Hi all! I recently had this short dating experience that left me dazzled and confused. Please excuse my long post but I am trying to give some detail. It’s just that this story is unlike anything I have ever experienced and is really confusing me since I feel like I have met two different people so I will split the story in two parts.
Part 1
So at the place I work they recently hired a new girl. I must add that I work abroad (age 29) and she is a local (age 27). We had bumped into each other 3-4 times but never really talked. During an email correspondence I noticed that she was being more than friendly, I add her on Facebook, and on the same night get a message from her to join her for drinks, since she was out with friends. I went and she was with 7-8 friends (mostly male). Once she saw me she took me aside to have alone time and we quickly started making out. She confessed that she had been really attracted to me from the first time she saw me and was very happy I was single. She was also a bit playfully annoyed about me not giving her any attention earlier. After a few drinks we went to my place and ended up having sex.
She stayed over the night, and spent a long time during the next day at my place. The same thing happened the next day and so on. In the meanwhile, she would send many messages saying she missed me a lot, stating how amazing, hot, funny, and smart I was and seeking every chance to see me. She also then started visiting my office just to see me during work hours. However, there were some red flags:
• She seemed kind of concerned about co-workers finding out about us and was hesitant about going on dates outside so we had dates at my place.
• She had recently got out of a relationship with what she described as a controlling ex that lived in the same city which she just moved to.
• After a nice Friday date where we cooked together, had some wine, talked, sex etc., the next night she goes out for drinks with friends, send her a message (no response), and then calls me at 2AM to spend the night at my place (She was hammered).
This went on for about 4 weeks at which time she would compliment on how different I am from the local guys in a positive way, what a great guy I was etc. She would ask what I would do after my contract ended (in 2 years), sent me a picture of her with a friends’ baby, commented on how much she would like to join me on activities I did with my friends and so on. She also told me that she was really falling for me and that it was scary. So I started to get attached and reciprocated her affection and initiating more messages since she complained that I don’t text her much. During the fourth week I accidentally told her that I love her. It was something said in the heat of the moment and she responded that she loved me also, and that was so great to hear she almost felt like crying. I must admit I didn’t expect such a reaction.
A couple of days later she left for a business/leisure trip with some female friends abroad for a week. Before she left she came by my office to kiss me. Within an hour after leaving she messaged me saying how much she missed me and how difficult it was to leave me without kissing me more. We exchanged a few texts and I sensed that her replies were getting short so I assumed she was busy and stopped texting. I send her a message several hours later to see if she had arrived safely in which she didn’t respond although she was uploading pictures, replying to comments etc. She answered 5 hours later at which time I was asleep. I woke up the next morning with another message asking how I am and if I missed her. I replied and we exchanged a few messages. At some point I asked if she was having a good time and she did not respond. I waited two days and sent her a message how she is. No response, although she had seen it. I wait another two days and her if everything is ok. About 5-6 hours later she replies that she is having an amazing time. Then she says that she wants to talk and thinks that we should slow down since she recently got out of a bad relationship and the fact that we work together freaks her out. I say ok we can talk when she gets back.
Part 2
Once she got back she seemed to be avoiding me, passing outside my office and not dropping by. I called her over and she seemed jolly and talkative. I asked her if she wanted to meet up the next night and she leaned towards me asking if she should be afraid. I kissed and told her that was ridiculous. The next morning she texts me saying someone is wearing my cologne and that it is distracting her. A couple of hours later she cancels saying she is busy and that we can re-schedule the following night. The next day she texts me asking if I will get off work early. I said at around 17:00. She then suggests I go by her place since she has free time before a business dinner, and says she misses me and wants me (sexually). I couple of hours later she texts that her computer has broken down and will be delayed in work and won’t make it. And says that if it doesn’t get too late she might beg me to come by my place. I say no worries and let it go. Of course she doesn’t send a message to say if she is coming or not. She didn’t show up.
The next day at late afternoon she asks if I have any plans for the day. I wasn’t really in the mood to respond immediately since this whole thing had started to piss me off. A couple of hours after her first message she sends me an SMS asking if I am angry. I reply a little bit later that I am busy that night. She asks again if everything is ok and I say I prefer to talk about it in person. She was leaving the following day for a short weekend trip to visit a friend. She says she is sorry that we didn’t get the chance to meet and says that she doesn’t like things being messed up and asks if she can come by my place at midnight when she arrives. I reply that we can meet when she is back after work. She didn’t send any messages during the weekend and was posting photos as if she was having the time of her life.
When she got back she invited me to her place asking if she would get a kiss. I go to meet her and try to discuss the “slowing things down” thing with her. She starts saying that she doesn’t like texting, then says that she doesn’t want to get attached and other people needing her, feels quite overwhelmed, then mentions something about not being sure if she will stay in the same job or move abroad etc. She also says she recently bumped into her ex and that messed her up, and when I ask if she wants to get back with him she says not, that she dumped him. I really couldn’t make out anything that made sense. So we end up having sex and then asks me if I intended to break up with her, if I fancied this other girl and so on. The next days she was acting hot and cold, whenever I tried to get closer to her she backed off. She told me she was going on a date and flirting with another guy in front of me. She then told me that the date was with her father.
Then she asks when she can see me and I say that the following day I have to attend an event so Friday would be good and agrees. On the Thursday I try to make the plans of Friday more specific and she says she can’t make it because she just got invited to a birthday party (one day before?) and then starts showing signs of jealousy. I reassure her she is the only one I want to see and say that if there is a will there is a way, to which she does not respond. On the Friday afternoon she sends me a random text to which I give a short response. At this point I am quite pissed off that she is constantly flaking on me and acting hot and cold. I feel as though she is playing games just to mess with my emotions. I send her a provocative message saying that I want her and that she should come join me at a party. She asks who I am with, what people are wearing and after a few texts tells me that she is at a friends and to meet her at her place. I say ok see you there. I must add that I was a bit drunk being at the party. When I get there she walks past me and quickly tries to slam the door in my face. I instinctively react by placing my foot and try to ask her what the deal is. She then lets me in saying that she has to get up early in the morning. I was quite drunk so we didn’t talk much. We ended up in her bed and had sex. Although she had mentioned that she had to get up at 6AM, at 4AM she wakes me up pushing me to leave. I do so quite angry and from then on did not respond to her.
A few days later I send a work email to which she does not respond. A week after that while I was abroad she messages me asking how the place was, to which I say it is really nice and the conversation ends there. A week after that she finally responds to the email (2 weeks in total) at which point I ask to see her so we can discuss the whole thing and not mix it up with work. She said that she didn’t like my behavior the night I met her at her place drunk and that there is no need to talk about it. That it was just a fling and that I got too attached and that the time abroad made her appreciate being free after a bad relationship.
Seriously, she comes on extra strong from the beginning and once I start reciprocating she acts in this way? What happened to change her behavior so suddenly? Any input would be more than welcome.
Part 1
So at the place I work they recently hired a new girl. I must add that I work abroad (age 29) and she is a local (age 27). We had bumped into each other 3-4 times but never really talked. During an email correspondence I noticed that she was being more than friendly, I add her on Facebook, and on the same night get a message from her to join her for drinks, since she was out with friends. I went and she was with 7-8 friends (mostly male). Once she saw me she took me aside to have alone time and we quickly started making out. She confessed that she had been really attracted to me from the first time she saw me and was very happy I was single. She was also a bit playfully annoyed about me not giving her any attention earlier. After a few drinks we went to my place and ended up having sex.
She stayed over the night, and spent a long time during the next day at my place. The same thing happened the next day and so on. In the meanwhile, she would send many messages saying she missed me a lot, stating how amazing, hot, funny, and smart I was and seeking every chance to see me. She also then started visiting my office just to see me during work hours. However, there were some red flags:
• She seemed kind of concerned about co-workers finding out about us and was hesitant about going on dates outside so we had dates at my place.
• She had recently got out of a relationship with what she described as a controlling ex that lived in the same city which she just moved to.
• After a nice Friday date where we cooked together, had some wine, talked, sex etc., the next night she goes out for drinks with friends, send her a message (no response), and then calls me at 2AM to spend the night at my place (She was hammered).
This went on for about 4 weeks at which time she would compliment on how different I am from the local guys in a positive way, what a great guy I was etc. She would ask what I would do after my contract ended (in 2 years), sent me a picture of her with a friends’ baby, commented on how much she would like to join me on activities I did with my friends and so on. She also told me that she was really falling for me and that it was scary. So I started to get attached and reciprocated her affection and initiating more messages since she complained that I don’t text her much. During the fourth week I accidentally told her that I love her. It was something said in the heat of the moment and she responded that she loved me also, and that was so great to hear she almost felt like crying. I must admit I didn’t expect such a reaction.
A couple of days later she left for a business/leisure trip with some female friends abroad for a week. Before she left she came by my office to kiss me. Within an hour after leaving she messaged me saying how much she missed me and how difficult it was to leave me without kissing me more. We exchanged a few texts and I sensed that her replies were getting short so I assumed she was busy and stopped texting. I send her a message several hours later to see if she had arrived safely in which she didn’t respond although she was uploading pictures, replying to comments etc. She answered 5 hours later at which time I was asleep. I woke up the next morning with another message asking how I am and if I missed her. I replied and we exchanged a few messages. At some point I asked if she was having a good time and she did not respond. I waited two days and sent her a message how she is. No response, although she had seen it. I wait another two days and her if everything is ok. About 5-6 hours later she replies that she is having an amazing time. Then she says that she wants to talk and thinks that we should slow down since she recently got out of a bad relationship and the fact that we work together freaks her out. I say ok we can talk when she gets back.
Part 2
Once she got back she seemed to be avoiding me, passing outside my office and not dropping by. I called her over and she seemed jolly and talkative. I asked her if she wanted to meet up the next night and she leaned towards me asking if she should be afraid. I kissed and told her that was ridiculous. The next morning she texts me saying someone is wearing my cologne and that it is distracting her. A couple of hours later she cancels saying she is busy and that we can re-schedule the following night. The next day she texts me asking if I will get off work early. I said at around 17:00. She then suggests I go by her place since she has free time before a business dinner, and says she misses me and wants me (sexually). I couple of hours later she texts that her computer has broken down and will be delayed in work and won’t make it. And says that if it doesn’t get too late she might beg me to come by my place. I say no worries and let it go. Of course she doesn’t send a message to say if she is coming or not. She didn’t show up.
The next day at late afternoon she asks if I have any plans for the day. I wasn’t really in the mood to respond immediately since this whole thing had started to piss me off. A couple of hours after her first message she sends me an SMS asking if I am angry. I reply a little bit later that I am busy that night. She asks again if everything is ok and I say I prefer to talk about it in person. She was leaving the following day for a short weekend trip to visit a friend. She says she is sorry that we didn’t get the chance to meet and says that she doesn’t like things being messed up and asks if she can come by my place at midnight when she arrives. I reply that we can meet when she is back after work. She didn’t send any messages during the weekend and was posting photos as if she was having the time of her life.
When she got back she invited me to her place asking if she would get a kiss. I go to meet her and try to discuss the “slowing things down” thing with her. She starts saying that she doesn’t like texting, then says that she doesn’t want to get attached and other people needing her, feels quite overwhelmed, then mentions something about not being sure if she will stay in the same job or move abroad etc. She also says she recently bumped into her ex and that messed her up, and when I ask if she wants to get back with him she says not, that she dumped him. I really couldn’t make out anything that made sense. So we end up having sex and then asks me if I intended to break up with her, if I fancied this other girl and so on. The next days she was acting hot and cold, whenever I tried to get closer to her she backed off. She told me she was going on a date and flirting with another guy in front of me. She then told me that the date was with her father.
Then she asks when she can see me and I say that the following day I have to attend an event so Friday would be good and agrees. On the Thursday I try to make the plans of Friday more specific and she says she can’t make it because she just got invited to a birthday party (one day before?) and then starts showing signs of jealousy. I reassure her she is the only one I want to see and say that if there is a will there is a way, to which she does not respond. On the Friday afternoon she sends me a random text to which I give a short response. At this point I am quite pissed off that she is constantly flaking on me and acting hot and cold. I feel as though she is playing games just to mess with my emotions. I send her a provocative message saying that I want her and that she should come join me at a party. She asks who I am with, what people are wearing and after a few texts tells me that she is at a friends and to meet her at her place. I say ok see you there. I must add that I was a bit drunk being at the party. When I get there she walks past me and quickly tries to slam the door in my face. I instinctively react by placing my foot and try to ask her what the deal is. She then lets me in saying that she has to get up early in the morning. I was quite drunk so we didn’t talk much. We ended up in her bed and had sex. Although she had mentioned that she had to get up at 6AM, at 4AM she wakes me up pushing me to leave. I do so quite angry and from then on did not respond to her.
A few days later I send a work email to which she does not respond. A week after that while I was abroad she messages me asking how the place was, to which I say it is really nice and the conversation ends there. A week after that she finally responds to the email (2 weeks in total) at which point I ask to see her so we can discuss the whole thing and not mix it up with work. She said that she didn’t like my behavior the night I met her at her place drunk and that there is no need to talk about it. That it was just a fling and that I got too attached and that the time abroad made her appreciate being free after a bad relationship.
Seriously, she comes on extra strong from the beginning and once I start reciprocating she acts in this way? What happened to change her behavior so suddenly? Any input would be more than welcome.
