Is She Crazy and Am I An Orbiter Now?

GuitarOnFire

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This situation confused me. I know this forum is pretty hit and miss with the advice but this girl is weird.

First of all, met her in JUNE (it's almost mid-AUGUST now) with her now-ex-possessive friend. She had high interest in me, sharing food, eyes glazed over. Anyways, she said it was her decision to date me or not because she found out I am 34 and she's 22.. but she looks 18 or younger, even.

To fast-forward through a lot of attempts of me to confidently ask her out, she kept saying she was genuinely busy with church/school/work or couldn't get her friend to come with us. I normally don't go on dates with a friend with us but I understood how she is a petite girl so it's probably scarier to be with a dude that could easily overwhelm her physically.

Anyways, so we were going to see a movie for 1-2 months and nothing ever happened. I figured since she told me that she was scared/nervous to meet me, I'd add her on Facebook. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON - BIG MISTAKE. There goes the mystery and challenge out the door and she may have gotten the wrong impression of me. Anyhoo, after talking to her and trying to get her to meet up with me at some local big events, she finally suggested we meet ALONE -- with none of my friends or her friends there.

The date was finally 8 days ago. It was OK except she had a last minute "church meeting" and kept me waiting. I'd worked a 7am shift in the morning so I wasn't as sharp as I'd normally be. I felt it was a decent first date, even though I went with shorts and a casual t-shirt and she out-dressed me with a formal casual dress shirt and pants.

As far as I know, even though she has been OLD with POF, she hasn't found anyone new. She said she had a great night and let me buy her a drink -- usually a girl won't let you do this from my experiences if she doesn't like you -- and she and I talked a little. Since she arrived so late, we only chilled for maybe 30-55 minutes tops. I ended the date at 10PM because I knew she had to bus 90 minutes to get home and she seems to be a worrier but hides it well.

She chit-chatted over text and I told her I had a great time and suggested another hangout. I did not even say date. She read the message, did not respond. I guess she was lying about having a good time?

Fast forward to this week... I had suggested a Wednesday second hangout.. it came and went.. sent 1-2 messages with some C&F and the second one I was just asking her a friendly Q about her pets to jog the conversation. She read the messages but nothing.

She did add a dude to her Facebook and this other dude seems to like her as well. I figure they are orbiters although she goes out and dances a lot even though in person she seems super shy. I don't get that.

Anyways, I haven't messaged her since. I understand if I was asking her for a date and everything but I was just talking to her and got no response. She is still on my Facebook. I've kept everything positive to this point.

So did I get stone-cold rejected? Never had a girl say she had a great date and then stop talking to me like this before. Usually I dislike the girl and don't even care at all.
 

GuitarOnFire

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She did have high interest and she self-sabotaged it AFAIK. She did tell me over a short Skype session that she was on medication and that fired up red flags after dealing with my ex-BPD wife who gradually tried to destroy/kill me.

I did walk away before saying that she did not seem that interested in talking to me, which caused her to come back and claim she was interested but very busy. Would the same trick work again a few weeks later?? (Also got me the date.)
 

btownbuck2012

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She did have high interest and she self-sabotaged it AFAIK. She did tell me over a short Skype session that she was on medication and that fired up red flags after dealing with my ex-BPD wife who gradually tried to destroy/kill me.

I did walk away before saying that she did not seem that interested in talking to me, which caused her to come back and claim she was interested but very busy. Would the same trick work again a few weeks later?? (Also got me the date.)
You can keep trying if you want but she strikes me as the type who's very comfortable and accustomed to leading guys on whom she has low interest in only to blow them off repeatedly when they try to make a move, which is a red flag. The medication thing is a red flag too. The only reason to put up with any type of red flags is if you're getting sex reguarly and without any effort on your part and if you're able to stay emotionally detached. You're not getting any of that. I'd just move on, personally.
 
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GuitarOnFire

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Thanks for the replies.

She seemed happy to hangout after she was suggesting we do it alone (with no friends) but as soon as I took the initiative, she shutdown and shared some crap about God giving me a blessing if I share it to 20-30 people over Facebook two days later. Other than that, it's been all silence, even when I joked that we were /both/ too busy for a second date and I wished her luck in finding an amazing guy (she read this subtle rejection but gave no response to this message). She hasn't been on POF so I am assuming she found what she thinks is a BBD?

Am I right to assume that I'm an option/back-up in her mind?
 

btownbuck2012

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Thanks for the replies.

She seemed happy to hangout after she was suggesting we do it alone (with no friends) but as soon as I took the initiative, she shutdown and shared some crap about God giving me a blessing if I share it to 20-30 people over Facebook two days later. Other than that, it's been all silence, even when I joked that we were /both/ too busy for a second date and I wished her luck in finding an amazing guy (she read this subtle rejection but gave no response to this message). She hasn't been on POF so I am assuming she found what she thinks is a BBD?

Am I right to assume that I'm an option/back-up in her mind?
Pal, I'm not trying to sound like a d*ck, but you're not even a back up to her. You are an orbiter who she will make time for only when she absolutely has nothing else going on. Her interactions with you have proven this. Just forget about her. She's on meds, she talks about God giving you a blessing, she's on OLD - she's nuts.
 

soulforge

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Game over on this one pal...

Low Low Loooooow Interest here.. let it go dude
 

speed dawg

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I know this forum is pretty hit and miss with the advice
So you insult the forum.....

She did have high interest and she self-sabotaged it AFAIK.
Then you declare you know better than the people who were attempting to give you advice (who all recognized this as low IL).

You're going to have to crash and burn a few times before you're ready for real advice.
 

GuitarOnFire

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I think you're misreading my intent. If you go back to previous replies to my threads from the last 5-10 years, they haven't always been correct. Usually I don't post messages but this girl was being strange after showing high interest signs in person. I got her number extremely easily.

I was actually there when I met her and she was giving all kinds of IOIs. Kino, eyes glazing, smiling, asking lots of questions, etc. I don't know what changed after then but it wasn't from a lack of trying to get a date that gradually she lost interest. In my day to day, I don't really have time or the energy to go out so OLD unfortunately is convenient.

Sometimes girls think they have a BBD and they are wrong. I experienced that with my ex, who returned countless times for that past familiarity/stability. Mental illness probably played a large factor in that but I think a BBD can be an illusion. Aside, people on medication are much, much harder to read and studies suggest they lack empathy, too.
 
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