Is mass approaching a sign of a low value man?

[GoodOne123]

The user "cola" has the attitude guys should have in my opinion. I totally agree with him.

Guys think they are "in control" by approaching. You are only in control if the woman is interested, and that goes for whether you approach or not. The reason why is because SHE is the one who wants something from YOU. You are therefore acting from a place of power. This is why signs of interest are important, you weed out women who are not feeling you.

Dont think you are "manly" for approaching a woman giving zero interest. Remember this game is a two way street. The man has to choose the woman, but the woman needs to choose the man also! Approaching a woman giving a disinterested vibe is not a smart move putting these things into account. If you feel lucky you can take a chance every now and then, but it should not be the foundation of your game. What should be your foundation is looking good, feeling good, walking into the venue, spot the women who are feeling you, approach those women, and watch your game grow. This way there is no running/chasing around, no desperation, no complications, and YOU will be in the position of power from the start.

You need to have a good eye and intuition to catch a womans interest. This can be them checking you out for two or three seconds from the corner of your eye. Almost every single successful approach I had, the girl had given me some form of attention beforehand.

The truth is, you come off as desperate when you are running around the club like a headless chicken "mass approaching". You also should care about how you are perceived by women. Why? Because if a woman thinks you're desperate, strange, or wierd, you aren't going to get any that night!

Think about it, is the woman going to be interested in the guy being chill hanging around the bar chewing gum, or the weirdo running around trying to get any girl they see.

WOMEN ARE LIKE BANKS, IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A LOAN, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET ONE.

 

[cola]

WOMEN ARE LIKE BANKS, IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A LOAN, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET ONE.

Bravo, brilliant analogy and very true.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

But if you approach her isn't she in control? I just feel like A1 men don't need to approach that much. And when you do approach its just Hi with a smile. Anymore effort than that is too much for me at this point in my life.
Go to a club dressed nice, with confident body language get a drink and just stand there and watch girls dance with a disinterested look. Now watch the clowns putting on a show to entertain the girls, but you just stand there.
Girls will open you. I promise.

Girls have opened me plenty of times. But if they approach me I'm doing things on their time. I rather be on my own time.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Also a note to add.

I'm very experienced with "grenade macking". This is when you say screw it and start hollering at all the cute chicks you see. To me it's just like sales. You gotta build a pipeline and eventually things will fall through. I don't think I'm a beginner in the game. I'm 26 and I've smashed 100's of girls in my life. My grenade macking is more of what I'll do during night game however.

Day game and even evening game to me is a little bit different. Goodone has actually a nice post and I agree with it where you still gotta dress good, and you still gotta feel good. Spot the girl that is choosing and then do your thing.

I remember one time I was at a club in Atlanta and I was talking to this one hb7 with a crazy body. I was faded and wanted her but failed to realize that there was an hb9 next to her that was giving me choosing signals. The next day I smashed the hb7 but she was like AJ, "did you not see the girl next to me, she wanted you so bad, she kept throwing her a$$ on you". I was like I wasn't event stunting her. In my head I was like damn, I really have to be more aware when I go out.

 

[guru1000]

But if you approach her isn't she in control?

When YOU act upon your will, you are in control. When you wait for LIFE to act upon you, you are no longer in control, but rather subject to control. Don't confound patience with inaction.

 

[MrWiggles]

Another one of these threads where you guys go on and on about the definition of something like being in control or being alpha and this and that. If you see a girl you like and she doesn't give you any IOIs or doesnt chat you up, will you just walk away and say to yourself she isnt interested? How do you know this? She may just be busy about her day or thinking about something else to notice you. That happens. If you talk to her you may turn her day around and get her interested in you. I think a lot of guys that don't do cold approaching are just protecting their ego from being bruised. I don't think going out and approaching all women one after the other like a robot is a good thing but if you are out doing your thing and see someone you like, why not chat her up first? If you are out for awhile and see a few girls you like, why not talk to them all? How is that being desperate? I dont care if she doesnt give me IOI's. Just yesterday I saw a girl at the market I liked and did not get any IOIs but I talked to her anyway. Had a nice little chat and she gave me her number. She even said she liked my courageousness for coming to talk to her like that.

 

[Mr Wright]

The user "cola" has the attitude guys should have in my opinion. I totally agree with him.

Guys think they are "in control" by approaching. You are only in control if the woman is interested, and that goes for whether you approach or not. The reason why is because SHE is the one who wants something from YOU. You are therefore acting from a place of power. This is why signs of interest are important, you weed out women who are not feeling you.

Dont think you are "manly" for approaching a woman giving zero interest. Remember this game is a two way street. The man has to choose the woman, but the woman needs to choose the man also! Approaching a woman giving a disinterested vibe is not a smart move putting these things into account. If you feel lucky you can take a chance every now and then, but it should not be the foundation of your game. What should be your foundation is looking good, feeling good, walking into the venue, spot the women who are feeling you, approach those women, and watch your game grow. This way there is no running/chasing around, no desperation, no complications, and YOU will be in the position of power from the start.

You need to have a good eye and intuition to catch a womans interest. This can be them checking you out for two or three seconds from the corner of your eye. Almost every single successful approach I had, the girl had given me some form of attention beforehand.

The truth is, you come off as desperate when you are running around the club like a headless chicken "mass approaching". You also should care about how you are perceived by women. Why? Because if a woman thinks you're desperate, strange, or wierd, you aren't going to get any that night!

Think about it, is the woman going to be interested in the guy being chill hanging around the bar chewing gum, or the weirdo running around trying to get any girl they see.

WOMEN ARE LIKE BANKS, IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A LOAN, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET ONE.

This reads like approaching in itself is bad and it's feast or famine, when there is actually a middle ground. I agree that mass approaching is not a good idea once you have a certain level of social acuity but standing around waiting for the magic to happen can often leave you empty handed. I see it down to the mindset of the individual doing the approach, there is a massive difference between a guy approaching a girl he likes because he has selected her out of a crowd and a guy running up to any and every chick like a homeless guy looking for change.

Whenever I go out, I rarely approach more than 3 girls. I've had many nights where I've approached one girl and left with her even though she hadn't noticed me before I approached. I see myself as in control during the approach because prior experience has taught me that girls are receptive when I approach. I know if I do approach, there is a good chance of getting her interested. I could stand in her vicinity and wait for her to show interest or I could just go and talk to her because an approach from a confident guy who carries himself well is attractive in itself. Literally happened to me at the weekend, picked a girl out early on in the night, cold approached and got her attracted.

The girls giving these signals are 'yes' girls, they are into you from the get go and you just need to escalate and not fück it up. Any guy can do that if he's not socially retarded. Selecting a girl out of a crowd, talking to her and getting her attracted takes a certain level of skill that rarely happens. It's just in my life, most of the guys who don't take action are banging substandard girls because frankly they don't have a choice, they are not the "chosen" ones.

 

[marmel75]

Worrying about what a woman thinks about you approaching lots of women is more a sign of someone who believes they are a low value man than actually going and approaching lots of woman. The belief that they are low value is what is killing their chances with many of the women that are being approached NOT the act of approaching. Think about that for a minute.

It's a chicken and an egg scenario...the internal belief that a man has about himself that is causing him to get shot down repeatedly because it's being relayed in his interactions with women is causing him to get shut down not the act of him approaching. Will you get shot down, yes, everyone does, but at some point you need to take a look at what is happening internally and realize there is a reason you are getting shut down and unless you figure out what that is and correct it, it's likely going to continue to happen.

Do what you do. Don't worry about them. It won't matter in the end.

 

[GoodOne123]

This reads like approaching in itself is bad and it's feast or famine, when there is actually a middle ground. I agree that mass approaching is not a good idea once you have a certain level of social acuity but standing around waiting for the magic to happen can often leave you empty handed. I see it down to the mindset of the individual doing the approach, there is a massive difference between a guy approaching a girl he likes because he has selected her out of a crowd and a guy running up to any and every chick like a homeless guy looking for change.

Whenever I go out, I rarely approach more than 3 girls. I've had many nights where I've approached one girl and left with her even though she hadn't noticed me before I approached. I see myself as in control during the approach because prior experience has taught me that girls are receptive when I approach. I know if I do approach, there is a good chance of getting her interested. I could stand in her vicinity and wait for her to show interest or I could just go and talk to her because an approach from a confident guy who carries himself well is attractive in itself. Literally happened to me at the weekend, picked a girl out early on in the night, cold approached and got her attracted.

The girls giving these signals are 'yes' girls, they are into you from the get go and you just need to escalate and not fück it up. Any guy can do that if he's not socially retarded. Selecting a girl out of a crowd, talking to her and getting her attracted takes a certain level of skill that rarely happens. It's just in my life, most of the guys who don't take action are banging substandard girls because frankly they don't have a choice, they are not the "chosen" ones.

It was never my intention to make approaching sound bad in my post, my aim was to show the negatives of "mass approaching", and state that you will be more succsessful if you approach women who are feeling you.

I believe approaching in GENERAL is something you need to do. The majority of men need to approach a woman most of the time, whether she gives signs of interest or not. What I am saying is to approach the "yes" women most of the time ( the girls who are feeling you). The reason why is that you have a much higher chance of success. Slowly succsess after succsess will grow your game, confidence, experience, and skill. Eventually, you will be able to attract better women and achieve more succsess due to these attributes improving.

Every now and then I do think it's fine to approach a women not showing any signs. By all means be selective. We should all take a chance with a girl that we have a high interest in. All I am saying is that expect a much lower succsess rate than if you approach a girl showing IOIs.

But like I mentioned in my previous posts, the guys usually very succsessful with this are either above average looks, high status, or have a lot of skill/experience in the game like you said. Until a guy gets to that level, he needs to get himself the experience. He needs to be with different girls, over a significant amount of time. For that, he needs girls! And all I'm saying is to primarily go for the girls who are feeling you to get that experience and reach that level faster.

You may feel in control in an approach with a girl of unknown interest, but what you feel may not be reality. When you approach a girl who hasn't shown if she has interest, she has the power to reject, humiliate, or accept you. The power is actually in HER hands because YOU want something from her and she knows what it is. You are not in control at all. This changes only when she decides she is interested, at this point you gain the power from her and are I'm control. I like to approach women showing interest from the get go, because in those circumstances i have the power and control from the beginning abd there is no struggle. Again I'm not talking negatively with regards to approach, this is just what happens in reality.

As for signs of women feeling you. It's very subtle. You think they didn't notice you but they did. Women size you up the first few seconds you walk in the club. Like I said you need a good eye to notice it.

Lastly, you say you can get most girls interested in you when you cold approach any of them. Understand this is NOT the norm. The general consensus in the pick up community is that a good succsess rate is 30%, that's a lot less compared to what yours claims to be. By all means do what works for you, but understand that I recommend guys primarily go after girls who give IOIs is because most guys don't have such a high succsess rate and probably never will. They need to build it first by developing the attributes I mentioned in my 4th paragraph. In the meantime they can take a chance with girls they really like if they want to.

 

[Serenity]

My thoughts:

I don't know that guy whom you reference in your post, but I have more respect for him than the guy who sits on the sidelines and waits for things to happen.

My opinion: don't ever expect women to approach you, no matter how DJ or handsome or tall or rich you are/become. In my mind, I am doing myself a great disservice expecting that I will EVER reach a point of being regularly approached by women.

I encourage you to be the initiator...ALWAYS. You have the power, knowledge, and will to make this happen.

This particular guy would be better off doing something completely different. I agree though that it would be worse if he didn't even approach, he'd then be a passive bum. But women should come pretty far down on his list of priorities.

I'm not speaking for the opposite of approaching, both extremes are bad. I expect some women to approach me, but I never expect it from those who interest me. If I'm interested I'm not gonna gamble she'll come over, I'll act on my interest and approach. Sometimes women catch an interest in me without me noticing, so they'll approach me basically for the same reason.

Being approachable is a bonus, I don't rely on it.

 

[playa99]

I have never been out solely with the intention of approaching women. I go on with my life & I know that hot women are going to be there along the way. If I've seen one that tickles my fancy I will strike up a conversation.

The type of women that approachs you depends on your SMV. A fat troll would not approach some Brad Pitt looking dude.

 

[MrWiggles]

I must be pretty ugly because I have never had any women approach me when I am out going on with my life. Maybe some off hand remark about something but I wouldn't say that was them approaching me.

 

[J Roc]

If you are approaching low value women then yes mass approaching will lower your value. If you approach 30 dimes and snag one of them you will be doing better than 90% of American men.

 

[Dealler]

"Mind you, my value is much higher than a 7."

Yeah sure, and that´s the reason you came to SoSuave. Because you have so much value you can´t handle it anymore. *facepalm*

 

[Bokanovsky]

Mass approaching is the dating equivalent of door-to-door sales. Are you aware of any high value product that is sold that way? Do you think Rolls Royce sends salespeople knocking on doors of millionaires' mansions to convince them to buy one of their cars? Only crap products and scams are marketed like that. The same applies to approaching women.

 

[Mr Wright]

You may feel in control in an approach with a girl of unknown interest, but what you feel may not be reality. When you approach a girl who hasn't shown if she has interest, she has the power to reject, humiliate, or accept you. The power is actually in HER hands because YOU want something from her and she knows what it is. You are not in control at all. This changes only when she decides she is interested, at this point you gain the power from her and are I'm control. I like to approach women showing interest from the get go, because in those circumstances i have the power and control from the beginning abd there is no struggle. Again I'm not talking negatively with regards to approach, this is just what happens in reality.

I see what you're saying but she can only accept or reject my approach. There's no humiliation. I'm in control of my own emotions and putting myself out is just that. Rejection from any girl genuinely does not bother me anymore, I don't give a fück about much, which is why cold approach works for me because I can't really lose out. I only see benefits from it. I can see a guy who isn't as far down the road and still gets outcome dependent and worries about how the woman perceives him as someone who shouldn't cold approach because one rejection and they're mentally crucified. At that point it is easier to sit back and wait to see what comes your way because the stakes are lower but so are the rewards.

I agree, it's all an illusion of control. But are you really in any more control if you are waiting for her to show you interest. You're still at her mercy at the start whether you like it or not.

Check out this FR from a few weeks ago, it sums this all up. I had 2 girls in 2 days, one gave me an obvious come on, the other hadn't seen me.

Lastly, you say you can get most girls interested in you when you cold approach any of them. Understand this is NOT the norm. The general consensus in the pick up community is that a good succsess rate is 30%, that's a lot less compared to what yours claims to be. By all means do what works for you, but understand that I recommend guys primarily go after girls who give IOIs is because most guys don't have such a high succsess rate and probably never will. They need to build it first by developing the attributes I mentioned in my 4th paragraph. In the meantime they can take a chance with girls they really like if they want to.

I said I had a good chance, which is true. I don't have any stats or anything like that but I back myself. On a good night I can do one approach and be done. Some other nights, it takes a little longer or sometimes it doesn't happen. Brush it off and go again next time. I agree with you, guys who are not as into this should primarily deal with girls who are interested in them but they should also be totally aware that they are doing it to protect their own ego. Don't underestimate this because I know when I'm in a crappy mood, I don't get the girls I want because vibe is so important. So if guys are afraid, even subconsciously, their vibe is off and they won't be attracting the hottest girls. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. You have to believe you have the right to take what you want. I say if you're in a club, pick your top 3, approach them, go for what you want, if you get shot down you still respect yourself because you're going for what you want. Then you can start dealing with the girls who show interest, that way you can get the best of both worlds. I know I got in this because I wanted to be selective. I want to bang the girls who I think are the hottest and I've worked bloody hard to get here. It is hard, which is why most guys settle for waiting for a girl to show interest, escalate and not fück it up, which I see as perfectly legitimate as long as the guy isn't fooling himself into thinking he's maximising what's available to him.

edit: It just reminds me of my friends who stand around going "oh she's so hot" and all that but never doing anything about it. Then occasionally bang what I can only describe as a low hanging piece of fruit and rationalising what they find attractive about her.

 

[MrWiggles]

Seriously, you guys that don't cold approach are just being pussies and masking it as "I'm in control" Yeah you are controlling your ego from potentially getting smashed but what kind of growth do you get from that? Nothing. Let's be real here hot chicks are not lining up for us to bang unless we are in the upper echelon of males (celebrities, 10s, etc...) Now, MASS approaching, regardless of hotness of babe, is desperate but really it is just used in the early stages of game to get a guy used to talking to strangers. You guys get so caught up in this, I am in control, My value this and my value that. It gets convoluted and it is really done just to protect your delicate ego. So what if she doesnt give you IOIs or seem interested, are you? Then go talk to her and get her interested. You dont have a couple minutes to spare? jesus effing christ

 

[guru1000]

Mass approaching is the dating equivalent of door-to-door sales. Are you aware of any high value product that is sold that way? Do you think Rolls Royce sends salespeople knocking on doors of millionaires' mansions to convince them to buy one of their cars? Only crap products and scams are marketed like that. The same applies to approaching women.

1. You are not the Rolls Royce (top .01%) of men.
2. Nor do you spend millions in advertising for everyone to know your product (YOU).

Analogy is wholly inapplicable.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Mass approaching is the dating equivalent of door-to-door sales. Are you aware of any high value product that is sold that way? Do you think Rolls Royce sends salespeople knocking on doors of millionaires' mansions to convince them to buy one of their cars? Only crap products and scams are marketed like that. The same applies to approaching women.

How many girls have you banged in your life?

 

[Bokanovsky]

How many girls have you banged in your life?

Dozens. I don't know the exact number as I don't keep count. Never "mass approached" though. How about you?