is it to late?

[Ark Dragon]

ok i've been crazy about this girl for about 5 months now and I didnt discover this amazing website till yesterday so I screwed up alot and I was wondering if its to late for anything to happen with this girl.
I attend a community college with this girl and we have the same major, same hopes and dreams, same taste in music, film, everything. I made to mistake of being her "friend" first and just letting it eat away at me for so long. She has a b/f....they have been dating for 2 years off and on and have one of the most disfunctional/rocky relationships i've ever seen because he "has no ambition, he doesnt take baths, he smokes, doesnt drive, and to top it all of he has cheated on her at lest twice. This guy is also 19....So at first I was really nice and sweet to her, never said anything negative about her b/f or anything. About 3 weeks ago I became fed up with everything and started being a little rude to her, making fun of her guy...ect. So she starts talking to me on icq more and more, and then she skipps class with me to hang out in the lunchroom. I did not ask her to do this...she follows me downstairs and talks with me for 2 hours. She does this 3 times over the next 2 weeks. She rants about how bad her b/f is and how she doesnt love him and asks everything about this girl that i've been talking to. We both seem really happy and less stressed when we do this and it takes forever for us to say goodbye.
So last Saturday I go and screw everything up....bad. I was on icq of all places when she gets on and starts talking about being tired and all so I say "can I ask you something?" she says yes and I say "do you like me?" and she says "elaborate" so I ask the usual "more than a friend" thing and she goes into this big "oh as a friend but i've been with ***** so long that he is like a drug and I cant even look or think about other guys". So then I do something even worse. I say "stop leading me on then" She looses it and tells me that if I cant handle being her friend then we wont be, yada yada yada. Then goes to bed. The next morning I wake up to several messages from her telling me how that hurt her and I was being an ass more or less. So again i'm stupid and appologize and tell her that I can handle having her as a friend and that as long as I can at least have her as a friend i'm ok. She says its fine and stuff but she hasnt been online sense then and has skipped class all week giving me NO CHANCE to say anything else to her. I know what I said was desperate after reading this site and I know what I did wrong....is there anything I can do to save this? What do I do next??

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Cut your losses and learn from your mistakes.

It was a mistake to apologize. If you are going to try to define the relationship (which was also a mistake) roll with it. "Quit leading me on then?" No. No. No. No. You're professing hurt, hell you are hurt. A thousand times no.

You can't go back once you've crossed the Rubicon like that. That's why we say not to be the one who asks to define it. If you do decide to try to issue that ultimatum, then you have to stick with your guns and be willing to walk if no.

On the bright side, you don't want her anyway for reasons I don't care to delve into. Sounds like a case of one-itis. Get some self-respect and move on. Period.

-Cyrano

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What the hell is there to save???? Save your dignity and do not correspond with her again!! Don't ever become 'friends' with a girl you want romantically!!!

Welcome, to the real world!!!!!!

 

[Ark Dragon]

ok, thanks for the anwsers but....this isnt just some random hot girl that I would like to take out on a date. I've never met anyone like this in my life...she is everything i've ever looked for in someone. I dont think I can just "walk away". I'm willing to do whatever I have to even if I have to wait. You two seem so definate and final....yeah I screwed up but there has to be some way to fix this or try again.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Question...

Define One-itis?

Originally posted by Ark Dragon
ok, thanks for the anwsers but....this isnt just some random hot girl that I would like to take out on a date. I've never met anyone like this in my life...she is everything i've ever looked for in someone. I dont think I can just "walk away". I'm willing to do whatever I have to even if I have to wait. You two seem so definate and final....yeah I screwed up but there has to be some way to fix this or try again.

Oh. Thanks.

C'mon man, you're better than this. No girl is worth your self-respect, especially not at your age.

-Cyrano

 

[E-Z Rider]

Well, hell, here's something positive you can take out of this: you didn't really 'screw' anything up when you had your heart-to-heart over icq...so you can stop punching yourself in the balls about that.

You screwed up in the beginning, by 1) becoming interested in a girl with a long-term bf, and 2) becoming her girl-friend.

You're new to this site, so you probably aren't familiar with the phrase 'emotional tampon'. Let me enlighten you- it's when a girl spills all her emotions about OTHER guys onto you and let's you absorb it all. It makes her feel better, and girls need that probably, but that's why they have girl friends. In this situation, the guy/tampon usually falls for the girl and thinks that listening to the chick complaining about her bf will score him points. He finally can't take it anymore and 'tells her how he feels'. Then she tells him, basically, that she'd much rather keep him as a tampon than as a lover. In the worst cases, the guy then claims the girl is being cruel and writes her e-mails or relentlessly calls her and tries to get her to justify her actions. She gets annoyed and begins to dislike the guy, and he gets hurt even worse.

That kinda sounds like you doesn't it? I was there once, too. But I learned my lesson and now approach things differently. You need to do the same, my friend.

My advice is to forget any romantic notions with this girl and move on. Stay clear of her altogether for a while. Keep yourself busy with other things. Read up on this site. Try talking to other girls. Then if you want to be friends with her , treat her like you would a normal friend. No long talks, don't listen to her whine abt her bf, etc. Have fun in your own right, and who knows, maybe when she finally dumps her bf she'll come looking for you. But don't count on it- for the forseeable future you need to MOVE ON.

Hope this helps, and good luck- -E-Z

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

She's in love with her boyfriend that's why she hasn't left him. You are the guy at school that she uses for emotional support but she goes home everynight and fukks her boyfriend because he's the anti-emotional bad boy type. She is attracted to guys like her boyfriend.

My advice to you is to stop pursuing girls who are unavailable. If anything were to happen between the two of you then the initiative will come from her; not you. The women define and control the speed of the relationship; not you.

Lets look at this from a guys perspective. If you had no interest in your current girlfriend and you met another girl who was single and you were attracted to then you'd want to dump your girlfriend and hook up with the new girl as quickly as possible.

 

[playasupreme]

I agree wholeheartedly with ezrider on the tampon thing. when women are like this if anything just use them the same way they are using you-- like a therapist you don't have to pay for. if you have to sit there and listen to her vent then do the same thing to her and stop pining like a damn puppy. dump all your baggage on her and ask for her advice and sympathy and watch her attidude change. this is fun because it feels good, you'll learn a thing or two from this more balanced "give and take" situation, and it pisses them off to look into a mirror of themselves.