Is it wrong for a girl to have pics of an ex? when married?

[Janos03]

If a woman is married (over 4 years) and has kids, is it wrong for her to have pics of an ex in her house?

The reason I bring this up is because personally, I find that offensive to the husband. The wife is essentially a stay-at-home mom/wife (the husband makes a LOT of money) and just recently shredded pictures of her ex with her friend. Apparently, she and her friend were laughing about it as they both shredded pictures of the wife's ex.

So again, is the wife in the wrong for having had pictures of her ex while she was married with kids? or is this a common occurrence among married women?

 

[Jblitz59]

disrespectful

 

[iliketennis]

well... she shredded them right?

 

[Strelok]

What a stupid ungrateful b1tch
Does it needs a 200 IQ to realise what's wrong? or simply she doesn't give a fvck?

 

[maqnetik]

red flag:trouble:

 

[bukowski_merit]

i wouldn't give a ****.... to care about something like that is to show a big insecurity... and you also give her power (you bring it up to her and she doesn't destroy them - what you gonna do about it? 95% of guys on here don't seem to have the ability to walk away from a woman they are in love with - so "leave her" isn't the answer).

now, if she talking about how big his d!ck was, or how great he was in bed or something (and doing it in a disrespectful/unasked way) - then she wouldn't be around me much longer.

in the end, she got to destroy the pictures in a disturbing way.... which is far more strange to me than her actually having them.... but im sure she got a lot of emotion out of the event.... hopefully her man ****ed her good that night...

 

[zekko]

I don't see anything wrong with it honestly. It's just keeping pictures of your life and people that were in it. I have some pictures of some old girlfriends somewhere. Like I have my prom picture for example.

Now if she is displaying pictures of her ex prominently I would think that is strange. Unless maybe this ex is a father to one or more of her children. But if she had them tucked away in a drawer somewhere I don't see why anyone would have a problem with that.

 

[Janos03]

Certain issues are very clear-cut red flag worthy. However, there are other situations where one can argue both sides being right. I think this is one of those fine-line examples.

Personally, after I've gone through break-ups, I pretty much discard all things related to an ex. Holding onto photos seems to correlate to attachment to that person, or in other words, not being able to let go.

...

A girl holding onto pictures of an ex may seem innocent on the surface but it may prove to be red-flag worthy. For example, I work with a girl who was dumped by her boyfriend nearly 5 months ago. She still has photos of him in her Blackberry, yet not a shift goes by that this girl does not mention how much an idiot her ex is. Now, if you were to meet the girl from this example, would you pursue a relationship with her?


I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that more often than not, when girls hold onto pictures of an ex, she more than likely still has feelings for him. Obviously, having feelings for an ex is not criminal, but the fact that she can't discard or "let go" of those pictures may prove to be problematic in the future.



And one more thing... I mentioned how the married woman from post #1 needed her friend to shred the pictures. That to me is a red-flag. If a married woman can't let go of an ex without the aid of a friend by her side... that doesn't seem normal to me.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Personally, after I've gone through break-ups, I pretty much discard all things related to an ex. Holding onto photos seems to correlate to attachment to that person, or in other words, not being able to let go.

Women are not men and hold onto emotions from the past (and access them) much easier than men. Besides that - do you discard memories of women from your past from your head? If you don't - then you too hold on to things from your past relationships. If memories of your past relationships don't make you smile - you're doing them wrong.

Expecting a woman to have no emotional attachment to men from her past is the same as expecting her to be a virgin.... It's linked very closely with men's very unreal expectations to be with a pure woman.

A girl holding onto pictures of an ex may seem innocent on the surface but it may prove to be red-flag worthy. For example, I work with a girl who was dumped by her boyfriend nearly 5 months ago. She still has photos of him in her Blackberry, yet not a shift goes by that this girl does not mention how much an idiot her ex is.

But she would take him back in a minute. She's not trying to convince anyone around her that he's an idiot and she doesn't need him - she's trying to convince herself of that!

Now, if you were to meet the girl from this example, would you pursue a relationship with her?

It depends on if i was capable of acting like her ex did to her (because he laid out the blueprint for how to treat her to get her to be attached.) Has nothing to do with her possible emotions still being there for him...

Again, expecting a woman to not harbor any emotional attachment to past relations is unrealistic.

I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that more often than not, when girls hold onto pictures of an ex, she more than likely still has feelings for him.

And any woman who isn't a complete hoe is still going to have feelings for men in their past who they had real relationships with (hoes won't have these feelings because they don't have real relationships).

Obviously, having feelings for an ex is not criminal, but the fact that she can't discard or "let go" of those pictures may prove to be problematic in the future.

More problematic if you get insecure and make an issue about it (ask questions, etc).... Less problematic if you're secure and don't give a sh!t.

And one more thing... I mentioned how the married woman from post #1 needed her friend to shred the pictures. That to me is a red-flag.

Men need to stop looking for red flags in women! And start looking for red flags within themselves!

If a married woman can't let go of an ex without the aid of a friend by her side... that doesn't seem normal to me.

It's as normal as a star in the sky. Women will harbor feelings for their ex's.

Even if they're virgins when you marry and never dated anyone (pure to the guys who care about such nonsense) - they'll still have intense feelings when thinking about the crush they had in 8th grade.

Let them enjoy their emotions.... Trying to get in the way of their feelings - is going to send a red flag up the man's @ss.

 

[maqnetik]

women who do this arent serious about the man theyre pretending to be with

 

[El Indio G]

I don't see how it is NOT wrong.

 

[kingsam]

most people have many pictures of their Ex's - in their Facebook

im sure many people still ahve pic on their computers and stuff, i do it part of my life history.... i dont hold grudges agsint them enven if they were biatchs at the end - indifference!

 

[jafyk]

I don't understand this about the American culture cos I've lived here for 10 yrs and I'm noticing that when people stop seing each other they want to erase everything about that person like that person never existed or wasn't a part of how they became who they are today. I can understand if somebody is hung up an ex and needs to move on as that being the quick fix. I think the strength is also having things of that ex and still being able to move on with your life. I have picture albums with people who are currently or used to be in my life. Occassionally I look through these album.
In the case of married people if the wife doesn't have the pictures blatantly on display and in her man's face I don't see why it's a problem. It's because of the attitude that people have that lead other people to having secrets. Anyway, this is my take on the issue.

 

[Janos03]

First and foremost, as was already alluded to by Bukowski_Melt, insecurity on the males part when finding out that his wife recently shredded pictures of her exes will lead to drama and other issues.

And secondly, I did not suggest that any man or woman can or should ever forget an ex. If anything, remembering an ex can help one grow and look for characteristics to avoid in future girls. As I had already said we're all human so trying to forget a person that may have been in someone's life for an extended amount of time is impossible. However, I know from my own experiences that discarding any relics from past failed relationships (whether they be pictures or what not) has helped tremendously in the healing process.

In the end, we as men have preconceived notions of what is tolerable in our relationships. Some may tolerate a girl having slept with 50 (random number) men or their wife punching them in the face after a miscommunication... So yes, I can agree with all in that certain circumstances a married woman having a few pics of an ex is no cause for concern and then there are other situations when the same is not acceptable.

 

[jophil28]

If a woman is married (over 4 years) and has kids, is it wrong for her to have pics of an ex in her house? ?

Hmm... wrong ? only if she keeps the picture in her nightstand drawer right along with Mr. Happy Plastic.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My current girlfriend and I also dated in high school when we were 15. She went away for a summer, and we wrote each other letters...on paper, with a pen (this technology came shortly after stone tablets.) I kept those letters, and so did she. After high school, we each went to different colleges and on our own separate ways, each getting married for several years. One day, she was cleaning out her attic, and her then-husband saw the old letters from me. He told her she was disrespectful for keeping them and took them to the back yard, where he proceeded to burn them all. They ended up getting divorced, and she ended up with me. The moral to this story is that being a jealous insecure douche bag does not help your relationship.

Here is another of life's lessons that is way over the head of most people: once you love someone, you love them forever.

That does not mean that you still want to be with them, but the place in your heart that they hold can never be entirely erased. Most of us who are in relationships are in polite denial about exes. All of this goes for both genders. Although she'll hide it to save your ego, if you're not your girl's first love, then a tiny part of her will always love someone else. It's just part of being human.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Bible Belt pretty much spoke on my behalf.



Think of it this way...

You have a dog when it was a puppy and raise it up and keep for 7 years, then one day it attacks you, and you have to put it down. Your pissed it attacked you, but your not gonna let your memories go away with it. You have pictures of the dog. Are you just gonna throw them away. Maybe not put them in obvious places, but you keep em.

It really isn't that big of a deal. And worrying about them is insecurity. Is she still with him? No? Didn't think so.

 

[Janos03]

Bible_Belt...great answer. No disagreement from this end. I like your approach of loving others and not burning bridges unnecessarily.

 

[maqnetik]

My current girlfriend and I also dated in high school when we were 15. She went away for a summer, and we wrote each other letters...on paper, with a pen (this technology came shortly after stone tablets.) I kept those letters, and so did she. After high school, we each went to different colleges and on our own separate ways, each getting married for several years. One day, she was cleaning out her attic, and her then-husband saw the old letters from me. He told her she was disrespectful for keeping them and took them to the back yard, where he proceeded to burn them all. They ended up getting divorced, and she ended up with me. The moral to this story is that being a jealous insecure douche bag does not help your relationship.

Here is another of life's lessons that is way over the head of most people: once you love someone, you love them forever.

That does not mean that you still want to be with them, but the place in your heart that they hold can never be entirely erased. Most of us who are in relationships are in polite denial about exes. All of this goes for both genders. Although she'll hide it to save your ego, if you're not your girl's first love, then a tiny part of her will always love someone else. It's just part of being human.

thats the whole point:

she loved YOU not him and those letters/pictures were the least of their problems

 

[Bible_Belt]

she loved YOU not him


Nah, she loved both of us...and still does. That is the point, or at least my point. It's ok to still care about an ex as a person; to do otherwise is to be in denial. Anyone who rants about how they hate their ex is really saying that they are hurt because they still care.

I find it easier just to accept it. Everyone still cares at least a little about their ex. Both my girlfriend and I have ex-spouses that we still talk to. I've met her ex-husband; he's a decent guy. Her other ex from college is on her facebook and chats with her all the time. He obviously wants her back, and she obviously likes the attention. If I were to disappear, then I have no doubt that she would end up with him.

I'm sure most guys would be shocked at the "blatant disrespect" of a girlfriend chatting with her ex she keeps on a shelf, and tell me to keep my woman under control by issuing commandments. To that I would reply that she is very much under control, but it's because she knows that if she were to leave, then I'd probably just go skipping off into the sunset with a certain teenage bimbo that I have on the shelf for myself. If the door is always open, then you don't have to guard it.