Is this "break different from the rest?

[NYjets45]

Let's get down to it. I've been dating my girl for 3 years, 2 short breakups along the way (my fault), and now she needs the dreaded "exploring time". She said she wants to see other people, since im the only one she has ever been with, before things get "serious". As in, me getting my own place and her moving in.

I think that scared her? Mind you we are a young couple, but I feel its a mature issue. We havent talked in 2 weeks, except for about 5 minutes on the phone. Then she emails me saying "she wants to talk to me on the phone but it feels wierd so we will in 3 weeks".

From the start she said we would be back together in about a month.I dont know whether to believe her, but part of me does, since I pulled the same **** on her and knows what it feels like. What confuses me is the deadline and saying we will be back together. She is special to me so I cant just move on, I want to make it work.

Forgot to mention we would se eachother about 2-3 times a week during the relationship. So its not like I was suffocating her.

 

[Qualtran]

As of now, do not consider your girlfriend. Simply waiting around while she goes off and explores some other dudes, and then welcoming her back is not the way to go about this. When she calls up wanting to get back together, be too busy for a few weeks to really talk. She is majorly dissing you by pulling this BS, but if you can't stop yourself from getting back together with her since she is "special" then at least go about it in a more dignified and manly way. Be tough and make her work hard to get you back so that she wont always think you are her fallback guy. You have to be the prize, not something she already has in the bag.

The other guys on this forum will tell you to "next" her immediately, but I know that when it comes to real life, and your situation you aren't going to follow that good advice.

 

[ChenCristos]

dude that sucks. So shes going out and meeting new guys in this period of "exploring time". It'll torture you if you just stand pat and just wait it out. You should do some exploring as well and see if you wanna be with this girl.

 

[NYjets45]

Thanks you guys, so confused. I guess in the end the answer to everything is, be a man.

 

[ChenCristos]

thats what everything amounts to...the one thing I have learned so far that above else you must be a man in all situations

 

[NRM]

FUCK THAT SHIT

Seriously man, how can you sit around and let your so called GIRLFRIEND out exploring other guys and potentially sleeping with other men and then being okay with her running back into your arms. What next, the need for more exploring when things get rough and you get into an arguement?

Know what you stated by doing this? She can meet other guys and get away with it just because she's unsure. What is she so God damn unsure anyways? Maybe it's because she's not really THAT interested in you. I mean, if you were REALLY head-over-heels for someone would you really WANT to meet anyone else? Quick answer.

FUCK NO

First off, I can't believe you let her get away with it. And now she's telling you the rules on how this engagement is going by telling you to continue to wait. Feels weird talking to you on the phone? Fuck yes it does, seeing that she's in the middle of looking for other guys to screw in her "get-away time" where you consented that it is okay for her to do so.

You should have said no from the start. You should have stuck your guns and let her know if she's walking out that door, you've got other girls that you could meet and take her place that wouldn't play this BULLSHIT. And now you're sitting around and letting her treat you like trash.

My man, I question you this. Would you even CONSIDER doing this to her?

ABSOLUTELY 100% NOT.

Not only that, if you did sleep with another woman on a "break" and she found out about it, you'd be crucified and nuts chopped off and thrown down the garbage disposal. YES THAT BAD.

This isn't girlfriend material man. She's trying to find out if other guys are better than what she has. Do you know what she's asking herself right now?

"I wonder... is this guy I'm dating REALLY the best I can get? I'm a woman, I can get whatever hunk I want, right? Let's try it, he won't care, he's such a pansy."

Can you honestly expect that this woman respects you at all and do this to you? What you're doing and reasoning is all clouded up by the idea that she's so "SPECIAL." She's not, she's treating you worse than a friend would. Imagine if you had a best female friend and your best female friend wanted some time apart to see if some other homie is a better friend than you are.

NO WAY.

Guy, you got two choices. And both of them REQUIRE you to MAN UP. That's right boy, power ups need to be on.

1) You call her up and get her back there RIGHT NOW. End this "EXPLORING TIME" nonsense and tell her you're tired of this crap and if she's not coming back, you're ready to move on. If she's not coming back, then my man, she wasn't right for you afterall. I mean, if she really did like you, she'd be running back after hearing that. Put yourself in the situation and listen to your brain.

2) DITCH HER RIGHT NOW. Just get up, go outside. Have ONE smoke (don't need a habit now), clear your mind, relax your muscles, call her up and say "I don't like this bullshit. If you really don't know if you want to be with me or not right now after all this time we've been together, it's over." Finish her off, hang up, and hit the local club and dance up some fine honeys.


OR...

...you can take the LAST option. That dreaded blue pill, where you run back into the hole of possibility and hope, the one where you don't have to look at what you really NEED to see and blinded by the desire to be wanted by this girl who doesn't want you. You can sit around and just WAIT. Tear your heart apart and throw it against the wall. Imagining your women out there hunting out other men just to make sure you're good enough. Or just to prove that you are not good enough. Well my man, I tell you this now. You ARE good enough, and if she can't see that she just clearly does NOT DESERVE YOU. And if you man up, you'll see that in about 20 seconds.

You're a man, you know what you want. You have every will to go out there and take it.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

NYJETS, if you were within my grasp I would choke you until the AFC came out of you!!!!!

She is sexing other dudes!!!!!!!!!!!! And you allow this arrangement????

You did it to her twice so now you think you are being so understanding and forgiving and allowing her to put you on ice!!!! Don't be a pacified Chump with a capital "C"!!!

You fool - don't take her back filled with another dude's soerm --- when a girl takes a so-called "space-break" that means she is sexing other pimps!!!!

She doesn't want you - you are her back-up chump who will take her shyt!!!!

 

[NYjets45]

Wow, I really appreciate what you said NRM, it put things in perspective. I've wanted to call her and tell her to make a choice so bad. But it will seem like I dont want to be with her, thats how she is, takes things to heart. Rather than just demanding this episode to stop. Its a little late to call her now and tell her. Also not wanting her to make some rash decision, saturday night; her ego blown larger than normal, thats why I thought this was good for her.

At the start I did say no and said im not a sucka to wait, it put her on her toes but I cant force someone to be with me and still wonder if I am good enough. She kept going back and forth whether to be seperated. I had the thoughts of " is she good enough" and I found that out by taking a break. Its so 50/50, because I can man up, but I dont want to **** it up. I guess tomorrow is judgment day, **** these *****es.

 

[NRM]

Man, listen up, you're already half-way there. By calling her, you're saying you want to be with her, but if she doesn't want to be with you, you're moving on. It doesn't matter what type of person she is, everybody understands it the same way. She knows your interested and want her my man. Look at what you're doing. If it's a Saturday night rash decision that breaks it off, DO IT. But if she is as interested in you as she should be, the decision will not be rash.

She's your woman. You're her man. What you are doing is NOT forcing her to be with you. She has every opportunity to leave if she wanted to. In fact, you give her the option.

SHE ISN'T OUT THERE FINDING OUT IF YOU'RE REALLY GOOD ENOUGH.

That was HER excuse.

She's already treating you like you aren't good enough. Now man up, call her up, and show her you're good enough. Cause if you don't man, you're even worse than her.

I know what's going on in your mind. It's been 3 years. You aren't really worried about rash decisions, you're worried about a bad one, that isn't in your favor. You're lying to yourself because you don't want to lose her. You're questioning, but it's not 50/50 man. You're only wondering if she's good enough, because she's just about slapping you in the face with the "I don't think you're good enough" sticker. I tell you this, by not getting her home right now, you're setting yourself up for bigger upsets. Where she wears the pants in the relationship. Where she gets to do whatever the hell she wants to do. She will cheat on you because you have no control over her. She isn't worried, because you don't have enough confidence to do what is right.

Just listen. Any of the other guys would have told you to next her by now. It'd be the right thing to do. Regardless of the number of years. This is the only option that WILL work. It will show you have some dominance in you and it will show her that she needs to get home quick, before you move the hell on.

Now be honest, given that, would she really leave you if a relationship is really worth it?

Is this break with other guys worth more to her than this relationship?

If so, then FUCK THAT. Don't even play this game, she is definitely not worth it. And get the fuck out. You have better things to spend your time on.

You can either listen or wait until the end of this "break" and discover how many guys she's slept with while you were off and whether or not she'll stay. She might or she won't. I'm leaning towards won't but who knows. But the fact is, how you can sit around and put yourself in an uncomfortable situation not know. How do you know she's not sitting around with some guy she just slept with telling him "Yeah, I got a boyfriend, but he's at home, and I told him we're on break."

What else are they going to think of you.

JUST MAN UP AND DO IT.

 

[nonstop]

NRM speaks the truth!

like what someone else says on this forum...

"she's going to go down on some other guy and then kiss you!!"

read that line 3 times! and then 3 more until it sinks in.


she thinks you're a boy and is testing your manliness.

will you pass the test?


kill the caring fluffy bunny inside, you're a man goddamit, you don't put up with syht.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

NYJets, she wants to break up with you, but she's too much of a pvssy to come right out and say it. That's all that's going on here. It's up to you to be the adult and end it. Then move on to greener pastures.

 

[NYjets45]

lol you guys are great. and for the record we arent living together i just thought by me mentioning it to her, it scared her away. I called the ho up and gave it to her hard, no fluffy girly crap or giving her any credit. I definately manned up, but since this is a long term rel. she had to think about it over the night (it was 2am when i called).Shes going to call me in a few hours, I'll tell you guys what the verdict is. Thanks again bro's

 

[ARK]

Heh just reading the tone in NRM's post puts you in a mindset that you need to be in for relationships.

 

[NRM]

The step has been taken, but man oh man, should you not have hung up that phone to let her "THINK." Now she's gonna think about if you're worth it or not. Something that should have been clear in her mind WAY before you picked up that phone. Just for future reference, manning up requries you to be decisive. It requires you to know what you want, get up, and go get it. You wanted an answer, you should have had it by now. You should be SICK AND TIRED of this BULLSHIT by now.

I would like to think that since it was a long term relationship, she wouldn't need all this time to think. She could tell if you were worth it right then and there.

But... you did what you did. And it's a step further than you were any other night. So, good job. If she doesn't call you back in a few hours, take that as a clear sign as "No, I don't want you anymore." and call her back and tell her it's over. You aren't even worth the phone call to keep you to her.

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

WHY this happens

women usually do this.....because they are either bored with their mate....or that they never wanted to be in a relationship to begin with..

I dont think this is your fault....as far as her leaving...I just dont think you knew her.

For records, if you are in a relationship, the reason you are in a relationship to begin with, is for commitment, and not for anybody else to come and go....that is not a relationship, but rather, a fvck partner.

Are you in love? That is what you are asking yourself right now, the answer to that is......well, you probably are just used to being around her, and dont think that another girl could fill her bill.

Try this....keep your positive attitude, and go out and meet 10 new women over the course of this week...try this.

Go on some dates, sleep around a little, and if, and only if, after doing all this stuff, if you still cant get this girl out of your head....send me a pm or reply and I will tell you what to do further.

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

as a side note...I want you to keep your positive attitude and not to get mad at women for this...okay?

Really, and I do mean this, it is not their fault...hahaa....it isnt.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by NYjets45
Let's get down to it. I've been dating my girl for 3 years, 2 short breakups along the way (my fault), and now she needs the dreaded "exploring time". She said she wants to see other people, since im the only one she has ever been with, before things get "serious". As in, me getting my own place and her moving in.

I think that scared her? Mind you we are a young couple, but I feel its a mature issue. We havent talked in 2 weeks, except for about 5 minutes on the phone. Then she emails me saying "she wants to talk to me on the phone but it feels wierd so we will in 3 weeks".

From the start she said we would be back together in about a month.I dont know whether to believe her, but part of me does, since I pulled the same **** on her and knows what it feels like. What confuses me is the deadline and saying we will be back together. She is special to me so I cant just move on, I want to make it work.

Forgot to mention we would se eachother about 2-3 times a week during the relationship. So its not like I was suffocating her.

How old ARE you??

It should be obvious that she's not ready to move in with you. The worrisome part is that she's not just saying, "I don't know if I want to live with you just yet", she's saying she "needs a break/time to explore".

Explore what? Explore other guys. :woo:

She's not into you in a "live with you" kind of way. Maybe she'll come back to you...who knows...but the fact of the matter is that if she was satisfied with you she wouldn't need to "explore".

Cut her loose. If she wants a break, give her a break. And take one yourself...I think if this is the third time you've broken up with this girl, and you're still young, maybe it IS time for BOTH of you to do some "exploring", because it's not working out.

I'd just end it. For real this time.

 

[NYjets45]

im 19 (20 in couple months, shes 18). Judgment day has come and gone. She called and asked to meet at a restaurant to talk. Tried to reason and explain our faults and how I changed (episode of depression while we were together, now taking good meds). She kept resenting me, how she needs to explore. Still with the "lets get back together after this" BS. But i basically repeated what you guys said, how she wants to test us and see if im good enough. And i wont put up with her seeing other guys.s I asked her one final time after about 30 min of goin back and forth at little progress. She thinks im putting on some kind of front. So i straight walked out and left her with my drink bill HA!. NEXT!!! thanks guys for all your help, true positive advice. not some "tough guy" persona advice. nexxxxxxxxt.

 

[MindOverMatter]

haha im glad u left her with the bill.

stick to your guns and don't go back to this b!tch no matter what she says. who knows how many guys she's f*cked by now?

and next time you want to see other girls, just see them and don't tell your girl about it. yes it is dishonest, but in the longrun it means way less drama/stress.

 

[NYjets45]

CHECK THE E-mail she just wrote me!


"Look I didn't want you to walk out on me but I don't blame you. I really do love you and you'll always be in my heart... I know I hurt you and it kills me, but I'm on a different level now.For now but I know you can't handle it. I know I'll come out of it one day and realize that our relationship was truly geuine I don't know... **** me dude.. I'm no good.. you can find someone better .. I dont deserve you


until whenever.. im always here...."