Is this a test ?

[zekko]

i guess the best way forward would be for me to change my whole mental outlook on the situation ie: treat her as a bit of a "fun" whilst waiting for other better quality women to come along

I would drop her like a hot, diseased potato. But your agenda may well be different than mine, so it's up to you. If you stick with her, the mindset you suggested seems best.

 

[sodbuster]

It's simple really, about 15-20% of kids aren't their fathers. SO if we make the investment of resources to a wife and marriage-we want to be reasonably sure the kids are ours. A slut LOWERS the chances of that being the case. If she can't resist the temptation for sex with everyone she'd like to screw before marriage,how do we think the little piece of paper will make a difference?

 

[Blue Phoenix]

This is EXACTLY what mine did. Slowly became unavailable and withdrew sexually.

I made the mistake of playing the same game and never initiating contact or getting together. I still made her chase me with her fear of abandonment. Of course, during that time she just fvcked around with other men to get back at me.

Never found out about her cheating until the end when I gave her the ol' Jophil ending. "I have high standards for the women I date, and you just don't measure up". That line drove her through the roof! Thanks Jo!

IT WAS NOT A MISTAKE. If you had come closer she would have snapped at you. I had access to the email of a girl with the same disorder. She had withdrawn and the stupid guy (who was "BF") sent an email to cheer her up and asked to see her. Guess what? She snapped! She said: "NEVER, are you crazy?" I miss you, kisses. :crackup:

This acting hurt and 'poor me" behavior is a set-up to catch any sucker (man), or make him chase her, who will think "What have I done to her? "I will cheer her up or ask her what´s wrong." and BAM she stings you. The next day she will act as if nothing had happened and expect you to be kind to her despite her shtty behavior. You may see that she´s pissed but ask her why, and she will say "I don´t know what you´re talking about". THey have no control/awareness over their emotions.

When the girl acts like this, RUN for you mental safety! Everything you do is misintepreted and seen as an attack or punishiment.

The fact that you´re not bothered by her flirting with other guys will set her off, making her seduce and destroy to prove to herself that she´s still attractive or have a revenge against men in general. She hates men because they´re evil and make her suffer. She needs to make you suffer so she doesn´t suffer. You´re the receptacle of her pain.

I had an encounter with the devil the 1st time. I didn´t know why she was so pissed and why she trashed me so hard despite trying to please her. :crazy:

The 3rd time (girl), as soon as I detected her bullsh!t, I shut down my feelings. She pushed me to be a nice guy and buy gifts for her but I refused. All the others who succumbed to her emotionally or by giving her gifts were dropped cold right after that. :nervous:

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Maybe she's hinting/testing that she wants a threesome with you and another guy. If that were the case she wouldn't be able to come out and just ask "hey honey lets find another guy to throw into the mix for fun" because then she would sound like a slut.

I'm not saying do it but just pointing out another possibility.

On the other hand;

taylor03 - a failed marriage (with an affair and abortion thrown into the mix), being to open about her past sexual behaviour etc

...and...

zekko - Does she realize she is pushing you away with this stuff? All she's basically accomplishing is declaring herself as a low quality woman, unfit for a high quality man such as yourself.

Looks like what Jophil stated: BPD. Thats one of the things BPD's do is that they don't feel worthy enough to be with a good/strong man etc., so they try to push you away with headfvcks like these. Then YOU break up with her and they blame it on you. :yes:

 

[taylor03]

yes funny you should mention that Franky Four Fingers - she has stated that, in the past, she has usually gone for losers and that i am "to good for her" !!

however, she has also come out with contradictory statements - for example, she has said that she has been sex depraved for the last 8 years but her tally of sexual partners is quite high !! not sure if she is getting lost in a maze of bull****/lies and this is one of the hallmarks of BPD ?

 

[jophil28]

...she has said that she has been sex depraved for the last 8 years but her tally of sexual partners is quite high !!

You (or she ) possibly mean "deprived", but "depraved " is likely to be closer to the mark.

 

[jophil28]

yes funny you should mention that Franky Four Fingers - she has stated that, in the past, she has usually gone for losers and that i am "to good for her" !!

however, she has also come out with contradictory statements - for example, she has said that she has been sex depraved for the last 8 years but her tally of sexual partners is quite high !! not sure if she is getting lost in a maze of bull****/lies and this is one of the hallmarks of BPD ?

BPD women sprout BS habitually about their sexual activities.

They create two contradictory threads ..

The first is much like the old familiar female claim " I am no slvt " in which they recount their historical sexual activities as restrained, rather benign, passive and limited.

The second thread is borne of their addiction to having a new man jump though hoops of lust to validate her..
So she will then retell another version of her history in which she reveals the seductress within. THis is when you start to hear snippets of her affairs and fragments and hints of stories about how many men wanted to fukk her ( and still do ).
Life with these women is a seesaw of emotional mindgames and sexual engagement which swings between her withdrawal and rejection of you and her rampant sexuality to draw you back into her web of lies and manipulative control - all executed at her emotional whims.

Proceed at your peril.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

It´s funny how these girls get pissed saying "all these guys are hitting on me" or "They only use me for sex" while she´s the one eliciting these behaviors. They are BLIND to their own behavior and feelings. It´s like using Windows Xp (software) on a Macintosh computer. It doesn´t compute.

They live through you, if they don´t have anyone (man) they feel empty. Like a parasite, they need to suck your blood (emotional blood and money blood let´s say).

Be like NEO, stop the bullets NOW!
http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/200...ling-with-a-narcissistic-or-borderline-woman/

Poker face, that´s the name of the game. Let her come to you and convince you to have sex, but do not go to her as you´re likely to be rejected because "you´re too demanding, controlling and are hitting on her" lol.

 

[taylor03]

yep jophil, she has told me that she hasn't slept with many men (lower than 30 is her estimation!!) but on the other hand comes across as a slut - ie: talking openly about past sexual adventures, quite crude, admiring other men openly in front of me etc etc

as for the misuse of the word "sex depraved for the last 8 years" - you are right, she is either getting her words mixed up or she is admitting to me that she has been sexually depraved in the past (can't see why anyone would admit to that though!)

to be honest she is a good diversion at the moment as i'm going through a nasty divorce - so, with the BPD characteristics and disrespect, this one is amounting to little more than temporary fun

but for all her faults, she does treat me very well - always available and affectionate - it is pretty confusing behaviour to say the least

 

[taylor03]

she is also pressing me like crazy on the amount of women i have slept with - an amount i will never reveal (as its way higher than hers)

danger, you are right - she has told me that her number is nothing compared to some of the girls she knows !! god help their partners..

seems like we all have to resign ourselves to modern day women and their sexual pasts or we hold out for a woman who places some sort of value on their body

 

[jophil28]

yep jophil, she has told me that she hasn't slept with many men (lower than 30 is her estimation!!) but on the other hand comes across as a slut - ie: talking openly about past sexual adventures, quite crude, admiring other men openly in front of me etc etc

Her talking openly about her sexual adventures is not being "honest" for honesty's sake. She is attempting to relabel her "openness" as a virtue in itself. That is the first of her manipulations of you that jumped out of your first post.

The second purpose behind her "honesty" is to provide her with the ego satisfaction of seeing you jump though the jealousy hoop. She wants to see, and experience you in emotional pain...squirming on her hook. That makes women like this feel powerful.
BPD woman do this habitually. Their sexual relationship with you begins as the best fun you ever had, but eventually( sometimes quickly ) turns into endless opportunities for her to inflict hurt, doubt and confusion, and brutal covert power .

Initially they use their sexuality to draw you in and solidify the connection, and then they move into phase #2 in which they retreat and withdraw by dangling their intimacy in front of you and then pulling back .
Remember this - BPD women are addicted to the brain chemical rush that drama provides. Sexual encounters provide a rich source of drama.

I do not know whether your girl has a Cluster B Personality Disorder. Not enough evidence yet, but many of her statements point to some kind of pathology..

Her words, her alleged history and her mindgames would be disturbing to me ( and to Danger, I expect ).

 

[cemejacky]

Hello guy

First of all Clearly a test to see if you're jealous or not. Just say something like "Yeah I'd used him too" or "Oh my god yes he's so hot!", doesn't really matter but the point is to not get jealous. I'd also start doing it to her, pointing out skins in front of her to see how she reacts. Turn the tables on the little ho.

How the idea...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Yeah, if you see a lot of inconsistencies, hot/cold, batlant jealousy games, negative remarks about you or men in general, secrecy, Jekyll and Hide behavior (like being one person in front of you, and being completely different to other people, specially strangers or being abusive to you and gentle to strangers), feeling you have to prove yourself constantly "Do this if you love me". RUN!!!!!

Unlike men that can honestly struggle with their own uncertainties and confusions about a relationship, and recognize the part they play in creating problems and conflicts, there are other kinds of men that see love as a game and you as their pawn. In this cruelly covert contest, cunning is their watchword, deception is their fix, and control is their high.

Just as addicts are unrelenting in pursuit of making the next score, these kind of men are unyielding in their hunt for women that they can deceive and manipulate. Unlike emotionally sound men and women, who respect others as much as they do themselves, controlling-men respect no one. To them, people are things. And things can be used.

These "Controllers" use words as deceptive tools. Applying charm's anesthetic to deaden the pain, they perform emotional-heart-surgery with crude precision.

While the harm most of these men inflict is emotional and psychological, there are those among them with a more dangerous twist, who feed off their victims' souls the way a leech drains the blood of its prey: drop by drop. These are the captivating vampires, whose devious masks conceal every woman's worst nightmare-the terrifying face of a future batterer or stalker. Every controlling-type man wants power, but he must feel it to know he has it. Inflicting control, and witnessing someone being controlled, is how he succeeds at sensing power. Loss of control equals powerlessness. And powerlessness, to a Controller, feels like death.

*It doesn´t matter the gender

How many Bpd girls have shown up on tv saying the BF was abusive while it was them who were provoking and literally inducing these men to attack them??? They push, push, push until you snap, then they say "You´re a SOB!!!" If you´re not a SOB by nature, you become one by coercion, you have no choice with them, it´s always your fault.

The most devious and insidious thing they do is this>>>

He was just treating you like a goddess. He was being so sweet and attentive. Maybe he was even telling you how wonderful you are. Then, in the sudden twinkling of a diabolical eye, he's treating you like you've become a "*****-on-wheels." And you don't know why. He accuses you of everything from insincerity to infidelity, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. This pattern usually emerges in three stages or roles: Vulnerable Seducer, Clinger and Hater. These stages cycle and often swing wildly from one role to the next.

It´s a shock treatment. You feel as if you were at a 30 degree celsius place and suddenly you are at -30 out of the blue. That´s why most people develop PTSD.

 

[taylor03]

cemejacky - i have turned the tables on her quite a lot which has resulted in a strong jealousy reaction from her - she clearly cannot handle me talking about other women and often brings past statements i have made up !!

As for her comments, these have dropped away quite dramatically - i'm guessing because of the way i have handled the situation ie: not even batting an eyelid when she says something designed to make me jealous and even, in certain situations, agreeing with her wholeheartedly - i am slowly disarming her of her "weapons" - my weapon is complete and utter indifference

Jophil - i am also unsure at this stage if she has a Cluster B personality disorder

as stated before, her past behaviour certainly points towards this assumption

her adoption by emotionally abusive parents, her early pregnancy (19), her affair and abortion whilst married, her past slutty behaviour, a breakdown with attempted suicide, her current counselling sessions to put her life into perspective etc - certainly a scenario made for BPD

its funny, 10 years ago i actually dated a full on BPD girl who attempted to slash her wrists in front of me, was very slutty, had serious anger issues and who ended up stealing money from me when i kicked her out of my flat - looking back after reading the BPD posts here i shudder to think what would have happened if i had remained with her

i'll keep an eye on her behaviour, especially the step 2 "withdrawal of sex" stage

 

[taylor03]

i will in due course Danger - but for the moment she is filling a purpose for me ie: sex/company

Jophil and Phoenix have provided some good advice and i have taken it all on board

my emotional attachment to this one is on the wane and ultimately i will break from her - she has in effect destroyed the relationship single handedly by her behaviour

to be honest it seems to be a better bet just being single - all this bull**** from women is draining - if something good comes along in future then so much the better

her past is something that does not sit well with me but on the flip side if she was told the truth about my wild ways then she would no doubt freak on the same level !!

however, the crucial point to take on board is the possible BPD angle - which seems to end in a complete head**** for the men involved - that is something i do not wish to go through again

 

[taylor03]

it just gets better and better - last nights quote from this girl

just chilling at home watching a movie and there's this bad guy drug dealer in a film - i say to her, in a playful manner, that she would probably go for someone like that in real life (she has mentioned that she used to go for the bad boys when she was a lot younger) - her reply was priceless -:

"at least bad boys know how to **** properly" !!!

wtf !! and before you all come down on me like a tonne of bricks for sticking with this girl, i don't intend contacting her again - pure slut trash

 

[pipe007]

hehhehe good for you.

thats bible definition for the word "disrespect"

just walk man. find someone else

 

[taylor03]

she also sent me a revealing photo of herself which had obviously been taken by another bloke !!

this one is stupid or trying to get a reaction

i think she also realised what she had said the night before because she said that "i have already told you before that you are the best in bed i've had ever" !!! whatever next...

 

[jophil28]

this one is stupid or trying to get a reaction

Both.

She is still playing with you because you continue to volunteer for the role of playmate.

Mindfukks are two handed games.

 

[taylor03]

mindfukk - sheesh - what is the purpose or point of doing this to a partner ?!?!

i've recently had the "your the best thing thats ever happened to me in my life" etc

she's either bull****ting or delusional

no contact from her since this morning - obviously my "off" attitude this morning has been noted

its going to be tough to ignore any further contact from this girl..