Is playing games really necessary?

[Robert28]

Easier said than done, even for Guys too

Uh, no it' not. You have two options when it comes to dating/relationships. You can piss and moan about it or you can DO something about it. Case in point, I'd been seeing this girl for a short while. She was a single mother and LOVED to talk about her baby's daddy in a negative way one min and then the next she was claiming how great of a father he was. I got sick of hearing about it so I told her "look, I don't give two sh!ts about your ex so quit talking about the loser." She got mad and told me not to talk about her baby's daddy like that so I said ok. We were out to dinner at the time, so I told the waitress to bring me a to go box. The look of confusion on the girls face and the waitresses face was priceless. I boxed up my food, stood up and said "I'll see you around" and walked out. Left her with her half of the bill too as I asked the waitress to split up the bill and paid her for my dinner. Felt great! She wouldn't stop talking about the d!ckhead and when I asked her to stop she jumped down my throat so I said well if this isn't going to stop then I'll make it stop d@mmit and I did.

 

[AAAgent]

Seriously?
I always seem to read a lot of threads on here and even on the internet about "how to win a girls heart" "how to get a girl interested in you again" etc etc and it seems to the strategies given are all the same game playing bullcrap!

So apparently to get a girl interested in you or regain her interest in you a few of the things were told" act distant, pretend to be busy, never confess your feelings, ignore her every now and then, dont be too romantic with her etc
I can safely if a guy or a girl i was interested in played these games with me i wouldnt bother with them. Firstly if i like someone and they ignore me purposely i would think they were either upset with me or had low interest in me themselves and that would automatically put me of them. I dont expect them to be on the phone to me all the time but if i send them a friendly hello and get ignored i find it rude.

I just dont get all these "games" we have to play to get someone interested in us. Call me old school but i feel like their either interested or theyre not...and i suppose in time i have no problems asking them flat out if they want to keep pursuing what were building and if they dont well then i next them....i dont beat around the bush trying to look for "signals" of Low interest/high interest.......

I dunno just my thoughts. It just strikes me all these articles and tips that tell you to play these petty games with them when you could actually just ask and be upfront and find out what is they want from you and if they want to continue with you? Game players male or female are just extremely annoying and its unnecessary.

These are mostly tips passed down from experienced men to the inexperienced younger guys. Similar to history or knowledge. The reason why it works, and it does work is because of how humans are inherently wired. Also, the reason why this type of information is passed down and guys are told to act this way is because that is how most successful guys will act in the future. When you get older, more experienced as a man, you learn that women are not the end all be all. You have more important **** to do then responding to her text right away about "how was your day??? ". You are probably too busy to hang out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. This is generally the lifestyle of a successful man and women are attracted to success. Better to learn how to act that way when your younger and that's one of the main reasons why we're told to play the so called game. To demonstrate value (act successful) and to prepare us to be successful in the future.

As to the confessing the feelings part. It's not manly to whine or cry. Not only does it imply weakness but men and women don't want a guy like that leading them in a relationship or into battle. Guys are always encouraged to shoulder the weight of anything that bothers them and handle it (involving as few people in the process as possible). Hey, if you look like you have your sh1t together, who will believe otherwise? Showing emotions shows weakness and most men try to limit that to a minimum, especially the ones that want to or have to lead. They are the foundation of the family, whatever type of family it may be.

On the second hand. If a guy didn't make himself busy and is potentially always at your call, you'd eventually become so accustomed to seeing him, it wouldn't be anything special. If you had 2 guys you liked and you saw one everyday and the other once every 2 weeks, who do you think you'd miss more?
Also women want men with ambition. They are attracted to success and power and some men are inherently born to seek success and power but not all. A man who devotes the majority of his time making his girl happy will probably be less appreciated by the girl compared to the guy who spends the majority of his time turning his dreams into reality. One guy makes the girl his life, while the second guy makes the girl a part of his life. Most people want to be apart of something bigger and that's what being busy emphasizes (though not always true).

In my mind, they're less so games with women as they are drills to become or position guys to be successful.

 

[VikingKing]

You have to fight fire with fire. Would you bring a knife to a fight, when the other has a gun?

 

[djgirl]

I was attracted to girls since i was like 12 so no this isnt an attention thing or because of my bad past with men, i actually genuinely like women better.

I can see where you guys are coming from however if im really attracted to someone and they maybe only got back to me once a week or once a fortnight i would either think they werent that into me because if you really like someone youd check in with them more then once a week or id move on and lose interest since they were too busy for me......see how some of this stuff backfires?

sure these games and strategies might work on the majority of people but us decent ones who arent into this game playing crap wont stand for it and will have the opposite affect on us, and im not the only one who thinks this as so many of my female friends feel the same way.

As i said i dont expect to hear from them everyday but using strategies to ignore me/act distant because you dont want to seem easy will have the opposite affect on me. I dont bother with people who cant even put the slightest effort in with me regardless of how busy they are.

 

[Mike32ct]

As I mentioned in another thread, most people are not looking to jump into a relationship instantly. That scares most people. So we use games to cover up those uncomfortable feelings of "Should I or shouldn't I?"

Djgirl, if a girl played ZERO games, approached you, and said to you, "Hi, I like you. I want to be your girlfriend," what would you do?

My guess is you would hesitate. This would scare you or at least make you uncomfortable, as it would most people, even if you liked her.

But if this girl gave you some space by exchanging numbers and not calling and texting all the time, your "fear" of being smothered would be reduced and you MIGHT actually start warming up to her.

 

[djgirl]

Is it NECESSARY??

Well, as guys, here is what we deal with all the time.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=207831

So...you tell me....

yes well bi/les girls deal with this crap too and sometimes i deal with it from guys who make plans with me and then back out at the last minute?

again they either want you or they dont. mind games? ask them straight out what the go is and if they give back wishy washy answers they aint interested...move on

 

[floydb25]

haha i have a number of female friends doing exactly this. they say "nobody likes me QQ", when actually there are some guys who are in love with them, but they are not too hot for them, and they even say those guys are creeps because they are not the best looking / bad boys. they genuinely care about these girls. in their minds if an average boy likes them = creep, if a good looking guy does anything, even kill someone for fun, they just don't care, he is hot.
and usually average/slightly below average girls are the most choosy types as i experienced. and the most superficial ones. they are the ones who REALLY care about the boy's looks. problem is, that those 9-10 boys don't really care about them, hence NOBODY (nobody from out of her league) likes her.

the 9-10 girls i know care more about a guy being an alpha gentleman / has money, status etc. they usually don't give a damn about looks (meaning if you are not too ugly, you really have a chance if you have a strong personality)

Yessir... and it's not even always a matter of if the guy is "hot" or not. Most chicks simply don't want those who want them.

I can remember quite a few instances where girls would go NUTS in the beginning. Head over heels infatuation, chasing like no tomorrow, I'm the best thing evar, very attractive, turning them on, and all that good stuff. When they found out I liked them back (ie, reciprocated THEIR interest, like I THOUGHT they wanted) - they COMPLETELY lost interest - and would even SAY things like, "yeah, but you already like me", "everyone knows you really like me", "I know he really likes me", and so forth. Now I was a complete nobody.

These EXACT same girls - after they lost interest, and were no longer crazy infatuated - would THEN turn around and complain that "nobody liked them". Literally to my face - as I was showing the exact opposite. And others, as well. But when I WASN'T chasing or showing interest - they went bezerk with interest. The same exact girls.

It's all crap, and why all these "games" are necessary. Most people DON'T want those who want them, but go insane over those who couldn't care less. They even SPECIFICALLY seek them out and chase after them like no tomorrow - only to complain that "no one likes them"; all people do is play games and use them, etc. As well as claiming to want a good man who doesn't play games, and blah blah. THE SAME PEOPLE.

It's BS, and why I don't believe or sympathize with ****. Actions vs. words. Most people want the prize; the challenge; what's in highest demand; who they have to earn. Doesn't matter if that person is a complete jerkface - and usually who they get tangled up with for the SAME reasons. Experienced it many times. They SEEK them out, CHASE after them, and AVOID those who want them (and are therefore deemed "low value"). Fact.

In many instances, it could even be the same person - at multiple times. Once I lost interest, dated others, or moved on - these same girls who lost interest in me for showing interest in THEM would then complain that I lost interest - only to show more interest in me again. Back and forth it went. Completely contradicting themselves every step of the way.

To be fair, this works both ways, and I'm guilty of it, as well. These girls were also all trashy, immature, had issues, low self-esteem, and were obsessed with bad boys and drama. Zinc4's kind of women! Ha Ha.

But this is how a lot of girls operate, and who they seek after. From what the OP said in the past - it doesn't sound like she's any different. Same types, same crowds, same shallow craziness.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Quite a few great posts in this thread. Stagger's nailed it, so did a few others. AAAgent, where you been all my life.

These are mostly tips passed down from experienced men to the inexperienced younger guys. Similar to history or knowledge. The reason why it works, and it does work is because of how humans are inherently wired. Also, the reason why this type of information is passed down and guys are told to act this way is because that is how most successful guys will act in the future. When you get older, more experienced as a man, you learn that women are not the end all be all. You have more important **** to do then responding to her text right away about "how was your day??? ". You are probably too busy to hang out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. This is generally the lifestyle of a successful man and women are attracted to success. Better to learn how to act that way when your younger and that's one of the main reasons why we're told to play the so called game. To demonstrate value (act successful) and to prepare us to be successful in the future.

As to the confessing the feelings part. It's not manly to whine or cry. Not only does it imply weakness but men and women don't want a guy like that leading them in a relationship or into battle. Guys are always encouraged to shoulder the weight of anything that bothers them and handle it (involving as few people in the process as possible). Hey, if you look like you have your sh1t together, who will believe otherwise? Showing emotions shows weakness and most men try to limit that to a minimum, especially the ones that want to or have to lead. They are the foundation of the family, whatever type of family it may be.

On the second hand. If a guy didn't make himself busy and is potentially always at your call, you'd eventually become so accustomed to seeing him, it wouldn't be anything special. If you had 2 guys you liked and you saw one everyday and the other once every 2 weeks, who do you think you'd miss more?
Also women want men with ambition. They are attracted to success and power and some men are inherently born to seek success and power but not all. A man who devotes the majority of his time making his girl happy will probably be less appreciated by the girl compared to the guy who spends the majority of his time turning his dreams into reality. One guy makes the girl his life, while the second guy makes the girl a part of his life. Most people want to be apart of something bigger and that's what being busy emphasizes (though not always true).

In my mind, they're less so games with women as they are drills to become or position guys to be successful.

 

[instantnoodles]

I just ran into this situation again which brings me to update this thread

It really is a waste of time when I could be spending it one someone with a high interest level.

Now how do we go about dealing with a person trying to manipulate you into contacting them after a break up? This person used the "jealousy" tactic.

Do I contact them still? ( I really don't want to reward this pathetic behavior) Or do I continue my life ?

 

[skinnyguy]

As I mentioned in another thread, most people are not looking to jump into a relationship instantly. That scares most people. So we use games to cover up those uncomfortable feelings of "Should I or shouldn't I?"

Djgirl, if a girl played ZERO games, approached you, and said to you, "Hi, I like you. I want to be your girlfriend," what would you do?

My guess is you would hesitate. This would scare you or at least make you uncomfortable, as it would most people, even if you liked her.

But if this girl gave you some space by exchanging numbers and not calling and texting all the time, your "fear" of being smothered would be reduced and you MIGHT actually start warming up to her.

I would nut in my pants if a girl did that.