Is there any hope? 37 year old and broken

[kakkerlak1985]

I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?

Dudebro..

I will answer this as many other as the same thread topic..

You're not old yet.
At 37-50 you should be in your prime. There are many guys here in that age that bang young chicks 20-30 yr old etc.
If not; then now is your time to get your shiete together and shine bruh!

Git the to the fvcking gym and get in shape.
This will help you both physically and mentally as training sharpens your intellect and self image too.

Having less friends or no friends doesn have to be an disadvantage, but on the contrary be an edge because you have less distractions and gives you even more time to focus on yourself and building your future.

Read books, take courses, go back to phreaking school if that is required to get into the field of work you dream about.
Or start your own company. Its never been easier than it is now to run your own show in the age of the internet. Before the 90'tes it was freaking HARD to run a company. Things have changed a lot.

Use this forums and ask questions; read and learn from other guys here. Most here are happy to help you and give you some advice.

Work on your mentality, that negative self image and way of thinking has to change fast.
It is not over for you, the possibilities are that but you need get firm grip around your balls and get sheite done.
As i often say; Don't chase girls, chase your own excellence for the sake of yourself and prioritize yourself high.

Good luck and never stop grinding mate.

 

[Grounded eagle]

That must have been tough to share. I would say that you got one thing going for you,you are now aware of your shortcomings,which means now you know what to fight.Imagine how much worse it would be if you didn’t even understand why you were in your position? You would be truly lost in that hell.

All I can say is that you should start now.The best time to plant a tree may be ten years ago,but the second best time is now.Find a purpose if you don’t have one.Use your interests,abilities and instincts to guide you.

Make the effort to get better with people.That’s something I believe most posters here struggle with,they think they suck with women when they actually suck with people,with life, and their struggles on that front are just a side effect of it.

Making the effort to be more sociable and extroverted will help.Say hi more.Smile more.Put yourself out there more.

And some posters may roll their eyes at this,but go to the gym and get your health right. You don’t have to become a peak performance athlete,but getting in some shape and being happier with what you see in the mirror will help your self perception and in turn the way others perceive you.

If you watch porn,stop.

And finally,try to come to peace with yourself because you didn’t know any better.

Sometimes you will lose your way in pursuit of this better version of yourself,which is why it’s important you remember why you started at all times.

I realize I’m 13 years younger than you telling you about life,but I think about this crap often and I’ve had enough time to think about never being where you are now.Nothing scares me more than that.

Good luck.The only place to go from here is up.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Anything new is far too negative for you in your position.

I agree on that. The old archived stuff is worth more than gold and diamonds.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

The game has gotten much, much more difficult since those things were written.

I dunno about that. Before internet you had to call on real landline phones and get passed both the gatekeepers of dad, mom, and her brother too, to talk to the chick.. That is fking hard, compared to popping up an app on cellphone. The competition is stiff and thought out there tho on the internetz..
But on the same time:
No I think a big part is that people grown weaker too. its too easy and accessible on the same time.
So people complain and moan instead of being productive as you seeing the 90'tes early 2000'nds material.

 

[jimwho]

My guess is the op has been watching this thread all day laughing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Firstly you need to make peace with the past, realize you can't change it and then forget about it.

It can't do anything to help you other than hold you back from moving forward with your life.

You may feel it's overwhelming to try and fix everything at once. Don't try it. Work on one thing at a time and go from there. Trying to put out all the fires at once leads to you putting out none of the fires.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

However, steadily improving has gotten me less and less consistent results since about 2015(normalization of Tinder).

Ye, the competition is harder so I get it.. I'm not saying that you are wrong.

I suppose it is mix of bit of everything...
My point was more that back then the forum was really productive/people were productive which now days isn't quite the same as you can see in the post made here everyday.

 

[manfrombelow]

My guess is the op has been watching this thread all day laughing.

As someone who's at least 80% in the same situation as OP, I don't think his words are sth that could be made up by a troll. I believe his situation is legit.

 

[Scars]

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

Women are never innocent. It was always the girls that I thought "could never do that to me", that fvcked me over the worst. The quicker you red pill yourself, the better. Women will be turned off by your lack of experience so don't admit you're a virgin. Don't even bring it up period. Say your number is 3 (but only if they ask). This is still an extremely low number for a 37 year old, but it's better than nothing. Tell them you were career/business/education focused, and didn't have time to date. Work on fixing your depression. See a psychiatrist, and also go to a doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. Also start working out and eating healthy, just a few small changes will greatly improve your confidence. Mimic strong male idols. Get a new hair cut and wardrobe. Focus on hygiene. Keep your fingernails short and clean. Wear nice shoes, and dress your age. No baggy t-shirts with a stupid logo on it.

You can very well turn your life around, but it's gonna take work on your part, and you're gonna have to really want it.

 

[kakkerlak1985]

Thanks for the responses.

The best time to plant a tree may be ten years ago,but the second best time is now.

I told myself this about 10 years ago.

And finally,try to come to peace with yourself because you didn’t know any better.

I know for a long time I'm screwing up my own life and have just been painfully confronted with the consequences of my inaction. Sadly I cannot even use ignorance as an excuse.

Desexualizing women as you did with this girl is a mistake we all make sometimes.

Something in me knew different. I am more sexually frustrated then ever before.

She has a great character and personality and I couldn't look past it. Turns out she is also a walking sex fantasy. She is like my dream woman and a dream she shall remain and some other guy is going to have my dreams.

My greatest desire would be to find a good wife, an equal, but somehow reality has made things incredible complicated for me.

Do not play up your inexperience with women. Minimize it. Assume the sale and act like you've been there before.

Do not speak negatively about yourself to women, ever.

I never even tried to hide my ****ty life and she didn't seem to care. She opened door after door and gave me chance after chance. She never made me feel bad or raise a hair on my arm once. Somehow I got everything I desired and asked for and I screwed up.

I feel bad about myself because she must have really liked me which is hard for me to accept because I don't like myself.

Sometimes the only thing you have to do is to not screw up a good thing that has been given to you and I screwed up. The moment desperation and frustration got the upper hand and I opened my filthy mouth...I feel ashamed.

don't admit you're a virgin.

I visited prostitutes and it feels horrific. A complete lack of intimacy and it being nothing but a financial deal. I learned nothing from it that cannot be learned from a book about human anatomy.

Women are never innocent. It was always the girls that I thought "could never do that to me", that fvcked me over the worst.

She has only been good to me.

You can very well turn your life around, but it's gonna take work on your part, and you're gonna have to really want it.

I already know how hell feels like and am intimately familiar with plenty demons and their method of torture (the prison of my own mind). I think I just escaped hell and have to work hard to not permanently return to it.

 

[Machine10033]

It’s awesome you took a hard look at yourself and realize you need to change. My advice is to seriously focus on yourself for a year. Do not concern yourself with pick up until you get yourself physically, emotionally, socially and mentally prepared,

1. Smash whatever video game system you play.

2. Fall in love with self improvement. Wake up early and run/walk... whatever you can do. Hit the gym at least 3 times a week. If you do not know what your doing people love to help. Ask someone.

3. take up some interesting hobbies. I play golf, hunt, play baseball, hike, run and fish.

4. Read the Bible on this site.

5. Converse with people. Make a game out of it and genuinely enjoy the conversation.

6. Eat well, cut back in booze or weed....

7. Do not be hard on yourself the process takes time but you will become a better man and after a year you will have created a life that makes females interested in you!

 

[Fruitbat]

5 words.

no more Mr Nice Guy

read it and report back.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?

That's rough. Assuming that you are not trolling, I will humor this temporarily.

I don't think that even a eorld class guru in the dating realm can fix this. You need therapy. You need to do the work and get therapy to learn how to get beyond your past.

After the therapy, assuming that you got the resources, get a dating coach that's world class. Again assuming that you aren't trolling, a better dating life than you've had the past 4 decades isn't hard. The hard part is cultivate being that guy.

Rewiring 4 decades of this isn't a overnight task. There's some psychological trauma you need to overcome. Even a world class dating guru can't fix this. They could get you more dates but you likely will self sabotage until you do the therapy. Start with therapy. Similarly, vet a psychologist that isn't a male feminist cuckold. Find a Dr Shawn smith like character. Find a guru. Go out. Do the work.

 

[kakkerlak1985]

Therapy

This makes me feel even more helpless. In my youth these are the people who have poisoned my mind and screwed with my identity.

Every time I tried to look for help from "mental health professionals" I get confronted with what I perceive to be "empty people". They look at me with big empty eyes and blink. The words coming out of their mouths seem to come strait from a textbook without any meaning attached to it.

They also seem to operate on their agenda instead of mine. They give 45 minutes and then tell me to come back next week. Week after week. I end up waiting for them and waiting for something useful to come out of it and it never does except me ending frustrated, pissed off and just losing faith in human beings altogether.

In short every time I tried to look for therapy I get out worse then I began. More depressed, more angry, more hateful and more desperate. What these people call "professional" I consider to be inhuman.

Guru's

What is the difference between a guru and a scam artist?

The problem

My biggest problem and the thing that makes me depressed and drains all my motivation is that I have no clue on how to meet woman. It makes everything I do to be entirely pointless. I cannot even imagine the possibility I will be able to meet woman. This lack of imagination or belief is what kills me before I can even start.

I see countless guys with a girlfriend and for me this appears to be some magic trick! When they get dumped they have a new one within months. They complain about being single for a year while I never even had a girlfriend in the first place.

I spend years thinking about how to meet woman and this question alone is unsolvable for me.

I tried those dating sites and Tinder. The amount of time and energy I have spend on death pixels on a screen without even getting a living breathing human in front of me fills me with hate.

Plenty of scam artists are trying to sell books titled "how to seduce woman" or their newest DVD set. Who is real and who is not? What to belief and what not? The amount of times I googled the sentence; "how to get girlfriend" or "how to meet woman" I cannot even count. I have read thousands upon thousands of pages coming from all kinds of sources and directions.

I am a thousand times more confused then ever. What is the truth?

If guys be approaching as is promoted by those pickup artists I would be seeing them running around all day long. I see none. Social circles? Where do those come from? Magic?

I cannot enjoy anything or have fun or be motivated because I am tormented by just one desire and one question on my mind which apparently everybody has solved except for me.

 

[characternote]

I wouldn't worry about hiring a 'coach' for dating or whatever. Basically a scam as you already seem to realise. They will only push you into approaching (whereas you can push yourself) but they can't teach you anything that is gonna turn you into some sort of ladies man 'seducing' girls. One can't seduce a girl who doesn't want to be seduced by you. Nothing a coach tells you or nothing you read in a book is going to force sexual attraction in a girl. Not the negs or the teases or the DHV stories or the good eye contact or anything else. That stuff can help, but she decides the important bit before you've even finished saying 'hi'. And you can learn anything they can teach you on youtube in 10 mins
None of these coaches are any more 'skilled' than the normal guy off the street. The difference is the normal guy from the street never tries his luck and approaches girls and asks for their number or whatever. But he'd have extremely similar results to the PUA if he tried (assuming he looked identical to the PUA)

You need to meet women. Most people get laid through their jobs where they meet girls. About 90% of my friends get 95% of their lays through work.

You need to give yourself the best shot by making yourself as attractive as possible (gym and fashion, mainly)

Starting a social circle outside of work can be hard. There's clubs and stuff but it's not that easy. I actually got laid using 'meetup' fairly recently. That's another avenue to explore, potentially (I made sure there were young decent looking girls who were going to these events. Usually 'bar crawl' events in party cities etc)

 

[kakkerlak1985]

Most people get laid through their jobs where they meet girls.

This is how I met this woman I spend time with and who gave me my first kiss. The place I work at is filled with women and she is the only one I have a good personal connection with. She is also the only person I spend time with outside of work. Most, if not all, other women are in a relationship.

I was extremely lucky by meeting this one woman who made it very easy on me. She is a bit unique however because she never said or done anything that makes me even slightly uncomfortable even after I puked all my desperation and frustrations on top of her.

One of the things I am very bad at is to go from a work relation to something more personal. I don't know how to go from coworker to becoming friends.

Starting a social circle outside of work can be hard.

I never had a social circle in my life. It's a complete mystery to me.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

My biggest problem and the thing that makes me depressed and drains all my motivation is that I have no clue on how to meet woman

Screw women - for now at least.
They should never be your main focus point (or goal if you will), and in your current state you will not succeed in that area. That is the harsh truth.
Right now you are putting them up on a pedestal as if they are something special. Wake up call --> They are not that. They are not the savior of your life that will make your life happy. Actually you can make your life way more miserable in your current life with all the fvcking drama and chaos they bring with them. You are highly like not ready for that yet.

Never chase women - chase your excellence.
Women will come as a bi-product after you reach your higher level of excellence. Not before.
Women should compliment your life and not be your main goal.
But to reach that you must start turning your life around and work on yourself.
Sorry but there is no cheat codes available. Just hard work and dedication which takes time.

 

[kakkerlak1985]

They should never be your main focus point (or goal if you will)

The only thing I want more is a family for which a woman is required. There is nothing else I want more. Everything else is secondary. Saying otherwise would be a lie. I cannot brainwash myself to belief anything else.

them up on a pedestal

Most women are uninteresting and annoy me. At best I might want to have sex with the good looking ones. I am selective and only want a woman I actually like and have a connection with, someone I can have a good conversation with, someone with whom I can work together, someone who is sweet and caring, someone to have fun with, someone to share experiences with.

I already found a woman I really like and I screwed up. She is the only one on a pedestal. I screwed up because of my lack of experience with woman. I will continue to screw up until I gain this experience. I couldn't even **** her while she gave me chance after chance.

I will have to meet lots of women in order to find a new one I actually like. I need to practice and learn how to deal with woman in order that I don't screw up again when I find the one I do like because they are rare.

I have to have sex for I only had it with prostitutes. I learned nothing from it and have only become more insecure about it. I don't look forward to it but I have to because I don't want to risk screwing up again when I finally meet someone I do like.

I am not 20 anymore and cannot afford to waste time.

drama and chaos they bring with them.

Yes, please. This is only an improvement over the emptiness I have known my entire life.

after you reach your higher level of excellence

I see plenty of ordinary, non-excellent people with girlfriends.

Women should compliment your life and not be your main goal.

When starving from malnutrition you need food. Saying to you that you should not make food your main goal when starving is ridiculous. The same applies here.

Just hard work and dedication which takes time.

Work for what? What work? Dedication for what?

I am a human being with human needs and human desires.
My loneliness and pain are killing me. It drains my life.
At this point it is nothing but cruelty and torture.
No words or lies or mental trickery will change that.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Therapy

This makes me feel even more helpless. In my youth these are the people who have poisoned my mind and screwed with my identity.

Every time I tried to look for help from "mental health professionals" I get confronted with what I perceive to be "empty people". They look at me with big empty eyes and blink. The words coming out of their mouths seem to come strait from a textbook without any meaning attached to it.

They also seem to operate on their agenda instead of mine. They give 45 minutes and then tell me to come back next week. Week after week. I end up waiting for them and waiting for something useful to come out of it and it never does except me ending frustrated, pissed off and just losing faith in human beings altogether.

In short every time I tried to look for therapy I get out worse then I began. More depressed, more angry, more hateful and more desperate. What these people call "professional" I consider to be inhuman.

Guru's

What is the difference between a guru and a scam artist?

The problem

My biggest problem and the thing that makes me depressed and drains all my motivation is that I have no clue on how to meet woman. It makes everything I do to be entirely pointless. I cannot even imagine the possibility I will be able to meet woman. This lack of imagination or belief is what kills me before I can even start.

I see countless guys with a girlfriend and for me this appears to be some magic trick! When they get dumped they have a new one within months. They complain about being single for a year while I never even had a girlfriend in the first place.

I spend years thinking about how to meet woman and this question alone is unsolvable for me.

I tried those dating sites and Tinder. The amount of time and energy I have spend on death pixels on a screen without even getting a living breathing human in front of me fills me with hate.

Plenty of scam artists are trying to sell books titled "how to seduce woman" or their newest DVD set. Who is real and who is not? What to belief and what not? The amount of times I googled the sentence; "how to get girlfriend" or "how to meet woman" I cannot even count. I have read thousands upon thousands of pages coming from all kinds of sources and directions.

I am a thousand times more confused then ever. What is the truth?

If guys be approaching as is promoted by those pickup artists I would be seeing them running around all day long. I see none. Social circles? Where do those come from? Magic?

I cannot enjoy anything or have fun or be motivated because I am tormented by just one desire and one question on my mind which apparently everybody has solved except for me.

Give up on step up. The choice is yours.

The best guru can't fix some mental health issues.

Similarly, VET therapist and a guru. At 37, you don't have the luxury of fumbling around and pissing away more time.