Is She Worth It?

[Walk this Way]

First, I'd like to thank this site for making quite a difference in my life, as my life is overall generally improving. Hopefully I can share some of my new experience in the near future.

In any case, I have a bit of a problem, and would appreciate some input. This woman is in love with me...as a friend. Of course, having read the material on this site, I know better than to ask whether I can "get her back". Concisely put, I still like her very much, and I cannot decide whether I've become an emotional tampon or I'm genuinely her friend.

Many of my friends tell me she's using me. Yes, I do help her a lot with homework and such, and frequently, she pours her heart out to me about her jerk wuss boyfriend, whom she knows I have never gotten along with. Worse, she's frequently disrespectful to me, and every once in a while she openly "jokes" that she rules my life. While she assures me she's just joking, my friends and some of her "enemies" tell me she knows that I'll never leave her and that's the only reason she keeps me around. Once she let me know that I'm her best friend because I helped her "see that maybe I'm pretty and likeable." We did date for a short time, and basically she lost interest, and started lying a lot to avoid me until she found a new guy. Even her best friends agree that she was quite whorrible back then. She also tends to be quite controlling and manipulative at times; she's extremely sensitive and emotional.

On the other hand, she was the one that opened me up and brought out my best qualities. She inspried me to achieve my best in every area of my life, and she brought out the funny, ****y, guy inside me; I was very shy and boring before she came into my life. Other times she has genuinely been my friend; last week she dropped 40 bucks on me without thinking twice when I was a little low on cash. She swears she would do anything for me, including my homework, if I asked her to (I don't much need her help though...). Usually, we are the best of friends, and our personalities click - we can reach other's minds and share the same sense of humor. She says she loves everything about me, but has made it clear she has no romantic feelings. She's also extremely protective of me, and if I ever get rejected by a girl or if I help another girl out, she gets extremely angry at that girl - some say she's jealous. All of her friends are great friends of mine too, but I see them infrequently. Her friends stand neutral on the issue - they can understand my position and hers equally.

While all this is good, considering I like her, it still bothers me to see her with her boyfriend, or talk to her about him, or realize that I'm contributing a lot to this friendship but not getting what I REALLY want back while he does nothing. It's like I'm the emotional half of their relationship while he is the physical part.

Thus, while she has been a source of great pain, she has also been a source of great inspiration and friendship. Should I leave things the way they are? Should I listen to my friends and abandon painfully being used? What does she REALLY want from me, and why is she so close to me even though she has no romantic interest in me?

Thanks again.

 

[Porky]

What do you think? use your instincts.

personally, the situation disgusts me. I'm sure you're a good guy and you can get your fair share of poon, but I get the impression you're being played and used by her.

you guys are the best of friends? no you aren't. if you were the best of friends she wouldn't give anybody any reason to say that she's using you for anything.

expand your horizons, meet new people, and let yourself be pulled away from her. let her know the next time she whines to you that if she doesn't like her boyfriend, she should break up with him.

I'm going to reiterate this: you guys are not best friends. you simply get along really well - when she's not using you. you wouldn't have to make this post if you and her were really that tight.

 

[Jason17]

It sounds to me that: She doesn't give you enough respect, and she only wants you around so she has someone that she can whine and complain to, because no one else will listen to her crap. You should move on, you should have moved on a long time ago when she started lying to try to avoid you it would have saved you alot of trouble. You shouldn't tolerate this kind of crap from people.

 

[Smoothaswetsoap]

She sounds like a good friend, and you probably sound like a good friend to her too.

Try this:

*Avoid/Keep minimal contact with her for at least a month, slowly reappear in her life (if she wants/misses you, blah blah).

*Change your act around her. If you want to be WITH this girl as a bf/gf type of relationship, you must act different. Get a new hobby/clothes. Do something different.

*Don't put up with her BS. You're not her pet. This is why she sees you as a friend and not as a BF. Why do you think her BF is a "jerk". If he was all that, she would've dumped him.

Put your foot on things. Don't let her rule your life. Be a man. That's what you are. If you are too scared to lose her, oh well. You'll never be with her if you continue to be like that. Take a chance and ask her out. If she says no, oh well.

 

[Walk this Way]

Thanks guys. Anyway, she and I had a huge fight last night. She thinks I'm talking bad about her behind her back to her friends and that I care more about her friends than I do about her (which I admit is true...the friends are still up for grabs...). Anyway, I told her I was fed up with her, that I didn't need a "big sister" and that I wouldn't care if she never talked to me again. And it wasn't even like I was lying just to be a jerk. When I hung up on her she was in the middle of telling me that I never even call her. Today she randomly emailed me the song "Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me," and that's all that's happened.

So if I'm going to do this, it's now, and unlike other times, I have to be true to myself this time. And really, I don't even want her back...but I'll do what I have to do to get away.

 

[Pweeny Lord Hammykin]

Originally posted by Walk this Way
Today she randomly emailed me the song "Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me," and that's all that's happened.

childish. she's trying to guilt trip you and make you miss her. she refuses to even tell you how she's feeling in person.

you're free, now run and don't look back.

 

[Luscious]

Originally posted by Walk this Way
Thanks guys. Anyway, she and I had a huge fight last night. She thinks I'm talking bad about her behind her back to her friends and that I care more about her friends than I do about her (which I admit is true...the friends are still up for grabs...). Anyway, I told her I was fed up with her, that I didn't need a "big sister" and that I wouldn't care if she never talked to me again. And it wasn't even like I was lying just to be a jerk. When I hung up on her she was in the middle of telling me that I never even call her. Today she randomly emailed me the song "Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me," and that's all that's happened.

So if I'm going to do this, it's now, and unlike other times, I have to be true to myself this time. And really, I don't even want her back...but I'll do what I have to do to get away.

Very nicely done. If I were in your shoes, I would just cut off all contact entirely - I'm talking pure and total isolation.

Once again, very well done.