Is there interest or not?

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

So here is the deal. When we take the train together, she is a totally different person than when we are at the store. She ignores me at times at the store, but I understand why. No one wants to sh1t where they eat. She has a rep to keep up and the attention of guys to maintain. So she can't be seen giving me crazy play. I'm cool with that. When we take the train together, she is playful and talkative, loves touching me, holds my hand, plays around and laughs, in essence shows signs of interest. But when I call or text, I get the uninterested side. I am beginning to question whether or not there is any interest at all.

This is called MIXED SIGNALS. She behaves one way with you in front of her colleagues and one way when the two of you are alone. Her behavior is inconsistent. It could flight either way at any moment. But the constant is her ignoring the sh*t out of you at work and giving you attention and validation when the two of you are alone. She does not want to be seen flirting with you at work as it could demean her in ways only she would understand. She gives you attention when the two of you are alone to give you false hope and to keep you thinking there is something going on between the two of you. When you call or text you get the uninterested side because her interest level in you is low. It does not get clearer than this. She has absolutely no interest in you. Forget her and get someone who is interested in you.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

The moves that I have made in order to get her to hang out with me outside of work have failed. I've invited her out twice, and both times she has flaked. The first one my have been a miscommunication issue, but the most recent one has me questioning this entire "thing".

A woman who's interested in you will accept dates and will not flake out on you. She flaked on you both times you asked her out. If you followed the two strike rule she should have been out by now. There is no miscommunication, turst me. She knows you want to see her. Don't ask her to "hang out" with you. You are not trying to be friends with her. Ask her out on a date directly.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'm always baffled that guys can't seem to pick up on a girl's behavior when it's indicative of her not having interest in them, and then ask: "So, is she interested?"

Like, really - just reading this situation, it was glaringly obvious to me (and some of the other posters here) that she had low-to-no interest. How did you miss it? Let me show you what I'm talking about...

So here is the deal. When we take the train together, she is a totally different person than when we are at the store. She ignores me at times at the store, but I understand why. No one wants to sh1t where they eat. She has a rep to keep up and the attention of guys to maintain. So she can't be seen giving me crazy play.

So, she's being rude to you at the store? NOT INTERESTED. Even if she's trying not to let people know you two are interested in each other, a girl's not going to do a 180 on you by ignoring you at work.

Also, your reasoning for why she's doing it - to keep up her rep and attention of other guys - is bogus and false. She's doing it because she's not interested in you. Attention of other guys be damned, if she liked you she wouldn't care about other guys vying for her attention 'cause she'd only be looking for yours. Anything else is just an excuse you're giving yourself to save your ego.

I'm cool with that. When we take the train together, she is playful and talkative, loves touching me, holds my hand, plays around and laughs, in essence shows signs of interest. But when I call or text, I get the uninterested side. I am beginning to question whether or not there is any interest at all.

Okay, so she's playful, talkative, even possibly touching you... but is she kissing you or saying things indicating she wants to hang out with you by yourselves outside of work? NOT INTERESTED.

All the "signs" you said she's giving? Girls do those same things with guy friends of theirs. Unless she's kissing you or screwing you, none of those things mean anything. As far as calls and texts go, you shouldn't even be trying to talk to her by phone unless you're setting up a date with her. Texting KILLS relationships, and regular phone calls are only good if you're trying to be seen as one of her girlfriends.

The moves that I have made in order to get her to hang out with me outside of work have failed. I've invited her out twice, and both times she has flaked. The first one my have been a miscommunication issue, but the most recent one has me questioning this entire "thing".

So, you invited her out and she flaked? NOT INTERESTED.

Dude, right now I'm dating a girl who's a legit singer - gets gigs all over Hollywood, has been on TV several times, has toured worldwide multiple times, and is regularly doing things in her life that keep her legitimately busy. Yet, lo and behold: if I call her up today and ask her for a date next Thursday, she will show up on said day, on time, without the need for me to remind her or re-confirm. Why?

BECAUSE WHEN THEY'RE INTERESTED IN YOU, THEY REMEMBER TO SHOW UP.

This girl is not busy, and unless she doesn't understand English it's pretty hard to misinterpret the words "Let's meet up on (date) and do something)." The reason she forgot is because she's NOT INTERESTED.

As we were chatting alone on the subway one day, I seriously told her that I would like for us to hang out outside of our current environment (work and subway ride). I wanted to see if the interest was there. She told me when she was available and left it up to me. I quickly told her that I had something planned for us on saturday, and she agreed, only to quickly retract saying that she already had plans for with one of our mutual acquaintances (more hers than mine). I quickly shot back, saying that Friday was our day. She said that she gets out at 4 PM from work that day and that it "could happen". I took what I could and said that I would call her.

So, she told you the days she was available, and yet the two responses you got from her was that (a) she suddenly remembered she had something else planned, and (b) that it "could happen?" NOT INTERESTED.

At this point, you were grasping for straws, when you should have been doing what you said you were doing, which was seeing if interest was there. When she said she wasn't available for Saturday, you should have waited to see if SHE presented a counter-offer day and time. But instead, you shot back with something. Had you not done that, you could have seen right away if she was interested, 'cause interested girls always give alternative days and times for guys they actually want to see. And when they do, they give a definitive "yes" instead of a could-happen "maybe" answer.

Fast forward to Thursday, the night before our "outing". I calling her to confirm our "date". She picked up after the 3rd ring. I greeted her and exchanged a few words. She cut me off and said that she would call me back soon, but never did.

Didn't call you back? NOT INTERESTED. But we've already discussed this, so let's move on...

Friday rolls along and at about 6 PM, I texted her and asked if we were still hanging out that night. I am still waiting for that response. At about 8 PM, I made a final attempt at communication by dialing her up, but I never got a response.

Sooo, date day came and she didn't pick up the phone or respond to text? NOT INTERESTED.

By the way: for future reference, stop trying to confirm with girls on the day of the date. If they like you, they'll remember the date and just show up (or hit YOU up to remind YOU about the date). In fact, the REAL reason you don't want to re-confirm is to test her interest level. If she shows up without you reminding her, it means she has interest because a girl that likes you (a) can't flake on you, and (b) can't forget about the guy she's meeting up with that could be her future husband. And if she doesn't show up, it's because you were the LAST thing on her mind (if at all).

Finally, allow me to answer some of your questions directly:

YOU: Is there interest or not?
ME: No, there is not.

YOU: What could I have done differently?
ME: Eh, the dating co-worker scenario can be a tricky one. However, the easiest way to have dealt with it would have been to ask her for her phone number at the first sign of your interest in her, then calling her and asking her out, point blank. It would have saved you LOADS of time. It also would have benefited you to read the early signs indicating her LACK of interest (i.e. when she flaked on you the first time) so you could stop wasting your time going after this girl.

YOU: I feel like I have done something wrong because I have not been able to see her outside of work although I feel there is some interest there.
ME: You didn't do too much wrong - she's just not interested in you like that, and there's not much you could have done about it.

YOU: Maybe I haven't been able to stand out from all of my other competitors.
ME: So what? None of the other guys at your job are dating her either.

YOU: Believe me when I tell you, I am not a thirstbucket either. I don't frequently call or text her, and we don't see each other at work all the time.
ME: Great - but again, if she's not feeling you like that, you could be around her all the time or scarcely and it's not going to make much of a difference.

YOU: The only thing is that this girl has me confused.
ME: Anytime a girl is throwing mixed signals, just assume it's a "no." I'm sure some guys will be mad at me for saying that; however, my uncle is in sales and he taught me: "Getting a 'yes' will make you happy; getting a 'no' will bug you for a while; but getting a 'maybe' will drive you insane." I'm all for not driving yourself insane trying to figure out if a girl "might" like you or not.

YOU: Am I overanalyzing?
ME: Yes, you are.

YOU: Is there something here or not?
ME: No, there is not.

YOU: What can be done to "remedy" the situation?
ME: There's nothing to remedy - she doesn't see you like that. The only thing you can do is start focusing on a girl that DOES like you.

YOU: If I can't completely bag her, I would like to remain in her circle, seeing as she has potential plates as friends.
ME: Oh, so now you're relying on her to get into her circle of friends? Why not just go after them without her being in the picture? You two didn't end up hooking up, so she's not necessary at this point.

Hope this helps!

 

[JoeMarron]

Read Anti-Dump's machine in the DJ Bible. That would've saved you alot of time.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

As we were chatting alone on the subway one day, I seriously told her that I would like for us to hang out outside of our current environment (work and subway ride). I wanted to see if the interest was there. She told me when she was available and left it up to me. I quickly told her that I had something planned for us on saturday, and she agreed, only to quickly retract saying that she already had plans for with one of our mutual acquaintances (more hers than mine). I quickly shot back, saying that Friday was our day. She said that she gets out at 4 PM from work that day and that it "could happen". I took what I could and said that I would call her.

You should have asked her out on a date instead of hanging out of your workplace. She first agrees to your date idea only to retract quickly telling you she already has plans with one of her friends. She is playing with you. She's giving you the thrill of the acceptance only to take the high away with her retraction. She is hooking you on like a Class A drug. She's giving you the high and then taking you down to feel the low. She's manipulative from the beginning. Imagine what could happen in the future. She's toxic and you should not spent another minute of your life with her. Dump her in the garbage. It "could happen"? What she means to tell you is that it can't happen. She's deceptive and an AW. You should not have told her that you'd call her. It showed weakness on your part.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

Fast forward to Thursday, the night before our "outing". I calling her to confirm our "date". She picked up after the 3rd ring. I greeted her and exchanged a few words. She cut me off and said that she would call me back soon, but never did. I let it slide. Friday rolls along and at about 6 PM, I texted her and asked if we were still hanging out that night. I am still waiting for that response. At about 8 PM, I made a final attempt at communication by dialing her up, but I never got a response.

It does not matter which ring she picks up the phone in. She cuts you off because she is not interested in talking to you and she knows that you would ask about the date. She told you that she would call you back soon, but guess what ? They never do. It was a cowards way of letting you know that she's not interested in accepting your date offer. She's not the least bit interested in you. Common man, she's playing you all over and you can't see it. She'd be down on her knees sucking Tom Cruise's c0ck if he asked her out on a date. She wouldn't be playing mind games with him. She's just using you to get attention and validation to make herself feel better. She's using you for her own self-worth. You don't let these things slide. You call them out on their bad behaviour. If you don't they will do it again. Even after she hangs up on you, you ask her if the two of you are going out on Friday. It's pretty obvious by now that your date is going to be a flake. Forget her and move on. Don't acknowledge her when the two of you see each other again.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

SOOOOOO,what do you think guys? Is there interest or not? What could I have done differently? I feel like I have done something wrong because I have not been able to see her outside of work although I feel there is some interest there. Maybe I haven't been able to stand out from all of my other competitors. Believe me when I tell you, I am not a thirstbucket either. I don't frequently call or text her, and we don't see each other at work all the time. When we do see each other, I don't hover around her. I play it smooth. I may be new to the game, but I know fundamentals. The only thing is that this girl has me confused. Am I overanalyzing? Is there something here or not? What can be done to "remedy" the situation? If I can't completely bag her, I would like to remain in her circle, seeing as she has potential plates as friends.Whats the prognosis? Thanks in advance guys. Much respect to all of you guys.

No, there is no interest from her. There is more chance of you winning the lottery than her being interested in you. Don't delude yourself by thinking that there is some interest there. Don't rationalize her behavior and lack of interest by giving some excuses. Just accept the fact that she does not have any interest in you and you will be in a much better state of mind. She has you confused because her interest level is very low and yours is hitting the ceiling. Yes you are overanalyzing this thing. It's very simple. Tell that b*tch to get the f*ck off and try for a hot babe who has interest for you. No there is absolutely nothing there. There are a couple of things you can do to remedy this situation.

1) You can win a million dollars and let her know about it
2) You can become a celebrity like a movie star
3) You can drive in at work with a Ferrari or a Lamborghini
4) Have HB10s all over you in front of her

Yours Sincerely,
Sir_Laid_A_Lot

 

[MikeAndIke]

Wow Harry, that was one of the best responses I've ever read. Thank you for taking your time to respond to my post. You are right on a lot of things and your response definitely helped. I appreciate your highly detailed response. Posts like that are reason why I signed up and enjoy SoSuave. Thanks a million.

 

[MikeAndIke]

Sir_Laid_a_lot, you are correct on a lot of things. I see it all clearly now. I just wanted the opinion of our forum members like yourself to see how other people see the situation. Again, thank you for your knowledge.

 

[casaanova]

Right now there's no interest; you're her ego booster/gay best friend on the train before work, and everywhere else you're just another one of her thirsty fans. Put her on NC for a while (stop communicating with her) so she can stop seeing you as an ego booster.

The top 10% of women (HB's 9-10) respond to a-hole game, and a-hole game only. Polished seduction/learned charisma/PUA isn't enough. They have delusions of grandeur so high that they believe they deserve a celebrity/Prince Charming and nothing less (which obviously will never happen), so the only men they end up being with are the ones that basically have b!tch shields of their own and call her out on her bs unapologetically.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/03/21/when-a-girl-needs-an-*******/


If this really isn't you, then befriend her (make sure she knows you guys are platonic) and use her as a reference to game her other friends. But for now give her space so she won't think you're hounding her.

 

[MikeAndIke]

Great advice Casaanova. NC for a while. Btw, huge fan of Heartiste. Thanks for the recommendation.