Is she interested in me or not?

[TheTrinity]

I got this girls number this past weekend. I thought the attraction was there and the rapport was really good. I called her up on Monday night, left vm.

Late Wednesday night around 11:30pm, she sent me a text apologizing for not responding and asked how my weekend was.

I replied Thursday morning via text saying weekend was good, etc. etc. and asked what she was doing this weekend. She replied in the afternoon saying that it was her bday on Sat, etc., etc.

I replied later in the day assuring that her party will be a blast and that we should grab a drink Sunday night and that I would call her around 8:30pm with plans.

So I called later that night around that time and she didn't pick up so I let it go.

On Friday, after work I sent her a text saying on Sunday, let's grab a drink at XXXXX around 8pm. I got no reply.

So should I just let this go? What's your advice?

Should I re-engage? If so, when and how?

 

[FairShake]

You should absolutely re-engage. Just wait awhile.

Other guys will give you the "next, always next" advice. What I'm saying is sometimes women are "sometimesy" and it's not about you dude. You may miss out on a good time if your ego can't handle a "wait and see."

 

[perseverance]

I'd just leave it at that and move on. If she is interested she'll get back in contact.

Where did you meet her? In a club/bar? If so, it could be that she was drunk and gave you her number under the influence and doesn't remember who you are. She could be playing games to see if you will take her tests. Maybe she feels you came on too strong in the texts? Maybe she is a raving lunatic. You'll just never know, some women are just weird beyond belief.

I wouldn't ponder on it too much, just leave her on the backburner and if she gets in contact again and you're still interested then pick up from where you left off, just please refrain from chasing her.

 

[TopGun2000]

she seems to have low IL. you can probably try again one more time later this week. if still no response, delete her number and move on.

 

[TheTrinity]

this girl is a waitress and i'm honestly going to say that this girl was into me. i know the whole thing about "she's being nice for tips" but in the past she would ALWAYS find a way to talk to me and who ever i'm with by 'accidentily' eavesdropping and getting in the conversation or completely changing the topic. and just by seeing how she works, she does NOT do this with other customers.

so this one time, i went to the restaurant for take out and i saw her there working. i said something to her and we engaged in conversation for a good 2-3 minutes and i'm talking great eye contact and both of us were smiling at each other. i told her i had to go and she should give me her number to grab a drink. she told me to hold on and went back to the kitchen for a good 30 seconds. she came back with her name and number on the back of the receipt. she asked me what my name was and i said xxxx and she put her hand out and we shook hands ..... and then the story goes on from there....

 

[CuriousGirl]

I think the texts were to be polite, she's not interested. However she could become interested if you do swing a date with her, but at the moment that looks doubtful.

 

[CuriousGirl]

this girl is a waitress and i'm honestly going to say that this girl was into me. i know the whole thing about "she's being nice for tips" but in the past she would ALWAYS find a way to talk to me and who ever i'm with by 'accidentily' eavesdropping and getting in the conversation or completely changing the topic. and just by seeing how she works, she does NOT do this with other customers.

so this one time, i went to the restaurant for take out and i saw her there working. i said something to her and we engaged in conversation for a good 2-3 minutes and i'm talking great eye contact and both of us were smiling at each other. i told her i had to go and she should give me her number to grab a drink. she told me to hold on and went back to the kitchen for a good 30 seconds. she came back with her name and number on the back of the receipt. she asked me what my name was and i said xxxx and she put her hand out and we shook hands ..... and then the story goes on from there....

But it's the actions that speak louder than words and these days giving out a number means nothing. At the moment I would say she's not interested enough. Also I think sometimes girls have fleeting moments of liking someone in a conversation but afterwards you don't think anything of it whereas guys tend to pursue it. For example, the last time I gave my number out to a guy I too was working (a nice bar/restaurant) and we were chatting; during that conversation thoughts of all sorts crossed my mind. He asked for my number, I snapped out of it and unfairly (I won't deny) had already made up my mind I wasn't that interested.

 

[gaspipe]

I got this girls number this past weekend. I thought the attraction was there and the rapport was really good. I called her up on Monday night, left vm.

Late Wednesday night around 11:30pm, she sent me a text apologizing for not responding and asked how my weekend was.

I replied Thursday morning via text saying weekend was good, etc. etc. and asked what she was doing this weekend. She replied in the afternoon saying that it was her bday on Sat, etc., etc.

I replied later in the day assuring that her party will be a blast and that we should grab a drink Sunday night and that I would call her around 8:30pm with plans.

So I called later that night around that time and she didn't pick up so I let it go.

On Friday, after work I sent her a text saying on Sunday, let's grab a drink at XXXXX around 8pm. I got no reply.

So should I just let this go? What's your advice?

Should I re-engage? If so, when and how?

Best thing to do is go stealth mode and let her come to you. Some women are like cats. If you ignore them for a while sooner or later they will come back seeking your attention.

 

[TheTrinity]

But it's the actions that speak louder than words and these days giving out a number means nothing. At the moment I would say she's not interested enough. Also I think sometimes girls have fleeting moments of liking someone in a conversation but afterwards you don't think anything of it whereas guys tend to pursue it. For example, the last time I gave my number out to a guy I too was working (a nice bar/restaurant) and we were chatting; during that conversation thoughts of all sorts crossed my mind. He asked for my number, I snapped out of it and unfairly (I won't deny) had already made up my mind I wasn't that interested.

the reason why i'm confused is that when i was having that 2-3 minute conversation, she was qualifying herself to me. she was going into great detail about the common interest we had and she even pointed out her friend that also worked at the restaurant as well to finish off a story that she was telling.

 

[perseverance]

the reason why i'm confused is that when i was having that 2-3 minute conversation, she was qualifying herself to me. she was going into great detail about the common interest we had and she even pointed out her friend that also worked at the restaurant as well to finish off a story that she was telling.

You're reading too much into things.

Her job is a waitress, so she is going to do just about anything to get tips and leave a good impression on you, so you'll keep coming back to the restaurant. She relies on people like you to provide her with her income and extra tips.

I don't know why she gave you her number, girls have given me their numbers before and ignored my two calls (I have a two strike rule). I guess some girls feel under pressure and feel like they're being put on the spot, so they give you their number so you'll go away and it will ease the pressure on themselves as well as getting themselves out of an awkward situation. Just my 2 cents.

 

[CuriousGirl]

the reason why i'm confused is that when i was having that 2-3 minute conversation, she was qualifying herself to me. she was going into great detail about the common interest we had and she even pointed out her friend that also worked at the restaurant as well to finish off a story that she was telling.

Yeah but they want you to fancy them, everyone likes people to fancy them even if they don't fancy them. Hmm it's difficult because she may well have been interested but not interested enough to make any effort. Personally I find a lot of the time I'm just not interested enough to actually see things through even if there was some original interest...especially if I'm busy, I'd rather see my friends or whatever. However, coincidentally, I got a phonecall last night from a guy I had brushed off and he was actually really cool so we're going on a date tomorrow night. Originally I wasn't 'not' interested but just not interested enough to get round to going out with him. So you could be in with a chance but you could have no chance, it's difficult to tell.
I think a fair few girls are like this...someone mentioned, a bit 'sometimesy' and I know exactly what he means, however a lot of girls are also used to these kind of flirty conversations that don't really mean anything. It's the actions that speak louder than words, if she was really keen she would go out of her way to contact you back. Again, she's not interested enough I suspect.

 

[women haze]

Yeah but they want you to fancy them, everyone likes people to fancy them even if they don't fancy them. Hmm it's difficult because she may well have been interested but not interested enough to make any effort. Personally I find a lot of the time I'm just not interested enough to actually see things through even if there was some original interest...especially if I'm busy, I'd rather see my friends or whatever. However, coincidentally, I got a phonecall last night from a guy I had brushed off and he was actually really cool so we're going on a date tomorrow night. Originally I wasn't 'not' interested but just not interested enough to get round to going out with him. So you could be in with a chance but you could have no chance, it's difficult to tell.
I think a fair few girls are like this...someone mentioned, a bit 'sometimesy' and I know exactly what he means, however a lot of girls are also used to these kind of flirty conversations that don't really mean anything. It's the actions that speak louder than words, if she was really keen she would go out of her way to contact you back. Again, she's not interested enough I suspect.

This is why spinning plates is important fellas...right here don't put all your eggs in one basket.

 

[TheTrinity]

I don't know why she gave you her number, girls have given me their numbers before and ignored my two calls (I have a two strike rule).

She texted me back two days later....around midnight... after I left VM on Mon night....and she apologized for not getting back sooner. She said school just started and with work that she was very busy. She told me previously she worked those nights so it wasn't a big deal. If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have responded back to 'apologize.' I would have gotten the 'hint' then if she didn't respond at all. But she did....

It's the actions that speak louder than words, if she was really keen she would go out of her way to contact you back. Again, she's not interested enough I suspect.

I don't disagree with your statement. And I think I know where I went wrong. Maybe she wanted some rapport with me via text but to be honest, I went for the kill and asked her out right away. Maybe she wasn't comfortable with me at that point wanted to be. I'm not a wizard when it comes text game...as they call it.....and maybe that's something I need to work on...

So if she's not interested enough...what can I do at this point to turn the corner?

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

I would say nothing, this is a lost cause and if you continue on this path you will end up as one of her many orbiter's.

I'd also advise against leaving VM in the future as well.

You phone a girl once, if she doesn't answer then leave it a few days. Phone her again, if she doesn't answer then delete the number. If she's genuinely interested, she'll answer or at least ring you back.

Move on lad.

 

[The_411]

Here's the deal when think a "service girl" is into you chances are she's not she's just trying to be nice, cool hip to get more tips and create social proof so people feel she's a rare commodity a rare, personable, affable service person. Scarcity applies everywhere.

Woman are almost like an elborate security systems where getting a number allows access to the waiting room. Then it's up to you and her if you are given the access code for access to her office.

Getting a number is a good start but it's only that a start. It means you have passed the first line of defense and you are granted access to try to pass the second.


The problem I see here is that you got into the waiting room and you tried to access the office without getting the security code on a few occasions.

You did alright by saying let's get a drink on Sunday. However here's the rub. Depdning on how old she is birthdays can get you quite drunk and if that's the case a drink is the last thing a girl may want the day after her birthday bash.

However, let's assume that's not the case for purposes of illustration.

You tell her you will call at 8:30pm to make plans. This is a no go. You already suggested Sunday but you didn't give her the opportunity to decide if she wanted to go.

You compounded the problem by asking her to drinks on Friday night. Why? You already had an outstanding offer on the table that she wasn't give any time to make a decision and now you're giving her less time to make a decision by asking her for drinks on the same day on a Friday no less.

You basically overloaded the permission request and triggered the silent alarm. It's up to you to evacuate before getting booted from the office.

At this point do not try to access her office without her inviting you to do so.

I.e cut your losses and move to someone else.

Ask once and call to confirm. You displayed way too much neediness. Sunday drinks was a enough by asking her on Friday it basically tells her she's of utmost importance to you and you don't have something else to do. You basically oneitis'd your self.

For the future once you ask a girl out leave the ball in her court. Ok to call to confirm but other than that just become a ghost until the day of . Let her wonder where you are ...

 

[TheTrinity]

You tell her you will call at 8:30pm to make plans. This is a no go. You already suggested Sunday but you didn't give her the opportunity to decide if she wanted to go.

You compounded the problem by asking her to drinks on Friday night. Why? You already had an outstanding offer on the table that she wasn't give any time to make a decision and now you're giving her less time to make a decision by asking her for drinks on the same day on a Friday no less.

You got this all wrong. I texted her Thursday saying that let's grab a drink on Sunday and I'll call you around 8:30pm to make plans. I called around that time and she didn't pick up.

So Friday after work, I texted her the plans for Sunday...not for Friday...no response.

 

[seveer]

hard to tell. maybe playing hard t get?

 

[The_411]

You got this all wrong. I texted her Thursday saying that let's grab a drink on Sunday and I'll call you around 8:30pm to make plans. I called around that time and she didn't pick up.

So Friday after work, I texted her the plans for Sunday...not for Friday...no response.

Even still you did a double confirmation without letting it breathe.

You should have just texted her let's get drinks on Sunday and left it at that. No reason to tell her the plans then tell her you'll call. (This is also the reason I'm not a big fan of texting to set up plans.) Either text or call. I've always been a fan of calling for the simple reason that a) you can gauge tone, mood etc b) you can address complicating issues like bringing a coat or dressing in a certain manner.

With texting it's a one way street. You may or may not get an answer and then you're left in limbo. With a phone call you either talk to her or leave a message, or don't leave a message.

You compunded the problem by texting on Friday.

Ideally you should have said something like, " I'll be at such and such place having a grand ole time and perhaps you'll be able to be my bar wench/maid and get me a drink." This is an aggressive line but the concept is important.

You're illustrating that you're going somewhere because you want to and you enjoyment is guaranteed becuase you're interested in having fun and her being there or not being there is not going to dictate your fun. You're also being playful with sexual undertones with a bit off the cuff tossed in. It's interesting/aggressive and carefree.

I'm not a big fan of confirming but I do understand its purpose and value.

 

[TheTrinity]

I'll be very honest...in-person, she was always checking me out when she was walking by my table. She rarely served my tables but when she did we had good rapport. You can tell she was into me but I acted naive about it. Again, she 'accidentally' eavesdropped on my table to get in the conversation and you could tell she was nervous.

But then I get her number and I don't believe I developed enough rapport through text and cut right to the chase and asked her out. I was too aggressive.

So based on what's transpired....let it go or drop a funny text and see how she reacts?

Or am I being blind?

 

[tafakna]

So based on what's transpired....let it go or drop a funny text and see how she reacts?

Or am I being blind?

The first thing that comes to my mind is that you seem far too involved with the girl for something so casual. As people said waitresses jobs involve making 90% of guys think they were treated in a 'special' manner.

And even if your read is right, which might be the case, and she's into you. Take a walk in the mall and some girl will always check you out. That doesn't mean that it will work out with her.

If you want to hit on waitresses it should be a numbers game. Get 8-10 numbers and things will probably work with one of them. Don't get too attached in one specific girl that fast.

If you want to push forward with this specific girl, probably changing pace is a good idea. Send some funny texts, be casual when you meet her, and don't mention going out for some time. Let her wonder if you lost interest... Keep her insecure and curious...