is this cheating? do i tell her?

[quest]

i was blind drunk, dancing with this chick who i've nearly been with a bunch of times, but never had. she digs me, and i have alot of fun with her.. we always flirt blah blah blah, she has very high interest level in me, has for over a year.

so anyway, we're dancing and having fun, and we kissed, no tongue, just a short one on the lips. (as i remember) i'm not sure who instigated it, but i ended it and i said i can't do that, i have a girlfriend.

now, should i tell my girlfriend about it? am i a cheat? also, i got another girls number, more just for the sake of getting a number then wanting to call her, should i just delete this number? or do anything with it. (she wanted to kiss me)

i want to call the first girl tonight and talk to her about it, how it happened etc. but not sure if i should, i said that i would. but should i confess? let me know guys.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What good would this bring?? Go confess to a priest if you feel the need!

 

[Ebach]

You must be crazy! Keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open! This honest **** is bull****.

 

[Ridingthelightning]

The good that it would bring is that you'd be a bigger and better man for being honest. If you wanna date other girls then you need to date other girls. Getting numbers for the purpose of doing more than just getting the number is wrong in my book. Would you want your g/f doing the same to you? No, I didn't think so.

 

[TOOBAD]

If you are happy in your current relationship, i'd say NO, don't tell her, and don't even act like sh*t went down either, she'll smell something. If she does, throw it straight back at her with C&F, it will get her mind off it, if she asks again or play's Detective, do the same, but in a tone that really puts the foot down.

On the other hand, if your not happy where you are, then get outta there, don't go messing around behind her back, respect yourself and her, something like calling another chick with your own interest is wrong, only keniving scared women do that sh*t! Your a DJ, and another girl is like another meal, its there when you want it, and if it ain't that way you need to make YOURSELF that way.

Cheers!

 

[quest]

thanks for the advice guys..

mouth is shut.

should i talk to the other girl about it? she's not the type to tell my girlfreind, but i am good friends with her.

also, i like the girl i'm seeing, but i realised i'm too afc with her.

she appears to like it, but maybe thats just at first? i dunno..
i've been seeing her too often, i can tell she was real worked up about me going to this party, she was detective, i want her to get like that more often.

i realised this. i haven't had sex not even a head or hand job in almost 3 weeks. and i've only been going out with her for about 5 weeks.
it appears i gave her thrush (mouth infection, going down on her), after getting over that she's had her period.

i'm seeing her tonight and if i don't get sex in anyform, i will not see her until the weekend at the soonest.
also another girl who i used to kiss (but was very afc with) invited me to a football game next sat night (my team vs her team) so maybe i'll go to that and get my woman jealous..

any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

 

[LikRetsam]

In my opinion, I would tell her. Because you would be that much more of a man. You cheated, assume responsibility instead of being weak and hiding. Wouldn't you wish she did the same?

You owe that much to her.

 

[NRM]

It's probably not in your best interest to intentionally get her jealous. Relationships are built on trust, DJ or AFC. I'd be pretty pissed off if my girl went to a football game with another guy and the right girl knows that and doesn't bother trying to get you mad.

I'm not sure where you want to be in your relationships right now. If you want to keep your girl, it's okay to be a challenge, but she should be competing for your time and other things, not other women that you intentionally go out with.

 

[quest]

NRM, what you are saying makes sense.
but the other woman is just as friends, i know that, and the other woman knows that. my girlfriend may not think that.

however; she is going to work at a holiday resort for 4-6 months and will be living with 2 of her male friends, and an ex boyfriend will most likely stay there for a couple of weekends in that time. now i'm supposed to trust that, i think she should be able to trust me to go to the footy with a female friend?

 

[NRM]

Yes, I see your point. But work is kinda different from play at my standpoint. She needs to work to make money, you are expected to trust her enough not to mess with other guys while she's there. You are going to a football game for fun with another girl. On top of all that, she isn't going to work to make you jealous. Of course, she should trust you, but I just wouldn't push the boundries of trust.

In my personal experience, my girlfriend called up her ex because he was having a bad day and he wanted her to. I let her know that wouldn't fly with me and put my foot down with it. It's been two years and she has been extremely loyal ever since. It wasn't that I was jealous, I just needed to let her know that I don't appreciate her doing stuff like that, as non-threatening was it was, and that I was going to be a man about it and let her know. Just like she probably isn't going to appreciate you going out with another female friend.

Jealous works to a point, just becareful how you use it. If you plan on going and don't think anything is going to happen between you and this girl, be sure to let your girlfriend know. It's nice to give her a little reassurance even if it is going to make her a little jealous.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

hell no... don't say jack sh1t to anyone, not nobody, not nohow.

this means your best friend, mom, brother, sister, priest, drinking buddies, get it?

no, don't tell the other girl that you are friends with, hoping she'll understand and never tell anyone else.

If you feel guilty, good, you deserve it, but if you value your relationship, then swallow that guilt and remember it next time you are tempted.

 

[quest]

NRM - ok, i'm liking the responses ur giving me, and while it is work that she's going for, she will be living 4 hours away from me, with 2 guys she is friends with, and will be drinking/having fun with them.. blah blah blah..

crank it up - about ur 3rd line, don't tell the other girl i'm friends with.. what i meant was, the other girl who i kissed, i am friends with. should i call her and talk about the situation? i did speak to her after it happened blah blah blah.. but i was really drunk and don't remember alot of what was said.. i'm just hoping that she kissed me, but i can't remember..

 

[NRM]

Yeah quest, I understand the dilema. Hopefully you've had a good talk to her about it, but you do what you do. I don't really believe in making my girl jealous intentionally. Sometimes her jealousy is cute when it comes to little things that she makes a fuss about, but for the most part... I'd avoid it.

 

[Ebach]

In my opinion, I would tell her.

No wonder you got no girl. I bet it's fun trying to pass your ideologies onto other afc's.

If you got a woman pregnant and you don't take care your kid, you're a weak irresponsible jerk. But telling your "gf" that you kissed another girl is just as wimpy. She's your gf, not your mother, father, or your wife. She'll dump you right away I betcha, unless she's naive in which case she might take you back if she's the needy type.

Because you would be that much more of a man.

You're delusional. You'll be a ***** who's scared of his woman and has to tell her that he touched another girl. You're putting her way on top of you.

You cheated, assume responsibility instead of being weak and hiding.

How old are you again? I bet you're a 20+ afc. Jeez... you need some life experience my friend. Save the ideologies after you've been there and done that.

Wouldn't you wish she did the same?

"Wish" is the right word here. She'd never tell him unless she's as dumb as you.

You owe that much to her.

You don't owe her **** unless she's your wife. Being honest with your mother, father, blah blah is a completely different story. They're your family.

You're still experimenting so don't blow your **** like this. Once you find a woman you'd like to marry, you know that innocent, sweet looking girl, and she feels the same way, keep your **** dirty.

You're still a kid. Once you get 30+, get your **** together, and be a man of character. Until then keep experimenting and find what you like and what you don't like.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by quest
crank it up - about ur 3rd line, don't tell the other girl i'm friends with.. what i meant was, the other girl who i kissed, i am friends with. should i call her and talk about the situation? i did speak to her after it happened blah blah blah.. but i was really drunk and don't remember alot of what was said.. i'm just hoping that she kissed me, but i can't remember..

if you like her more than your girlfriend then go for it, but if you like your girlfriend more than the friend that you kissed then don't call her.

You are too weak to resist her temptations, so avoid her.

Obviously the girl likes you, so if you need your ego stroked, or just enjoy the company of a female AFC, that's just too bad, don't see her.

 

[quest]

guys thanks again heaps..

i've been coming here a while now, and i was pretty confident with the way my mindset had changed.
i was picking up left and right before i came here..
after coming here i was pikcing up left, right and center. i was doing really well, dating more then one girl at a time, learning about stuff that worked/didn't work etc.
now though i'm into an actual relationship with a girl who i actually like, and i totally see all this AFC stuff that i say and do. the forum seems to be mainly about making a geek into someone who can pick up..

i was someone who could pick up and i want to be someone who can have a long happy relationship, aswell as improve other aspects of my life.

i havent actually read the whole bible, i assume that will answer more of my questions about relationships etc. but i do appreciate u guys help and opinions and hopefully this site will help me become who i want to be.. i feel like i'm almost there.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If you are a man with such a conscious as to tell your girl that you locked lips with another girl then simply don't mess around with other women if you want a long term relationship with the one you are with!

If you regret the act then don't do it again - so guilt, apologies and confessions won't ever be necessary!

 

[quest]

thank you PRL, i wanted to hear ur wise words.
i won't be telling her, and praying she doesnt find out.

as i've previously said, i'm not sure if i kissed her, or she kissed me.

if she kissed me, and i pulled away i think i'm ****en great.. if i kissed her, then pulled away i'm pretty disapointed in myself.. but i honestly cannot remember. there was alot of kino and flirting though which i was part of, its who i am, but i know i'd be pissed if she was doing that.. so i dunno, its an unfair double standard i have..

 

[Evil-Rom]

Originally posted by Ebach
No wonder you got no girl. I bet it's fun trying to pass your ideologies onto other afc's.

If you got a woman pregnant and you don't take care your kid, you're a weak irresponsible jerk. But telling your "gf" that you kissed another girl is just as wimpy. She's your gf, not your mother, father, or your wife. She'll dump you right away I betcha, unless she's naive in which case she might take you back if she's the needy type.


You're delusional. You'll be a ***** who's scared of his woman and has to tell her that he touched another girl. You're putting her way on top of you.


How old are you again? I bet you're a 20+ afc. Jeez... you need some life experience my friend. Save the ideologies after you've been there and done that.


"Wish" is the right word here. She'd never tell him unless she's as dumb as you.


You don't owe her **** unless she's your wife. Being honest with your mother, father, blah blah is a completely different story. They're your family.

You're still experimenting so don't blow your **** like this. Once you find a woman you'd like to marry, you know that innocent, sweet looking girl, and she feels the same way, keep your **** dirty.

You're still a kid. Once you get 30+, get your **** together, and be a man of character. Until then keep experimenting and find what you like and what you don't like.

I like this guy.

I can smell smoke coming though...

 

[Ebach]

i won't be telling her, and praying she doesnt find out.

Dude, relax. It's not the end of the world. If you make it a big deal, it WILL be. Just keep cool and assure her it wasn't a big deal even if she finds out. If you're praying she won't find out, once she does, and she will eventually, you'll be setting yourself up for a lame reaction that will make her feel as though you really had something going on. Trust yourself. If you think it's no big deal what happened, it won't be to her as well.

as i've previously said, i'm not sure if i kissed her, or she kissed me.

That doesn't really matter now does it. You're looking for excuses here. You don't need excuses because it happened, doesn't matter who kissed who. It happened, and it wasn't the big ****ing deal you're making it be. Unless, it IS a big deal and you DO like that girl. In that case you should be thinking for different arrangements with your girls.

Damn, you're one hell of a pimp! I admire you!