Is she doing this on purpose?

[BigFoot]

Would a girl do things on purpose to get you angry? For what reasons?
Testing me for something? Trying to get rid of me? Trying to get a reaction from me?
I think I'm noticing a pattern with this gal. Twice she has not been able to see me when we planned something because of kid appointments (which she should have known already seems to me) , and each time she has said "are you mad at me?" To which I reply: "I'm not mad at you - just disappointed.." I get the sense she wants me to be angry at her (make any sense to anyone??)
She'll do other things too that she knows would bother me, like not call when expected, say things that she would know should bother me, etc.
Anyone had similar experiences to make sense of this?

 

[mrsoy]

if things arent mutual,maybe you should find a new girl

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Mr. Big feet, haha - yeah women play mind games because they can't face men directly in battle because they'll lose!! So they do petty shyt to piss men off as an act of vengeance for some shyt that her man unknowing did 6 months ago!! Women are manipulative and vengeful and this is their weapon!!!

Pay no mind to it and do exactly as they do -- return her calls 5 hours late!!

 

[BigFoot]

Well PRL you may be on to something there because in fact I did some things (without meaning to) that bothered her.
But what puzzles me is I'm pretty sure she actually wants me to get angry, i.e., lose my cool and shout at her. Does this make any sense to anyone?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Yes, she wants you to lose your cool and then manipulate your guilt to her advantage!! Women alwalys want to come off as the victim and make the man the victimizer!! In this scenario the power shifts to them!! Understand??

 

[BigFoot]

Pretty good insight PRL. Playing the victim does sound like her. Can I play this somehow to my advantage ? (by "advantage" I mean keep the influence in the relationship slightly in my favor)

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

!. Keep your cool - don't get pissed - if you do then she'll use your anger and say why are you mad - she'll make you look as the culprit!!

2. If she calls 3 hours late all the time you call 6 hours late! And when she complains use the same excuses she does!! DO AS SHE DOES BUT PISS HER OFF MORE!!

Or what I'd do - Set her straight and don't play the game at all!!!!! But you better be ready to walk!!! I don't play games and you have to let girls know right away and punish them if they try to manipulate you -- and this means walking away and taking your penis with you!!!

 

[BigFoot]

Sounds good PRL. What I don't understand with this interpretation is : why does she feel the need to play this "game"? What does she need this advantage for? She has plenty of influence in this relationship (if anything I'm probably too "nice"....)

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

"Too nice" --- THIS IS EXACTLY WHY SHE IS DOING IT!!!!! BECAUSE YOU ALLOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told you, there must be a severe cost to mind games -- you must tolerate very little foolishness!!!! This is all about control!!!!!!!!!!!! And women control men differently than men control women!!!

You are the man - you must take charge and be in control!!!!!! If she doesn't want to follow then tell her to go her way!!!!!!! You must have low tolerance for games or else you will give her the power!!!

Being "NICE" tells me you gave her the power already ---- not good!!!! you should never have given it to her at all!!!!

 

[BigFoot]

OK, so how do I respond then? Cool and calm and understanding (the way I've been doing it) , angry, or what?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

How long has she been plaing with your head??? I'm talking about the head on your shoulders!!

As long as it is her game she will always be the victor!!! Don't play pvssy games and you shall reign forever and forever!!!

 

[BigFoot]

What do you mean by " pvssy games" ?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Dude, why are you with her??? Because she has a pvssy - right??? Would you take her shyt if she didn't have a pvssy?? Emphatically "No"!!! So her powers lies in her womenness which includes the vagina!! Right??

Would you be this forgiving with a man and play games?? "No"!!!

You are the man so you should be dictating the agenda!!!

 

[BigFoot]

Thanks, that's what I thought you meant.
Actually, if it were a guy, I would probably be understanding too, but it wouldn't matter as much.
I'm not sure she's playing all the games you say because it's not clear what the motivation would be. Control? If that's the case, she might get away with it now but it means the relationship is never going anywhere (I'm certainly not going to accept her for long playing games and I don't like controlling women).
There may be more innocent reasons she's doing this.

 

[Serialized3]

Yeah, it seems to me that she's trying as hard as she can to get you angry at her for one of two reasons, either the one PRL said or maybe she was a abused by her daddy and she wants you to fall into that role.

Either way, she's messed up, but you need to lay down the law and tell her that you won't put up with her games anymore. She knows what shes doing and hopes that you dont. She's probably hoping that you get pissed off.

 

[BigFoot]

She was abused (hit, ignored) by her father. So what does that mean my role would be ?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Of course it may be for more innocent reasons -- like attenton!! But my point is this is how woman control men!!!

Men should be in control at all times!!!

 

[Serialized3]

In that case, try getting mad at her. It might turn her on.

 

[BigFoot]

Excellent point PRL. But if it's for attention, maybe that's not so bad. It would then be just part of learning to interact with her - how to give her the attention she needs (and still maintain primary power in the relationship). None of us are perfect after all.

 

[BigFoot]

At one time I did get mad at her, and she seemed to like it. I got the sense she either thinks if you get mad at her you really care for her, or, that she likes being "put in her place" - kind of like the security a child feels.