Is She Gaming Me

[CaConfused]

Guys, this girl is thoroughly confusing me. Here's the facts:

Nov-Dec
First dated in late November,
2nd date - mediocre, drunken sex.
Asked her out days later and she had plans on two seperate days, then holidays came up.
Over holidays we texted back and forth VERY lightly. She proactively did. But I went NC.

Sunday Late Jan
I random text her at like Sunday night, lie and say "wow cant find my car" She immediately asks if she pick me up, and also adds' lets get drinks next week' I tell her, I need to find my car first, and decline her ride nicely.

Monday, next day I ask her out on Friday, she has plans. Says how about next week?

But an hour later says "I want to get a beer and burrito, wanna meet me?" It's Monday, why the **** not? We meet up, have a great time. I lean in for kiss, she didnt get into it and says "I have a thing about Public PDA". Outside the car, also just a light peck. Weird.

So today I get a text from her at 2pm "Hey. I had a good time last night. Just wanted to let you know."

What in the hell is going on? She demonstrates bouts of high IL, but has de-escalated physical. Maybe she is trying to slow things way down?

HELP! HELP!

 

[Boilermaker]

Seems like you're spinning her hamster and she's playing with you.

"I have a thing about Public PDA"

Public PDA? She's one of the sharper ones.

Go NC for a while, and don't be her girl-friend.

 

[CaConfused]

Seems like you're spinning her hamster and she's playing with you.

"I have a thing about Public PDA"

Public PDA? She's one of the sharper ones.

Go NC for a while, and don't be her girl-friend.

I was NC for weeks before the Sunday/Monday thing. What's the motivation here?

 

[Trailboss]

Control! It's *always* about control...that is what a women wants: period. She may not admit it, may sugar coat it....but she wants to control the flow. She is playing with ya...Like a cat and a ball on a rubber string! You keep bouncing back bro! Let the string break for a while...

 

[CaConfused]

Ah, I understand. Thanks. Good analogy.

I thought I let the string "break" with the NC before. What's the right balance?

I'll go back to NC.... Just not sure what next step is. Or what the frame is that I should be trying to achieve here.

 

[Trailboss]

Well, from what I have learned here, the frame is to get control back: have her sweating the load over *you*. If NC worked, try it again. You went NC, but from what you wrote: you broke your own NC with that "Where's my car" text? Make *her* do the work. If she can't get you by text, she may escalate to phone and if that doesn't work, a personal appearance. Go for the personal appearance: wait it out. Electronic communication makes it too easy for games...things get tougher for her in person. I'm no expert or DJ, but I would try that...assuming you can keep yourself in check and go about your business without caving...This is what I have been doing with a chick I met in Dec. So far, it's working. I have shown her that I will not communicate via phone/text. She wants to talk to me: she comes and finds me. So far she has been doing that. Parking near me so she can "chance meet" me, coming out on smoke breaks, that sort of thing...she is all "How come you dont answer my texts/phone calls" and I just say "Phones suck! My phone is off unless I have to make a call". I don't leave any wiggle room either...I'm very cool with her, but I cut the convo short every time and leave her wanting more when I can...seems to be working...I don't know if that will work in your situation but...

 

[cola]

She is looking for something. .You know how you have plates? Well she does too. Your one od her plates. She is on a relationship hunt and your not commiting to anything but dates.
Text her this

"I really dig you, but I need more proof your my kind of girl"
Watch her il skyrocket..
Providing your sex was good..

 

[VladPatton]

If you're not feeling keen on her style, go distant for a while and judge by her actions. It's hard to say what her scope is, but it may just be she is looking to set the frame for the relationship.

This is ok, that's not, this is fine, hell no to that!

Once you take her frame and adapt to it, you become her bıtch with a penis and you'll be on here every 2 days asking what went wrong. So, establish what you want at the beginning and don't be afraid of it. Hand her her walking papers if she doesn't like the terms.

This of course if things progress from where they are today.

Good luck.

 

[CaConfused]

She is looking for something. .You know how you have plates? Well she does too. Your one od her plates. She is on a relationship hunt and your not commiting to anything but dates.
Text her this

"I really dig you, but I need more proof your my kind of girl"
Watch her il skyrocket..
Providing your sex was good..

The plates makes sense. But what do you mean she is on a relationship hunt and you're not committing to anything but dates? She hasn't asked me for any commitment. And she has been suggesting the weekday-type dates.

 

[CaConfused]

If you're not feeling keen on her style, go distant for a while and judge by her actions. It's hard to say what her scope is, but it may just be she is looking to set the frame for the relationship.

This is ok, that's not, this is fine, hell no to that!

Once you take her frame and adapt to it, you become her bıtch with a penis and you'll be on here every 2 days asking what went wrong. So, establish what you want at the beginning and don't be afraid of it. Hand her her walking papers if she doesn't like the terms.

This of course if things progress from where they are today.

Good luck.

I think my thing is I don't get why we had sex, then she backtracked it to just a few kisses on a weekday date. Its bizarre. I'll go distant as you suggest. What kind of frame is this that she might be setting.

 

[hindsighted]

Control! It's *always* about control...that is what a women wants: period. She may not admit it, may sugar coat it....but she wants to control the flow. She is playing with ya...Like a cat and a ball on a rubber string! You keep bouncing back bro! Let the string break for a while...

THIS!!!!^^^^

I was talking with a girl for a while. She's a 9 and knows it, thats the problem, and shes a bartender so she is constantly used to the attention. She kino's more than anyone I know. We were hanging out every week for months, and after a while she stopped giving it up. Still wanted to go out, and act like a couple but nothing came of it after the bar or restaurant.

I realized (after coming to this site) I was acting alot more beta than I thought. When I was chasing her she would use the upper hand to her advantage. Everything was on her terms, text/call/hangout

Went NC for a like a month. Already getting i miss you texts, lets hang out, more attention, etc. Tables have turned, I'm shorter with her and not going out of my way to please her. It's funny how easily this works & it feels good to have the upper hand back again.

It really is this simple: Think about a girl that you just used for the cookies. They typically fall for you hard, because everyone wants what they cant have, and you don't give 2 sheits about what happens with her. You need to try that approach with all women, even if you are infatuated. And with men, once you get the cookies the value of that woman falls in your mind too. EVERYONE LOVES THE CHASE --> MAKE HER CHASE YOU, DONT CHASE THEM

 

[CaConfused]

Here's how it works:

1.) Chick has secks with you early on in your "relationship."

2.) Chick feels like slvt.

3.) Chick holds out next couple of times you hang out.

4.) Chick bangs you again in 2 weeks.

If, however, she regrets having secks with you and places the blame on "drunkenness" you will see the following happen:

1.) High rate of flaking

2.) Inviting you to watch her eat a burrito

3.) Lack of Public Displays of Affection

4.) Control grabs and frame setting

5.) Delayed text responses/lack of initiation

6.) Last minute plan ideas (you are her last resort)

7.) Anything that has to do with coffee/lunch dating

If the girl is not willing to make time for you, on YOUR time, she most likely isn't that into you. A poster here said something along the lines of "she just wants control." I whole-heartedly disagree. Women do not thrive when they are in control. They are a gender best lead by alpha men. Every time she tries for a frame change or control grab, she is testing you. She just wants to weed out all the pu$$ies. She wants you to be a big dog and man up. Women are huge into spontaneity...it gives them a feeling of excitement and a rush comparable to when you orgasm. They cannot feel that excitement when they are in control.

I'm not saying you can't accept date offers from her or anything like that. Just be a bit harder to get. But when she offers to hang out you can't just blindly say yes and make time for her. It would serve you good to go NC for minimum 5 days. If she asks you to hang out after those 5 days feel free to say "I'd like to but I already have plans." Don't counter. In a couple days you can reach out again. If you want to accept her offer, you can, but say something like "Sure I am free that day but I get to choose what we do. Pick you up at xxx."

It's not an unsalvageable situation...but sounds to me like she is trying to make you an orbiter and MAJORLY regrets sleeping with you. Don't have all the info, that's just what it seems like. The more eager you are to hang out with a woman the more comfortable she gets with your "relationship." That comfort is very damaging to your game.

This post is absolutely incredible. I sort of regret it too. It was below-average very drunken sex. Not sure if she regrets it because of that, too soon, or both.

If she regrets sleeping with me, why keep me around at all? I guess the same could be asked of me. I'm doing it because she's fun, and I think the sex would be better if I (and her) weren't drunk.

 

[Purefilth]

What you've missed is he gets laid. Then goes NC.

Lets be honest here, who WOULDN'T feel played?!?!?!?!


The girl here has put out and had a guy disappear on her. So she feels like it was a pump'n'dump - or whatever you wanna call it.

So she slows down all the physical, she's probably looking for a boyfriend while you just wanna get laid.

So - quite rightly- she's screening you. She's seeing if you are actually interested in HER, not just a few booty calls/ only there for the good times.

She doesnt wanna feel like a slvt - so she's having a few more dates with you. You keep being a Champ, she'll try to wife up. (in theory)


Completely different perspective from everyone else, but thats what I see.



The other side is - she's fvcking everyone else and keeping you on the backburner just in case they all fall through. - entirely possible too, without seeing how the girl acts in person, all we can do is add theorys.

 

[CaConfused]

What you've missed is he gets laid. Then goes NC.

Lets be honest here, who WOULDN'T feel played?!?!?!?!


The girl here has put out and had a guy disappear on her. So she feels like it was a pump'n'dump - or whatever you wanna call it.

So she slows down all the physical, she's probably looking for a boyfriend while you just wanna get laid.

So - quite rightly- she's screening you. She's seeing if you are actually interested in HER, not just a few booty calls/ only there for the good times.

She doesnt wanna feel like a slvt - so she's having a few more dates with you. You keep being a Champ, she'll try to wife up. (in theory)


Completely different perspective from everyone else, but thats what I see.


The other side is - she's fvcking everyone else and keeping you on the backburner just in case they all fall through. - entirely possible too, without seeing how the girl acts in person, all we can do is add theorys.

Maybe I wasn't clear. I asked her out after having sex and she kept saying she had plans. She was talkative over holidays Then I went NC

 

[CaConfused]

Women don't want to even admit to themselves when they've been a slut. Either one of three things is happening (in rank from most likely to least):

1.) She regrets having secks with you and is reaching out to you every once in a while to ease her mind. She's thinking "He's not just a one night stand if I see him more than once and he buys me some food or something one time. Technically, we dated. I am not a slvt."

2.) She wants you as an orbiter. She may not necessarily regret sleeping with you, because hey you're an attractive guy. But all the attention you give her far outweighs her secksual desire for you. She traded secks for a peg up on the old social value. She can brag to her friends when you text her and want to hang out, but only late night when she wants a burrito will you be able to hang out with her.

3.) She does not regret sleeping with you, she regrets giving herself away too freely. She is testing you to see if you are an alpha male. She will not open up her legs for you again until you continue to show you are dominant. Accepting all her dates and not setting them up on your time hurts. As does constant communication.

Rapport should be built in person, not via text. If she likes you at all, she will want to see you. Save the banter and conversation for then, and then only.

Fact Check: The burrito and beer was at 6pm. We hung out until midnight!

Hah! Awesome. For #1, what's the endgame -just date a few more times to 'ease her mind' and be done?

 

[Country Lady]

Alright I'm the new gal on the block. I just had my heart broken after over a year love affair. So I am reading your guys posts. Playing games with a gals emotions really??? I am very appalled at how you so called men handle yourself for a roll in the sack REALLY??? Let me tell you I am very confident I shoot from the hip or you may speak to my 9mm lol! So I am going to try to get a different perspective from a males point of view and reciprocate rolls with mine.

 

[CaConfused]

Alright I'm the new gal on the block. I just had my heart broken after over a year love affair. So I am reading your guys posts. Playing games with a gals emotions really??? I am very appalled at how you so called men handle yourself for a roll in the sack REALLY??? Let me tell you I am very confident I shoot from the hip or you may speak to my 9mm lol! So I am going to try to get a different perspective from a males point of view and reciprocate rolls with mine.

So where's your perspective?

 

[Country Lady]

So where's your perspective?

Let's START with honesty shall we?
I understand the game deal hell we are all humane. Let me ask this what is your main objective? Nurturing loving relationship or just to capture a hard to get heat? pls respond I wanna learn the male persona.

Excuse me if I overstepped in here kinda new,,
truthful being mad and vain right now helps ME! lol

 

[Purefilth]

Alright I'm the new gal on the block. I just had my heart broken after over a year love affair. So I am reading your guys posts. Playing games with a gals emotions really??? I am very appalled at how you so called men handle yourself for a roll in the sack REALLY??? Let me tell you I am very confident I shoot from the hip or you may speak to my 9mm lol! So I am going to try to get a different perspective from a males point of view and reciprocate rolls with mine.

Playing on emotions keeps interest and attraction there - the only reason you bothered to comment here is because you know this. Not our fault women work like this, not your fault either, you're just wired that way.

no reason to be outraged though, but you wont listen to me, you'd rather ignore logic and use your emotional baggage as a weapon to have a row and vent some frustration that you got dumped.


Bye Bye now.

 

[Country Lady]

Me Busted.
Back up a tad. I am an avid trainer in the animal field. I wish to listen I am doing NC just confused. Reviving texts is mixed signals to me. I am the type to **** or get off the pot! Plus the fact each individual is different. So you say emotions just a women's way of thinking??? I all am open for your knowledge.

Appreciate your blunt N frankness.
I will continue to learn till the day I die.