Is it time to take a break?

[Austin Allegro]

I feel like I'm suffering from burnout.

I've been DJing like crazy for the last two months, going on loads of dates but getting very little interest in return.

I seem to have no problem chatting up hot women, number closing and gettting a date, but I just can't seem to get the IL up.

These women don't seem bothered - they don't flake on me and they will go out with me if I ask but won't initiate any kind of contact, which is getting frustrating.

I just feel like taking a break at the moment because I'm not getting any IL in return - or should I go back to the Bible and rethink my strategies?

Anyone else had DJ burnout?

 

[Cheiradawg]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
These women won't initiate any kind of contact, which is getting frustrating.

How about you be a man and initiate some contact. That might relieve some frustration.

If they are accepting dates where does the low IL come in?

With anything in life including DJing you can work too hard at it and get burn out. I've overworked and overstressed about it.

If it gets to the point where you are so tried, fed up, or frustrated then it is time to take a break, because nothing good is goingto come of your efforts if you are not in the right state of mind mentally and physically to put fourth your best.

 

[Austin Allegro]

OK let me rephrase - I am initiating contact, but they are not reciprocating - or at the most reciprocating contact in a half hearted way.

I suppose what I'm saying is this - if a chick goes out with you for a couple of dates but doesn't call you, doesn't text or email you and only goes out when you ask her but wont' do more than kiss, should she be nexted or pursued?

It's getting VERY tiring and frustrating.

 

[squirrels]

How's the rest of your life?

 

[OzzyBoy]

Just take it easy.

 

[bp1974]

OK let me rephrase - I am initiating contact, but they are not reciprocating - or at the most reciprocating contact in a half hearted way.

I suppose what I'm saying is this - if a chick goes out with you for a couple of dates but doesn't call you, doesn't text or email you and only goes out when you ask her but wont' do more than kiss, should she be nexted or pursued?

It's getting VERY tiring and frustrating.

Uh, yeah, welcome to 'dating'.

I don't know if this applies to you but when I first started looking at this stuff last year I got into the whole formal Step 1,2,3 thing of number/short phonecall/action date. It was BORING, and the women were flaky or lukewarm at best. I did that for a few months and then gave up.

Since I stopped doing that and concentrated instead of meeting people through doing things I enjoy, the quality of the women I've met has increased no end. Formal dating does not work unless you're prepared to churn through hundreds of cheap, dull dates looking for the perfect woman.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Originally posted by bp1974
Uh, yeah, welcome to 'dating'.

I don't know if this applies to you but when I first started looking at this stuff last year I got into the whole formal Step 1,2,3 thing of number/short phonecall/action date. It was BORING, and the women were flaky or lukewarm at best. I did that for a few months and then gave up.

Since I stopped doing that and concentrated instead of meeting people through doing things I enjoy, the quality of the women I've met has increased no end. Formal dating does not work unless you're prepared to churn through hundreds of cheap, dull dates looking for the perfect woman.

BP1974, your advice is usually good. Trouble is I am doing this already - meeting women through doing stuff I enjoy like my gym, social club etc. But then when I ask them out on dates, it all starts losing momentum. Can you expand a bit on what you do?

 

[NewMan]

I'll add my 02 cents to this one.

I've experienced something similar with the girl I've been dating.

First date I invited her to a bar the hang out with some friends (she had mutual friends there to - and she new at least 2 of my friends from seeign them at the bar).

Great first date, ended in a huge makout session. Thumbs up.

2nd date, I drove to her place, we went to dinner, then played pool and ended up at a local bar/resteraunt with some music and entertainment.

Ended up staying the night at her place - but didn't do the nasty as I wanted to be a challenge.

From there, it went downhill somewhat.

I would always initiate the contact.

Anyway, it's totally my belief that it's nothing wrong that your doing. Your meeting women, going out with them. Now, if they don't show interest after a couple of dates - it;s time to move on. Thats the dating game.

If they have little interest in you after 3 dates - and are not at least calling, next them.

Yes, it get tiresome - but that the only way to do it.

There are women that will be interested in you. It's a numbers game. Not every woman is going to want more from you, so you've got to wade through some of these "other" women - and once in a while you'll find someone who interested in you.

There are things you can to to help you out along the way. Kino, DJing techniques - but it's just a matter of experience and knowing when the woman your dating is a lost cause - and it's time to move on.

Good luck - but keep at it. Perhaps your trying to hard?

 

[Austin Allegro]

Thanks chaps. Good advice. Yes I think I am 'trying too hard' at the moment with about five 'potentials' on the go. I'm going to retreat and regroup over the Christmas break!

 

[Porky]

NewMan, can I put in some advice?

Sometimes being a challenge is a horrible idea. For instance, last year a girl invited me over to her house and I didn't go. I wasn't trying to be a challenge (I was still one hell of an AFC), I just had something more important to do. A year later she's finally started talking to me...attention *****.

It's obvious to me NOW that she wanted to hook up, but by not going to her house she felt rejected - this girl is easily a 9, so she isn't used to rejection.

Maybe your chick felt put off by you.

 

[bp1974]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
BP1974, your advice is usually good. Trouble is I am doing this already - meeting women through doing stuff I enjoy like my gym, social club etc. But then when I ask them out on dates, it all starts losing momentum. Can you expand a bit on what you do?

I agree with Newman - you're not doing anything wrong. But it's been the same for me - the minute I go from enjoying someone's company amongst other people to taking them out on a 'date', it suddenly becomes all stilted. That was my experience when I was following the Steps.

I think the change since then has been in me. When I meet someone I like, I no longer think to myself, ok formal process starting now - get number, call, ask on date, etc. I've relaxed, and that shows. It's no longer a process of 'creating attraction' by following a program that 'works', it's just being with someone I like and having fun.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Cheers BP. I'm definitely going to take a more 'relaxed' approach from now on.

I think part of it is that in the UK, the whole 'dating' thing has never quite caught on in the way it has in the US, and a lot of women are wary of it.

Most people I know in LTRs got to know women through work, uni, groups down at the pub, etc and the woman did most of the work - there was very little 'dating' involved.