Online dating is too much work.
Agreed. And the best people out there really aren't doing too much OLD anyway unless they are not social people to begin with IMO. I want a guy who is socially adroit, and so OLD isn't time efficient for me at all. It's WAY to much of a time sink for very little return. I looked at it coming off my divorce and got outta there fast. Waste of time and distracting.
How exactly are you going to find a relationship with women on your wavelength by shooting blanks in the dark?
The answer is very simple. Social circles, social networks, and cultivating an ecosystem that has women in it like having hobbies where women show up.
In other words you are going to have to leave the house and go do something. So figure out what you enjoy doing and go do that. There are Meet Ups, groups that hike, that shoot, that ride bikes, car enthusiasts, wine enthusiasts, foodies, night club people, dancers, golfers, yoga people, cooking class takers, charity event attenders, ravers, really it's anything. But you'll have to leave the house and go be social. Take a friend or go meet a new friend. If meeting a new friend or going to a social gathering alone petrifies you, then you need to start there and overcome that so you'll leave the house.
Healthy women absolutely love going after busy men, especially if they see you expressing true satisfaction in your behavior, either on the job, or at a party or bar after work when you're letting off steam.
Absolutely correct. Healthy men are full grown adults out there slaying whatever dragon they've elected to go slay. Men who have full lives and have good relationships with...themselves first and foremost. Women will naturally matriculate toward these men. The man I currently have an interest in is self employed working for clients, works out, travels, is a great cook, and enjoys live music and night life. He's a sought after man. He's too busy to be clingy and too secure to supplicate. He likes me. I know because he told me so straight up. I'm not on a pedestal with him (nor he with me) and things are off to a nice start. Obviously there is mutual attraction but he's interesting beyond just his physical appearance.
He said something interesting to me that is in agreement with things
@stormrider and
@fastlife and others have espoused here. This is someone I met about 3 months ago and at that time we hit it off but were both seeing other people. On that evening he happened to be out for a drink with two of his buddies and I happened to be out for a glass of wine with a realtor friend of mine before going to an evening open house. So randomly we were in the same establishment. We had a lovely chat, I'm sure I mentioned my BF and no contact information was exchanged. My realtor friend saw him out and about half a dozen times in the ensuing months at various things but they never connected socially beyond pleasantries.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I go to a small venue to see a band that another friend of mine plays bass in. I run into the guy I had met at that random happy hour weeks prior. He too knows the bass player. We recognize one another and I go over to say hello. We end up chatting throughout the night despite the band's performance and have a great conversation. One of the topics that came up was the whole dating thing and the whole who contacts who first thing. He said he usually takes a passive approach and lets the women come to him, that way he knows he's not chasing his tail. He also said his millennial age daughter had advised him this was the new norm. We had a laugh because of course I come from an old school traditional old fashioned stance of the man reaches out and leads or I don't know he likes me. He agreed yes that was how he came up as well and we had a laugh. At any rate he told me he thought I was stunning and I handed him my phone to exchange numbers. We texted initial greetings back & forth while standing there, had a laugh and the next day he texted and asked me out for a date on a specific day and time. I said sure and so we started going out. Simple.
But this whole thing evolved out of him getting out of his house to be social with his buddies and getting out of his house to go see a band and a buddy that he likes. And me doing the same thing.
So I agree with the social circle angle. The more you get out and go socialize the more you'll improve you social acumen. The interaction I described above was completely organic and natural. No awkwardness whatsoever.
So put the effort there in real life rather than into OLD. You'll get better results, better interactions, and you can screen people based on who you vibe with. I don't meet many men I have an interest in. So it's cool when you come across someone you like. And when you come across someone you like you better have a full life with stuff to do so you don't act like an idiot or a puppy dog. I think its worth it. I actually think the process is enjoyable. Get out and enjoy yourself, enjoy those around you and have fun and just chill. The rest will sort itself out because then the process becomes a natural extension of who you are.
As far as activities? Can really be anything. I'll go to MLB games by myself (just did this recently on my late father's birthday) if nobody can go with, I'll go dance, I'll go lift, I'll get together with various friends...I'll go work at a coffee shop rather than in my home office...whatever it is you can always DO SOMETHING to be out and in a social environment.
And that is what it takes. You'll meet people, you'll make friends, you'll meet women. Embrace and enjoy the process. Just go do it.
