SingledadinKY said:
I met a chick (she sought me out) and I effed up and acted AFC on her and her interest waned. I gave her space and kind of just stayed away for a while. She now maintains normal contact daily, calling and texting, but still says she isn't ready for a relationship; she got out of a bad one 8 months ago.
This is the weird part: she absolutely LOVES my sons. She has an 8 year old son, and my two boys are 12 and 13 and she wants to do things with them 2 or 3 times a week. About half of the time she wants me to hang as well as them...
I mean, she has to know that if she screws me over the boys are pretty much gone, right? There's no way she could think she could still have them around if she starts seeing another man, right? She keeps telling me that if I ever tried to take them away from her it would kill her. Jeez....:crazy:
SingleDadinKY,
The short answer to your question is "YES" this is indeed CRAZY.
I have taken the liberty of cutting away the extraneous parts of your post to get a better look at the things about it that stood out the most to me. First of all, I appreciate you choosing the screen-name that you have. It's a commendable mindset for you to have to associate who you are with the role you play in your children's life.
Having said that, ironically, that's ALSO the source of your problem. Now brace yourself for some tough love:
What the hell is wrong with you, man???
Ask yourself: If you were NOT the father of two kids AND this woman had no kids of her own, would you STILL allow a woman who has essentially REJECTED you CONTINUE to maneuver in and out of your life at will? I would hope not. What you need to do is to mentally and emotionally remove this relationship that "SHE" wants to forge with your children and hers out of your decision making process.
This chick was bold enough to seek you out, then reject you, and you sit here posting on So Suave BLAMING YOURSELF. Sure, I'm among the first to advocate we as men taking responsibility for our actions. However, I'll also be among the first to tell you that taking personal responsibility for everything that happens in your life has a LIMITED meaning.
They call personal responsibility "PERSONAL" responsibility for a reason: I don't give a fukk how much PUA / Seduction Community hype you hear-----YOU are not always responsible for EVERY chick's erratically fluctuating level of passion for you. Believe it or not, SOMETIMES a chick loses interest in you because SHE'S the problem-----like the woman in question. Ask yourself the following questions:
How BIG of an AFC were you with her? Also, if you were her "celebrity crush", such as maybe a Chris Hemsworth
(the guy who played Thor) or if you were Isaiah Mustafa
(the guy who makes women wet in all those Old Spice commercials), would she STILL have banished you to the "Friend Zone" with the SAME amount of swiftness??
More than likely, this woman's interest in you from the start was overinflated by her own personal self-image problems. Quite honestly, I call this woman's clinical sanity into question. Reread the sentences in you post that I have chosen to quote up top. Notice how emotionally unavailable/damaged she comes across. Why the hell is this woman so attached to your SONS but not attached to you much at all. Hell, if she IS attached to you, it's definitely not in the kind of raw, sexual way that you want her to be.
If you sit there and allow yourself to settle for LESS than what you want from this chick, you're SURE to keep getting it. You don't owe this woman a damn thing. You are NOT your kids' "play-date matchmaker". That's NOT what you signed up for when you first started dating her, and you sure as hell shouldn't change YOUR behavior to fit HER unilaterally declared, platonic relationship preferences now.
Understand that YOU are not getting anything out of this deal other than blue balls and chronic disappointment. In the sentences I've quoted above, you seem to think for some reason that you're still in some kind of "relationship" with this chick-------You're NOT. She's actually just in an odd, inconsiderate, self-serving, twisted relationship with YOUR KIDS----not yOU. You're just being used like
THIS GUY who wrote me awhile back. You're just being used as a tool to suit her own whims. Except for the fact that you're not getting ANY sex at all, it seems. Kids are resilient. They'll get over her and her kids----and so should YOU.
It doesn't take most emotionally stable women 8 months to get over some guy unless she's still fukking him, has "feelings" for him, or worse-------she has NO juicy feelings for YOU at all.
Save yourself, soldier. Retreat! Make a strategic withdrawal from this half-assed, pseudo, "place keeper' type relationship. Remove your kids from the presence of ANY woman you've only known "for a couple of months" who is unbalanced enough to say out loud:
"It would KILL ME if I couldn't see YOUR kids anymore".
The more time you waste your mental and emotional energy on HER the more time it'll take you find a woman that's NOT one step away from being FORCIBLY admitted to a mental institution. STOP thinking of yourself as just "your kids dad". REMEMBER to think of yourself as A MAN "first". And model that behavior in front of your kids by Manning Up and WALKING AWAY from that woman so that she can go sell "crazy" someplace else.
You HAVE your orders.
You HAVE been briefed.
What you decide to do NEXT is entirely up to YOU, not her or anybody else.
Soldier on.
V.U.
