Is no contact really the best policy?

[drift king]

Everyone here is an advocate for no contact to help you get OVER the girl, not GET the girl.

Can i ask is it really the best way forward if you are still just looking for an opportunistic lay from your uninterested target?

I understand they dont want you anymore and if she does contact you when you start no contact she just wants your attention.

But instead of ignoring her text of 'hey how are you?' why not just wait a day and reply with something vague like 'yeah im great, hope ur wel'

misspelling the words on purpose to make it look like u wrote in a rush. the reason i say wait a day is cos if you regularly reply to her swiftly, within the hour or whatever, she'll notice the laxity of your slow response and realise something is up and you're not giving her your full attention like you used to. just ignoring her will make her think you're giving her the silent treatment and her response will be to do the same thing right? i.e. playing games.

i understand the NC thing must not be broken for it to fully work that you must see it through for weeks/months. but most of us on here cant handle that. is the idea that the actual silence destroys them inside?

 

[Cheeks]

I know what you're going through right now man. You're overanalyzing everything and trying to rationalize the behavior of a woman (who I am assuming is your ex, and she broke it off with you).

No contact is not going to do anything but allow you to heal faster. I learned this the hard way. After my break up, I would make excuses to see my ex, and every time I did I regretted it. Because every time I saw or spoke with her, I just received further evidence that she had moved on.

I'm now on Day 6 of NC and it still kills me, but I know that any sort of contact is only going to make it worse.

It's like this: There's nothing you can do. If she texts and you don't respond, it means nothing to her. If you do, it still means nothing. It is over.

I know it's tough. I'm still shaking right now from emotional withdrawals. I feel like I'll never get over it. But the advice on these forums is encouraging me to pull through, and I suggest you find the same inspiration that I have.

 

[backbreaker]

I never thought the idea was to heal as much as it was to maintain your "self frame" if that makes any sense. I don't put up with flaky woman who aren't highly interested and by not putting up with it i walk away. because i stick to my guns and i do what i say i am going to do i feel better about myself in the long run. when I know I am really serious, you make yourself look for new opportunities.

 

[drift king]

I never thought the idea was to heal as much as it was to maintain your "self frame" if that makes any sense. I don't put up with flaky woman who aren't highly interested and by not putting up with it i walk away. because i stick to my guns and i do what i say i am going to do i feel better about myself in the long run. when I know I am really serious, you make yourself look for new opportunities.

the thing is im reluctant to do NC with this 1 i been bytching about on the forum for the past few weeks cos every time we meet up we kiss on the lips and make out.. i know that doesn't mean anything but the pure fact she doesnt resist makes me think with a little more feeling and kissing of the neck i can get her into bed.. maybe she's easier than i thought when she's had a few drinks.

we'll see right now she's probably seeing new guys and im on my way to find new 1s too but keeping the option open to get laid i shouldn't close.

the thing is if she starts talking abotu other guys with me im gona tell her straight out that it's disrespectful cos i dont talk about other girls to her.. also it's gona be a bit f'd if she goes to the bar and guys hit on her with me in viewing distance.. i'll feel like i chump, all i know is she lives alone and assuming she had noone there we usually hang at her place.. if she denys me sex if i try to make a move should i just leave?

i think i'll keep trying while im there but if she keeps saying 'listen we're not going to do anything so stop trying' or something along those lines.. should i just calmly grab my coat and walk out?

i dont wanna get into an ignoring match with her, i can just wait a day before i reply to her text cos i know what she's like sometime next week she's gona send me a 'hey how are you?' message, it could be a lead up to her wanting to meet up but im not gona cave in, i'll just be aloof the day later.

it's not about getting her anymore, but im sure given the logistics and fact we always hang out at hers after drinking i should be able to get my d1ck wet at some point.

 

[LearningSlowly]

the thing is im reluctant to do NC with this 1 i been bytching about on the forum for the past few weeks cos every time we meet up we kiss on the lips and make out.. i know that doesn't mean anything but the pure fact she doesnt resist makes me think with a little more feeling and kissing of the neck i can get her into bed.. maybe she's easier than i thought when she's had a few drinks.

we'll see right now she's probably seeing new guys and im on my way to find new 1s too but keeping the option open to get laid i shouldn't close.

the thing is if she starts talking abotu other guys with me im gona tell her straight out that it's disrespectful cos i dont talk about other girls to her.. also it's gona be a bit f'd if she goes to the bar and guys hit on her with me in viewing distance.. i'll feel like i chump, all i know is she lives alone and assuming she had noone there we usually hang at her place.. if she denys me sex if i try to make a move should i just leave?

i think i'll keep trying while im there but if she keeps saying 'listen we're not going to do anything so stop trying' or something along those lines.. should i just calmly grab my coat and walk out?

i dont wanna get into an ignoring match with her, i can just wait a day before i reply to her text cos i know what she's like sometime next week she's gona send me a 'hey how are you?' message, it could be a lead up to her wanting to meet up but im not gona cave in, i'll just be aloof the day later.

it's not about getting her anymore, but im sure given the logistics and fact we always hang out at hers after drinking i should be able to get my d1ck wet at some point.

Too much planning is doomed to fail. Get in the moment, get a sense for what's going on, and roll with it. This doesn't necessarily seem like a no contact situation to me.

 

[Rocko90]

ok right

 

[Cheeks]

This is why guys snap. They cant handle a broken heart and lack of control like women can.

Men lose their minds. Missing the bonding and the sex becomes like an evasive drug to men who are still in love with their exgirlfriends.

It is very dangerous state of mind.

Agreed, and let me tell you something. Drinking DOES help. Everybody says that it makes things worse, but that doesn't hold true for me.

When I'm sober, all I can think about is her and "what do i do" or "what should i say".

A couple drinks later, my senses are dulled and my heart is numbed, she's still on my mind but any urge to contact is diminished.

There's nothing wrong with drinking to dull the pain. It ****ing works.

 

[drift king]

i dont mean for an ex-gf.. i just mean the concept of NC on a girl you've just been seeing but haven't had sex with yet.

i feel the NC concept helps you move on but doesn't ultimately get you what you want whereas if you were to just be more aloof and dont give her your attention when she contacts you too much she may try to entice you to meet up.. obviously you'll be angry if you dont see it through i.e. she may well suggest to meet up, have a time book and then just cancel/flake.. i think someone said before you need to cancel in advance.. it'll really p1ss them off.. mainly cos they were probably going to do the same thing, tho the next time you meet she will not flake surprisingly cos you're becoming a challenge again. (obviously not for a girl you want a relationship with.. she may just f you to prove to herself she got you)

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

the thing is im reluctant to do NC with this 1 i been bytching about on the forum for the past few weeks cos every time we meet up we kiss on the lips and make out.. i know that doesn't mean anything but the pure fact she doesnt resist makes me think with a little more feeling and kissing of the neck i can get her into bed.. maybe she's easier than i thought when she's had a few drinks.

we'll see right now she's probably seeing new guys and im on my way to find new 1s too but keeping the option open to get laid i shouldn't close.

the thing is if she starts talking abotu other guys with me im gona tell her straight out that it's disrespectful cos i dont talk about other girls to her.. also it's gona be a bit f'd if she goes to the bar and guys hit on her with me in viewing distance.. i'll feel like i chump, all i know is she lives alone and assuming she had noone there we usually hang at her place.. if she denys me sex if i try to make a move should i just leave?

i think i'll keep trying while im there but if she keeps saying 'listen we're not going to do anything so stop trying' or something along those lines.. should i just calmly grab my coat and walk out?

i dont wanna get into an ignoring match with her, i can just wait a day before i reply to her text cos i know what she's like sometime next week she's gona send me a 'hey how are you?' message, it could be a lead up to her wanting to meet up but im not gona cave in, i'll just be aloof the day later.

it's not about getting her anymore, but im sure given the logistics and fact we always hang out at hers after drinking i should be able to get my d1ck wet at some point.

It's interesting that every piece of advice you've been given about this girl tells you to walk away... But you continue to come back with more questions about her.

Here's an idea - Just go do whatever it is you want to do.

It's more respectful than having people spend their time typing up good advice for you when you keep ignoring it and coming back asking the same damn question.

You're an adult, right? Knowing this message board, are you seriously expecting someone to come along with some golden piece of wisdom that'll help you get this girl who has rejected you 100000 times?

 

[backbreaker]

AS funny as this sounds, anytime i go, or went NC with a girl i would take 10 mintues and just imagine her doing the worst thing i could think of with whoever. just get the **** over with mentally and get on with your life. imagine her sucking 2 guys off and getting railed by whoever it is, let that **** sink in. you are trying to avoid it anyway, the quicker you can deal with reality the better off you are.