Is my (female) boss trying to destroy my relationship?

[froznie]

Sorry for the extremely long post. I'm really hoping you guys can give me some advice on the situation.

The head of the division is this really sexy lady who everyone hates. I'd say she's as close to a 10 as I've seen. Upper management loves her and protects her so she's never going to get fired. They won't tolerate a single complaint against her because as far as they're concerned she's beyond any reproach whatsoever. I've been in the company for 1 year and she's been there for 2 years.

She's obviously very intelligent but she's very nervous and impatient and has an impossible personality (always screaming at people, extremely arrogant, etc.) She makes a lot of mistakes (often due to lack of communication - she assumes someone is going to do something in her place, etc) and sometimes those mistakes end up costing the company money. But she always finds a way to blame someone else for her mistakes, and the person she blames often gets fired. She's got a viper tongue and is known for spreading disgusting rumors about people, and unfortunately she's very successful at it and she can turn people against each other very easily. The word about her is basically that she's as twisted and evil and selfish as any james bond villain.

Anyway I've been in a stable relationship for more than three years now and my gf and I are engaged. It just so happens that my gf is an acquaintance of my boss since they were in college together. They sometimes meet in the same group of friends. Her being my boss is completely coincidental.

Now last thursday we had to meet some clients in a restaurant and there were 3 people from the department (including me) and the evil boss. The meeting was supposed to be until around 9 PM but we ended up staying until around 11. So the two others from the department get in their cars to drive home, but since I don't drive (long story) I have to call a taxi.

The restaurant we went to just happened to be directly on the other side of the street from my boss's apartment, so she invited me in and said I could wait for the taxi inside. I normally would've said no, but I had to pee so I agreed.

So when I get to her apartment I immediately ask if I can use the bathroom. Then I'm about to call the taxi but she offers me a drink. I'm like OK so she brings me a tequila with orange juice. Then we start to chat about politics and she asks me all kind of questions.

Now, I have to confess that I'm super attracted to her. I don't really like her (and frankly I'm afraid of her because she got a lot of people fired). But I sometimes catch myself looking down her cleavage, etc. And even further I have to confess that I often thought about her when I... well, you know. Anyway. She has a really nice body, she's super hot.

So we're drinking and she offers me another tequila. I'm not used to drinking so I'm feeling a bit lightheaded. Then I want to call my taxi but she's like no, she wants to order a pizza because she's hungry and we barely ate anything at the restaurant. I say that it's almost midnight and it's too late for pizza but she says she knows a place that delivers at night, so she calls and orders an all dressed pizza.

So the pizza comes and we eat. I'm amazed how she can eat so much junk food yet still have this lean sexy body. Anyway I'm starting to feel a bit nauseous because of the alcohol and the pizza. Ten she tells me that she has to take her shower. So I say I have to get going because I'm tired and I don't want to go to sleep too late.

So she suggests that I sleep on her sofa. I really want to get home, so I tell her I can't because I have no pajamas and I'm wearing my expensive suit. So she tells me that I can sleep naked. I'm like no, I want to get home, I need to get some stuff to bring to the office tomorrow, etc. Finally I end up calling my taxi. She offers me another drink and keeps talking about politics. Then I'm like I have to go, my taxi should be there, and she keeps me saying stuff like "no, it's too early, he's no there yet." After a while I manage to leave the apartment and my taxi is there and the driver is all pissed off because he was waiting for me.

Then friday at work she comes to my office and wants to eat her lunch with me, and she starts telling me about some clients who try to hit on her and says that they're not her type and she thinks they are disgusting. I want to go downstairs to buy sandwiches so she takes the elevator with me and then asks me about my girlfriend and she asks me if I'm satisfied sexually with her. I don't really answer because I'm all freaked out so I sort of mumble a weak yeah.

Then this week I felt that she was trying to talk to me at every occasion and using innuendo each time. Then she told me that when she's on her period she likes to have anal sex and asks me if I ever tried it. Then she tells me that she can't believe I only sleep with my girlfriend and she's certain I have some mistresses on the side, to which I say no.

Anyway so this is the situation. I'm super freaked out because I'm terrified of losing my job and I know my boss could tell that I was attracted to her (who isn't?). I don't know why she's going after me like this, but it's making me even more uncomfortable because my girlfriend and her know each other. I'm really afraid that if I end up having sex with my boss she'll either blackmail me or claim that I assaulted her or I don't know.

What should I do? I'm really super uncomfortable right now and I'm not sure what the right thing is.

 

[AttackFormation]

I've read and listened to a lot about psychopaths as well as dealt with them. Just after the intro and two first paragraphs, I'd say this is a textbook case of an office psychopath. After reading through the rest it's clear as day - this psychopath is manipulating you like a yoyo. The reason why she's going after you is because these abominations get a rush out of sabotaging and hurting other creatures, which humans can do too, except psychopaths cannot feel empathy, sympathy or remorse about it.

What I'd suggest you do is seek some qualified help about dealing with office psychopaths. You need someone really good because the chumps who are her superiors have been taken both by her act and her appearance.

Don't try to solve this on your own, you're just setting yourself up to lose because her allies (being a woman, being your superior, attractive appearance, psychopathy, manipulated idiot superiors) will grind your allies (knowing she's a psychopath) through the earth's core.

 

[( . )( . )]

I'm seeing a lot of blue pill mangina words peppered throughout your post "I'm really afraid" Her sex talk "freaked you out" etc etc.

Problems not her, she's your run of the mill bored hypergamy fuelled "career" grrrrl who found some random herb (you) to tool with. Bonus points if she can split you and your chick up and manufacture some extra drama. It's no Grey's anatomy but it will do. ( don't ask, when they trade their prime fertility years with the c@ck carousel and paper shuffling it scrambles their brain or some sh!t)

You're in an unnatural work environment that's conducive to this sort of behaviour, what do you expect is going to happen? I'll leave you with Uncle Elmer's truth bomb, after you read that I suggest you stick around and start reading here.

""Women are competing for jobs but are not creating them. Other than providing a mass market for their vanity products, they are not forging new industries or technologies. They are marginalizing that small percentage of men who passionately innovate, destroy, and create ideas and take the risks to drive them to actualization

Though men shank me and insult me, only men provide me with opportunity. Women can only insult me and deprive me of opportunity. Only men, and only a small fraction of them, take the risks that create industry and opportunity. Women can only serve as mere functionaries in man-created structures. When an organization becomes feminized, priority shifts from efficient and profitable production of goods and services to development of labarynthine rules for the comfort and security of women. Ossification and organizational death are inevitable.

Men have shanked me and kicked me in the teeth, but only men have given me opportunity and employment. No woman can or will provide me or any man employment, yet all western women feel entitled to help and opportunities from men, even as they drive men out of the workplace.

It leads to a nasty conclusion : workplace women are your enemy. They cannot help you but can and will hurt you. Do not look at them, do not talk to them. Extend your hand to men when possible and fight your male rivals honorably. If you are in a situation where you must fight a female remember that she can use any tactic and you will be crucified for merely standing your ground. Walk away from it.

Government studies that make dubious observations on gender differences are produced by self-serving feminist bureaucrats who have no concept about the reality of making a profit in the competitive business world. These imbeciles want the federal government to demolish profitable business structures that evolved over decades in the corporate shark-tank in favor of comfort and security for women and their lifestyle choices. Females want to inhabit man-created business structures as if those structures existed before man appeared on the veldt. They are clueless, and what’s more don’t care. They just want to have their cake and to eat it too. When you have pushed the last man out of the corporation it will collapse under its own dead weight.- Uncle Elmer""

I've read and listened to a lot about psychopaths as well as dealt with them. Just after the intro and two first paragraphs, I'd say this is a textbook case of an office psychopath.

I doubt it, she's a dime a dozen guilty of nothing more than running with the ball she was given.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Sounds like a very bad situation. No matter what you do, you're kind of screwed. Time to update the resume and start looking for a new job ASAP.

 

[ghp]

Seems she´s is toying with you like a puppet , either way things are going to get nasty.

 

[froznie]

I don't really feel like going to work tomorrow. I hate this situation. Normally I wouldn't be afraid of a woman like that but the problem is that she has the power to make me lose my job and I just can't afford to lose my job in my situation.

 

[Stagger Lee]

And just think if the genders were reversed and you were a female and she was a male, you'd be siting pretty in a position to sue the company for sexual harassment.

 

[evan12]

I can bet she is after you to take you from your gf , women like her usually have sexual relationships but they cant have meaningful relationship . the best thing to do is run your phone recorder next time and be ready in case she fired you , you can tell them you will sue the company or threat her by disclosing this . but now sure what is the pinality of recording voice of others without their approval . may be contact employment lawyer .

 

[cordoncordon]

Well if you don't want to bang her, and I don't blame you, I would say your best course of action is to have a one on one convo with her and tell her that while you appreciate sexual innuendo and harmless flirting as much as anyone, for the sake of your gf and relationship you feel it is best that you not do that any longer with each other. Do it in a way that is non confrontational. Don't give any ultimatums. Do it with a smile. That way she can't possibly get upset about it and if anything (hopefully) she will respect what you had to say and leave you alone.

Good luck.

 

[compleks]

Keep a voice recorder in your pocket and get some evidence of her talking inappropriately. Just in case.

While you're doing that, heed the advice of ( . )( . )
She has all the power in this situation because of your mindset and lack of confidence. You need to claim that back and become a stronger person otherwise she will continue playing games with you.

 

[logicallefty]

I have a female boss who is a textbook sociopath. This is hanging on my bulletin board in my office:

http://www.killingmycareer.com/the-sociopathic-business-model/

But sense she only comes in my office to chew my a$$ and is so focused in the said act with her emotions in total attack mode, she fails to notice it. If she did, she would be even more pi$$ed off and that was my whole goal of hanging it up.

For general day to day dealings I use Email as much as humanly possible with her. If she comes in my office and talks to me verbally, I Email her right after and say "per our conversation", bla bla.

I have been able to help matters with her by threatening to file a lawsuit against her and use Emails I had against her that showed clear favoritisim of her giving preferential treatment to women over men. I have also threatened to go talk to the one person in upper management above her that I know can't stand her, and she knows it too and wants to avoid him like the plague. But it sounds like the OP doesn't have that option.

As far as her attempting to ruin things with you (OP) and your GF, others have already hit on it, she is. She craves the drama. Its what makes her tick. And if she isn't messing with you, OP, she is messing with someone else, am I right? My boss goes around in circles and seems to have 1 victim at a time. While she focusing on one person she genrally leaves the rest of us alone, but we all know our turn will come around again eventually.

Bottom line: Stear clear and cover your a$$ with every minor detail, even if it seems insignificant. Keep all Emails, Email people who were witnesses to her behavior and get their statements in writing too, and stay strong!

 

[Greasy Pig]

And keep a diary. Every interaction you have with her should be logged with times, dates and topics of discussion.
Do your utmost to not be left alone with her. Only interact with her in front of other people.
And for what it's worth, I'd highly doubt she actually wants to fvck you, she just wants to push you to the edge and give you every indication possible that you could fvck her and then act all indignant and offended.

 

[Mike32ct]

It's a trap. Do not hang out with her outside of work. Don't flirt back when she uses inunnedo. Your interactions with her are all business from now on.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I think I got a chubby just reading this... i'm at work must relax... dead puppies dead puppies...

OMG what a turn on!

You should have waited till she was done showering and just walked in there naked dude, she gave you permission to be naked!

I would have walked in there sporting a boner, let her check it out then told her "let's be mature adults about this please..."

I have never read a beta story as painful as this, FML.

She's obviously working there because she's an awesome lay, you just missed out on the best sex of your life quite possibly! And that little element of office tension would have been awesome! OMG i'm not coming back to this thread...

Dude on your death bed you are not going to remember the girlfriend or the job, but that epic sex... would have been epic

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Froznie,
You may be expecting the worst,so easy in such situations by your own actions,to create the anticipated reaction...Firstly,don't change in your manner towards her,just be friendly and grateful if she mentions the night and have a heap of excuses should she propose another encounter...However protect your bumb by writing down a full and complete account of the incident and like G.P. says keep a diary,nothing will happen,because she is gaming one or more of the Power Brokers,they don't take Kindly to their Women mixing with the Riff-Raff...Good Luck,it will blow over.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm just curious, what is her real relationship with your girlfriend? Could this be about her and not about you?

 

[glass half full]

I'm kind of curious...where do you work? (not serious, just reminds me of the crap I've seen in the past, long story.)

Some good advice from the other guys too. This is what I would do...

I would get my resume going and out there, do not use references from that place. Stay cordial but silent till you leave. If you do use references from there, use lower level ones. And tell your wife the whole story, and how uncomfortable a place it puts you in. If this part goes horribly bad, maybe you should get out and go to a different part of town. This kind of drama can cause serious consequences and unfortunately there's nothing you can do about your boss, trust me no one @ her level or higher will understand or care. She reminds me of someone, I can empathize. just get the hell out of there.

BTW, Warrior has a strong case...

 

[Zunder]

I think I got a chubby just reading this... i'm at work must relax... dead puppies dead puppies...

OMG what a turn on!

You should have waited till she was done showering and just walked in there naked dude, she gave you permission to be naked!

I would have walked in there sporting a boner, let her check it out then told her "let's be mature adults about this please..."

I have never read a beta story as painful as this, FML.

She's obviously working there because she's an awesome lay, you just missed out on the best sex of your life quite possibly! And that little element of office tension would have been awesome! OMG i'm not coming back to this thread...

Dude on your death bed you are not going to remember the girlfriend or the job, but that epic sex... would have been epic

 

[Killing My Career]

I have a female boss who is a textbook sociopath. This is hanging on my bulletin board in my office:

http://www.killingmycareer.com/the-sociopathic-business-model/

But sense she only comes in my office to chew my a$$ and is so focused in the said act with her emotions in total attack mode, she fails to notice it. If she did, she would be even more pi$$ed off and that was my whole goal of hanging it up.

For general day to day dealings I use Email as much as humanly possible with her. If she comes in my office and talks to me verbally, I Email her right after and say "per our conversation", bla bla.

I have been able to help matters with her by threatening to file a lawsuit against her and use Emails I had against her that showed clear favoritisim of her giving preferential treatment to women over men. I have also threatened to go talk to the one person in upper management above her that I know can't stand her, and she knows it too and wants to avoid him like the plague. But it sounds like the OP doesn't have that option.

As far as her attempting to ruin things with you (OP) and your GF, others have already hit on it, she is. She craves the drama. Its what makes her tick. And if she isn't messing with you, OP, she is messing with someone else, am I right? My boss goes around in circles and seems to have 1 victim at a time. While she focusing on one person she genrally leaves the rest of us alone, but we all know our turn will come around again eventually.

Bottom line: Stear clear and cover your a$$ with every minor detail, even if it seems insignificant. Keep all Emails, Email people who were witnesses to her behavior and get their statements in writing too, and stay strong!

It's a shame the point is almost always missed on the intended. But you made my day knowing that you have it hanging in your bulletin board. Thank you for posting the link. Hopefully what we've endured as employees from an ethical and illegal standpoint can help other employees learn to protect themselves as we've learned the company is out to protect the company and not the employee.

 

[Kailex]

Horrible Bosses 2.
This time it's personal.

Other than that, I've got nothing more to add than what has already been said.

Good luck on your job search.