Is this a good enough reason to break up?

[flyinshark]

My current girlfriend has parents that have a mentality that is very different from mine. She's 21 years old and they still dont want her to be home later than 11PM.

That means that for the past few months we have been doing all our activities during the day. This includes sex... Despite the fact that we can meet for long times during the day, i am frustrated because she always has to leave at 9 or 10 in the evening, just when things start to get more interesting.

She says that her parents get mad at her whenever she gets home late (that's after 11PM for them) and she wants to avoid all the "drama" at home.

She says that this wont ever change, except when she'll get married or start living on her own (which her parents probably wont accept anyway).

I am really happy with her, yet this curfew (sp?) thing is driving me insane. She is freakin 21 fukin years old!! And she doesnt wanna fight her parents and change this situation either.

What would u guys do if you were in this situation? I wanna stay with her but in the same time i feel like breaking up with her because i cannot stand this situation anymore. We cant go clubbing together, cant go for drinks with our friends, cant sleep over at each other's place, have sex in the evening/night, etc... It just sucks! So, what would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

So if its not interfering with you two having sex or a good time together, what difference does it make what time is it?

Whats so special about being out late or whatever? For most guys the later the night goes the higher their chances of getting some are or whatever, or sometimes thats the only time they can go out since they work or go to school or something, but if you're getting everything you want out of this relationship WHY is it so important that you get it past 11 PM and not at 7PM?

Why is it SO important that you stay out late?

Okay so you can't go clubbing maybe, but there is no reason why you can't get drinks with your friends a little earlier in the day or hang out with them some other time or just do something else (go to dinner as a group with your friends or something).

I am sure you can have a very fulfilling relationship without having to go out late. I guess I just don't understand the "wow this is so cool cause its late at night!" mentality.

 

[Apollo]

Don't worry about it. Her parents are just overprotective. Start hanging out at her place more and get on the parents good side and they will start letting that curfew slide one day at a time.

 

[Javelin44]

apollo has a good point, if you can get the parents on your side, everyone will like you more, even her. just suck up to them, not hard

 

[MacDiddy]

Don't suck up!!! Build rapport, get them to respect you. Its downhill from there on!

 

[flyinshark]

Ok, the thing is that her mom knows that she has a boyfriend but her dad doesnt know yet. My gf doesnt want him to know because for him she cant have boyfriends. It's either a guy that will marry her or nothing.

Her mom is ok with her having a boyfriend and would like to meet me, but it seems out of the question that the dad meets me, for the reason i mentioned. And it's mostly him who doesnt want her to stay out late.

It looks like a dead end... Any more thoughts?

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
So if its not interfering with you two having sex or a good time together, what difference does it make what time is it?

Whats so special about being out late or whatever? For most guys the later the night goes the higher their chances of getting some are or whatever, or sometimes thats the only time they can go out since they work or go to school or something, but if you're getting everything you want out of this relationship WHY is it so important that you get it past 11 PM and not at 7PM?

Why is it SO important that you stay out late?

Okay so you can't go clubbing maybe, but there is no reason why you can't get drinks with your friends a little earlier in the day or hang out with them some other time or just do something else (go to dinner as a group with your friends or something).

I am sure you can have a very fulfilling relationship without having to go out late. I guess I just don't understand the "wow this is so cool cause its late at night!" mentality.

I see your point. I agree that it shouldnt make a big difference if we see each other after 10 or after 7, but i am part of those people who have the mentality of "the later it is, the more fun i am having". My friends are like me as well, so we never go out earlier than 10, therefore my gf can never come with us....

 

[Apollo]

Flyingshark: that dad sounds messed up, he thinks his daughter shouldn't date but just wants a guy to come up to her and say 'hi, will you marry me?'

Here's my suggestion, get the mom on your side. Ask your gf if you 3 can have lunch together someday. Once the mom likes you she'll invite you over for dinner for you to meet the dad. Give it a shot.

 

[Rage19]

yea try get mums approval and move in for the kill with the dad ull have the mum/daughter on your side and that'd crush him.

meet the dad as a "friend" maybe even though you shouldnt have to, tell him how you feel about her maybe if hes that sorta guy

 

[flyinshark]

Apollo and Rage19, thanks for the suggestion.
I think i already am on the mom's good side, since i spoke to her a few times on the phone and she told my gf that she likes me. I have yet to meet her in person though.

I would like to meet the dad as well and perhaps wait for him to trust me enough to let his daughter go out with me at later times, with the condition that i bring her home or something like that. Maybe that will work, but it requires patience.

And i wouldnt want to lose let's say a big chunk of my youth trying to convince an uptight dad to let his daughter spend time with me in the wee-hours. What if the relationship would fail afterwards if something were to happen between us ? I would feel like ****. Anyway. I guess this isnt break-up material, but it still is pretty frustrating.

 

[Johnnie5]

LOL i had an Italian mate that had an Italian girlfriend for years and have eventually married

but during their dating years and she was way over 21 she had a curfew of about midnight , they would go out , then he would drop her home and then head out on the town with the boys and hit anything he could get and would be safe knowing she was at home in bed

best years of his life

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by flyinshark
My friends are like me as well, so we never go out earlier than 10, therefore my gf can never come with us....

Sounds like a good thing. Sometimes you just want your gf to go home early because you've spent all day with her already and don't know how to say it.

So send her on her way and then go out with your friends and it sets up the perfect situation where she's wondering just what you're doing out on the town that late. "are other girls talking to him!? are they better than me??"

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by flyinshark
My current girlfriend has parents that have a mentality that is very different from mine. She's 21 years old and they still dont want her to be home later than 11PM.

That means that for the past few months we have been doing all our activities during the day. This includes sex... Despite the fact that we can meet for long times during the day, i am frustrated because she always has to leave at 9 or 10 in the evening, just when things start to get more interesting.

She says that her parents get mad at her whenever she gets home late (that's after 11PM for them) and she wants to avoid all the "drama" at home.

She says that this wont ever change, except when she'll get married or start living on her own (which her parents probably wont accept anyway).

I am really happy with her, yet this curfew (sp?) thing is driving me insane. She is freakin 21 fukin years old!! And she doesnt wanna fight her parents and change this situation either.

What would u guys do if you were in this situation? I wanna stay with her but in the same time i feel like breaking up with her because i cannot stand this situation anymore. We cant go clubbing together, cant go for drinks with our friends, cant sleep over at each other's place, have sex in the evening/night, etc... It just sucks! So, what would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

If she's living in her parents' home she needs to respect their rules. As a parent of one adult child who still lives at home, I might be able to help you see their side of things better.

You don't stop worrying about your children when they turn 18. If they live in your home and you go to bed at 11pm so you can get up early for work and your kid is still out at 2am you aren't going to be able to go to bed until they are home safely. You'll worry about them and wonder where they are. You won't get enough sleep and it will ruin their whole day, could cause problems at work, etc. Why doesn't she have her own place?

 

[Good_ol_boy]

"Ok, the thing is that her mom knows that she has a boyfriend but her dad doesnt know yet. My gf doesnt want him to know because for him she cant have boyfriends. It's either a guy that will marry her or nothing."

Sounds like a cultural thing. Is she Middle Eastern, Latina?

Sounds like "dad" is old fashioned in one of those ( or similar) cultures. This may take some work!

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by Johnnie5
LOL i had an Italian mate that had an Italian girlfriend for years and have eventually married

but during their dating years and she was way over 21 she had a curfew of about midnight , they would go out , then he would drop her home and then head out on the town with the boys and hit anything he could get and would be safe knowing she was at home in bed

best years of his life

Amusing
Yeah, all that sounds like fun, but i am trying not to cheat on my girlfriend despite the fact that i might be tempted by some of the girls i talk and dance with when i go out. So, it's all real fun, but it's also kinda cool to go clubbing with your gf, get drunk together, then go to your place and bang like rabbits (assuming u can get it up despite your drunkness )

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
Sounds like a good thing. Sometimes you just want your gf to go home early because you've spent all day with her already and don't know how to say it.

So send her on her way and then go out with your friends and it sets up the perfect situation where she's wondering just what you're doing out on the town that late. "are other girls talking to him!? are they better than me??"

Yeah that's pretty cool. The famous "be a mystery" thing. I think it can be a plus, but when u can NEVER go out with your gf, then things are not so rosy anymore...


Wyldfire, i think that's exactly how her parents are. They can't go to sleep till she's home because they worry too much. I understand that and respect it too.

I guess my question is, would it be possible to make her parents trust me and in return they would sleep calmly knowing that i will return her home safe?

You also asked why she doesn't have her own place. Well, surprise surprise, her parents dont want her out on her own. I think the only way for her to move out would be when she is engaged.


Good_ol_boy, to answer your question, my gf and her parents are Egyptian. They are orthodox, so thank god they aren't muslim, as things would probably be so much more complicated by now.