Is it possible to turn a new GF into a FB without hurting her?

[bugsquish]

I met her, I seduced here, I almost AFCd out (but you guys helped me) and now she's my GF. I'm talking about Claire by the way for those who know me.

Things should be great. I wanted a relationship with this girl.
*We are into the same music, clothes, films, career
*She's smart, funny and goal orientated.
*We have a lot of fun together.
*She's not displayed excess jealousy or tried to run my life.
*She's hot as hell (HB8.5) and a damn good ****.
*She's attentive but not clingy.
*She makes an effort with my friends.

I could have been quite happy, but there are cracks.

The whole speed of the relationship was kinda pulled from under me. You guys remember? She cried after our first **** (on our first date) cuz she thought I had maybe used her for sex. I kinda caved in on my intentions and established this whole GF/BF thing. Stupid? Maybe... But I thought "hey, I'll give it a shot".

Only 2 weeks and 2 days later. I've cheated on her already. Remember my drunken ramblings? First time I go out without her I cheated on her. I spent the whole night grinding and making out with this chick Jen. Jen is a HB9!!! I just had this "I have a GF it doesn't matter" attitude and was approaching for fun. But when I got such high IL from this chick it was impossible to resist.

Now I got Claire pretty hooked. If I keep playing the same game I'm gonna be hearing those dreaded three little words sometime. On the other hand Jen knows I have a girlfriend and has made it clear she wants to see me again anyway.

I can't decide what to do.

*I REALLY wanna **** Jen, man you have no idea how much.
*I REALLY don't wanna hurt Claire, or even stop seeing her for that matter.

Is it possible, do you think, to demote Claire to a FB in a sincere fashion? I have already proven (to myself) that I'm not capable of being a loving, honest, FAITHFUL boyfriend.

 

[tiburon]

Man thats low

Dude if you become GF and BF dont make her a fbuddy....

thats is low.......

Brake up with her.....
Get a FB....from the start

anyone can make a Gf into a FB..but dude thats LOW!!!


Be a MAn

Tiburon

 

[Bill]

Right, the drunk-when-I-ask-for-advice-on-sosuave guy
I think you need to be honest with Claire, but more importantly with yourself. If you're happy right now with Claire, keep it that way!
Best of luck to you, but I think you hold more answers to your own questions than you think.
Peace.

(Edit: typos)

 

[toot86]

dont let her find out!

Do the hokey pokey with this Jen girl!!

AND keep doing the hokey pokey with claire..

Just keep your ding dong fresh and clean..


What she doesnt know wont hurt her!

Besides your a guy its natural for you to bang different girls ..



Your not married even if you were you could still get the variety!

 

[The Real Deal]

" Things should be great. I wanted a relationship with this girl.
*We are into the same music, clothes, films, career
*She's smart, funny and goal orientated.
*We have a lot of fun together.
*She's not displayed excess jealousy or tried to run my life.
*She's hot as hell (HB8.5) and a damn good ****.
*She's attentive but not clingy.
*She makes an effort with my friends.

I could have been quite happy, but there are cracks."

I think the crack is all you're thinking about. How about having some respect for another person, let alone yourself.

 

[tiburon]

Dude you are low...

Man you are disgusting ..i just finish reading that..

brake up with the girl and fvck JEn all you want but why be in a relationship if you are going to cheat on her....you should had never said she was your Gf then it would be ok...but now you just look low... You dont want to hurt Claire then brake up with her..you already messed everything up you could had have with her....

Sincerely Tiburon


P.s my many reason why i dont believe in GF and BF,,, relationship or fbuddies those are terms i live by. You are exclusive or you are not. Choose! Rmember a man need s his word and honesty ..you have neither..make yourself a man, and brake up with claire while you dont do more shameless things.

 

[tiburon]

toot86 you are a looser

MAN Toot86 how can you claim to be a Dj if you arent even a man!!!!

Tiburon

 

[Slickster]

Bug, you want to be a player don't you?

If so don't f*ck with peoples heads. You shouldn't have gf's.

Just be a player. Then when you have that out of your system find a gf.

 

[toot86]

Re: toot86 you are a looser

Originally posted by tiburon
MAN Toot86 how can you claim to be a Dj if you arent even a man!!!!

Tiburon

what?

Why if he wants to bang the both.. Without hurting them thats pretty manly of him..

You just want to have the CLICHE of commitment so you can get the scraps that the player is not banging because of "COMMITMENT"

guys should always have a variety of girls its part of nature..

Only because you are not banging a variety .. dont HATE

just thank god you have MARRIGE tiburon .so when you get a girl to marry you.. It will harder for her to cheat on you...

 

[bugsquish]

Harsh indeed! Okay, I'm low, I'm scum. I hear you. But tiburon, I'm assuming you're at least a decade older than me. Hormones are a b'itch

Seriously though, I attempted this relationship because I got backed into a corner. It was all very premature. I told her next day that I wanted to slow things down, but thinking back she might have misunderstood and thought I meant slowdown on sex (meaning taking the relationship thing MORE seriously?).

But up until I met Jen I thought it could really be okay. For all the reasons above I thought "yea, we make a good couple". I was quite apprehensive but determined to stay faithful. I never planned to go out and cheat on her. But when it came to the crunch I was VERY drunk and this chick was all over me.

What makes me so low? Cuz I gave in to my natural instinct (just a little kissing and dancing)? Or cuz I am trying to work a way round this? If it hadn't been for the tears I would've already worked round it, cuz I wouldn't be in the "relationship". Was that a test on her part? So who is low? I am not a bad person. I have erratic desires and they're beyond my control. I tried to tell her that I always end up hurting people and she wouldn't listen. She pointedly changed the subject. Repeatedly.

I enjoy her company. If I could just stop myself from thinking about other women I'd be set. I really WANT to be faithful to her, and be interested in only her. I believed it was possible, until circumstance showed me othewise. I CAN'T HELP IT. So you all agree that I don't deserve this amazing girl in my life and I should dump her ASAP? I still would like to make it work somehow....

toot86, it's very tempting but I think that really would be low.

Slickster, right. But when I am single, I miss the closeness. When I'm not, I miss the game. I am NOT trying to **** with this girl's head.

Wow I just made enemies with half the board. Maybe I need hypnotherapy or something... I was ADD as a kid maybe that's it

 

[sAxyguy83]

I think you just need to decide what's more important to you - the closeness and companionship that comes with a relationship, or the varied sex and interesting pursuits of the single life. Decide, and follow through with it.

If you decide to stick with the relationship, avoid getting quite so drunk in the future, but more importantly COME CLEAN. She'll most likely find out sooner or later, and it would be much better if YOU told her, and apologized profusely. If you feel really guilty, then tell her that, too.

If you decide to end the relationship, and want to do so with a minimum of injury to her, take the "I don't deserve you" approach to the breakup. Tell her that you got drunk, cheated on her, and don't feel that you deserve her continued affection. Bonus points if you LJBF her and/or be sure to say "you're a really great person, and I like you a lot, but...".

The real key, though, is to decide. SOON.

 

[DonScotta]

I say either break up with her or own up to what you did. You say when you're single you miss the game, and when you're in the game you miss the closeness. That is most everyone, it's the 'The grass is greener on the other side' complex.

You sound younger so I'm gonna say just be single and enjoy it until it's out of your system. Late!

 

[bugsquish]

Thanks guys. I really feel like sh¦t now but okay I deserve that. Kinda realising that I'm fuxked up when it comes to relationships and I'm terrified of commitment.

I have ruined every good relationship I've had in the same way as this one. My roving eye doesn't help but my main problem is that I have a gut feeling it's not gonna last, so I don't wanna waste my time. No matter how much I like a girl, this is how I feel. I'm so lonely because of it. I hope someone can identify with this.

She's coming over tomorrow so I'm gonna own up, and let her decide what to do. Depending on her decision, I'm not gonna go out again without her, cuz I can't trust myself.

 

[sAxyguy83]

Good decision, bro. You might even want to tell her that you would rather not go out alone again than risk cheating again - it's always good to demonstrate that you're willing to make sacrifices for a relationship, b/c every relationship requires some sacrifice from each person.

I'm proud of you, man - you're taking a step that will probably have an effect not only on this relationship but on any and all future relationships you have, and a positive effect at that. Owning up to a mistake is never easy, and it's especially hard when it hurts someone you don't want to hurt.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Good grief! Never "confess" to screwing around. If you feel guilty about it, don't to it again. But there is no point in rubbing it in someone elses face.

Of course women claim to want to be told, but that is just so they can dump your arse.

 

[sAxyguy83]

Communication and honesty are key in a relationship. If you know she can't trust you, how are you ever going to trust her? I give major props to any guy that has the balls to own up to his mistakes and shortcomings. Facing them head on is frequently the fastest, easiest, and kindest way to get past them.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Look, chicks (and guys for that matter) get all bent out of shape and feel emotional pain if they think their lover is cheating.

I really don't care how it makes you feel to "confess." I am talking about not dumping on someone else just to clear your little conscience.

 

[sAxyguy83]

If you feel guilty about something, it eats away at you inside. The longer you go w/o fessing up, the worse things get, and the more obvious it becomes that you're holding something back. Relationships are based on trust, and trust is pretty hard to come by when honesty is lacking. Confessing to the girl (and/or to a priest if you happen to be one of those really religious ppl) shows her that you do care about her and trust her judgement.

 

[Click Here]

Alright the responses to this post piss me off.

YOU are a MAN you can do whatever the **** you want, so what if this girl Claire has a list of things you two have in common shes obviously not woman enough to fulfil your needs if all you wanna do is **** other girls.

I would probably break it off with Claire before you get an emotional attachment to her and LOOSE her by her finding out you cheated on her. And I'd DEF shoot for **** buddies.

This other girl, whats her specs? is she just hot? is she relationship material? You don't seem ready for a LTR right now anyway and with the way things are going for you why would you want one? Tell Claire things moved a little to fast and that you still want to remain close and eventually "get together" but you can't be a good BF right now because you need a little space.

Do it in a nice way, youll get a **** buddy.

 

[bugsquish]

So confused! A little history.

I cheated on my one true love (sex not just a little tame kissing/dancing) right at the start of our 4 year relationship. I confessed to it the next day and she forgave me. But it tore her apart, and she spent the next 4 years in throes of jealousy which I obviously created. I never cheated on her again the whole 4 years and I never would have. But she always expected me to. In the end it's what drove us apart. I wanted to give her the choice to stay with me knowing the facts. Surely that decision wasn't just to ease my conscience?

NOT telling her would mean that I would've had a perfect relationship (that may still be going) but I wouldn't deserve that relationship.
TELLING her (assuming she forgives me) means that I deserve the relationship but it's then soiled for good.

And here the cycle repeats itself. I'm faced with this decision yet again. I really like Claire, I wanna keep seeing her. I wanna stay faithful, and maybe I can... I managed for 4 years with Emma. But telling her about this tame event WILL hurt her and probably needlessly (she would forgive me), and probably for a long time if we do stay together. But then again, maybe I can't! I can't pothole myself away forever. Any tips on staying faithful? It's the mindset I need help with. Any female posters with an opinion on this?

What I want to know now is this, are there really guys on here in a relationship, who would TURN down a babe hotter than your GF if you could get away with it? If not, would you own up to a kiss if you KNEW she would never find out?

Click Here says: You don't seem ready for a LTR right now anyway and with the way things are going for you why would you want one?

You're right, I'm sooo not ready for one. But casual sex is so lonely.... Conclusion: confused.