is the following afc behavior in a LTR

[mongoose]

1. calling gf at work (don't really want nothing). once or twice.

2. if don't call gf at work, call on the way home.

3. call gf when you think she might get home (if haven't talked to her earlier).

4. telling gf that you love her (if you do).

5. jealous of her whereabouts (not too much anymore however). if she goes out, feeling anxiety/jealousy about guys hitting on her.

6. sleeping at her house about 3 times weekly (upon her request).

should i keep up challenge in LTR (i think i'm not being challenging). she claims that i don't give a fvck, don't listen, fussy, and mean. i am kind of mean, i'm working on that. is that part of being challenging. i'm sort of unpredictable.

 

[NewMan]

Why don't you think about what you were like when you first seduced her?

You probably were not needy, not calling her 3 times a day.....

You probably had more to talk about and she probably looked forward to talking to you more.

I don't think it's a question of AFC behaviour (your in a LTR, so to some extent your going to give more of yourself towards her) - it's more of a question of being a challenge - and not giving so much of yourself.

Relax - don't call her so much during work - call your buddies instead.

Organize outting to bars with you firends so your not sitting and thinking if she's getting hit on.

If she's getting hit on it's a compliment to you anyways.... It's when she acts on it you have to worry.

 

[chlywly]

The point is to still keep yourself busy and to keep your time with the girl quality over quantity

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by mongoose
1. calling gf at work (don't really want nothing). once or twice.
2. if don't call gf at work, call on the way home.
3. call gf when you think she might get home (if haven't talked to her earlier).

Just details here, don't sweat it too much. It depends how you do it. One guy could do it and it strengthens the bonds, another guy could do it and annoy the shyt outta her...

You said you were unpredictable, use a little of that here, perhaps.

4. telling gf that you love her (if you do).
Same as above.

5. jealous of her whereabouts (not too much anymore however). if she goes out, feeling anxiety/jealousy about guys hitting on her.

Worked on that, ay? Good. Don't let your guard down. Be aware that she will always be hit on. Unless she's a dog--and even then, there are guys who just need a hole to plug and will hit on a dog. No standards, IMO...

Take it as a compliment. Smile and let her know that you understand that guys will always hit on something as fine as her--goes with the territory.

6. sleeping at her house about 3 times weekly (upon her request).

Mix it up a bit (use that unpredictability to your advantage.) You'll risk becoming like a trained puppy if it's always at her request. Sometimes go for it, other times back off because you have other plans. And then other times you decide to seduce her and stay over.

should i keep up challenge in LTR (i think i'm not being challenging).
Go with your gut on this..

...she claims that i don't give a fvck, don't listen, fussy, and mean. i am kind of mean, i'm working on that. is that part of being challenging...

Here's the real stuff in your post. "Don't give a fvck, don't listen, fussy..." etc. Sounds like she's telling you that she wants more connection or involvement since this is a LTR. She may have a point--I doubt you'll go all wussy or soft and kill her IL, but you will have to learn new communication skills. It won't be fun at first because it means you'll have to change. You'll probably over-do it or do it wrong and that's always no fun.

Try some basic rapport-building body language stuff. When she talks, turn and face her and look into her eyes steadily until she's finished. Use "active listening"--which is to sum up what they've said ("It sounds like you're conflicted on this...", whatever) Don't try to solve her problems, be careful about offering advise until you get the hang of active listening.

Just some suggestions...