Is she disrespecting me?

[JoelyBoy]

I have been seeing a girl for about 6 weeks now. She seems to be really into me, she tells me that she cannot wait to see me and says really nice things all the time, which I think are very genuine.

I have a couple of issues which have arised though, and after speaking with a close friend of mine, don't realy have a clear answer.

1) on the third date i went to the toilet after our dinner in a restaurant and when i came back she had paid for the meal which i really appreciated. She said 'this is normal that the girl pays too'. She is Czech so i don't know how shiz goes down out there..... since then she hasn't paid for ANYTHING - traing ticekts, dinners, theatre tickets (last week i took us to the theatre with my friend and his girlfriend, we then went for dinner, and she didn't offer to pay for dinner or anything, she almost expected that i paid for everything). Today i tested her - we went for lunch in a restaurant - the bill came (and coincedentally it was facing her). I waited for 5 mins to see if she would take out her wallet but no - nothing! I paid (of course!). She is an Au Pair so I thought maybe she doesn't earn much money (i googled it and it's about £100 per week) so i thought maybe she was shocked when she paid last time as it was £45 for the meal. But when i speak with her on the phone she tells me she has been shopping and bought 2 new pairs of pygamas, a new handbag (and planning to buy another one next week) etc etc. So she obviously has money in the bank or a semi-decent income.

2) she is living with a family and today she told me that the father (who is 37 - she is 26 - i am 28) is sexy, this was in conversation. Apparently he walks around in his boxer shorts a lot, she said this is a problem, she feels uncomfortable. I'm not massively insecure (although i am on this site so obvioulsy i'm not massively secure either!!) she has never once told me that i'm sexy. This has annoyed me a little bit, she was saying that the wife is always out and maybe the husband is expecting more of her (ie sex) and how would she say no, she might lose her job etc....

I think i set the wrong precident - being too nice, treating her very well - respectful etc.

It's not that she is a bad person, or using me, it's hard to put into words right now. She always wants to see me and spend time with me, she tells me she is all mine, she feels good with me etc...

I'm no mug hence why i'm writing this. I'm going to need to say something to her, i'm seeing her tomorrow and i feel i need to take her for a coffe (im not going to pick her up, i might say to meet me in town - she can make her won way there) and say that if she's into me she should be paying, or at least offering to pay, for some things, and also that it makes me feel pretty lame when she's saying that the man she's living with (when his wife is often not there because she works abroad so much) is sexy when she's not once told me that she thinks i'm sexy. I don't need constant reassurance, but surely this isn't right???

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Obviously there might be some haters saying 'you fukd up' etc.... 'dump her' but im looking for poeple who have been in a similar situation and have come through it.

Thanks guys, have a good 1

 

[Harry Wilmington]

...how is her father only 37?? He had her when he was 11 years old?!?

 

[JoelyBoy]

not HER father, the father of the kids that she is the aupair for, living in their house

 

[ARrocket]

...how is her father only 37?? He had her when he was 11 years old?!?

You read father and sexy, and his AGE is the first thing that came to your mind? :nervous:

 

[BMX]

"It's not that she's a bad person, or using me..." You sound so sure. If she truly isn't any of that then at the very least she definitely is a sandbagger. If you must keep seeing her, take her out to cheaper venues or free ones. I wouldn't bother putting her in a corner this early on by confronting her like that. You'd be better off nexting her if you really feel like asking such questions.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Back In 6 Months.

 

[backbreaker]

I have been seeing a girl for about 6 weeks now. She seems to be really into me, she tells me that she cannot wait to see me and says really nice things all the time, which I think are very genuine.

I have a couple of issues which have arised though, and after speaking with a close friend of mine, don't realy have a clear answer.

1) on the third date i went to the toilet after our dinner in a restaurant and when i came back she had paid for the meal which i really appreciated. She said 'this is normal that the girl pays too'. She is Czech so i don't know how shiz goes down out there..... since then she hasn't paid for ANYTHING - traing ticekts, dinners, theatre tickets (last week i took us to the theatre with my friend and his girlfriend, we then went for dinner, and she didn't offer to pay for dinner or anything, she almost expected that i paid for everything). Today i tested her - we went for lunch in a restaurant - the bill came (and coincedentally it was facing her). I waited for 5 mins to see if she would take out her wallet but no - nothing! I paid (of course!). She is an Au Pair so I thought maybe she doesn't earn much money (i googled it and it's about £100 per week) so i thought maybe she was shocked when she paid last time as it was £45 for the meal. But when i speak with her on the phone she tells me she has been shopping and bought 2 new pairs of pygamas, a new handbag (and planning to buy another one next week) etc etc. So she obviously has money in the bank or a semi-decent income.

2) she is living with a family and today she told me that the father (who is 37 - she is 26 - i am 28) is sexy, this was in conversation. Apparently he walks around in his boxer shorts a lot, she said this is a problem, she feels uncomfortable. I'm not massively insecure (although i am on this site so obvioulsy i'm not massively secure either!!) she has never once told me that i'm sexy. This has annoyed me a little bit, she was saying that the wife is always out and maybe the husband is expecting more of her (ie sex) and how would she say no, she might lose her job etc....

I think i set the wrong precident - being too nice, treating her very well - respectful etc.

It's not that she is a bad person, or using me, it's hard to put into words right now. She always wants to see me and spend time with me, she tells me she is all mine, she feels good with me etc...

I'm no mug hence why i'm writing this. I'm going to need to say something to her, i'm seeing her tomorrow and i feel i need to take her for a coffe (im not going to pick her up, i might say to meet me in town - she can make her won way there) and say that if she's into me she should be paying, or at least offering to pay, for some things, and also that it makes me feel pretty lame when she's saying that the man she's living with (when his wife is often not there because she works abroad so much) is sexy when she's not once told me that she thinks i'm sexy. I don't need constant reassurance, but surely this isn't right???

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Obviously there might be some haters saying 'you fukd up' etc.... 'dump her' but im looking for poeple who have been in a similar situation and have come through it.

Thanks guys, have a good 1

rotfl

1. telling someone "I'm looking for people who have been in a similar situation and have come threw it" is like going to an AA meeting and telling everyone there yeah i know you all are going to tell me i have to stop drinking, but i only want to hear from people who have been able to manage their drinking beucse i really don't feel like quitting.

lol it doesn't work like that bro.

2. you are so worried about about the tree right in front of you that you are missing the forest. i don't give a **** if she thinks her room mate is sexy, my wife tells me guys are sexy all the time i know she doesn't want to **** em. i tell her women are sexy all the time she doesn't give a ****. people don't stop being attractive just beucase you are dating.

i'm worried about the fact that she's 26 and is renting a ****ing room. 26 year old woman who isn't out in the world on her own, without an extremely good reason for not being out =bye. she hasn't grown up yet. and given this petty ass issue that this is, i think that confirms that. she's a 26 year old live in housekeeper. that to me, I Mean, i don't need a woman to be a CEO or some **** but, i don't date house kepers lol. that's not gonna cut it.


when i first came here in 2002, there was a term that we used to throw around that really doesn't get used anymore, the term was a sunshine girl. Sunshine girls get off on the new relationship smell. Every guy they meet is the best guy ever. They love the retridousal, the hand holding, the walks, all that good **** and they come on strong, but they fizzle out fast. it's like she's addicted to the first month or so of a relationship, then she just loses interest.

the easiest way to spot a sunshine girl is if ia girl comes on way stronger than you have given her a reason to come on with. meaning, like, i mean, don't take this the wrong way, i don't mean this as an insult but, you really haven't done anything to warrant her wanting to see you every day. that's sunshine girl behavior. i MEAN, you aren't ****ing her brains out. You aren't model good looking, you don't have any game.. I don't mean that as an insult, but just in a matter of fact way, if you had game you wouldn't be asking this silly post. You haven't done anything to peak her interest to the point where it's peaked which means she's just in it for the rush , she likes falling in love so to speak, and you were good looking enough nd you will do


you are going to **** this up lol. there is no doubt about it, beucase 1. she doesn't really like you and 2. even if she did, she's immature and 3. i've read 3 dates that you have been on and not one of them was remotely exciting.

but she isn't gonna cheat on you. she' just going to become more distant, and then you are going to act more clingy which will make her in turn give you the i need space talk.

always be werry of girls who fall too hard too qucikly. it NEVER works out good. ever. I've had LTR's, i'm married lol, my wife is crazy about me, but she wasn't head over heels in love with me the first month, we dated like anyone else. that's how normal relationships works, there is attraction and interest, but becoming that obsessed with someone without them giving you ample reason to be, that's a sunshine girl.

 

[betheman]

she is rinsing you...that is my first thought. what are her long term plans? are you having sex? I suspect not but could be wrong

 

[backbreaker]

i've never heard that term before. i assume you mean that she's playing him long term to try to get american citizenship.. that thought crossed my mind as well.

but if this were the case, she would be sure to **** his brains out to lock him up which i dont' think she's doing. i just don't think she likes him.

 

[JoelyBoy]

thanks for the responses guys

@backbreaker - i'm not in america (funny how so many people assume everyone is in america and the everyone else wants to beomce american!) i'm in the uk and she is Czech so she wouldn't need any visas to move here forever - Eurpean Union. Also - I've been fkin her brains out for weeks now. I've taken her on some decent dates each time - London to see the sights (which she wanted to do) Windsor for the castle (which she loved) etc.

I don't know about NO game - I'm a DJ in a couple of decent clubs so have girls approach me a lot, and the older i get the more girls i seem to be able to get....

ALTHOUGH... 'sunshine girl' this sounds a lot like the case! i'm going to look into this further so thank you