I have been single for the past four years and have dated a handful of men. As far as I can see, they fall into two distinct camps.
There are the overgrown 'kidults' - men who have degenerated into hopeless commitment-phobes and just want to have 'fun' (ie lots of sex) with taut twenty-somethings. They just seem to seek endless couplings, often facilitated by the internet.
Then there are the successful, solvent divorcés who are so determined to find wife number two pronto that they approach dating like a cold business transaction.
...
Believe me, in all this it's not a case of us women being unrealistic or fussy. It's our male counterparts who are more exacting, arrogant and demanding than we could ever be, and who have this vile presumption that they are some kind of sought-after prize that we would be so lucky to 'get'.
For once, they feel in a position of power in the sex war - and they are exploiting it for all it's worth.
...
My friend Lizzie, a 43-year-old art director, says it was a real surprise to start dating at 40 after her marriage ended.
'I've always had boyfriends before, but I've been single for three years now, as I'm not so attractive a proposition any more. I've had a child and have responsibility, which these immature men of our age see as terrifying baggage - which is hypocritical when many of them have ex-wives who are bringing up their kids.'
...
Another girlfriend of mine, Francesca, 40, who works in advertising and has never married or had children, echoes the exasperation we feel.
'Of course I'd love to be in a relationship, but I haven't got the energy to waste with men who can't commit. I do think there are perfectly well-adjusted men out there, but they are already in relationships.'
Francesca was seeing a man who took her out to dinner often, yet told her he couldn't have a relationship with her because he was waiting for the woman who would 'knock his socks off'.
But, as she rightly points out: 'He doesn't let any woman close enough to knock his socks off, which is probably why he's having casual sex with a twenty-something work colleague.'
...
Relationship counsellor Tom McCabe says: 'There is a stunting of male emotional growth from about the age of 14, which they cover up with charm, good looks or cleverness as they grow up. If these men are still single in their 40s, or become single again, they look in the mirror and want to be 18, whereas a forty-something woman is more realistic about herself.
'These men are looking for girls, but women are looking for men. I continually have to say to men who come to me: "Please don't refer to women as birds, chicks, babes or even girls."
'The situation is worse today because more men are becoming single again in their 40s,' he says. 'It's all about recapturing their youth. They need to grow up, change their language and start seeing women for who they are.'
...
We genuinely like men and would love affection and a loving relationship. But not at the cost of subjugating ourselves to the whims of a misogynist with his eye on the young girl across the restaurant.
We've learned to enrich ourselves, and our female friendships have become our lifeline. And we live in hope of a miracle.
