Is living together before marriage a good or bad idea?

[Bud_Fox]

Your thoughts?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Good. You don't know anybody until you lived with them.

 

[floydb25]

The best idea.

 

[backbreaker]

it's a case by case scenerio. i did it, but by tht time she was pregant with my son, it just made sense at that time.

the thing is, you ahve to cavet the advice by telling a guy to wait beucase a guy will use that as justificaiton to let any girl he's dated for 4 months to move in with him.

i would say yes, but not until you are 100000% certain you are going to get married-, or at least you are getting ready to propose. or after you have proposed under normal circumstances.

in a perfect would, you would ate for 3 years, if you feel she is the one, you propose ,then she moves in, and you get married in a year. you have a year tral run lving under the same roof with her.


while we are on the subject, to steal a line from marlo standfield, "this is one of those good problems" lol.

but it's a problem and just as big of onek, just not one you are used to dealing with if you haven't been getting laid

once you get to the point where you are dating women, and they like you, the vast majority of them, if you have yoru **** together, are going to try to move in with you, prematirualy. hell I had a married woman try to move in with me once.

some will be bold. some will try the toothbrush move, meaning they will bring one tooth brush at atime utnil next thing you know somehow she snuck her funriture set in the extra bedroom and she has a key. But all of them will try

I learned my lesson after the first one.

they will tell you "well we spend so much time together anyway" or "you don't like me " or "we can save so much money it just makes sense" bull**** bull**** bull****.

women move in for one reason and one reason only. to put a restcritoin on your social/sex life. they want to keep tabs on you at all times. the nicer crib you have the faster she will have her **** packed and try to move in.
lol and why is it that women like, they are always able to just up move like it ain't ****. they are freaking nomads. they are just waiting on that man to come along so they can sop him up. every girl, well not every but most i have dated, and I've dated some women that make money.. live in an apartment, live iwth a room mate, live with mom, live with sister, they don't have permeant fixtures. it's like they are out for blood or some ****, can't wait to shack up with some dude. even when i had an apartment i had a year lease. unless they have a child, women are a good fvck away from trying to move in with a guy regardless of their financial background from my experience. hell i remember i was seeing this chick that was a geologgist, she inherited a house, paid in full.. within 2 months she was pratically living with me and was talking about leasing the house out to make money off of.

if you are anyting like me, and you spun plates to the fullest, she is tired of you not answering the phone at night, or tired of you being busy. she wants to put a clamp to that ****. and it soudns good, but it's not for a good frame work to a relationship.

and for gods sake NEVER move in with a woman.

you have to have your space. even if you are excuslive you need your alone time. you need to do you and she needs to do her. there will be a time when it actually does make sense, but the woman will 10 out of 10 times, bring the issue up first, and the first time she brings it up, it has nothign to do with the bull**** reasons she's telling you. she wants to basically be your live in ****blocker.

 

[jacob]

Your thoughts?

There actually was studies done on cohabitation, and it leads to higher divorce rates.

Not only that, it's also the reason for infidelity and lack of commitment.

http://www.ewtn.com/library/ISSUES/zcohabit.htm

 

[Pneuma]

Yes, move in together before marriage.

I would also advise not getting married at all. This is from experience. I bet half my sh!t on a relationship once...and I lost. The laws are skewed in a womans favor. Alimoney, childsupport...all of it is fvcked.

I would also advise to not move in with a woman that has no financial means to support herself. Also, make sure she moves into your place...not the other way around. Control your sh!t

Good luck!

 

[pdx1138]

I believe in moving in together if you intend to get hitched.

If you can stand each other for 3 years, you're good to go.

 

[5string]

I don't necessarily agree that living together before marriage is either a good or a bad idea. However, living with someone equates to spending more time with them. Thus, it will take less time to really get to know them.

Regardless, I believe it takes 3-4 years to really get a good handle on who your girl is, and who she has been. Even then you both will continue to get to know one another. I have mentioned before in previous threads that women dispense small amounts of personal information over long periods of time. Eventually, most of it is revealed.

Know that no matter what, you will always be taking a "chance" with a woman irrespective of the amount of time you have spent with her.

 

[Zodiac]

There actually was studies done on cohabitation, and it leads to higher divorce rates.

Not only that, it's also the reason for infidelity and lack of commitment.

http://www.ewtn.com/library/ISSUES/zcohabit.htm

I came in to say something like Jacob. 90% of the people I know (Ranging from 20-mid-30s) that lived together before marriage are either divorced or one side of the married couple screwed around on the other side.

I would also advise not getting married at all. This is from experience. I bet half my sh!t on a relationship once...and I lost. The laws are skewed in a womans favor. Alimoney, childsupport...all of it is fvcked.

I would also advise to not move in with a woman that has no financial means to support herself. Also, make sure she moves into your place...not the other way around. Control your sh!t

Good luck!

This is so true. Alimony tts 1 day for every two days you are married you have to pay money to her except in the cases she makes a significant more than you (Something like 10K more a year.)

Don't get married. Its like playing Russian roulette with a spring loaded gun. What do you get being married that you don't without marriage?

 

[perseverance]

Moving in together is a waste of time, marriage is also a waste of time. You can see where I'm going with this...

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I think a big mistake a lot of guys make is they move in with a woman during the infatuation stage (first 6 months) of dating. That's a sure fire way of killing your relationship. A buddy of mine moves in with EVERY girl he dates. He's lived with 3 different women in the past 2 years and still hasn't learned his lesson. I would only advise moving in together if you've been dating for a minimum of year and you plan on marrying her within the next few months.

 

[usher22]

In some conditions its good but for some reasons its not good e.g living together creates understanding between them but living together eliminates the special enjoyment of marriage.

 

[zekko]

I was married at one time (figured I'd try anything once), but the wife divorced me. Having been through that, I have no intention of getting married again unless I expect to die soon and want to spare my girlfriend a huge estate tax.

For me, cohabitation replaces marriage. I like living with a significant other, but I have no desire to hand half my stuff over to her because of the fickle nature of women either (I live in a state with no common law marriage). Living together seems like the perfect compromise. I don't understand why everybody always says "Don't live with her unless you're intending to get married to her soon". Why get married to her at all? Bear in mind though, I'm not looking to raise children.

I've heard those reports that living together before marriage makes divorce more likely, but I have no idea why that would be the case. Seems to me if you're going to break up, you're going to break up. Better to break up while living with her than while you're married.

 

[Desdinova]

I really think it depends on the type of woman you're planning on living with / marrying which will result in your outcome should things turn sour.

I posted a thread a few days ago on confident vs insecure women. I did the common-law thing with an insecure woman, then married a confident one. The marriage to the confident woman is where I'm getting screwed, while the "marriage" to the insecure woman left me with more than I had entered the relationship with.

Women with genuine insecurity are more willing to just give up and move on than confident women who know they can screw you over.

 

[betheman]

"you have to have your space. even if you are excuslive you need your alone time. you need to do you and she needs to do her. there will be a time when it actually does make sense, but the woman will 10 out of 10 times, bring the issue up first, and the first time she brings it up, it has nothign to do with the bull**** reasons she's telling you. she wants to basically be your live in ****blocker." Backbreaker

awful lot of truth in this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I've heard those reports that living together before marriage makes divorce more likely, but I have no idea why that would be the case.

The highly religious people who would not co-habitate before marriage are less likely to get divorced during marriage. They skew the stats.

Someone might say that religious people have a higher divorce rate, but they are defining 'religious' to mean simply self-identifying as so. The number of people who are religious enough to not live together before marriage is much smaller than the number of people who simply say they are religious.

 

[zekko]

The highly religious people who would not co-habitate before marriage are less likely to get divorced during marriage. They skew the stats.

That makes sense, that the stats are skewed.

Even putting religion aside, I bet that people who take the institution of marriage very, very seriously are probably less likely to live together first, but more likely to stay together. Which again would skew the stats.

But then again, I imagine most people who get married fully intend to stay
married, so who knows? Although again, I'm guessing a lot of women get into marriage with an attitude of "Shrug. What do I have to lose? If we stay married, he supports me. If we get divorced, I get half his sh!t."

Women with genuine insecurity are more willing to just give up and move on than confident women who know they can screw you over.

Good point, I tend to agree with you. Can you imagine marrying a lawyer? If you get divorced, she would probably go all out to screw you over, plus she would know all the tricks.

 

[Colossus]

There are a number of studies done on this and naturally, analyzing cohabitation and divorce rates is a very complex undertaking. There are so many lurking variables, many of which are impossible to control for. Earlier studies supported the conclusion that early cohabitation carried a higher risk of divorce, but now more recent studies are saying that people who already have factors predisposing them to divorce self-select themselves into early cohabitation, thus skewing the results. So when these are controlled for, it appears that cohabitation does NOT carry a higher risk of divorce. However, from a research perspective it seems the jury is still out on this one.

I can see both arguments. The "trial marriage" thing has merit, but on the other hand I say if you have been with a woman long enough to know her well (~3 years), you get to see how she lives and what she expects. Also I think people who cohabitate together first tend to take marriage less seriously---they just see it as legalizing the union rather than taking a huge step by moving your entire lives together. Just a thought.

 

[zekko]

more recent studies are saying that people who already have factors predisposing them to divorce self-select themselves into early cohabitation, thus skewing the results.

That makes a lot of sense. If you're not sure if your marriage will last, you're probably more likely to attempt a trial run by living together first.

if you have been with a woman long enough to know her well (~3 years), you get to see how she lives and what she expects.

The problem is once the seven year itch creeps in, the thing can blow up at any time. This refers to the period of time after the novelty, and the biological urge to remain pair bonded, wears off. Some couples split up after 50 years, you just never know. A woman is especially susceptible to getting swept up in the passion and excitement of a potential new relationship, after spending years married (or cohabitating).

Also I think people who cohabitate together first tend to take marriage less seriously---they just see it as legalizing the union rather than taking a huge step by moving your entire lives together. Just a thought.

I've come to the conclusion that marriage as we once knew it no longer exists, so as I've said before I see cohabitating as an alternative. The publlic perception (especially from the female perspective) of marriage is no longer a "death til us part" type of thing.

It may be that in my case, since neither of us were interested in having children, that was a self defeating attitude. Marriage seems designed mostly to start a family. By taking the children out of the mix, maybe it threw a wrench in the works.

On the other hand, I know a LOT of divorced couples who have children. If there are problems to begin with, children are going to just add stress to the situation. I'd be curious to see what the success rates are in marriages with children vs. marriages without.