Is She Too Good For Me?

[raven_82]

I am not that good looking of a guy, but i have gotten so many amazingly perfect women. The whole idea of being a Don Juan is getting women who are higher than the level you think you are on. And if this negative thinking is keeping you from approching women, then use the 3-second rule.

 

[Don the Legend]

Hey 6pac,

There is a really good book that I read called "Your Greatest Power" by Martin Kohoe as per the recommendation from Anti-Dump a long time ago.

I will give you a quote from the book, "Thoughts become things" that I really believe applies to your question.

If you believe that she is better than you, you will unconsciously portray those thoughts to become real things. She will get that vibe from you and believe what you are portraying as being true.

Negative thoughts about oneself becomes true. That is why I think you need to start putting positive affirmations in your head to get rid of these damaging ideas like the one you presented,"Is she Too Good for Me". Eliminate this from your thought processes.

There is a thread started by Bclarke675 in the tip section about positive affirmations. It is a great starter for someone like yourself who needs to think better of oneself.

The real question any DJ should be asking is, "Is she good enough for me?". That is the question!

Good Luck,

Legend

------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by Keymaster of Goza:
For someone who lists their interests as psychology, you're not very insightful are you...

Human attractiveness is very subjective so one person's 10 may be another persons 6 and vice versa. Women have even less consensus than men over what they percieve as "sexy" and in general tend to place less emphasis on looks (although still important) and more on other factors like confidence, intelligence, social status etc.

So who is to say whether you are "equally as good looking as her". That's horse shyt.

What I'm saying is true. Not everyone percieves famous actresses as 10's for example a guy can argue whether he finds Elizabeth Hurley or Cameron Diaz more attractive. Basically in our western culture, they both fall under the "stereotypically" ideal look for a women, and are probabily percieved to be more attractive than most women you see walking down the street (unless you live in L.A)

Murstein's similar attractive theory states that the majority (not all) couples are rated on a similar level of attractiveness.

A fat guy is going to have to work much harder (in the western culture) when approaching a female with ideal good looks, than a Brad Pitt lookalike.

 

[Keymaster of Goza]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman:
What I'm saying is true. Not everyone percieves famous actresses as 10's for example a guy can argue whether he finds Elizabeth Hurley or Cameron Diaz more attractive. Basically in our western culture, they both fall under the "stereotypically" ideal look for a women, and are probabily percieved to be more attractive than most women you see walking down the street (unless you live in L.A)

Murstein's similar attractive theory states that the majority (not all) couples are rated on a similar level of attractiveness.

A fat guy is going to have to work much harder (in the western culture) when approaching a female with ideal good looks, than a Brad Pitt lookalike.

Here's a radical thought to take back to your next amateur psych group.

The reason there is some empirical evidence to support Murstein is because most guys never really take the time to study and learn the rules of dating and hence the cost involved in "trading up" from the level of girl they feel comfortable dating is too great.

A studied and practiced Don Juan on the other hand knows the TRUE value of women (they are all replaceable) and the rules and strategies of effective dating hence find it easy to trade up.

The guy who asks "is she too good for me" has a lot to learn on the way to becoming the Don Juan anyone can be.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by Don the Legend:
Hey 6pac,

There is a really good book that I read called "Your Greatest Power" by Martin Kohoe as per the recommendation from Anti-Dump a long time ago.

I will give you a quote from the book, "Thoughts become things" that I really believe applies to your question.

If you believe that she is better than you, you will unconsciously portray those thoughts to become real things. She will get that vibe from you and believe what you are portraying as being true.

Negative thoughts about oneself becomes true. That is why I think you need to start putting positive affirmations in your head to get rid of these damaging ideas like the one you presented,"Is she Too Good for Me". Eliminate this from your thought processes.

There is a thread started by Bclarke675 in the tip section about positive affirmations. It is a great starter for someone like yourself who needs to think better of oneself.

The real question any DJ should be asking is, "Is she good enough for me?". That is the question!

Good Luck,

Legend

With such shoot straight from the hip advice, it's no wonder he's called Don the Legend. Hi-5 to ya!

 

[Take No Dirt]

MysteryWoman: A fat guy is going to have to work much harder (in the western culture) when approaching a female with ideal good looks, than a Brad Pitt lookalike.

--------

Maybe because I'm not a woman, that's why I don't see what's so fantastic looking about Brad Pitt. I know some guys rave about what a beauty Barbra Streisand is (although I think she looks like a dog). I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what you consider physical beauty in a woman, I might yawn and say "Oh, she's OK, but she ain't Gena Lee Nolin".

While we were growing up, we perceived in our mind our own beauty standard and with every person we meet, we compare that person to our standard to arrive at the rating we give that person. Yes, my idea of an 9.5 hottie may not likely conicide with your perception of a 9.5.

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

This is a very interesting post. The similar question has been bothering me for quite some time too.

Basically, psychologists will say it is all in the mind. If you treat them the same like you treat others similar to what Pook said, then you will faced no problems.

Anyway,she is also human and she does make mistakes as well. Let me give some hints here that I read from a book written by a psychologist: When a person self-esteem is low, the person will generally perceive others as more attractive than them.

Thus, they will place them on the pedestals. When this happens, others noticed it and they will react accordingly to the situation.So in order to get rid of such a thing, don't show your true colors and never let them see you sweat.

Another thing that everyone should try is that, next time when you're out with a HB having food, try placing your glass close to her glass and see how she responds. If she allows your glass to be placed near her glass, your advanced has been accepted. Otherwise, you got some work to do. Good Luck in trying.

By the way, these hints are excerpted from a Body Language book. I don't know if it's in Amazon.com but I got it from the local bookstore at my area.

Have a nice day!

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by Keymaster of Goza:
Here's a radical thought to take back to your next amateur psych group.

The reason there is some empirical evidence to support Murstein is because most guys never really take the time to study and learn the rules of dating and hence the cost involved in "trading up" from the level of girl they feel comfortable dating is too great.

Believe me there are many girls that can see through Don Juna approaches, it takes more than a nice personality to trade up. Anyone who wants to trade up can't really have a great personality they believe that women percieve them to have.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
A good woman doesn't need to be maintained by a man because she is able to do things for herself. Healthy people don't look to others to maintain them. They work together to maintain the relationship but independently fulfill their own sense of individuality.

Well, duh. Let's play semantics with WF.

Maintaining here means having some kind of give and take with her. It's when you're past the checking-out stage and you know the chick is worth your time and attention, so you give her (some of) your time and attention. And in return you get the best parts of her time and attention.

Hence the phrases 'low maintenance' and 'high maintenance.' Get it now?

It doesn't mean giving her an expense account at Sears, putting her up in her own apartment, and sending her diamonds every other week. (Although some guys will do that. Ones that haven't been here, anyway.)

Oh yeah - and try being a pregnant woman and maintaining yourself without a quality man's financial or other support. Sure, it can be done. But is it fun, happy or relaxed? I don't think so.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Take No Dirt:
Maybe because I'm not a woman, that's why I don't see what's so fantastic looking about Brad Pitt.

High status. You get an extra +1 to +5 interest points just for being rich and famous.

I know some guys rave about what a beauty Barbra Streisand is (although I think she looks like a dog).

They do? That's really - eccentric.

If you'd said Cate Blanchett I might have agreed. Or maybe Tilda Swinton. Hell, even Jeri Ryan at a push.

But Streisand? She's like Cher, only without all the scary surgery.

While we were growing up, we perceived in our mind our own beauty standard and with every person we meet, we compare that person to our standard to arrive at the rating we give that person. Yes, my idea of an 9.5 hottie may not likely conicide with your perception of a 9.5.

Conicide? Is that like, death by Madonna's pointy bra, or something?

It's a good idea to work out what kind of look rings your bell, because when you meet a woman like that your AFC tendencies are more likely to come out than with a chick that's not so obviously interesting.

I posted a while back about the look I go for ('Eastern European princess' - kind of weird, but you can't always change these things), and I had this strange thing before Christmas where I was in a store and... there she was.

Except there was an engagement ring on her finger, and a big bf bringing up the rear too. Hell, in a more social setting I might have tried to do something about that, but as it was I had to let her go. (Till the next one that looks like that turns up, anyway.

)

But the scary thing was just how easy it was to get back into AFC-think and all that shyt. Knowing that this was only because she was my type made it possible to snap out of it in a few seconds, rather than carrying it around for the rest of the day like a lingering illness.

I guess what I'm really saying is that when you meet your type, that's when you really have to remember to watch your game like a hawk , and not let the head-rush pull you back into the bad old ways.

 

[Take No Dirt]

WildThang: I guess what I'm really saying is that when you meet your type, that's when you really have to remember to watch your game like a hawk , and not let the head-rush pull you back into the bad old ways.

------------

WildThang, your word of caution is duly noted and stored in my mind to guard against reverting back to my fixation with a certain "type" of gal that's ingrained in my mind from my AFC days. Yesterday at the supermarket checkout line, I met just this "type" of gal named Stacey and you're very right, I was thinking like an AFC once again, i.e., all excited and worked up. Horror of horrors!

 

[PoachR75]

UMMMM..

I am suprised that we have females posting messages. I am glad. I will always respect someone's right to express opinions and beliefes. Good for you (and us).

However, I must emphasize in a fairly strong fashion that, under no circumstances, should anyone take seriously anything a female says on this site, EVER.

E
V
E
R
!
Clear enough?

 

[smileyface]

Get some confidence. You probably don't want a really pretty girl anyhow. What people have said is right. A lot of really pretty girls are too high maintenance and will use and abuse you (not in the way that most guys find nice, I'm refering to spending all of your money).

If you have read the posts in here you will find that confidence is NUMBER 1. Work on that and I'm sure you won't be complaining *smile*.

 

[smileyface]

PoachR75,

Well that's your opinion. I happen to think I've been pretty damn honest when it comes to posts, but think what you will.

 

[Wyldfire]

>>Well, duh. Let's play semantics with WF.<<

Oh Goody! Let's!

>>Maintaining here means having some kind of give and take with her.<<

Don't you mean that it is the giving of one of the people involved in order to KEEP the other person? If not, this is what my perception of "maintaining" is.

>>It's when you're past the checking-out stage and you know the chick is worth your time and attention, so you give her (some of) your time and attention. And in return you get the best parts of her time and attention.<<

How can you even find out if someone is worth your time and attention if you don't FIRST spend some time and attention getting to know them? And do you HONESTLY think you should be entitled to giving only "some" of yourself in order to get the "best" from a woman? Things don't work that way. You get as good as you give. In this day and age if you only give "some" of yourself to a woman she is usually off giving "some" to other guys as well as you.

>>Hence the phrases 'low maintenance' and 'high maintenance.' Get it now?<<

I've always been under the impression that "low" maintenance meant that a person isn't so emotionally and financially needy that they suck your energy and wallet dry.

>>It doesn't mean giving her an expense account at Sears, putting her up in her own apartment, and sending her diamonds every other week. (Although some guys will do that. Ones that haven't been here, anyway.)<<

I'm talking more along the lines of emotional neediness and the kind of person who you just can't please in any way no matter what you do. That sometimes means financially too, but not always.

>>Oh yeah - and try being a pregnant woman and maintaining yourself without a quality man's financial or other support. Sure, it can be done. But is it fun, happy or relaxed? I don't think so.<<

In my personal experience, pregnancy is MUCH easier to contend with when you are single. A lot less stress to be perfectly honest with you. Buth that's just my experience. I have to add that the father of my older children was an ass. While I had toxemia he thought I was supposed to be a gracious hostess for a drunken SuperBowl Party when my doctor told him that I NEEDED bed rest, quiet and that my life was in danger. During the 40 hours of labor and being near death a couple of times, he was off getting drunk, eating crawdads and fishing. I was completely alone in a military hospital with doctors and nurses I had never even seen before. I gave birth to our next child after leaving him, and it was a MUCH better experience because I was in another state. Admittedly, most men aren't such assh*les. I also had a baby almost two years ago on my own, and her father wasn't in the picture. He is now, and is a wonderful father, but I actually preferred doing it alone. It's just easier for me, personally. But again, I'm not all women, so I'm sure some might feel differently.

The original point that I was trying to make is that neither partner should put themselves in a position where they have to emotionally maintain the other person. Both people should work together to maintain the relationship...NOT each other. If one person looks at the relationship as if they are maintaining the other person, they aren't going about things the right way. You work at the relationship for your own benefit just as much as for the benefit of the other person. It's just best to look at it that way.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by smileyface:
PoachR75,

Well that's your opinion. I happen to think I've been pretty damn honest when it comes to posts, but think what you will.

Ms smileyface, you're a straight arrow in my book. Keep on posting!

 

[DAMY46]

sixpac

Once you realize that you hold 'all of the aces' you will become more confident!.

Most women have 'lost the hand' before they ever sit down at the table with you!

You must achieve that mindset.

Damy

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by Keymaster of Goza:
Here's a radical thought to take back to your next amateur psych group .

A studied and practiced Don Juan on the other hand knows the TRUE value of women (they are all replaceable) and the rules and strategies of effective dating hence find it easy to trade up.

You are so pathetic that you can't argue without refering to my personal details. Excuse me, if your brain is the same size as your d@*k, you'll never make a Don Juan

The guy who asks "is she too good for me" has a lot to learn on the way to becoming the Don Juan anyone can be.

 

[SoSuave.com]

Moved to The Archive.