Is There Hope For My Life? (No Girls Involved)

[stuartSan]

I know without girls involved, this thread shouldn't be here.. but I'm really stuck in a rut.

Aside from the fact that my girlfriend left me because she said I couldn't make her feel secure cos I couldn't even take care of myself financially, I'm really emotionally battered.

My parents, they just pay for the bills and thats it. No clothes, no food, no money (I cook at home or just eat bread that I buy), no transport, no care.. It really hurts when your FRIENDS buy you new shoes out of pity because yours is real torn and dirty, when your parents don't, even when YOU TOLD THEM that you need new shoes to be presentable enough to at least get a part time job in McDonald's or something. I try to keep the mentality of "You may think you're unlucky because you have no shoes, until the day that you see someone with no feet", but its starting to get really tough now.. REALLY tough.

I can quit my whining and just face the world, but I'm losing grip of my emotions, and myself.. and eventually my life.. because of this upbringing. Call it a mental disorder if you may. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be depressed. I'd like to be who this site teaches you to be.. someone strong.. but I feel as though I'm going to need to see a shrink pretty soon. Yeah probably I'm not mentally strong enough. I really can't help it anymore..

I have a full time job now.. because I want to be able to pay for my studies.. but before that I'll need to save up for the cheapest motorcycle I can get.. and yet that'll still take 4-5 months of NOT SPENDING ANY of my wage. 7-8 months if I use it on necessities. My college (Already completed two semesters, but can't continue due to lack of money) is out of public transport area (pretty deep in an industrial area) and that explains the need for a transport.

I really feel like I'm snapping. This will probably make me look like the biggest wuss in this board.. but this is the only place I can look for advice. My friends.. I don't know who to trust. I have many, but no close ones. None really want to be by me in the time of need. They probably can't help anyways since they're living off their parents.

I don't know what else to type.. I just needed to let this out to make myself feel better. If there's anyone who can help or know a way for me to feel better.. do let me know. I don't know what I can do in life anymore..

 

[E-Z Rider]

Nah...this isn't too wussy of a post IMO. These are things much more important than some girl.

Maybe I don't understand, but why can't you get some student loans to get you through college?

Try to get through college if you can, and just suck it up until you graduate. Work your ass off in college.

Try to find new friends and get some close ones. Maybe some people in a similar situation to your own?

And what kind of job are you holding right now?>

 

[Walden]

Persevere.

 

[squirrels]

Sounds pretty rough.

You're still drawing air, though, and that counts for a lot.

You don't sound like the type to just go out, so keep at it. There ARE things you can do. I'm not saying it's easy and I probably can't begin to understand what you're going through, but anything is possible.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

 

[b's nuts]

there is a lot of money out there, you just need to put your name on it. The difference between people who have a lot of money and those who don't, are the people who have money are willing to do the things others won't, whether it be taking risks or doing jobs that can get you dirty, just work your ass off and keep your head up. This might not be the best advice, but i know a lot of guys who had trouble with money getting through school, and they started selling weed to keep some money in their pocket. Find someone who will front you a qp, sell it all, pay them back, and the profit is yours - the skies the limit.

keep your head up, and this to will pass.

 

[OddTech]

Gosh, that sounds rough, here are some suggestions that I can come up with.

1) try to find a better paying jobs, like in sales or something. McDonald's won't get you anywhere. I heard that electronic stores like Best Buys and Radio Shack are always looking for hire. Most schools have alumni programs where they hire people to help in fundraising. That pays pretty well. Check out the school student employment center.

2) If you're in school, you can qualify for financial aid and or loans. If you're in the US, the government-sponsored Stafford Load can be a great help. Most of friends in college needs some loan of some sort or another.

3) you don't need a relationship now, sorry but you're not emotionally ready for that.

4) If you can, make an effort to take a loan and live away from your parents. The independence is a great feeling.

Keep your eyes open for opportunities. Take care man.

 

[stuartSan]

Blegh. Its 4am here now. Work is in 5 hours and I can't force myself to sleep. My location is in Malaysia, where jobs don't really pay much at all. Even without converting, (USD1 = RM3.8), you'd still earn much more at McDonald's in the US (I heard its like USD7/hour?) than landing a very decent office job for an undergrad in Malaysia (RM1000/month).

Right now I'm selling video game consoles/accessories/games which pays RM850 a month with 1% comission on the things that I sell. Thats the best offer I can get in a shopping complex (can't work outside a shopping complex, public transport coverage here is bad) and it looks like a dead end job although I might get a slight raise in a month or two. I don't even know where to begin to re-arrange my life now. Geez.

Student loan plans here are unpopular, and I haven't really heard of them. Having a terrible headache now so I'm just gonna rest and try to hang in there for the time being. This phase of my life is very very taxing indeed. Thanks for those who replied.

 

[squirrels]

How tied down are you? Have you considered moving? Maybe it'd be better to up-and-out of your current location if it's not offering you the possibilities you'd like.

 

[NewMan]

School/Education is the most importnat thing in your life right now. Everything else can go to hell - clothes, money, women.

Work your a## off.

Once you have an education - you've got the rest of life to work, make money, buy great clothes etc.

If you don't get an education, you've got the rest of your life to work at dead end jobs.

Nothing else matters - do whatever you need to do to finish college.

There's a lot of people out there in your situation - stick to it. It will make you strong - and you will appreciate what you will get and achieve later in life.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Admitting that you are not ready for girls is a sign of emotional maturity. You're on the right track buddy.. keep it up. I would recommend going to many social events after you are a little bit more stable financially and in thought.

 

[MrBond007]

I am currently working full time untill I go back to a new college next August.I left the other one because my teacher woudnt attend(FOR REAL.Thats a shame when you pay.) and I also deceided that I didnt want to be working in cpus anymore last week.

I earn 270$ cdn per week wich is around 180$USD.I live with my father so he pays the rent but I still have to pay the gas to get to work.My workplace is an hour away from where I live btw.

I woudnt say that I hate my job.Id say that I really despise my boss.We always get into arguments from time to time.When I want to do more out of good will, he says that it was a waste of time and shoudnt have done it.When I strictly do what he asked me to do and nothing else, he tells me how I should be more hard working.I wake up at 5AM and leave at 5 PM from work.I get back home at around 6.Theres no job in my town, surprisingly.

I plan on looking for a new job here though because I cant stand the constant negative pressure I get from my boss.Its MY fault if my job isnt right (wich is ok by me) but it is also my fault if I cant do my job correctly because the guy before me didnt do his right.

I actually hate to not be working though.A month after I began school last semester,I wasnt working and it really bothered me. I had worked in Alberta for the whole summer and I got used to work. Nevertheless, the more I go work and find myself face to face with my boss, the more I want to tell him to shove his underpaid job up his ass and suck it up.

Im actually being trained on an expensive peice of machinery right now and in 2 months Ill be the only one who knows how to make it work( it generates maybe 1k$ of income at the plant per hour) because t he guy training me leaves right after hes done with me. Well, once Im trained, Ill just get a job elsewhere and show the boss that just like he told me "dont get too angry because it swings both ways".

Wathever...

I still beleive I have it better than you Stuart but dont give up.My life sux beside the sex right now and I cant wait to become a psychologist and earn real amounths of money.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I take it you are under 22 years of age?

Stuart - was it that you want out of life? I take it your emotional stress goes beyond girls, money, or school. You seem to be dissatisfied with life in general and your money woes are just compounding your misery. A woman should not be too concerned with your financial stability if you are young and in school trying to better yourself. I never met a financially stable 20 year-old. A 'good' woman would see your 'potential' as a man and stick with you if her feelings for you were true and sincere. Always seek a woman that puts more value in the things that you can both build in the future and not a woman that is looking at what you have now!

I would concentrate on buying a car versus a bike since u can use a car in all weather conditions and are generally more functional for various purposes, including dates. Just find one with a good engine - check with insurance companies and junk yards to see if they have cars that are a total-loss (body damage wise) but the engine and other vitals still work great, and fix the exterior slowly over time! This should be your priority based on where you live - get two jobs if need be for three months.

Not all your emotional problems are going to disappear just because you have more money, but dollars do relieve you of basic financial worries. Are your parents trying to make you stronger by not providing you with basic necessities? Or did you betray their trust in the past? This seems like unnecessary harsh treatment for no good reason. Would they not support you through college so that you can better yourself and be on your own? How about uncles or other relatives?

I think your mental and emotional stress comes from a feeling that you are not loved and that no one cares for your condition and you feel alone without moral support and feel unworthy of anyone's attention. Don't fret! As you get older you'll feel more confident and sure of yourself and 5 years from now you will be more mentally stable and mature. So again I ask you, what is it that you want out of life? Is it to be out of poverty? Is it be with someone who cares for you? Is it to have a better job? Is it to graduate from college?

Whatever you decide, make sure you have one thing while you pursuing all else...that is 'peace of mind' - you must be contented with who you are as a person and where your loyalties lie. From where is your worth derived? Do you get it from how you look? or from the car you drive? Or to the girl that is on your arm? Or do you get your value from how you think and how you feel about critical issues - from your mind. Or how your heart is caring and close to those in need although you may be in need yourself.
Does your worth come from the moral values that you cherish and from actions that you take that offend no one, your perseverance, your struggle, your strong and positive attitude in troubling times. This strength in your youth is what is going to make you a better man as a husband and as a father. Again, ‘peace of mind’ would be a good starting point in your journey through life!



So right now you need to take care of your basic needs but never forget this experience so that when you have a child, you'll know what needs to be done so that he may not suffer the same fate. You are still young and have most of your life ahead of you, so everything you do today should not only be done for taking care of your basic present-day needs, but also preparing you for your future. Therefore besides food and clothing, school should be a must and a priority!

Keep yourself clean and well groomed - this does not take much money, it just takes time. Be clean and physically fit - this gives you a healthy look and will improve your everyday attitude. Also go to second hand stores or to Salvation Army stores and buy clothes for 90% off regular price. A lot of clothes there are new or barely worn and can be gotten for pennies. Many people give clothes away that no longer fit them or because there closets are full (like mine) and need space. There is no shame in doing this - many people do this even though they are not financially strapped, they just love bargains (like me).

I presume your emotional distress and depression centers around your childhood years and upbringing and relate to your parental/familial interactions. It might be good to talk to someone locally about your situation and condition. If you don’t have close friends you can confide in, then attend a church that has a community outreach program and see what assistance they may provide. And of course, you have fellow DJ’s that can relate to your condition and are willing to help!

And to answer your question, yes, there is hope for your life – ‘hope’ is free and thus attainable to everyone! The hope lies in being at peace with yourself and your condition…and then improving on this foundation to make way for a happy and productive future.

 

[legolas]

StaurtStan,

I can see that you are in a very difficult position in your life. It is in times like these that we either fail or prevail and change our life forever.

Myself I've never been in a rut so badly as you. I have my parents to thank for supporting me partially through college (I also worked part time) and through the tough times in my life. It seems to me that you have gotten yourself in a crossroad and now have to decide what your priorities are.

It is only you who can make that decision and no one else. You have to decide if you can still work the way you're working and go to school at the same time, or if you need to decide to focus on one and put the other on hold for a while.

Obviously you cannot put work on hold since you need to support yourself during school, so maybe you can work at the school so that there's no need to move around too much. I live in a city full of public transportation so I have no idea what it's like having to buy a vehicle to move around.

Maybe you can put off school for a while, most colleges allow you to take some sort of a leave without dismissing you, that is your records and grades still stand. That way you can focus on working and improving yourself. You can save more money this way and buy yourself a vehicle; car, motorcycle, whatever. And you may be able tosearch for a better job in your free time.

I would suggest you read a series of books (if you can) written by Robert Kiyosaki. It all starts with "Rich Dad Poor Dad." These books aren't just about how to get rich, they were an eye opener for me and gave me motivation and soemthing to look forward to when my life was in a rut.

Yes I know some people have dissed him for no friggin' reason. But I loved his books. If you want a real story full of struggles and tribulations I can also recommend "Losing my Virginity" by Sir Richard Branson founder of Virgin Music, Virgin Airlines, Virgin Books and a whole lot of other Virgin companies. it will show you how he lived through struggle, got into prison, failed on many ventures to finally become a multi-millionaire in his 50's. Obviously the book has nothing to do with virginity

I have sorrounded myself with books written by people who have gotten very rich (exluding Bill Gates who has written nothing constructive) The reason why I like Richard Branson's book is because he didn't just start one company, he started so many it's hard to track. I've also read Michael Dell's book but that books is only good for the first chapter or so, and then it gets too specific about Dell and thus gets boring.

Also a weird thing, Richard Branson's philosophy in life and business matches in many ways Kiyosaki's teachings. So much for the dissing!! I'm not suggesting that you start a business (although why not? I know I want to do it ) But reading these books directly from sucessful people will definitely teach you alot about your own life. Maybe you'll find in them things that I could have never learned because of you being a different person with a different set of ecperiences then me.

In this day and age going from rags to riches is far easier than it was even as little as 20 years ago. The internet has changed everything. One good idea could be worth millions!!

 

[DJ Alejandro]

wow man. u got my respect. i applaud you for holding on. surely shows a lot of perseverance and dignity. dont worry about it. what's important is that you're still holding on. continue doing that.

but i suggest you move, man. like here in my country, when the going gets tough, the tough get goin! haha goin to another country, that is.

where are your parents? i may not offer the best advice for now but why dont u try selling sumthn for yourself. i mean, like here we sell prepaid cards, cell cards and even internet cards and call cards. that's about what the people here do.

another thing,why dont u go sumwer and sell insurance? anybody can do that. and you get free tips too. just on the side.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

why dont u try borrowing from your parents and setup a small business? that would work.

 

[StockTrader]

It may sound overly simplistic, but I think anyone who wants it bad enough can get out of a big rut. I didn't believe that during many of the ruts I've been in before. But, if you really want to change bad enough, you can. You reach this level of saying to yourself..."not another day of this!!" I must change now.

If I was dead broke and embarrassed and in a huge rut and if I REALLY wanted to change my situation, here's what I'd do:

1st-Make a commitment to changing. Saying, "enough is enough"! No more Bull$hit. I deserve better than this, I deserve more and I will work to have more in my life.

2nd-Start exercising more. Even just doing situps, push up's, running in your neighborhood, anything. It does people a world of good. It's something that's free and you'll have more energy. There is an enormous amount of free info on the web about it.

3rd-Do you have much free time? If you do, could you use it to earn extra money by doing chores, housework, etc? Is there a service that you could start in college?

4th-Could you volunteer somewhere and meet people?

5th-Read inspiring books. I'm a huge fan of Tony Robbins. He's got some awesome material. Napoleon Hill has a classic book, "Think and Grow Rich". Dr Wayne Dyer has some great material.

 

[loveprefect]

yo, fella malaysian!

I would think that the first thing you should do is to improve your relationship with your parents. Try to talk with them about supporting you. Worst still, ask them to 'borrow' you the money and you would pay them back after you get your degree and a decent job.

Since you have temporarily stopped your study and working full time, why don't you do something else with better pay?

some recommendation--

Sales Promoter of new products--(this required good looks) pay is Rm100-Rm150 each day.(one of my friend is doing this)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Full time jobs

Security guard in Hotel--upwards of Rm1200++
Waiter in Hotel--Rm1000++
Hotel Limo driver--(required car license)Rm1300++

Part time for hotel work is usually RM5-per hour and most of the hotels require part timers all the time. Working part time in a hotel can let you manage your time better or even study at the same time as part time shifts are very flexible.

wish you good luck bro!

 

[Zircon]

yeah I know the feeling as well, even though financially I'm much better off than you. CUrrently I am in a position to buy a lot of property and in 10 years be completely free of debt or a job. I'm 26 now.

The feeling you get, is, quite simply one of no hope. You can't even see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel (if you do maybe you think it's a train...no that's sad

Anyway, I have been through my lot as well dude. I am a professional cyclist, and 4 years ago was diagnosed with ED because of bike saddle problems. I'm telling you this because I need you to understand that I know where you are at and where you are coming from. When I was diagnosed, I told my gf (only knew her for 2 weeks or so), because I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't sleep with her because I was scared of the humiliation. SHe promptly up and went, and to this day I don't know if I can ever forgive her. I still see her sometimes and we don't talk.

So that's my pain. How did I fix it? Well honestly, I haven't yet. But the big thing I am doing is that I am fighting it. I didn't give up cycling. I got the right saddles and protection, had medical tests, and now I can ride again. Ever read the story about Lance Armstrong - 5 times Tour de France winner? He reckons that if he hadn't got testicular cancer (which nearly took his life) he would never have won the tour de France ONCE! I feel the same. Now that I have another chance, I have a plan, and I'm working on it. Just doing that keeps me sane.

I have a lot of anger towards this girl, and also towrds the hand that I was dealt in life. But I KNOW that if I make it through this, it will all have been worth it.

You must NEVER give up. You must NEVER stop believing that you can make it. You must start planning how you are going to get out of this rut, because the simple act of doing this (WRITE IT DOWN!!!) will go half way towards making you do it, and improving your life. You know what wil happen? You will set a goal...eg buying a car in 6 months...in 6 months time you will have 50% of the money only, but that's ok...you'll just continue. Because you know you're half way there. That's the same with all the goals I have set. I usually reach them half way or 80%...whatever, and then I know it's possible, and just a bit more work and I'm there.

Hope this helps.

Chin up eh

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

zircon is your impotence a permanent condition - is ther no cure?

Did you damage organs?

What did you expect your girl of two weeks to do? Stay with you? It's not like she is your wife and owes you anything. What would you have done if a girl's vagina was closed and damaged and you only been with her for 2 weeks?

 

[Skel]

you sound so much like me a few years back. I wont go into details but my life was out of control. This may sound insensitive, but grow up. Learn to deal with life. It seems you are going through hard times right now, but you know what, there is always someone who has it worse than you. Things will get better if you make them get better. Finish school, just survive through your rut as you call it, and it will get better.