Is she playing hard to get? or is she not interested?

[goldStandard]

Hey everyone,

This is my first time posting in this great forum, which I believe is great for those who are willing to learn how to converse and understand women. You guys are blunt and you get straight to the point so let me have it.

The Situation - I am 25 and I am interested in a 19 year old, she is my friend's sister. Her name is "Kay" and we've have had random hook ups, spent a lot of time together, as well as had some bonding time to get to know each other. Her brother gave me his blessing and told me she's really interested. We have spent time together for about 3 months now as "friends" which shows we have common interests, and she even invited me to her thanksgiving dinner to meet to her parents, and grand parents. I know she's interested in me because:

She is the one who asks me to go to places. Example: Meeting her family, planning to go to trips out of town, asking me to watch movies with her.

How I handle the situation - I challenge her by resisting outside communication (texts/phone calls), prepare back-up dates, and limit our visits to about once a week.

About Kay - She is a 5'9'' beautiful blonde who is a 19 year old. To my eyes she looks like she's my age, however her personality can be bit bland and I have to lead the conversations. If I don't lead convos it'll be nothing but just a dull moment.

The Problem - She asked me if I wanted to go out of state for christmas (She pays for her own expenses). HOWEVER, It's about 7-8 days prior to our first out of town trip and for the past 2 weeks we've been more distant than ever. For no apparent reason (at least in my eyes) Kay is acting really cold towards me whenever I see her, and she's always texting someone else when I'm around her. I keep my thoughts of concern and jealousy on the hush. Is she trying to challenge me because it's getting to the point where she makes me feel like she's not interested anymore. I must admit, she is young and she doesn't know anything about dating, relationships, or the game. I confided in her brother and he told me she has feelings for me, but even he admits she's kinda young.

My Question - I have a lot of feelings towards her, but due to the fact that her enigmatic personality annoys me, should I move on due to this fact; the fact that she is young? Should I cancel the whole trip and move on? Or should I challenge her back and go through with all the motions?

Last words - I like her, I think about her a lot. But I have too much value in myself to put up with this non-sense. I just need some answers.

Thank you in advanced.

 

[Perfect10]

It's quite hard for me to "guess" what's happening but I've narrowed it down to three plausible explanations for her intrest in you dropping (This doesn't mean that it IS one of there three).
1. The good old Sosuave bandwagon excuse: She's cheating, next ->
2. Just the normal, you're not man enough or whatever. Her IL is dropping slowly if she sees you doing AFC stuff. Especially when you're older than her.
3. She has realised or her friends have been badmouthing you about possibly your age?

I don't really get the age thing though. My brothers the same age as you and he's together with a girl thats 17years old (Where I live the agelimit of underage is 16) and they are happy couple.

 

[jophil28]

We have spent time together for about 3 months now as "friends" ...

And there is your problem in a nutshell.

She might "like" you in some mushy way, but your passivity and lack of 'action' in pursuing her in a romantic/ sexual way has placed you squarely in the Friendzone without you realizing it.

You have been spinning your wheels WAITING for "signs" from her as 'go ahead' signals, but her feelings toward you have changed from early attraction to friendly affection. She has lost whatever feelings she initially had for you because you did not push down on the gas pedal...the car came to a slow halt..

BTW, the guy whom she is texting is your potential replacement.

Her current behavior can be explained thus-

She still wants to keep attached to you in a loose kind of way in case that other guy does not pan out.
She is cold toward you because her thoughts and feelings are currently directed towards him. YOu have slipped into her background.

Her brother is an unreliable source of information and may even be inadvertently giving you false hope..

Believe HER actions, rather than his words..

IF you want some tips about your next move, post back.

 

[tafakna]

Cancel the trip and become less available (no need to go no contact here).

If she really enjoys hanging out with you, by becoming less available, you will give her a chance to know what she might lose. Seeing her once a week is great, but if it happens every week it's also a 'sure thing'.

 

[goldStandard]

Thanks guys.

I completely agree with all of your responses 100%. It's been in my gut feeling that I SHOULD cancel the trip. My consistency and passivity is what killed it. I got a few questions:

It seems "jophil28" knows what I should do next. A part of me wants to cancel, but I am also tempted to just go with the trip while handling things differently.

If I cancel the trip - How should cancel the trip? and When? (leaving next monday)

If I go, but take a different approach - How should I do that?

Also, what should I have done differently to avoid this situation in the first place?

 

[AAAgent]

why are u d1cking around with you boys sister. don't fvck with that sh1t unless your serious. Don't spin plates whle ur doing that kind of stuff. ruins friendships and trust.

 

[Game_going_good]

Yeah if you ever end up breaking your friend's sis' heart, for example if you break up with her, then your friendship with the boy is ruined too.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

1. Everything Jophil said is probably true. This trip sounds like a bad idea.

2. She's a real young girl, and you shouldn't be taking her too seriously. Their attention span is like, whatever.

3. Don't mess with your buddies sister, he won't be your buddy anymore.

 

[goldStandard]

techinically I met them at the same time about 6 months ago. I transferred to another college and happened to have the same class as them.

I must admit, I am still in AFC mode but I know I gotta get over it.

But a questions still remains.

aside from me knowing her brother. what should I have done differently to avoid this situation in the first place? hit it and quit if she shows lack of interest?

 

[tafakna]

My guess is that there's someone else given the constant texting you mentioned.

You're in AFC mode, the other guy is probably playing cooler, in this situations the 'harder-to-get' will usually win...

 

[AMDG]

But a questions still remains.

aside from me knowing her brother. what should I have done differently to avoid this situation in the first place? hit it and quit if she shows lack of interest?

Don't be passive - that will only get you friendzoned. Fight the scarcity mentality by contacting more girls at the same time - if one of them is interested she will make herself available. Above all watch the interest level - if the relationship is not evolving with each passing encounter then cut contact and minimize your losses. Be bold

 

[goldStandard]

I called up another blondie (25yr old) to come over last night, we got drunk f.closed it and that was that! she walked out of my house at 6am to go straight to work and now i'm out of AFC MODE!

As for the 19-yr-old chick I'll keep a distance from her and see her again on friday or saturday. If she's still acting like a distant b1tch then I'll cancel the trip.

Thanks for all of your advice! I will be hanging around her more often to participate in this awesome community!

 

[nismo-4]

3 months as friends was a bad idea. Never get in the friendzone.

She should be coming to see you. It sounds like you have more time invested into her than her into you. If she doesn't visit you, then she's just not that into you.

Case closed.

 

[tafakna]

I called up another blondie (25yr old) to come over last night, we got drunk f.closed it and that was that! she walked out of my house at 6am to go straight to work and now i'm out of AFC MODE!

As for the 19-yr-old chick I'll keep a distance from her and see her again on friday or saturday. If she's still acting like a distant b1tch then I'll cancel the trip.

Congrats! Good for you! Nothing cures AFC Mode better than good casual sex.

It helps restore the power balance... It's awesome to see people that really try to improve their situation, rather than just come to the forum to tell all the mistakes they keep making...