Is she playing with me ?

[Kevin85]

So I know this woman at work for a couple of weeks. I don't get this often but she's driving me crazy, I really want her.
She still has feelings for her ex which she often mentions, I know this is a huge red flag but somehow I just don't want to give up because of this. It might also be the reason why she is being hot/cold towards me, which changes during the day.

When she is 'hot' towards me she looks at me a lot (smiles), laughs at my jokes, flirts, touches me, talks about sex (for example about blowing me), stalling to go home after work etc.

Due to different shifts I won't see her much the upcoming month so I asked her out yesterday. I had a good feeling about it and said "Let's go get drinks together tonight" . As you can imagine she shot me down saying something like she doesn't look pretty enough for tonight (she had a huge bump on her head because she walked in a wall or something) and she had plans on saturday (which is true she told me before) but MAYBE on sunday.

I tried to stay relaxed and just told her "It's ok, let me know if you change your mind" with a smile and left it at that and just talked to her like I usually do.

The thing I'm most surprised about is that after a while she starts to talk about her lack of sex lately but she tells me she only wants to do it with a guy she loves. So first she rejects me and then peaks my interest again by telling me she needs sex?

I know she is most likely playing with me so my main question is how to deal with a woman like this? Even though I won't see her that much for one month she could continue doing this in September and I really would like to know how to handle it at work.

Any tips or tricks are appreciated

 

[wifehunter]

 

[sazc]

Honestly, you are walking into a world of issues with this female...

But you didnt ask for my judgement, you asked for a plan, so here it is....

The best way attempt to turn this situation around is to do what @wifehunter suggested and give it ZERO energy. Go COLD, completely COLD. Pay her zero attention. Withdraw. When she approaches you to ask 'what's wrong' or 'you dont seem like yourself' you can do one of two things - tell her nothing is wrong and that you are as happy as you were yesterday, or say nothing is wrong you are just focusing on work, or be frank with her and say that you realize that she is unavailable and have decided to put your time, energy and attention into other prospects. Either reply will drive her crazy because she is loosing you as an orbiter, she is loosing the fact that you are willing to validate her as a desirable female - and that will chip away a her self esteem a little.

The other suggestion would be to get her into a situation where you could escalate sexually. You may be successful at that but she will still drag you thru an emotional circus not knowing what she really wants.

@wifehunter I know that you really mean he should leave it all behind and not look back with your meme - but I dont get the fact that he is strong enough to do that (yet) so I interpreted a new meaning from your meme

@Kevin85 honestly, in situations like these, with females like these, and any time a female presents herself as unavailable and/or 'on the fence' you should move on and not look back. You dont want to waste your time or sexual energy on someone whom is not absolutely receptive to your advances. Dont be an orbiter. There are other females who will be receptive, find them. Also, going no contact (NC) sometimes has the effect of causing them to chase you - which is demonstrative of interest, and is a good thing.

Good luck.

 

[sazc]

EDIT - this situation is at your work? You really need to go NC at work and only deal with her outside of work. A chick isnt worth drama at your job.

 

[RangerMIke]

You are a gay male girl friend, pseudo-back-up plan. Walk away and ignore her. She isn't giving you what you want so don't waste time. You offered to take her out, she shot you down... she is NOTHING to you.

Chicks can almost read your mind... she knows she has you, and if a better dude doesn't come along she knows all she has to do give you a little attention and you will come running like a dog. Get control of your emotions or you are in for a miserable life.

 

[RangerMIke]

You are going to get a lot of advice that says "walk away". Let me be clear about what "I" mean by that. WALK AWAY because this chick is not worth your time.... Do not walk away as some kind of PUA bvllsh!t advice to get her, you walk away because you are too busy to be bothered by low interest b!tches. Go find better chicks.

 

[sazc]

Go find better chicks.

I concur, this is truly what you need to do.

 

[Kevin85]

Thank you for your comments.

@RangerMIke I suppose it could be she somehow put me in the friendzone however I did not do anything (besides just talk to her) to get there.

@wifehunter Obviously I know it's best to walk away but it's harder when I have to work with her.

@sazc Yes this indeed happened a few times where I wasn't paying her any attention and she came asking me if something was wrong etc. but I took the bait. Because I work with her I can't ignore her completely but at least I can show her that I'm not interested in her but I have to find the right balance so I do not look like I feel bad about it. So yes you are right that's the only thing I can do at this moment. Thank you

 

[sazc]

Because you work with her your ONLY interaction should be on a solely professional level. What this means is that you focus on your job duties and only speak to her regarding items and details about your job that you need to interact with her about.

Starting any type of dating interaction or relationship with someone at work should ONLY be done if you have enough self esteem, self value and self worth to know that you can handle yourself in a professional manner should you ultimately end up getting hurt.

@Kevin85 with ALL due respect, the way you are conducting yourself with her at present, the questions you pose to this board, all of it tells me that you are not in that headspace yet. With this one I encourage walking away and not looking back.

 

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser. You can't come in first here.

From here on, ignore this wh0re and move on. She is not that f**kin' attractive! Delete her from all platforms, and block her if it helps you move on.

Mixed signals are negative signals. Do you really think she'd give a maybe or an excuse of not being pretty enough to Steph Curry or Brad Pitt? Hell no. Would you cancel a date because you're not feeling sexy enough if Sofia Vergara or Katy Perry asked you out? Barring a family emergency, of course not.

There you go. She wants you as a beta validator/ emotional tampon/ orbiter/ friend. Not good.

When she's hung up on the ex, give her the axe. She keeps mentioning him because she's trying to get him back in a relationship, but he only wants to nut inside of her. And on her chest.

This bytch knows what she wants. Her ex back. And for you to keep giving her attention. And to chase her.

Cut this girl off. For your own sake. Unfortunately, every woman has exes.

Case closed.

 

[wifehunter]

Work on your frame (hopefully you have a good foundation)...chicks can't resist.

Game over! Go be awesome!

 

[Dash Riprock]

She is playing you like a fiddle.

Go cold at work and ignore her or just be barely friendly. Try to be seen laughing with other co-workers so she doesn't feel the satisfaction of bringing you down. And most importantly, GET OVER HER. Write out all the things you cannot stand about her and read it 100x day. Don't give in.

 

[SuckItUp]

Your ego is causing the problem here. You already know that there are red flags all over the place, but your ego is telling you that you can't lose to her pathetic boyfriend, and so you convince yourself that you must have her.

A woman of value has no time for losers and doesn't engage them.

This woman is using you as an orbiter, which means you are a break in case of emergency option if she can't branch swing to someone else.

Oh and don't **** where you eat. Stay away from women you work with.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

She was talking about needing to be "in love" for sex NOT to peak your interest...but rather that is ******** for "I'm never having sex with you, no way, no how."

Time to read the Book of Pook again.