Is there any way to turn this one around? - LONG
- Thread starter lougv22
- Start date
Lou,
Thanks for this post. It inspired me to sign up for the forums. The advice that you have been getting has been really good. And not just the bits about ignoring her. However, considering the emotional intensity of your reactions to this chick, it might be best to come up with a simple way of handling the situation so that it is easy for you to know how to behave at all times.
The simplest way is to ignore her and for TWO reasons. Firstly, it is the most likely to get you in a position that you could be with her down the line. Secondly, it puts you in the state of mind where you think about yourself and how to make your place in the world better.
Honestly, at this point, I think even if she did come around to you, after this behavior, you wouldn't like the person you got to know. Though at least you'd have a physical gratfication.
On the point about focusing on yourself, this is really important. If your marriage is failed, you're having approach problems, and suffering other difficulties with women, it's related to something. That something is really big. It's how you were socialized and what sort of ideas you picked up in the process. Some are obviously giving you trouble. My thinking this is because of how you confessed your love. That wasn't logical and had no strategic value in relation to your desired outcomes.
Keep in this thread. You'll get plenty of support.
Thanks for this post. It inspired me to sign up for the forums. The advice that you have been getting has been really good. And not just the bits about ignoring her. However, considering the emotional intensity of your reactions to this chick, it might be best to come up with a simple way of handling the situation so that it is easy for you to know how to behave at all times.
The simplest way is to ignore her and for TWO reasons. Firstly, it is the most likely to get you in a position that you could be with her down the line. Secondly, it puts you in the state of mind where you think about yourself and how to make your place in the world better.
Honestly, at this point, I think even if she did come around to you, after this behavior, you wouldn't like the person you got to know. Though at least you'd have a physical gratfication.
On the point about focusing on yourself, this is really important. If your marriage is failed, you're having approach problems, and suffering other difficulties with women, it's related to something. That something is really big. It's how you were socialized and what sort of ideas you picked up in the process. Some are obviously giving you trouble. My thinking this is because of how you confessed your love. That wasn't logical and had no strategic value in relation to your desired outcomes.
Keep in this thread. You'll get plenty of support.
lougv22,
Ok first its a given that this girl is an AW. I dated a girl like that for almost 2 years and lived with her. we broke up like 3 times cause she was a retard and so was i for getting back with her. she would pull the same sh!t. she would pull and insane amount of tests on me just to get a fvckin reaction out of me to make herself feel better and liked having the feeling that guys would fight for her. Ill show a couple of tests she pulled on me and what i did and what was the outcome. i think this will help you realize what you are doing wrong cause your doing a bunch of sh!t wrong.
At first she was all over me like crazy cause she had a lot of guy friends that wanted her and wanted to fvck her and i treated her with less respect. You know what i did (even though I just broke up with another girl) i was very standoffish. we hung out all the time and talked fvck i would sleep with her like 4 nights a week but i would never attempt to fvck her she would always attempt too and i would DENY her. It would drive her crazy i would give in slowly but not right away it took like 2 months for me to let her fvck me.
She would constantly call me and I would BARLEY call her. she would try to pull some bs and not call me for a week or try to ignore me if we saw each other. I would see her on campus and not say anything same thing at the bar i would not come up to her once, she was used to guys doing that but i stood strong and never went up to her. when she did not call me for a couple days in a row i DID NOT call her ever she cracked and called me.
It got to the point where she cracked really bad and called me up on a sunday night and asked me to be her boyfriend over the phone and she spit all these feelings about me. I said NO. i never revealed any of my feelings to her.
a bunch of sh!t happened in between and we got together. but before we did she would tell everyone we were just friends. and i just sat there and agreed wtih her 100%. she wanted me to counter that but i didnt she would even say your like my little brother. she was pulling out every trick. i would just agree with her then be in her bed that night.
fast forward a couple months after getting together we break up. i tell her shes retarded etc. we dont talk for a couple of days. i see her at a bar go up to her and say im sorry for saying blah blah take it as you want i cant change your mind how you feel but im sorry so take it or leave it. she called me later on that night.
we started talking again but didnt get back together yet. during this time we still hung out and slept together a couple times a week. she would bust out sometimes clearly on purpose in front of me "this guy wants me so bad" or "i gotta call (some guys name) cause were supppose to hang out tonight." i really didnt say anything to her after she said it i showed no jealousy even though i was regardless if she was making it up or not. i didnt give her the reaction she wanted i was just like good luck with that go ahead and do whatever you want. i would not go against the grain. she would pull the other guy card out more often so i just said cause i got annoyed you know you do what you wanna do i cant tell you what to do but im telling you what i want. I want to be with you there is no point for us to just be friends so if you want to be friends then im done talking to you. then we got back together shortly after.
there are so many other tests she pulled but i hope you can gather some insight into what the right things to do are. youre acting right now like the way you COULD act after being romantically involved with a girl for a while. You should be acting how i was in the begining. then you could act how you are now actually you would probably have to tone it done a little.
Personally i think the best thing you can say to any girl that is not giving you what you want is do/feel what you want i cant tell you what to do/how to feel but i cant promise you ill be around. that line barley fails.
good luck
Ok first its a given that this girl is an AW. I dated a girl like that for almost 2 years and lived with her. we broke up like 3 times cause she was a retard and so was i for getting back with her. she would pull the same sh!t. she would pull and insane amount of tests on me just to get a fvckin reaction out of me to make herself feel better and liked having the feeling that guys would fight for her. Ill show a couple of tests she pulled on me and what i did and what was the outcome. i think this will help you realize what you are doing wrong cause your doing a bunch of sh!t wrong.
At first she was all over me like crazy cause she had a lot of guy friends that wanted her and wanted to fvck her and i treated her with less respect. You know what i did (even though I just broke up with another girl) i was very standoffish. we hung out all the time and talked fvck i would sleep with her like 4 nights a week but i would never attempt to fvck her she would always attempt too and i would DENY her. It would drive her crazy i would give in slowly but not right away it took like 2 months for me to let her fvck me.
She would constantly call me and I would BARLEY call her. she would try to pull some bs and not call me for a week or try to ignore me if we saw each other. I would see her on campus and not say anything same thing at the bar i would not come up to her once, she was used to guys doing that but i stood strong and never went up to her. when she did not call me for a couple days in a row i DID NOT call her ever she cracked and called me.
It got to the point where she cracked really bad and called me up on a sunday night and asked me to be her boyfriend over the phone and she spit all these feelings about me. I said NO. i never revealed any of my feelings to her.
a bunch of sh!t happened in between and we got together. but before we did she would tell everyone we were just friends. and i just sat there and agreed wtih her 100%. she wanted me to counter that but i didnt she would even say your like my little brother. she was pulling out every trick. i would just agree with her then be in her bed that night.
fast forward a couple months after getting together we break up. i tell her shes retarded etc. we dont talk for a couple of days. i see her at a bar go up to her and say im sorry for saying blah blah take it as you want i cant change your mind how you feel but im sorry so take it or leave it. she called me later on that night.
we started talking again but didnt get back together yet. during this time we still hung out and slept together a couple times a week. she would bust out sometimes clearly on purpose in front of me "this guy wants me so bad" or "i gotta call (some guys name) cause were supppose to hang out tonight." i really didnt say anything to her after she said it i showed no jealousy even though i was regardless if she was making it up or not. i didnt give her the reaction she wanted i was just like good luck with that go ahead and do whatever you want. i would not go against the grain. she would pull the other guy card out more often so i just said cause i got annoyed you know you do what you wanna do i cant tell you what to do but im telling you what i want. I want to be with you there is no point for us to just be friends so if you want to be friends then im done talking to you. then we got back together shortly after.
there are so many other tests she pulled but i hope you can gather some insight into what the right things to do are. youre acting right now like the way you COULD act after being romantically involved with a girl for a while. You should be acting how i was in the begining. then you could act how you are now actually you would probably have to tone it done a little.
Personally i think the best thing you can say to any girl that is not giving you what you want is do/feel what you want i cant tell you what to do/how to feel but i cant promise you ill be around. that line barley fails.
good luck
STORMCLOUD
Don Juan
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You don't bring up the boyfriend. You don't bring up the weather. You stop talking to her. What good does it do you to continue this drama? I imagine your work is suffering and you're going nuts. By removing yourself from the drama equation you will get a sense of balance back. And what a relief it will be for you.lougv22 said:
At this time, I can't see you outright rejecting her for lunch. Telling her to take a hike. And it probably wouldn't be such a good idea considering your work situation. Instead of saying No. Say I can't because I have to do such and such...
So, start making other plans before she approaches you for lunch. Hang out with the buddies, run some errands. Do anything but sit there and here about her social life.
Some will tell you to spin more plates, workout, find some interest or hobby, which all have one common element. And that is to stay busy. It will distract you from thinking about her.
Crow says:
I totally agree.The no contact strategy is your life line. it will cause you to see her in a different light. This couldn't have been said better.
By re-reading your post I have come to the conclusion that this women serves as a crutch for you. All relating to your situation at home. She appears to share personality traits with your wife, and it sounds as if there are deeper issues here, which draw you to her. In other words, you're probably not in love with her but instead with the desire to be placed into the position you're in. You want to feel this way because it gives you something you are craving. It's something to really think about..
STORMCLOUD
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo lougv22,
Here's the truth, double-barreled, and at pointblank range:
This girl is a bytch. She's not worth another SECOND of thought. She's doesn't give a DAMN about you. She's a fukking USER. She's a liar, a manipulater, and an Attention *****ee.
She doesn't see YOU as a person, she sees you as a FIX. And what's worse is that YOU are a junkie too. But you know what the difference between you and her is?
The difference is...SHE always gets her HIGH from you whenever she wants it.
But YOU never get what you want from her. NEVER.
This diabolical Bytch has turned you into the worse kind of junkie imagineable;
You are a fiending for a Bytch(DRUG) that you have NEVER actually had! This Bytch just SHOWS you crumbs of emotional crack and takes them away. She never even lets you sample them. She keeps you around just to tease you with the HOPE that ONE DAY she will LET you have just a little taste. That's what makes her so diabolical.
I've been where you are NOW, my friend. Listen to what all these guys on here are saying to you man. Stop being an ADDICT and MAN the fukk up! You have no choice, soldier. This is fukking WAR out here with these kinds of women. If you doubt it, just pause a moment and look at what you're going through. ...and you will finally realize just how INCONSIDERATE some of these Bytches can be when THEIR heart isn't into you.
Do a search and look up ANTI-DUMP'S MACHINE. This post has helped me A LOT. It has made me face some hard truths, but I know I am now a better and wiser man because of it.
I'm routing for you, soldier. Erase this Bytch from your thought-life ENTIRELY. Think on better THINGS, and THINGS will get better.
March on!
Here's the truth, double-barreled, and at pointblank range:
This girl is a bytch. She's not worth another SECOND of thought. She's doesn't give a DAMN about you. She's a fukking USER. She's a liar, a manipulater, and an Attention *****ee.
She doesn't see YOU as a person, she sees you as a FIX. And what's worse is that YOU are a junkie too. But you know what the difference between you and her is?
The difference is...SHE always gets her HIGH from you whenever she wants it.
But YOU never get what you want from her. NEVER.
This diabolical Bytch has turned you into the worse kind of junkie imagineable;
You are a fiending for a Bytch(DRUG) that you have NEVER actually had! This Bytch just SHOWS you crumbs of emotional crack and takes them away. She never even lets you sample them. She keeps you around just to tease you with the HOPE that ONE DAY she will LET you have just a little taste. That's what makes her so diabolical.
I've been where you are NOW, my friend. Listen to what all these guys on here are saying to you man. Stop being an ADDICT and MAN the fukk up! You have no choice, soldier. This is fukking WAR out here with these kinds of women. If you doubt it, just pause a moment and look at what you're going through. ...and you will finally realize just how INCONSIDERATE some of these Bytches can be when THEIR heart isn't into you.
Do a search and look up ANTI-DUMP'S MACHINE. This post has helped me A LOT. It has made me face some hard truths, but I know I am now a better and wiser man because of it.
I'm routing for you, soldier. Erase this Bytch from your thought-life ENTIRELY. Think on better THINGS, and THINGS will get better.
March on!
This is one of the funniest/most pathetic topics I have ever read in my life! ROFFL! krasnyiLion gave it to you perfectly. You are too far down the AFC chute. My advice to you would be to change your personality drastically, next this girl at least for a while, get with other girls, and maybe come back to her in a few months.
yes, you all guys are right and i thank you for setting me straight. Damn, i wish i knew all that you guys have told me about a year ago, things probably would have been different, but oh well. Yes, I will just cut off contact with her, if she talks to me I will be polite but will not give her the attention I used to in the past. If she asks me to go to lunch I will just come up with excuses not to go or will have other plans in advance.
Damn, when i think back about all the AFC-like things I did it just makes me cringe. For example, one time we were going back to work from lunch, this was a few months back when her and I would go alone to lunch every day and take breaks together all the time, we were talking about something and I said 'How could I ever say No to you, [her name]' or 'I could never say No to you, [her name]', she said something like 'If i jump off a cliff would you jump also?', to which i replied 'No', I guess that wasn't completely AFC.
But yeah, I am trying to work on myself now and not think about her all the time. I go to the gym twice a week and to martial arts twice a week. I go out pretty much every week and try to meet other girls.
Damn, when i think back about all the AFC-like things I did it just makes me cringe. For example, one time we were going back to work from lunch, this was a few months back when her and I would go alone to lunch every day and take breaks together all the time, we were talking about something and I said 'How could I ever say No to you, [her name]' or 'I could never say No to you, [her name]', she said something like 'If i jump off a cliff would you jump also?', to which i replied 'No', I guess that wasn't completely AFC.
But yeah, I am trying to work on myself now and not think about her all the time. I go to the gym twice a week and to martial arts twice a week. I go out pretty much every week and try to meet other girls.