Is she not into ME or just not into dating?

[JST8828]

38 here went out with an attractive 37 yr old woman last week and in my honest opinion we had a kick ass time. Definitely one of the few dates in recent memory where the convo flowed well and you could sense solid chemistry. The problem however is that I picked up a bit of an odd vibe from her when it came to dating in general. She's never married, no kids, and told me flat out that she basically doesn't care if she never has kids at this point and gave me similar thoughts on getting into a relationship as well. She also told me that she took a massive hiatus from dating for a while and that I was her first online date in a long time. She even casually tells me that she might even delete the dating app soon even though she just got back on it UNDER a week ago. Umm, ok then. But guess what? --48 hours after our date, she is gone from the app. Not unmatched with me. But her account is deleted. To me, everything screams weird vibes and a woman who is just not serious about dating whatsoever and also strikes me as someone who has fallen into a world of being comfortable as a single who may never get married and have a family. This is fine, but for me, I'm more geared towards looking for something serious and don't want to waste my time, especially with someone who in just a couple of days (comments on the date, and the deleting of the app after) threw up what I'd consider all signs pointing to that I should just stay away.

A few things should be noted before giving an opinion:
1- She sent me a post date text thanking me for the date/drinks
2- I texted her the next day with a quick message about something we spoke about to which she responded extremely well to
3- Finally I texted her a couple days later asking if she'd like to go out again to which she responded sounding very upbeat, saying that sounds good, but said she has a "crazy next few days" then said "Maybe I can let you know next week if that works!". I wrote back saying sure and to shoot me a text next week. No response back from her.

As far as #3 goes I wasn't born yesterday and know that if a woman is interested in you she's not giving you the old "I'll let you know" and instead will be telling me what days she's free, etc.

This all seems to continue following a new trend I've discovered out there in women beginning in what I'd say is their mid 30's, where they are simply not serious about dating but go on these apps and go out with men based on a mixture of social pressure and bc they THINK they want to get involved. In reality though, they do not and are beyond comfortable with their single lives. I'm 38 and I must say this trend has surprised me. I always had visions of it being the opposite where by this point chicks would be 100x more open and ready to get into a relationship but I am finding that to not be the case at all. I'm positive this mostly has to do with modern society and how more and more women are more independent than ever before and don't need a man to cling onto like they once did, as well as many more things people can enjoy in today's day and age that were not around back in the day.

Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. Obviously I'm not reaching out to this one again but if she does reach back out (unlikely imo) I'll be proceeding with a bit of caution.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She´s weird. Next her

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Which app was this? Could be another guy, or she has gotten her fill of c0ck in the past and she came back online bc she was bored. A couple of tips - 1) still gotta move fast even if you're looking for long term, and 2) if you really want to see her again, pitch a date idea during the date so there's no chance of another guy stealing your thunder.

re-reading your 2nd to last paragraph OP, I think this is most likely the case.

Lol Suave, a lot of 37 y/o women a weird in the usa

 

[Robert28]

Alpha widowed more than once is my guess and is just going through the motions now. I would text her or wait to see if she texts you next week and try to ask her out again. If she doesn’t respond you have your answer, if she does, no harm in going out again but just don’t invest in her. Just use it as going out with a hot girl to have fun.

 

[Zimbabwe]

37, never married and childless.

That's pretty suspect

 

[The Duke]

If you had 2 or 3 other women lined up would you be so concerned?

I've had them delete their dating profiles, etc, and heard the same stories. Never cared much about it.

They either comply or you find another one. Don't over process this stuff.

This chic is frustrated with dating and she doesn't see you as Mr. Amazing, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't be down to fuhk at some point.

Get some new talent lined up.

 

[Robert28]

37, never married and childless.

That's pretty suspect

Sounds like a career woman. I wouldn’t disqualify her for those things, I’m fine with her having no baggage but something is up with her.

 

[JST8828]

37, never married and childless.

That's pretty suspect

Because she's attractive, I'm inclined to agree with you. Especially since her career doesn't exactly seem to be something that's extremely demanding these days. She even told me that she decided not to apply for a promotion bc it would effect her quality of life.

 

[pipeman84]

She's definitely not into you, who knows if she really isn't into dating...how can you trust her about the hiatus from online dating? For all you know she might've fvcked a guy last week that she met on the same app she met you on.

I don't know man, at your age and with you looking for something serious why are you on apps in the first place? And meeting with a 37yrs old from an app? Talk about behavior incongruent with your goal.

 

[SW15]

Get some new talent lined up.

That is the solution. Also, she needs to be nexted based on everything she's done. I doubt @JST8828 will ever hear from her again. Women have too many options now.

37, never married and childless.

That's pretty suspect

Sounds like a career woman. I wouldn’t disqualify her for those things, I’m fine with her having no baggage but something is up with her.

@JST8828 is in Bergen County, New Jersey. That's located just outside of New York City. In the Northeastern USA, especially near NYC, there are tons of women in their 30s/early 40s who are never married and no children. That alone isn't suspect.

@Robert28 is correct that she's likely a career woman. There are tons of career women in the New York City corridor.

48 hours after our date, she is gone from the app. Not unmatched with me. But her account is deleted. To me, it screams weird vibes and a woman who is flat out not serious about dating whatsoever and strikes me as someone who has fallen into a world of being comfortable as a single who may never get married and have a family.

There are 2 explanations for this and neither is good for you.

1. She deleted the account after going exclusive with someone, possibly returning to an ex.
2. She is not flat out serious about dating and that includes you. She has low interest in you.

Finally I texted her asking if she'd like to go out again to which she responded sounding very upbeat, saying that sounds good, but said she has a "crazy next few days" then said "Maybe I can let you know next week if that works!". I wrote back saying sure and to shoot me a text next week. No response back from her.

Your response was a combination of too needy and trying too hard to look cool and laid back. You need to not respond to that text in any sort of way.

This all seems to continue following a new trend I've discovered out there in women beginning in what I'd say is their mid 30's, where they are simply not serious about dating but go on these apps and go out with men based on a mixture of social pressure and bc they THINK they want to get involved. In reality though, they do not and are beyond comfortable with their single lives. I'm 38 and I must say this trend has surprised me. I always had visions of it being the opposite where by this point chicks would be 100x more open and ready to get into a relationship but I am finding that to not be the case at all. I'm positive this mostly has to do with modern society and how more and more women are more independent than ever before and don't need a man to cling onto like they once did, as well as many more things people can enjoy in today's day and age that were not around back in the day.

Your observation about the broader market today has merit.

The reason that trend surprises you is that you are mentally operating off of an outdated playbook. The playbook that you have thought is relevant for 30+ women became irrelvant once online dating websites became de-stigmatized in the 2000s and this trend only got worse with swipe apps and social media platforms.

The typical 33-38 year old who is single receives more attention today than a 21 year old supermodel would have received in 1990. If she's using a swipe app, her options are endless and this woman has used a swipe app. Even the women who don't use swipe apps still receive a ton of male attention. If she's a career woman as suspected, she uses LinkedIn and her LinkedIn DMs are full of men asking her out on dates. That's also on top on her Instagram, where she also receive date offers. She likely gets more date offers on Instagram than she does on LinkedIn.

Women in their 30s today in bigger cities are not desperate for men in the slightest bit. They have abundance. If a woman in her 30s/early 40s is complaining "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" it is only because top tier men aren't committing to her. She has plenty of beta males close to her age wanting to commit to her, more than her 1995 equivalent would have had.

She's definitely not into you

I don't know man, at your age and with you looking for something serious why are you on apps in the first place? And meeting with a 37yrs old from an app? Talk about behavior incongruent with your goal.

I agree that @JST8828 needs to not use swipe apps if he's looking for an extended relationship. He probably lacks a social circle capable of arranging dates for him so he's likely going to need to approach strangers in some setting. Approaching strangers is a difficult path but it's better than trying to make something happen on a swipe app.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Because she's attractive, I'm inclined to agree with you. Especially since her career doesn't exactly seem to be something that's extremely demanding these days. She even told me that she decided not to apply for a promotion bc it would effect her quality of life.

OK OP, just saw you're in New Jersey. Any chance this girl is of Italian-American descent?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She went on one last date with you to decide she wanted to be with someone else, which is the way she was leaning anyway.

Basically you were the final "let's see what else is out there" guy before she decided to stick with someone else.

 

[JST8828]

OK OP, just saw you're in New Jersey. Any chance this girl is of Italian-American descent?

What would that have to do with anything?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

What would that have to do with anything?

They are the biggest headaches of any ethnic group on the apps, so much so that it's a red flag in and of itself (not a deal breaker though). Unlike black or asian women, for example, they blend in well so it can be hard to tell them apart at first. Where I am, they are overrepresented by 3-5X on the apps given their local population. Usually, there is some kind of bad taste in the mouth after viewing their profiles if they are over 30. Very rarely do they exude both sweetness and sexiness in their pics, and if they do there's almost always something unappealing in the bio. They like to see how hard dudes are willing to work for their pu$$y, and in today's environment it's very rarely worth it.

It's like an over 30 black girl's bio on Tinder where they show off their tiddies and scream "I don't need no man" in the bio. Except you can't tell they're black at first. Unless you have a discerning eye.

Italian women are more likely than other white women to engage in the behavior described in your OP.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Realistically it doesn't matter. Not into dating simply means she isn't into you enough.

 

[2Rocky]

I'll throw out there another theory. She's in a relationship already and testing the waters of dating again. She deleted her profile because she doesn't want anyone to know she's looking. She may be the "other woman" for a married man, and craved a nice night out in public.

Like I said THEORY..

At this point in her life, she is earning her own money, doesn't have anyone depending on her. Goes where she wants when she wants. She is LIVING THE DREAM for women her age. Most of her friends are divorced single mothers working a dead end job that doesn't pay enough. Their kids don't appreciate everything she does for them. Basically she has an extra $1200 dollars a month plus whatever increase in salary she has been able to attain because she didn't give birth to a second fulltime job.

What value does a man bring to her life when she already has money, unconditional love of a pet or two, status in the workplace, and peace at home?

 

[JST8828]

At this point in her life, she is earning her own money, doesn't have anyone depending on her. Goes where she wants when she wants. She is LIVING THE DREAM for women her age. Most of her friends are divorced single mothers working a dead end job that doesn't pay enough. Their kids don't appreciate everything she does for them. Basically she has an extra $1200 dollars a month plus whatever increase in salary she has been able to attain because she didn't give birth to a second fulltime job.

What value does a man bring to her life when she already has money, unconditional love of a pet or two, status in the workplace, and peace at home?

Thakns for the reply. So just to be clear- your analysis is that if women somehow make it to their late 30's without having been married or having kids they end up seeing through their friends and others just how overrated those two things can be and get turned off by it all and re-evaluate what their goals are. (?)

 

[2Rocky]

Thakns for the reply. So just to be clear- your analysis is that if women somehow make it to their late 30's without having been married or having kids they end up seeing through their friends and others just how overrated those two things can be and get turned off by it all and re-evaluate what their goals are. (?)

Or they find something to replace the satisfaction they thought they would get from it.

Living a simple life is about paring back, so that you have space to breathe. It’s about doing with less, because you realize that having more and doing more doesn’t lead to happiness. It’s about finding joys in the simple things, and being content with solitude, quiet, contemplation and savoring the moment.

 

[Smartone84]

My thoughts are it's more than likely there is another guy or even multiple guys she's involved with in some way shape or form. They are not anything exclusive as she was out in the open on the dating app but she thought she'd test the waters for a minute and found it to be too stressful and not worth the hassle. She deleted the app bc she has another guy or two in her "back pocket" that she deems good enough for some companionship or some d-ck. The odds of her not being into dating OR d-ck are probably under .5%.

 

[Gamisch]

Funny thing is I was thinking about something similar this morning, and now someone actually made post about it.there is a reason why age 30 for women is such a controversial topic. Because even though they might not neccesarily lose their attractiveness, she can only be Alpha widowed so many times before it will permanently change her.

Women start dating from maybe age 13/15. Ironically most men will start serious dating around age 22. So imo a 37 y.o woman been in the game for more then 20 years!

After a certain amount dates, flakes, plates, CC rides ect a person gets numb for certain feelings related to dating. I experience the same ,but from the male pov. I've seen it all done it all heard it all. Although I do think I am a sucker for love , it's gonna take a truly amazing woman to lure me back into a LTR where I believe in Disneyland dreams. I can imagine that women take my aloofness as a red flag.

College and career seem to last forever until 35 hits you. Suddenly you are "middle aged " while yesterday you were part of the young youth. In some realms a woman deleting her OLD apps is actually a positive thing. Just like being childless.

You COULD have a decent prospect on your hands with this one .