Is this an invitation ?

[Franky Four Fingers]

I met a woman about a month ago at a coffee shop I frequent (different woman than the other thread I put up about meeting at coffee shop etc.) doing some finishing on my laptop using their Wifi. She was doing work on her laptop and we talked for over an hour. I recently asked her out on a lunch date, she loved the pick of the restaurant and the date went well, we talked for over 2 hours, great time and good vibes through the date.

In my experience typically when a woman talks about near future social activities it's bait for getting the man to ask them to take them to that activity, whatever it may be.

She talked about what she was doing on New Years Eve etc. However, she also mentioned she's a great creative cook several times. Is this a green signal for me to ask her to cook for me (eg - her place)?

The only reason I am asking this is that this woman is a doctor in an ER with some class and not some loose goose. I wouldn't want to cross any lines in the wrong direction with a what MIGHT sound to her like premature 'your place or mine' question even though it's a cooking/dinner question. The vibes are very positive from her, in a discreet way though.

The last woman that asked me over for dinner, after dinner it ended up in the sack. However, that woman was on a totally different level than this one in terms of class.

I'm going to give her a call in a couple of days and wanted to get some thoughts on it from you guys.

Thanks for any thoughts.

 

[jophil28]

I recently asked her out on a lunch date, she loved the pick of the restaurant and the date went well, we talked for over 2 hours, great time and good vibes through the date.

In my experience typically when a woman talks about near future social activities it's bait for getting the man to ask them to take them to that activity, whatever it may be.

She talked about what she was doing on New Years Eve etc. However, she also mentioned she's a great creative cook several times. Is this a green signal for me to ask her to cook for me (eg - her place)?

.

Sounds like it is all good to me.
If a woman is telling you that she is a "good creative cook" she has formed the intention in her mind to ask you over for dinner at her place in the near future. She is also 'qualifying' herself to you. Why else would she say that ?

 

[Colossus]

Go on another "out" date with her before you try her place. If she wants to cook for you she will suggest it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Frankie,
Full Steam ahead,go for it,sure dinner is in the offing and more too,don't be phazed by her being a Doctor,makes no difference at all,many of these Professional woman are emotionally very immature....Make sure and be extra aggressive when you get to share the couch with her after Dinner,she will not be used to it and will see herself as Super attractive,and you as a very confident Man...As Kipling said,"Both Colonels wife and Nancy O'Grady are Sisters under the skin".

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Thanks for the comments and thoughts.

Sounds like it is all good to me.
If a woman is telling you that she is a "good creative cook" she has formed the intention in her mind to ask you over for dinner at her place in the near future. She is also 'qualifying' herself to you. Why else would she say that ?

Now that you mention that my guess (in addition to hopefully an actual invitation to cook at her place ) is she's looking for a 'keeper' and is qualifying herself. She's 31 and just got her Phd recently and, as I understand her hints, wants to eventually go back to Arizona and practice medicine there which was her home before she went to school here .

Even though I am very attracted to her (and I assume vice versa) unless I'm ready to hit the trails to the west coast this doesn't look like an LTR, but hey thats what datings for right? Actually, if she measures up... well ... ? . Oh yeah thats right, no long term contracts. lol

She did try a bunch of qualifying questions to me to see what my general intentions were such as "I'm taking life on a day to day basis right now" trying draw me in in a sympathy way to see my reaction if I were a long term planner or not, or trying to disarm me that she's not a long term planner.

Full Steam ahead,go for it,sure dinner is in the offing and more too,don't be phazed by her being a Doctor,makes no difference at all,many of these Professional woman are emotionally very immature....Make sure and be extra aggressive when you get to share the couch with her after Dinner

Thats funny you said that about the emotional part because while, I assume of very good character from everything I've seen so far (she even did the whole 'lets not spend too much of his money at this decent restaurant and order the least expensive thing' etc.), I sensed she spent more time in classrooms than dating even though she's a pretty cute bookworm in my humble opinion. There were the bouts of innocent laughter and little quick movements from her hands etc. It wasn't excessive but you could see it was there. It was actually kind of cute.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Sounds like it is all good to me.
If a woman is telling you that she is a "good creative cook" she has formed the intention in her mind to ask you over for dinner at her place in the near future. She is also 'qualifying' herself to you. Why else would she say that ?

I agree with what you mentioned about her intention but from my perspective on what I've learned (I could be wrong but I don't think so, but open minded of course) a woman will NEVER ask a man to do something that eventually leads to sex like this might.

As far as I am aware a half respectable woman will always look for an excuse or side track to get the guy to do the asking so she has no responsibility if it leads to sex, therefore no possible guilt and retains her self respect that it was the guy that did the asking for her to cook which (whoops!) lead to sex.

Which leads me back to my original question of should I do the asking at this point or should I do what Colussus suggested and do another "out" date?

Thanks again.

 

[STR8UP]

You need to stop assuming that women are so "different" from each other.

 

[jophil28]

I agree with what you mentioned about her intention but from my perspective on what I've learned (I could be wrong but I don't think so, but open minded of course) a woman will NEVER ask a man to do something that eventually leads to sex like this might.

Never say "never", Franky. Women often proposition men. THey just do it COVERTLY mostly. Asking you to her place for dinner is classic "postioning " behavior on her part.
Remember the three things that a man needs to set in place to seduce a woman .

1. Create and build attraction and IL in her toward you.
2. Create comfort and safety ..
3. Find a suitable place for sex.

A woman who is intending to invite you into her HOME at this point in your connection with you is very interested and very comfortable with you. I am thinking that whether she realises it or NOT (probably not ), she is initiating #3 above.

DO what Collossus said and invite her out on another date . Build some sexual "tension" between you two with C&F and light kino. THose cerebral types who can COOK are great to date.

 

[window]

yes you need to be invited by her into her home....the same with her feline friend.

 

[thedeparted]

I always wait for the woman to suggest making me dinner. I never ask them to do it for me. If they float that trial balloon I give them positive signs. But they have to invite me over. Which they do.

Meantime you have to put away the pedestal. Who cares if she's a doctor? That does not equal class. That just means she's a nerd. Start tip-toeing around her b/c you think she's better than the rest and you already started to ruin it. She's just a freakin' girl who probably didn't get laid in awhile due to work. How much a woman makes, or what she does, matters not at all in this world. What matters is her looks, her style, how she treats you, how good she is in bed, etc.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

I always wait for the woman to suggest making me dinner. I never ask them to do it for me. If they float that trial balloon I give them positive signs. But they have to invite me over. Which they do.

Meantime you have to put away the pedestal. Who cares if she's a doctor? That does not equal class. That just means she's a nerd. Start tip-toeing around her b/c you think she's better than the rest and you already started to ruin it. She's just a freakin' girl who probably didn't get laid in awhile due to work. How much a woman makes, or what she does, matters not at all in this world. What matters is her looks, her style, how she treats you, how good she is in bed, etc.

Oh I agree, I didn't put her on a pedestal. I would assume typically woman who complete to this level of education are more often than not of a better class of people than say some woman who works at a dive bar. I could be wrong though. On the other hand, if I recall correctly, wasn't the Unibomber a doctor too? :crazy:

Also as far as the pedestal idea, I can talk to the president of the United States as easily as I could talk to a street sweeper. Because we are all created equal and we all end up that way. To me people are people regardless of position. I just assumed their were different levels of class of woman. My bad I guess. Live and learn.

Thanks for the dinner tip as well.

 

[Mr. Me]

Franky, I would just let whatever she said on that first time out go through one ear and out the other but just log it all in the back of your mind.

If she went ahead and invited you over to her place for her to cook you a dinner on the basis of your first date, that to me, would be her moving way too fast. It may just have been her making conversation, you know? Like Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

I understand her hints, wants to eventually go back to Arizona and practice medicine there which was her home before she went to school here

Unless she falls heads over heels for you and then tries to find something in the area. Ya never know! But I wouldn't take as gospel what someone says they're planning to do in the future. Things can change. Point is, she's not LD right now.

I sensed she spent more time in classrooms than dating

I've heard some wild stories of how those med students relieve stress, if you know what I mean.

I've got my own stories about a young woman I met a couple of years ago, the day after she received her medical degree.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

I've been chewing on this since yesterday. I made phone call with the woman in this thread during the week to her left a message and she never called back. The message was to go out this saturday night on a second date to have some fun in the city and that I left an email message with some of the places to go with their respective websites. She sends me an email back on Friday sounding all enthusiastic about going out and the suggestions I made.

Come Saturday about 5 hours before the date she sends me back this email;

> Hi! One of my fellow grad students recently defended his thesis and is having a party to celebrate tonight, so I actually really should go
> to that instead, sorry. Rain check? All 3 ideas sound fun, actually.
>
>
> (Her Name)

Now instead of telling me she sick as an excuse she tells me she's going to a "fellow grad students" party because he defended his thesis etc. What! A she cancels our date 5 hours before it's scheduled to go to a party (regardless of "defended his thesis")

Either this woman is totally socially inept spending too much time in classes or she's deliberately trying to p*ss me off or test me or just plain disrespect me to push me away. How in the world do you cancel a date only 5 hours in advance and tell your date who worked hard to set up the date that your going to a party (regardless if it's got a velvet excuse on the top)?

And if it's a party why didn't she invite me too? I know we only were on one date and it's her click friends I'm sure but she at least owed the offer to me for busting the date, which I would have declined anyway as thats not my crew, but at least do it out of courtesy/respect. This is absolutely ridiculous.

The first date was outstanding. Talked for over 2 hours like I mentioned above. She even seemed eager to talk about the second date right at the end of the first one. She was even eager to give me her second contact number while on the first date.

I honestly want to chew her a new a*ssh*le in an email. I'd call but she doesn't answer. From very high interest level on the first date to low interest level. Enjoy the world of dating.

 

[Jitterbug]

Either this woman is totally socially inept spending too much time in classes or she's deliberately trying to p*ss me off or test me or just plain disrespect me to push me away. How in the world do you cancel a date only 5 hours in advance and tell your date who worked hard to set up the date that your going to a party (regardless if it's got a velvet excuse on the top)?

And if it's a party why didn't she invite me too? I know we only were on one date and it's her click friends I'm sure but she at least owed the offer to me for busting the date, which I would have declined anyway as thats not my crew, but at least do it out of courtesy/respect. This is absolutely ridiculous.

I personally know many stressed out postgrads. It's fairly typical of them: very unorganised and have poor social skills / manners. At least you found one that showers regularly (I hope so - since you didn't say that she stinks!)

The first date was outstanding. Talked for over 2 hours like I mentioned above. She even seemed eager to talk about the second date right at the end of the first one. She was even eager to give me her second contact number while on the first date.

Over 2 hours? That's a common factor in all cases similar to yours that I've read on these forums: guy thought first date went well as they talked for hours, and then wondered why she flaked on him afterwards as her IL went through the floor.

How can you guys talk to a woman you're interested in sexually for that long anyway? That's like blueballing yourself!

I honestly want to chew her a new a*ssh*le in an email. I'd call but she doesn't answer. From very high interest level on the first date to low interest level. Enjoy the world of dating.

I'd just ignore her. The ball is in her court and she owes you one for flaking on you. If she's at all interested, she'll have to get off her arse and do something about it. You can redirect your pissed off energy to working on lining up more prospects.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Over 2 hours? That's a common factor in all cases similar to yours that I've read on these forums: guy thought first date went well as they talked for hours, and then wondered why she flaked on him afterwards as her IL went through the floor.

How can you guys talk to a woman you're interested in sexually for that long anyway? That's like blueballing yourself!

Just curious, are you saying it should have been an hour or some other short time? It was a lunch date. They served appetizers, then the meal, then coffee. At restaurants they always take time to prep the meal and such. I guess maybe I should have skipped coffee. There's a thought I guess.

Also, when you mention the sex part your not suggesting on a first date go after sex? Unless it's a pick up at a bar or club etc.

 

[Jitterbug]

That was too long for a first date and a really big lunch! It's almost like you went for a dinner date on a first date, which is a big no-no as the folks here will tell you.

I guess maybe I should have skipped coffee. There's a thought I guess.

Or skip lunch and just go for a coffee with her. For first dates, I often go for a hot/ice chocolate. Girls love chocolate and I know the best places in town for those. Easier to keep the first date short and sweet, and leave her wanting more.

Big fancy pants lunch/dinner dates are for when she's proven without a doubt that she has high interest in you and you've already got some actions. That's rewarding good behaviours.

Also, when you mention the sex part your not suggesting on a first date go after sex? Unless it's a pick up at a bar or club etc.

What I meant is that if I'm sexually attracted to a woman, I can't just sit there and talk to her for hours. I'd be after some actions (if not sex, at least making out, getting a feel of things), or if there's no such possibility (logistics, level of comfort) then I'll cut the date short and make a better plan for the next date. How can I sit there and talk for hours when I'm thinking of banging her in many nasty ways? I can only talk that long to the ones I'm not attracted to. I'm surprised that many guys are so patient and have wonderful self-restraint.

 

[window]

Jitterbug what do you think are some good first second dates. After the first meeting for coffee say...

 

[Jitterbug]

Jitterbug what do you think are some good first second dates. After the first meeting for coffee say...

An action date would be a good follow-up. I'm a dancer so I often take the girl out dancing, usually to a live band at a familiar venue where I have massive social proofs. I'd do something different from time to time depending on what comes up on my social calendar but dancing is my main strength.

I'd like to expand on why I think talking too much (for hours) on a first date is a bad idea. The core message here is that you're too easy & available. A desirable man values his time. If the girl doesn't have to do much to get a few hours with you on the first date (in most cases she simply has to say yes and then shows up) then she isn't gonna value the fact that she got a date with you. That's why she'd likely flake on the next one if "something" more important or exciting comes up, because that "something" is hard to get whereas a date with you doesn't take much work for her to secure. Women would kill to get a date with a guy they desire, so make them work to get a date with you!

 

[squirrels]

Sh!t...look at you guys walking around on your tippy-toes, being careful not to anger the precious, precious ladies.

Have her come to your place and cook for you. Offer to buy all the ingredients for her and let her do the work. Then after dinner curl up on the couch with her to watch a DVD.

 

[Sinistar]

I like squirrels advice, a MAN is going to invite her over to his place within a few dates. The dinner and movie at home gig is so underutilized.

You gotta lighten up Franky. I skimmed the posts and from your first to most recent you went from placing her on your pedestal (others called this out) to being downright p1ssed.

This woman is probably used to guys behaving exactly as you did. They meet her, spend some time and think "I'm dating a doctor I've got to play all my cards perfectly." Anyways, she rather quickly locks onto this vibe (probably subtleties in your conversation, timing between contact, being overly forward thinking, anxious, etc). Women are the grandmasters at reading these non-verbal queues. And think about it, within just days of meeting her you have even given thought to "what if she moves to Arizona". Yeah I know you followed it up with a comment regarding this would not be a LTR - yet you are thinking about it.

This one is easy - a fast case of one-itis which will derail any DJ into AFC'ish behaviours that she will notice (even though you have no clue).

She (very much like any other woman) is looking for the guy that seems like he could take her or leave her. A guy with lots of options, confidence and almost selfish. She wanted you to play the game better dude.

Don't you love it when a woman runs you a medium-strength sh!t test right out of the gate. That's what her flake is by the way. Whether she knows it or not she's testing to see if you're obsessing or you're the guy I mentioned in the paragraph above.

You can be all p!ssed and run away or you can learn from this and play it better than she expected. What would a guy dating two other doctors do

She won't be able to resist a guy with that mindset because all she meets are guys with your's