Is marriage even worth it anymore?

[picard]

Is marriage worth it nowadays? We pursue the women everywhere only end up in boring, monotonous life later.
The women just divorce men after a few years later. We will be back to starting point all over again; and our bank account will be reduced much smaller due to alimony payments.

 

[Wyldfire]

nope

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

There's nothing wrong with marriage. It's complacency that ruins things.

 

[solace]

Originally posted by picard
Is marriage worth it nowadays? We pursue the women everywhere only end up in boring, monotonous life later.
We will be back to starting point all over again; and our bank account will be reduced much smaller due to alimony payments.

Not nearly every married man considers his life boring and monotonous. Research shows that marrried men are generally more happy and satisfied than single men.
Now, this isn't the same as saying that "you cannot be satsified in life as a single man." It has also been shown that children with both parents at home are better of than those with households headed by single parents.

"The women just divorce men after a few years later."

Who is to blame for these divorces? Women? Men? Both? ---No one ever seems to concentrate on the working marriages around the world. We always seem to focus on the divorces.

I say "yes," marriage is worth it for those who have found a great woman that they would like to spend the rest of their lives with and the woman loves them as much in return. Strong family units are the best things that this world has going for it.

 

[cave dweller]

57%..........

Hey,

I believe the divorce rate (on first time around) runs at about 57%.

Second and third have a lot higher divorce rate.

cave dweller

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: Is marriage even worth it anymore?

Originally posted by solace
Not nearly every married man considers his life boring and monotonous. Research shows that marrried men are generally more happy and satisfied than single men.
Now, this isn't the same as saying that "you cannot be satsified in life as a single man." It has also been shown that children with both parents at home are better of than those with households headed by single parents.

"The women just divorce men after a few years later."

Who is to blame for these divorces? Women? Men? Both? ---No one ever seems to concentrate on the working marriages around the world. We always seem to focus on the divorces.

I say "yes," marriage is worth it for those who have found a great woman that they would like to spend the rest of their lives with and the woman loves them as much in return. Strong family units are the best things that this world has going for it.

One word stood out in your post, satisfied. I believe that most satisfied men actually mean that they don't have any real complaints, at least that's what they tell themselves. Ask those men if they have anything near the excitement of personal fulfillment of their bachelor days and I bet there would be a reflective pause before their answer.

Maybe they've chosen the path of sacrificing to the greater good and forgoing their personal pleasures. Maybe they never had the excitement of being a DJ and getting married gave his life meaning, who knows.

None the less, satisfaction is the key. Just to what extent a person is satisfied is another question altogether....

 

[( . )( . )]

Marriage? for a Western male? As pointless as half of your posts my clueless friend.

I believe Rollo Tamassi can put it in perfect perspective for you.

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Name one benefit for a man in marriage that he cannot have in single life? Just one.

The problem with modern marriage is that it's not respected for what it is - the best deal on the planet for a woman at the highest risk possible for the man. If my wife fvcks my best freind on the couch in front of me and files for divorce thereafter, she is entitled to half of my assets (as well as future earnings in some cases). If I cheat, she gets at least half as well. If my wife has run up thousands of dollars on her credit card in her college years on trips to Cancun for spring break to fvck bad boys with her girlfriends, I am jointly liable for her debt upon signing a marriage contract. All of that lingerie she bought at Victoria Secret on her VISA card in her 20's to get after it with her college boyfriend? You're paying for that hubby!

In marriage a man has to sacrifice his primary motivator (unlimited access to unlimited sexual partners) to satisfy a woman's primary motivator (ensured security in marriage) at his own personal risk to his life's ambitions, financial status and self-image. You are correct, most men enter into marriage after being conditioned for a lifetime to think "it's the right thing to do" or else buy into the delusion that marriage represents a better agency to consistent sexual satisfaction and women are more than opportunistic enough to foster this 'Bait & Switch' mentality. I've yet to run into the married guy to tell me how much better or how much more sex he's having now that he's married. In fact it's almost universally the opposite - the sex dries up in quality and quantity, because the woman has what she needs, security. This is the single most common complaint married men come to me with. "She's not into it anymore."

So the bait's been switched; this wasn't the deal he signed up for and now it's all about liabilities and responsibilities and "working on himself" (at her behest) to better placate to a constantly changing standard of acceptability for her security. Sex becomes the 'golden carrot' for which he'll tow the responsibility cart in order to find any kind of reinforcement for his decision to marry her. It becomes a naturally occuring experiment in behavioral psychology - sex is his reinforcement and security is the motivator of the behavior she wants to condition in him. In behaviorism this is called an Intermittent Schedule of Reinforcement. It's the same principle used for slot machines in casinos. If all you ever did was pump quarter after quarter into a slot machine and never got even a return payoff occasionally no one would ever play (the desired behavior). But Intermittently reniforce this behavior with an occasional payout (not necessarily a jackpot) and you'll get the most consistent results. In marriage it becomes the same friggin' thing for a guy.

Now before I get all of this hate response for coming off as chauvinistic or down on marriage, let me add that women rarely ever do this maliciously, and more often than not don't even realize they are doing it. That's how naturally it occurs and this is only reinforced for her when a guy internalizes an understanding that this is just "the way marriage is" and resigns himself to his fate. I know 65 year old men who are still trapped in this cycle and feel helpless or out of control in this regard, and thus tolerate the liabilities for the occasional payout. That is NOT a successful marriage, that is a lifetime of patronization and compromise.

I just get physically ill whenever I hear a guy (or especially his wife) tell me about how "they're working on their marriage." In every instance it comes back to this 'golden carrot' dynamic for the guy. Never is it her making an attempt have even a semblance of the chemical, sexual desire they had for each other prior to marriage. Never is the 'work' about her. The single most common reasons for divorce is sex and money, and in that order. Interesting how these two issues are the outcome of both sexe's individual motivators.

 

[hartwell]

well it all depends on what you expect out of marriage for instance. Nine times out of ten when you meet a woman she wants a commitment or relationship. From the girl you meet in the mall to the slut on adultfriendfinder every woman it seems like think they are entitled to a commitment. You have to always foot the bill for going out or to the restaurant it seems like. You have to do the wining and dining, however when it comes to your needs they get put on the backburner. Mention cooking cleaning standing by your side in adverse and key situations then that's another story and the reason why i am dogging women out because they always pushing the commitment word on us if we don't commit then we are doggish or no good men. However somebody has to do the cooking and cleaning and somebody has to take out the garbage and cut the grass and work on cars and clean the gutters on the rooftop. Of course these are several things i just mentioned not including sex
and communication and understanding and sacrificing. Looking at the divorce rate one can say marriage these days is definetly rolling the dice.

 

[SAYNO]

Feminists

Run and controlled gov' and politics have ruined marriage.

Sayno'

 

[flexion_]

Marriage should only be considered if you want to have kids with someone. If you don't want kids with someone then there is no need to get married.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by flexion_
Marriage should only be considered if you want to have kids with someone. If you don't want kids with someone then there is no need to get married.

Interesting. Simple concept but definitely worth thinking about.

 

[solace]

Re: Re: Re: Is marriage even worth it anymore?

Ask those men if they have anything near the excitement of personal fulfillment of their bachelor days and I bet there would be a reflective pause before their answer.[/B]

Maybe with some but lets face it; most married men didn't have a roaring sex life when they were bachelors. Just think of the fellas that you personally know. How many of them actually get laid so often that they almost can't imagine giving up that life for marriage.

A bachelor who actually has exceptional handles with the ladies were they are just
screwing many decent females is relatively rare. Those that do, sort of lose some shine as they get older anyway and the ladies just don't beat down the doors like they used to when the women were young and dumb.

So I believe that there would be a pause for some when asking that question, but for most men, there just won't be much to reflect on.

 

[solace]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Interesting. Simple concept but definitely worth thinking about.

Same here. Off of the top of my head, I agree with the statement. My above post considers that children are involved.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is marriage even worth it anymore?

Originally posted by solace
Maybe with some but lets face it; most married men didn't have a roaring sex life when they were bachelors. Just think of the fellas that you personally know. How many of them actually get laid so often that they almost can't imagine giving up that life for marriage.

A bachelor who actually has exceptional handles with the ladies were they are just
screwing many decent females is relatively rare. Those that do, sort of lose some shine as they get older anyway and the ladies just don't beat down the doors like they used to when the women were young and dumb.

So I believe that there would be a pause for some when asking that question, but for most men, there just won't be much to reflect on.

But does that mean that most men get married for the sex??? No wonder they end up getting bored and eventually look for sex elsewhere. If that's all there is to their marriage, bordom wouldn't be surprising.

 

[coldcoal]

500 years ago, "until death do you part" probibly meant about 20 years, which with a lifespan of maybe 40 years, was just enough time to raise a kid, secure the villiage farm and die. Marriage was required and squeezed into life, I suppose.

Today, even though you have more and more people waiting until their 20's to marry, which is maybe 5-10 years older then historically, people are living 40-50 years longer. So you have this trend where people aren't waiting all that much longer to get married than they would have historically, while lifespan is in comparison growing exponentially, making "until death do you part" a commitment that is getting longer and longer and longer. . .

Relatively speaking, even if you wait until you're 25 to get married, you're still getting married young. The way modern society allows a person to live without the requirement of marriage and children is starting to make marriage a thing of tradition & desire more so than anything else.

As much as I believe feminists and governemnt aren't helping the cause, I think the major thorn in modern marriage is the decreasing need for it coupled with the increasing time it has to survive in a much different society.

It's just getting harder and harder, the benefits of it aren't really increasing and the downside is harsh. In my mind, it's becoming more and more like an undiversified, high risk stock portfolio that you promiose to love & cherish "until bankruptcy do you part".

 

[Desdinova]

Marriage should only be considered if you want to have kids with someone. If you don't want kids with someone then there is no need to get married.

Agreed. If the two (who are in a LTR) have discussed their ideas for their futures, and it includes children, I see no problem with marriage. As long as the marriage works, there will be no child support payments, loss of posessions, etc. Life is full of risks, and we need to decide whether to take them or not.

However, getting back to the "children" view, a couple should NOT get married because she's pregnant or has just given birth. Many men propose after this happens just to "make her and the parents happy." This is when the man gives into other people's thoughts and opinions about him. This happens a lot today because of the different view between the baby boomers and GenX.

I have a friend who got married for this reason. His one year anniversary is in a few days, and he's been living at his dad's place while paying HER rent and supplying for the baby.

 

[penkitten]

marriage is only worth what the two people involved are going to put into it.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by penkitten
marriage is only worth what the two people involved are going to put into it.

But isn't it what all people say before they get married? I mean no one that gets married is thinking I am going to get a divorce, it will never happen to me, but hey it happens alot.

 

[Ars Amoris]

Go to a library, get a book called "Signature Killers" by Robert D. Keppel, get the **** scared out of you, read the conclusion, and THEN come back and comment on this subject.

 

[penkitten]

ive already went thru one bad marriage.
one of us put in everything we had. (me)
the other put in only what he had to (him)
then when i said i cant do this anymore, and only put in what he put in, it fell apart , to pieces.

i learned and now understand that marriage is only worth what BOTH people put in.

no matter how much you love someone, you can not make them work at a relationship if they dont want to.

think of marriage as a bank account.
both people need to make the relationship depoists and both people need to make the withdrawls.
if one makes all the depoists without getting any withdrawls , they are not going to feel happy and satisfied.
if the other doesnt put in any depoists and takes all the withdrawls, then they will never work any harder than that.