if she's willing to go out with me again, maybe I'll make a move since by then it will be 3 times.

Short answer: Yes, you are wasting your time.

But it is not all bad. She may not be genuinely interested but she is a great lesson for you. This experience, given your inexperience, is a great learning opportunity for you.

You are a virgin and never kissed a girl so be kind to yourself. This was a big step and it takes cojones to meet up with a girl on a blind date. You put yourself out there and that is a win. Focus on that.

Now for the sucky part, keep in mind that you need to be patient and kind to yourself, there were a few red flags you missed and mistakes you made. And that now you can recognize going forward. But first the positives:

1) She seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you (there is a potential red flag in there I will discuss later)
2) She mentioned being interested in meeting up again, without you asking.

The negatives:

1) Even tho she seemed genuinely interested in knowing who you are, that is not necessarily a sign of genuine interest. Some girls are simply trying to be "polite". You have to learn to distinguish when a girl is being nice vs romantically/sexually interested. This takes time and practice so don't rush.
2) She asked for a hug. You hug your friends and relatives. Next time go for the kiss and try to navigate thru it. A girl will never reject a guy she is attracted to trying to kiss her. If she does, there is your final confirmation.
3) She showed up to the second date looking like she just got out of bed. In my experience, no girl that wants to f**k you or be physically attracted to you will show up not looking her best or at least decent. To me is a sign of she just didn't really care or is trying to test you. Both rule her out in my book.
4) She mentioned being a "crazy" girl. Making out with guys in the bathroom, smoking weed, etc. That to me is a red flag. It is disgusting and have set high standards to avoid these types of trashy girls. You don't want a girl like this unless you just want the experience. However, you run the risk of catching an STD or something. This is also a sign that when she asked for the hug, she had already made up her mind about you. You have entered the friend zone. Given what she is used to, you could have done a lot more with her. Again back to #2, just go for it. Either you get rejected or you get a kiss. If you do get rejected then it's good cause you have to become okay with rejection in the dating world.
5) Her flakiness and unavailability. While it is true she might be busy, her lack of response and engagement tells me you are not her priority, nor 2nd, 3rd, or 4th. You have increasingly gone down on her priority list which is an incentive to move on.

So yes, you are wasting your time at this point with her and move on.

Let me know if you need more help. Proud of you and keep on that path of putting yourself out there. We all started somewhere.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Dark Horse]

Short answer: Yes, you are wasting your time.

But it is not all bad. She may not be genuinely interested but she is a great lesson for you. This experience, given your inexperience, is a great learning opportunity for you.

You are a virgin and never kissed a girl so be kind to yourself. This was a big step and it takes cojones to meet up with a girl on a blind date. You put yourself out there and that is a win. Focus on that.

Now for the sucky part, keep in mind that you need to be patient and kind to yourself, there were a few red flags you missed and mistakes you made. And that now you can recognize going forward. But first the positives:

1) She seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you (there is a potential red flag in there I will discuss later)
2) She mentioned being interested in meeting up again, without you asking.

The negatives:

1) Even tho she seemed genuinely interested in knowing who you are, that is not necessarily a sign of genuine interest. Some girls are simply trying to be "polite". You have to learn to distinguish when a girl is being nice vs romantically/sexually interested. This takes time and practice so don't rush.
2) She asked for a hug. You hug your friends and relatives. Next time go for the kiss and try to navigate thru it. A girl will never reject a guy she is attracted to trying to kiss her. If she does, there is your final confirmation.
3) She showed up to the second date looking like she just got out of bed. In my experience, no girl that wants to f**k you or be physically attracted to you will show up not looking her best or at least decent. To me is a sign of she just didn't really care or is trying to test you. Both rule her out in my book.
4) She mentioned being a "crazy" girl. Making out with guys in the bathroom, smoking weed, etc. That to me is a red flag. It is disgusting and have set high standards to avoid these types of trashy girls. You don't want a girl like this unless you just want the experience. However, you run the risk of catching an STD or something. This is also a sign that when she asked for the hug, she had already made up her mind about you. You have entered the friend zone. Given what she is used to, you could have done a lot more with her. Again back to #2, just go for it. Either you get rejected or you get a kiss. If you do get rejected then it's good cause you have to become okay with rejection in the dating world.
5) Her flakiness and unavailability. While it is true she might be busy, her lack of response and engagement tells me you are not her priority, nor 2nd, 3rd, or 4th. You have increasingly gone down on her priority list which is an incentive to move on.

So yes, you are wasting your time at this point with her and move on.

Let me know if you need more help. Proud of you and keep on that path of putting yourself out there. We all started somewhere.


Modern Man Advice

Damnit

This has happened to every single girl I have asked out and pursued over the years. Do you know how emotionally dehumanizing this is?


****, it's gotten so bad that iv'e had to resort to international sites and talking to women from overseas because they're the only ones that give me attention. Seriously, I can have couple hour long conversations with some of these women, and they never take more than 10 minutes to respond back. And sometimes, they'll even text me "good morning".

Do you know how good that feels?


Man, when you've felt unwanted your whole life, it feels so good to have some validation.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Waste of time. Flaking is 100% unacceptable.