Is this being unreasonable? Regarding my LTR

[Shivastorm_88]

We've been dating for nine months, things are pretty good between us. She went to visit her family for two weeks for the holidays, and we've been keeping in touch on a daily basis, just small texts here and there. However, I just realized, I do most of the initiation. I typically will write to her first in the day, and at the end of the day, whether she says she will text me the next day when she wakes up, or I tell her to do it, she often doesn't, which means I often end up initiating the contact first. And quite a few times when she says she will text me, she simply doesn't.

Same goes for calling. She asked me to call her once or twice, but typically it's the other way around.

I mean, I know she's visiting family, and seeing friends she hasn't seen for two years or so, but I still find the way she's acting quite irritating and disrespectful. I definitely am putting much more of the effort right now, and I am contemplating cutting it completely, cold turkey, and not initiating any form of contact unless she does first.

 

[Dgwizdal]

You should have other things going on than keeping in touch with her. I rarely ever contact my plates or girlfriend first. Probably 1 out of every 5-6 I initiate. Stop worrying.

 

[SAYNO]

Well this one is easy:

She has LOW INTREST, get ready to start spinning some more plates cuz the expiration date on this one is right around the corner...

 

[Renegade357]

I feel for you man and have been there. It's not a good sign. Girls like this will test your neediness.

They should be doing about 65-70% of the initiating at 9 months. It looks like you're in a hole which is gonna be hard to climb out of. I'd give it a few months and you'll be shocked when she dumps you out of nowhere for a dumb excuse. Of course it'll be your fault. Or at least she'll make it seem that way.

You need to slow down a bit, wait for her to come to you. You're probably pretty predictable which = boring to them. Gonna be hard to pull out of this tailspin.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

She should be doing 80% or greater of initiation. Otherwise she has low interest.

Don't let this be a power play where you end up sucking your thumb with the dunce hat on.

Start spinning plates. She's testing you on your ability to be in abundance.

 

[Renegade357]

Gotta be careful with the correction though or she'll know you're playing games. (which you are, which us guys tend to lose) You have to pull back gradually not just suddenly.

 

[Nn877]

Initiate contact

I agree with other posters, and a quote I've read "interested people act interested." This problem had gradually happened but you didn't pick up on it until now. The more they pull back the more you want to initiate and it can turn into smothering, control your emotions and like others say pull back gradually.

 

[DarkDetective50]

Man, this is like watching myself in regards to the way I acted towards one girl. I don't care if I'm the 10th person to tell you this but pull back and start spinning other plates as fast as you can. Also, find something that interests you. I know you're bored with nothing to do which is why you always feel the need to initiate contact with her everyday. Trust me, I did the same thing. It only led to her breaking up with me. They'll get bored, feel smothered, no mystery etc.

 

[thecreature]

You are on your way out. She probably texting other dudes. Dump her before she dumps you. This is a major red flag .listen to your gut . Most breakup occurs between 9-12 months . She probably got bored of you. No biggie. Spin plates and forget about her

 

[tripod23]

stop chasing right away........if she is interested she will contact you............if not it was soon to be over mate..........a lot of chicks love attention never forget that ....it gives them power to be able to tell her friends he is always calling me chasing me all that nonsense.

stop it right away....leave her be and find something else to do.....keep calling her makes you look like you have nothing going on in your life.

focus on other stuff , gym , making money , hobbies , cars , other women , in which ever order you want to put them in.

good luck fella

 

[Greasy Pig]

I put this down to fvcked up chick logic.
My LTR almost always waits for me to contact her first.
I've called her on it but her logic is that the man should initiate contact in the morning. It makes her feel good, so I accepted it and agreed (mentally) to allow this small silly concession.
But a girlfriend initiating contact isn't a big deal for me. As long as she keeps showing her affection physically, I don't worry about it.
As long as your GF is still fvcking you and you have a good time when you're together, don't trifle yourself with minor details.
But if this is something you feel really passionate about, she should respect you enough to grant your wishes.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

I put this down to fvcked up chick logic.
My LTR almost always waits for me to contact her first.
I've called her on it but her logic is that the man should initiate contact in the morning. It makes her feel good, so I accepted it and agreed (mentally) to allow this small silly concession.
But a girlfriend initiating contact isn't a big deal for me. As long as she keeps showing her affection physically, I don't worry about it.
As long as your GF is still fvcking you and you have a good time when you're together, don't trifle yourself with minor details.
But if this is something you feel really passionate about, she should respect you enough to grant your wishes.

Thanks for your answers guys. This one particularly made me think. Yesterday when I wrote this, I was pissed off, hence wasn't thinking clearly. Other than the last two weeks, she's initiating contact about 90% of the time. And now she's visiting family (mother and sisters) who she sees once a year, so I guess it's pretty normal that she won't be as active to contact me.

The real red flag would be if our dynamic chances once she comes back. I think I've put too much importance on "who contacts who first". Things aren't so black and white.

I think Harry Wilmington or whatever his name said it in a post; don't text during the holidays, people always have 10,000x things going on, and it's true.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

stop chasing right away........if she is interested she will contact you............if not it was soon to be over mate..........a lot of chicks love attention never forget that ....it gives them power to be able to tell her friends he is always calling me chasing me all that nonsense.

stop it right away....leave her be and find something else to do.....keep calling her makes you look like you have nothing going on in your life.

focus on other stuff , gym , making money , hobbies , cars , other women , in which ever order you want to put them in.

good luck fella

I do heheh. My post makes me sound like a desperate chump who's only waiting for her to contact me, but it's quite the opposite. I've been going out pretty much every day since she left to visit, and I do have the other stuff going on (good career and growth goals, starting my masters, hobbies, etc.).

 

[CHICAGO27]

We've been dating for nine months, things are pretty good between us. She went to visit her family for two weeks for the holidays, and we've been keeping in touch on a daily basis, just small texts here and there. However, I just realized, I do most of the initiation. I typically will write to her first in the day, and at the end of the day, whether she says she will text me the next day when she wakes up, or I tell her to do it, she often doesn't, which means I often end up initiating the contact first. And quite a few times when she says she will text me, she simply doesn't.

Same goes for calling. She asked me to call her once or twice, but typically it's the other way around.

I mean, I know she's visiting family, and seeing friends she hasn't seen for two years or so, but I still find the way she's acting quite irritating and disrespectful. I definitely am putting much more of the effort right now, and I am contemplating cutting it completely, cold turkey, and not initiating any form of contact unless she does first.

GET OUT NOW~

I went through the same situation with a girl I was "dating" last year. She is not into you. She is looking for a bigger, better, deal. Save some face and get out before you are dropped like a sack of potatoes. She will, and she will not look back. She's a mercenary.

 

[JoeMarron]

Everyone nailed it. You should never be initiating more than she is. If the dynamic stays this way when she gets back then you need to start pulling back immediately. Remember that the more we invest in something or someone the more attracted to it we are. More investment on your part equals you caring more about the relationship than she does.