Is this a Sh*t Test?

[gettinit]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.
She invited me yesterday to go axe throwing later this week and then back to her place for drinks and some food. I agreed and she reserved a lane. All good.

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Does this crap ever end?

Thoughts?

 

[RickTheToad]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.
She invited me yesterday to go axe throwing later this week and then back to her place for drinks and some food. I agreed and she reserved a lane. All good.

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Does this crap ever end?

Thoughts?

You're her safety. Move on past her or move her to the back of the deck and entertain other females that actually want to fvck you..

 

[Lookatu]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.

You've given her way too many chances. She's playing around with you and/or you're doing something wrong. Sounds like she's moving you to the friendzone or an activity partner to cure her boredom. She either lost or never had the sexual desire for you unfortunately.

I'd be looking to move on if I were you...

 

[ThisIsSparta]

First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.

...... WHY?

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP you failed to escalate. Those were three failed chances. You are officially friend zoned.

 

[Lookatu]

OP you failed to escalate. Those were three failed chances. You are officially friend zoned.

Now that we pointed out the problem. OP, I think you should work on how you can be more effective at escalating so it doesn't keep happening.

Did you not build up the right mood/atmosphere/feelings in her when she was over at your place? Was your place clean, stylish? Did you have good mixed drinks on hand? Did you have good music? Did your place smell nice?

If you guys did start to make out, do you know about LMR / Anti-slvt defense techniques?

Did you automatically stop, give up, and automatically fall into her frame when she said something?

Were you talking too much about mundane things that dried up the pvssy?

Help us to help you...

 

[gettinit]

I have been over this in my head and I can't see where I may have screwed up. All of these encounters have been on weeknights and we have a good time. My place was near perfect.. clean, music, lighting and drinks. Although she gladly accepted my invitation to go there, I could tell that she was still feeling me out. As far as her place, I was the one that had to be up early and when I was leaving, she thanked me for "an awesome time" then turned me around for an extra kiss.

I had been escalating, but she gave me a "slow down mister" and we continued kissing. Normally, I would give it some time and try again, but as I said, it was late and I was tired. Honestly, I prefer a woman who shuts me down or wants to slow down initially. I have no delusions of innocent women, but considering how we were making out, she must have some self control (or was wanting me to think so) and there is nothing wrong with that. I have gone up to 6-7 dates before having sex and some of those have turned out to be the best relationships.

In any case, I have access to other women, so this isn't the end of the world. It just struck me as odd that SHE arranged a date with ME, reserved (and paid) for the activity, planned for food and drinks after and LATER decided to add the company. There hadn't been enough interaction in between for me to have done something to blow myself out. .

After some thought, three possibilities come to mind.
She thought that she may have seemed too forward and felt the need to back pedal (anti slut defense).
She wanted to get the opinion of her friend before moving forward with me.
Maybe the friend (they talk every day) has decided to become the gatekeeper, AKA C*ckblocker.

In any case, I'm pretty well versed on reading "readiness" and figured by her behaviors, that she was. She is mid forties, not a hormone raged, 35 year old, so things can be a bit different.
For all I know I may have stumbled across a good woman who is just checking to see if I'm ONLY interested in sex. On a positive note, she has since gave me a few menu items and they happen to be foods that she knows I like.
Enough over analyzing. I'm going to play this out and see if I can decipher her reasoning as its always good to learn.
If things look positive, the next date will be at (or end) at my place on a weekend.

 

[Bigpapa]

I have been over this in my head and I can't see where I may have screwed up. All of these encounters have been on weeknights and we have a good time. My place was near perfect.. clean, music, lighting and drinks. Although she gladly accepted my invitation to go there, I could tell that she was still feeling me out. As far as her place, I was the one that had to be up early and when I was leaving, she thanked me for "an awesome time" then turned me around for an extra kiss.

I had been escalating, but she gave me a "slow down mister" and we continued kissing. Normally, I would give it some time and try again, but as I said, it was late and I was tired. Honestly, I prefer a woman who shuts me down or wants to slow down initially. I have no delusions of innocent women, but considering how we were making out, she must have some self control (or was wanting me to think so) and there is nothing wrong with that. I have gone up to 6-7 dates before having sex and some of those have turned out to be the best relationships.

In any case, I have access to other women, so this isn't the end of the world. It just struck me as odd that SHE arranged a date with ME, reserved (and paid) for the activity, planned for food and drinks after and LATER decided to add the company. There hadn't been enough interaction in between for me to have done something to blow myself out. .

After some thought, three possibilities come to mind.
She thought that she may have seemed too forward and felt the need to back pedal (anti slut defense).
She wanted to get the opinion of her friend before moving forward with me.
Maybe the friend (they talk every day) has decided to become the gatekeeper, AKA C*ckblocker.

In any case, I'm pretty well versed on reading "readiness" and figured by her behaviors, that she was. She is mid forties, not a hormone raged, 35 year old, so things can be a bit different.
For all I know I may have stumbled across a good woman who is just checking to see if I'm ONLY interested in sex. On a positive note, she has since gave me a few menu items and they happen to be foods that she knows I like.
Enough over analyzing. I'm going to play this out and see if I can decipher her reasoning as its always good to learn.
If things look positive, the next date will be at (or end) at my place on a weekend.

you gave too much of a boyfriend material vibe and now she is withholding sex so you think that she is also girlfriend material ( aka not a sl8t ) . You will never know how she really is as she will withhold things about her past that will put her in a bad light , so you will not be able to vet her gf material , which can lead to some big errors in judgment

the problem is that most likely she had slept with guys faster than she will sleep with you , so all the time she will rank guys based on how fast she had sex with them

if you want things to be good on the long term you always have to rank in top 3 in terms of how good the sex is and how fast she has slept with you , as she will all the time she will make the comparison in her head

 

[Lookatu]

I had been escalating, but she gave me a "slow down mister" and we continued kissing.

She is mid forties, not a hormone raged, 35 year old, so things can be a bit different.

It sounds like you complied with her and fell into her frame and gave up on trying again.

Her being in her mid 40's, she's not new to this. She's been around the block and knows exactly what she's doing. She's looking for a BF material that she can control and someone that will comply with her and do everything her way. You're feeding into that power dynamic and even if you do have sex with her and even a relationship, she will never give that power up with you. She will always be the one wanting to be in control.

I hope I'm wrong but just for the fact that both of you have been at each other's place now for 3 times just making out only, gives me some red flags.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.
She invited me yesterday to go axe throwing later this week and then back to her place for drinks and some food. I agreed and she reserved a lane. All good.

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Does this crap ever end?

Thoughts?

You have been friend-zoned, my friend (no pun intended). Sex should happen on the first or second date. The third date at max.

If she wanted you that way, it would have happened already, but you never escalated properly and now she wants to spend time with you with her friends and not alone.

Say no, take her back to her place, and make sure you make that move all the way. You will quickly learn whether you have been friend-zoned for sure or she sees you in that way.

Again, do NOT agree to that. If anything, try to lead on this one (even tho it seems she planned the date already).

Modern Man Advice

 

[gettinit]

OK guys, last post on this from me as all I am getting different ways of saying escalate or die in the friendzone. If I wasn't clear enough, I did escalate. I paid for the first dates, she is pitching in with this one and have been getting lots of buying signals up to this little snafu. I even posted a couple theories myself and was hoping for some critical thinking, beyond the basics.

@Bigpapa
I'm boyfriend material? I'm OK with that. She has no idea of my history, nor me hers. That makes us even, just as anyone that you haven't known since birth. Regardless of history, some are faster than others for whatever reason they choose. In this case, I had no idea about her motivations and that is why I posted. We can speculate all we want on this and for all I know, she is a hold out. You can never truly know. Some want a connection prior to intimacy, others feel that intimacy is the first step in building a connection. I have had my fair share of both and prefer some connection building myself at this point. Not that there is anything wrong with my drive, but going for the fast bang just isn't as important for me anymore and I haven't noticed any increase in the length of a relationship. On top of that, I hate condoms and would rather take the time to see if any red flags surface and it is or is not, worth the risk.

@Modern Man Advice
I didn't sleep with my ex wife until date 6 or 7. Great sex life and "the friend zone" it obviously was not. There is no one size fits all. Some say make her wait to drive her nuts. Others, 3 dates and you are never getting in there. Some say if she sleeps with you the first date, she is only a plate. My point is that although women do think emotionally, there are so many different factors like upbringing, past relationships (healthy and unhealthy), self esteem and more. Although I won't wait forever, if I'm having a good time otherwise, I'll give some leeway. If I lived by the magic 3 date rule, I would have missed a lot of good things in my life. That's proof enough for me and that's how I roll.

 

[gettinit]

OK one more haha.

@LARaiders85
That's the same as my thoughts on the friend exposure. I have no problem with luke warm, I have turned up the heat from there many times before. If it doesn't heat up, you just move on.

 

[Bigpapa]

OK one more haha.

@LARaiders85
That's the same as my thoughts on the friend exposure. I have no problem with luke warm, I have turned up the heat from there many times before. If it doesn't heat up, you just move on.

the problem with your line of thinking is that you sucked into her frame , not her into yours

also it is possible to be another guy in the picture that gives her the steamy sex , while you are paying for dates and so on

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.
She invited me yesterday to go axe throwing later this week and then back to her place for drinks and some food. I agreed and she reserved a lane. All good.

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Does this crap ever end?

Thoughts?

You only get so many chances before a woman sees you as a guy who doesn't know how to make things happen and puts you in the "no sex" category. Doesn't matter what the reason is, all she knows is you had 3 chances with her alone and nothing of note happened.

Sadly after 3 chances your chances might have expired. This usually happens with women who aren't overly interested in you. I have to say tho, I have never had a situation where I was alone with a women 3 separate times at one of our places and sex didn't happen at some point.

The easiest move of all time is when you are making out just slide her hand down to your c0ck...if she keeps grabbing it and doesn't pull her hand away then just start running your hands under her shirt, on her ass and then unzip your pants and let her stroke the one eyed snake while you unzip her pants and finger her. Once you get to that point sex is a given and just get up and lead her to the bedroom. Simple move that literally will work everytime.

Why are you mad at her when it's your fault you are in this situation to begin with?

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, come on man!

 

[manfrombelow]

Hey guys, I have had a girl on a few dates. First back at my place, nothing. Second, her place, kiss close, third her place, made out for a bit, but late and needed to be up early so I left.
She invited me yesterday to go axe throwing later this week and then back to her place for drinks and some food. I agreed and she reserved a lane. All good.

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Does this crap ever end?

Thoughts?

The above advices from the senior members have been more than enough.

Basically, this woman LIKED you enough to give you not one, but three chances to fvck her:

1st: At your place.

2nd: At her place.

3rd: At her place again.

Women never invest time in men they don't like, not even a few minutes. The fact that you didn't know how to escalate, or didn't DARE to escalate communicates that you are not in your masculine core, you don't understand how male vs female dynamic works and you obviously don't know how to game.

 

[manfrombelow]

I had been escalating, but she gave me a "slow down mister" and we continued kissing. Normally, I would give it some time and try again, but as I said, it was late and I was tired.

When one male and one female are alone in a private environment, that is the order for sex to happen.

Don't listen to bullsh!t from her mouth, you just needed to KEEP KISSING her, while grabbing and touching her boobs and pvssy, before you take off her and your clothes.

That's HOW you escalate.

 

[manfrombelow]

It sounds like you complied with her and fell into her frame and gave up on trying again.

Her being in her mid 40's, she's not new to this. She's been around the block and knows exactly what she's doing. She's looking for a BF material that she can control and someone that will comply with her and do everything her way. You're feeding into that power dynamic and even if you do have sex with her and even a relationship, she will never give that power up with you. She will always be the one wanting to be in control.

I hope I'm wrong but just for the fact that both of you have been at each other's place now for 3 times just making out only, gives me some red flags.

Exactly.

By failing to make sex happen, OP communicated to this woman that he's weak and kind of beta, and this fact alone makes her withhold sex even more from him. This is the basic dynamic between male and female.

And @Lookatu nailed it with the vision about OP being in a constant struggle for power with this woman, even if he manages to fvck her. This kind of woman brings nothing to the table but drama and a strong will to take over power in the relationship from her man.

I'd downgrade her to plate instead of viewing her as with any possibility for a LTR.

 

[Glassguy]

So today, she asks if its OK to invite friends (a couple) to play cards when we get back to her place.

Classic case of failure to escalate so the woman looks at you as a friend/potential LTR candidate if you waste enormous amounts of time with her and pass all her shyte tests.

She should be pursuing alone time with you had you escalated and made it all sexual.

 

[manfrombelow]

Classic case of failure to escalate so the woman looks at you as a friend/potential LTR candidate if you waste enormous amounts of time with her and pass all her shyte tests.

She should be pursuing alone time with you had you escalated and made it all sexual.

Men should learn not to chase after women whom they had failed to fvck. Simply because it's hard, not fun, and most of the time the juice ain't worth the squeeze. OP failed with this one, so he should let her go and date other plates.