Is One Day a Week Enough to Hit my Dating Goals?

[nicksaiz65]

First off, here’s some obligatory background info on where I’m at financially. I’ll try to keep this brief. My old salary was $80,020. One day, my boss randomly called me into a meeting. Long story short, I thought I was in trouble but he gave me about a $6,000 raise. my new yearly salary is now $86,500. I work a side job as well for 20 hours a week to get my income there. I work a total of 60 hours a week, and I’ve been working as a software engineer for 1.5 years.

I don’t currently have an interest in jumping jobs to a higher paying one at the time, because the tech job market right now is awful and layoff prone, it would take weeks and months of studying for me to prepare for a technical interview, and I like my cushy 100% remote government contracting job haha. Definitely no interest in Overemployed working 80 hours a week because then I’d have no time for ANYTHING. Fvck.

I’ve been running some sample budgets and doing some math. To hit my financial goals, pay down my debt, and hit all of my other obligations(like the studying that my boss told me I need to be doing on the side if I want that next $10K promotion lol) I can go out in a big city only once a week. If you’ve seen my previous posts, you know I have a move coming up as soon as my lease expires. No matter which way I try to slice the numbers, this is how it comes out. Saturdays truly are for the boys.

My relationship goals this year are to sleep with 10 new women(through cold approach, OLD, friends of friends, whatever) with some of those turning into mini-relationships.

I wanted to get some opinions from the board: is this goal realistic being temporarily limited to going out only 1x per week, due to my financials and other responsibilities? Getting to 10 more lays doesn’t worry me, but the mini-relationship thing does a bit. One situation I don’t want to happen is me seeing the same girl over and over once a week and then that date going over, preventing me from gaming that week. Seeing the same girl over and over isn’t a winning solution because that’s basically having a girlfriend. Or, the date going over and being unable to game. That is going to drive me nuts, I already know it. Having my dates and gaming sessions always on the same day seems like a lot, but is it doable?

So TL;DR can I hit these relationship goals only going out 1 day per week, or do I absolutely need two? Wanted to bounce this off you guys, ideas and thoughts much appreciated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly not really. Unless you are setting up 3 dates on that one day so you get a full weeks worth of dating in in one night.

Maybe stagger them like 6-7, 7-8, 8-9?
These are first dates I am talking about, btw

 

[nicksaiz65]

Honestly not really. Unless you are setting up 3 dates on that one day so you get a full weeks worth of dating in in one night.

Maybe stagger them like 6-7, 7-8, 8-9?
These are first dates I am talking about, btw

Yeah man, staggering first dates like that would work. Will probably have to do this and then go out to source new leads after.

With rotation chicks(attempting to build a small rotation up here) the only thing I could think of is to throw them out by 8 or 9, and then go meet the boys to game the bars and clubs.

I guess that could work?

 

[BPH]

As a broke dude living with his parents who still sleeps around a lot, no, that is not a realistic goal.

I would consider myself a pretty good looking guy - I go out usually twice on the weekends and I usually DON'T go home with somebody new. Now that partly depends on how high YOUR standards are as well, but the point is you're essentially wanting to sleep with a new woman every month while only going out 4 days during those months.

Making the money you do at your age certainly helps, but you need to have the looks, you need to have the friends, and you need to have some game and self-confidence to approach these girls when you do go out. Judging by your career as a software engineer and the fact that you work 60-hour weeks, I'm guessing you probably don't have these things in abundance.

So you can either adjust your goals to be more realistic, or you can aim high like you're doing and you'll still probably land somewhere that satisfies you.

Also I don't know where you live but I find much better luck with Fridays than Saturdays if you pick only one. My best guess is that everybody went out Friday so they're relaxing on Saturday to recover or whatever.

With rotation chicks(attempting to build a small rotation up here) the only thing I could think of is to throw them out by 8 or 9, and then go meet the boys to game the bars and clubs.

I guess that could work?

Absolutely not. That only works if you have an ongoing FWB relationship with zero attachment, because no girl is going to want to be the "pregame" to when you actually go out and try.

Even then, that's pretty early for most people, you'll both be sober most likely and you'll probably only "have time" for 1 or 2 rounds. I don't see anybody opting for that.

 

[nicksaiz65]

As a broke dude living with his parents who still sleeps around a lot, no, that is not a realistic goal.

I would consider myself a pretty good looking guy - I go out usually twice on the weekends and I usually DON'T go home with somebody new. Now that partly depends on how high YOUR standards are as well, but the point is you're essentially wanting to sleep with a new woman every month while only going out 4 days during those months.

Making the money you do at your age certainly helps, but you need to have the looks, you need to have the friends, and you need to have some game and self-confidence to approach these girls when you do go out. Judging by your career as a software engineer and the fact that you work 60-hour weeks, I'm guessing you probably don't have these things in abundance.

So you can either adjust your goals to be more realistic, or you can aim high like you're doing and you'll still probably land somewhere that satisfies you.

Also I don't know where you live but I find much better luck with Fridays than Saturdays if you pick only one. My best guess is that everybody went out Friday so they're relaxing on Saturday to recover or whatever.



Absolutely not. That only works if you have an ongoing FWB relationship with zero attachment, because no girl is going to want to be the "pregame" to when you actually go out and try.

Even then, that's pretty early for most people, you'll both be sober most likely and you'll probably only "have time" for 1 or 2 rounds. I don't see anybody opting for that.

Yeahhh these are basically the issues that I was seeing in my head and you put them on paper lol.

The true long-term answer is to fix the rest of the things so that I have more freedom to go out as I like and don’t feel the need to work so much. But that is going to take a good bit of time, and more working/cash flow hence the “long term” lol.

I truly think that to be the most effective, in my experience, you need a minimum of two days. One day to do your dates, and then one day to focus on going out and getting the leads. Or if you don’t happen to have a date that week, then go out twice and have a better chance of pulling someone that you find attractive.

It kinda sucks because I have to pick one. I basically need to choose between sacrificing my financials a bit to go out more(be ok with making a bit less money and being in debt longer for the time being) or hinder my dating life by only having one day(for about a year or so.) If I had a Tinder date that day for example, then that’s a whole week of not meeting people.

After typing this out, I’m almost leaning towards cutting my hours by 5 and reducing that income to ~$83K, not save *quite* as much, and having two days to go out and just working towards getting my skills up and landing the $10K raise at my main job that my boss was heavily hinting at. I say this cause I’m young and getting that raise will give me enough ammunition to clean up this mess in the future. I think with a $90K+ income I’d be fine…

Also I agree with you on those points. I’ve had better luck pulling on Fridays too. I’m also the type of guy to shoot high but if I don’t quite make it, then fine.

This makes sense to me typing out, but in this situation do you think you’d do the same?

 

[BPH]

Yeahhh these are basically the issues that I was seeing in my head and you put them on paper lol.

The true long-term answer is to fix the rest of the things so that I have more freedom to go out as I like and don’t feel the need to work so much. But that is going to take a good bit of time, and more working/cash flow hence the “long term” lol.

I truly think that to be the most effective, in my experience, you need a minimum of two days. One day to do your dates, and then one day to focus on going out and getting the leads. Or if you don’t happen to have a date that week, then go out twice and have a better chance of pulling someone that you find attractive.

It kinda sucks because I have to pick one. I basically need to choose between sacrificing my financials a bit to go out more(be ok with making a bit less money and being in debt longer for the time being) or hinder my dating life by only having one day(for about a year or so.) If I had a Tinder date that day for example, then that’s a whole week of not meeting people.

After typing this out, I’m almost leaning towards cutting my hours by 5, not save *quite* as much, and having two days to go out and just working towards the $10K raise at my main job that my boss was heavily hinting at. I say this cause I’m young and getting that raise will give me enough ammunition to clean up this mess in the future. I think with a $90K+ income I’d be fine…

Also I agree with you lol. I’m the type of guy to shoot high but if I don’t quite make it, then fine.

This makes sense to me typing out, but in this situation do you think you’d do the same?

Alright, here's my advice, and I'm going to paint a full picture of who I am so you know who you're getting this advice from.

I am 29 years old, I've slept with 92 women, I've had 3 serious girlfriends, I live with my parents and make less than $20k/year working part-time because the ventures I've tried have so far failed.

As far as cutting your hours, I wouldn't take financial advice from me - obviously, but what I will say is I used to work at a mortgage lender and some of the top guys were in their mid-late 20s making $100k+, but it's all they did...the manager of my particular group told us how during snow days he would work through holidays by sleeping in the office with a hot plate to make his food.

So the money you make is great, but ultimately I think you would want an avenue where you can make similar amounts without having to sacrifice your entire youth. It will make you more attractive to women that you have your own place and make all that money, but you have to decide how much that's worth and at what cost.

Now, as far as the dating, I would take my advice if you were looking to sleep around. I don't usually get into relationships because I like variety - usually opting to maintain FWBs until the girl wants more or meets somebody serious:

I do not really do "dates". Usually if I go out with somebody, we're already f***ing and this is just a little outing before we go back and f*** again. Most of the women I meet and sleep with I'll meet out at the bar, and even if we don't go home that night I'll usually get her number and coordinate meeting somewhere for drinks, or just happening to see her out again on a different night.

I NEVER do the dinner date stuff - if it's a "date" I'll pick a relaxed bar and have a few drinks there before I figure out if she's down or if she's looking for more. I also never meet up during the day, I value my time and if it's not something that's going to lead to sex I'll usually just opt for meeting up later. Some may call it shallow, but the girls I do this with know what it is and aren't trying to tie me down in a relationship as a result.

As far as dating apps, I suggest having them but never really investing in them. I would say Tinder>Bumble>Hinge in that order, and assume it's supplementary - expect nothing, but occasionally be pleasantly surprised.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Alright, here's my advice, and I'm going to paint a full picture of who I am so you know who you're getting this advice from.

I am 29 years old, I've slept with 92 women, I've had 3 serious girlfriends, I live with my parents and make less than $20k/year working part-time because the ventures I've tried have so far failed.

As far as cutting your hours, I wouldn't take financial advice from me - obviously, but what I will say is I used to work at a mortgage lender and some of the top guys were in their mid-late 20s making $100k+, but it's all they did...the manager of my particular group told us how during snow days he would work through holidays by sleeping in the office with a hot plate to make his food.

So the money you make is great, but ultimately I think you would want an avenue where you can make similar amounts without having to sacrifice your entire youth. It will make you more attractive to women that you have your own place and make all that money, but you have to decide how much that's worth and at what cost.

Now, as far as the dating, I would take my advice if you were looking to sleep around. I don't usually get into relationships because I like variety - usually opting to maintain FWBs until the girl wants more or meets somebody serious:

I do not really do "dates". Usually if I go out with somebody, we're already f***ing and this is just a little outing before we go back and f*** again. Most of the women I meet and sleep with I'll meet out at the bar, and even if we don't go home that night I'll usually get her number and coordinate meeting somewhere for drinks, or just happening to see her out again on a different night.

I NEVER do the dinner date stuff - if it's a "date" I'll pick a relaxed bar and have a few drinks there before I figure out if she's down or if she's looking for more. I also never meet up during the day, I value my time and if it's not something that's going to lead to sex I'll usually just opt for meeting up later. Some may call it shallow, but the girls I do this with know what it is and aren't trying to tie me down in a relationship as a result.

As far as dating apps, I suggest having them but never really investing in them. I would say Tinder>Bumble>Hinge in that order, and assume it's supplementary - expect nothing, but occasionally be pleasantly surprised.

Great advice man. I think I’ll take it.

That’s a fantastic Laycount as well. My philosophy is the same: I want to maintain FWBs and go out. I don’t want to get into a committed relationship so that I can raise my Laycount.

I suppose I’d need to consider why it is that I’m working so hard and studying so much in the first place. My philosophy is that a job is a means to an end: a tool used to generate the lifestyle that I want. It’s nothing more, and if that job is hindering my lifestyle then I’ve missed the forest for the trees.

I definitely don’t want to end up like those guys making $100K but the job consumes you. If you want to read some horror stories, Google “Amazon PIP” or “Amazon layoffs.” One of the reasons I’d never consider working there even if their starting salary is like $140K. Eventually I need to get the point where I can go out and still build towards my future at 40-45 hours a week total. After talking it out I do think I’d be happier with slightly less money but more time, so I’ll request a small cut to my hours soon.

I find it annoying that these debts are still hanging around, but you could argue that I am working towards my financial future by working towards that promotion and increasing my earning potential, making it easier to kill that debt in the future. When the time comes I’ll take care of them.

Yes, drinks dates are the way to go. The fact that your dates need to be at night is another reason that going out just once per week isn’t optimal.

I’d prefer for most of my lays to be from going out and approaching/meeting people tbh. I feel pretty good with it, and the online is definitely just a supplement.

And yeah, those goals are pretty lofty but even if I were to only get halfway there I’d be happy with that too.

Appreciate you talking this out with me man, I’d say I know what it is I need to do now.

 

[The Duke]

The better you are, the less work it takes. To sleep with one new girl a month takes going out 2-3 nights a week and using OLD. If you aren't out on a date, you are out looking for women. It takes a lot of energy.

You have to keep the pump primed at all times. Girls you are talking to, girls you've had a first date with, and girls you have fuhked. You have to manage all of that at once.

I'd put my 10 girls goal to the side. Focus on your job and putting money in the bank. Settle for regular pu$$y you can keep around and spend your time more wisely.

 

[nicksaiz65]

The better you are, the less work it takes. To sleep with one new girl a month takes going out 2-3 nights a week and using OLD. If you aren't out on a date, you are out looking for women. It takes a lot of energy.

You have to keep the pump primed at all times. Girls you are talking to, girls you've had a first date with, and girls you have fuhked. You have to manage all of that at once.

I'd put my 10 girls goal to the side. Focus on your job and putting money in the bank. Settle for regular pu$$y you can keep around and spend your time more wisely.

So you’re saying I should put a greater focus on the money aspect of this plan and accelerate that more than anything?

 

[The Duke]

So you’re saying I should put a greater focus on the money aspect of this plan and accelerate that more than anything?

Yes, its far easier and the rewards further down the road are greater if you invest in yourself now. Money compounds. The earlier you start improving your career so you can have more money and an easier life, the more cash you have to buy things instead of financing, the earlier you can buy a house and start building equity, etc. All of that will make acquiring women much easier at a later date.

Focus on advancing your career, living cheap, and chase a few girls in your free time.

 

[SW15]

One day a week is not enough for your dating goals. It's tough to have work taking up 60 hours a week and be able to have even a mini relationship, let alone a full relationship with frequent sex.

 

[nicksaiz65]

When I was younger and before I started adulting, I used to wonder how some people were so horrible with managing money. But now I see there’s more to it: stuff like your money/time balance is a factor too.

If I were paid more without needing to work 60 hours, that would do it. So the best way to set myself up long term is just to keep working towards getting paid more.

EDIT:
That being said, I think a great first goal is to get to the point of a > $90K salary, and two days a week(Friday and Saturday) completely to myself. That’s a good position to be in, I’d be happy, and that’s a big enough shovel to dig myself out and make big moves for the future. THEN we can talk about next moves, and upskilling more.