Is it possible to get back with exes?

[Matt Rogers]

I had a few dates with a gorgeous girl but blew it by acting insecure and needy: getting cross with her for not returning my calls and then going over the top with a wimpy apology. She subsequently flaked and I got mad at her for that and then I apologised again and didn't hear from her since.

In recent weeks I have made huge strides. I have managed to get rid of pretty much all of my red marks from my acne and now have more or less perfect skin-smooth and clear. I have had my hair highlighted and cut. I have been dating a few girls and having fun in nightclubs and my confidence is very high. I also no longer have an obsession over this girl-and am relaxed and couldn't care less if nothing happened.

But she was very hot and while she would be impossible to have a relationship with, I wouldn't mind a short fling with her.

I am likely to see her next term and will probably just play it cool and tease her and show no neediness or interest in her: waiting for her to start chasing me. I will also date other girls so that she can sense that I have other options.

What are the chances that I could get back together with her?
In my favour as mentioned I have probably gone up a few points on the looks scale, I have dated a few girls over the holidays and have a bit of a confidence boost from this, I have also done a lot of work on my insecurities and feel better for this.

Also after I have played it cool and teased her so she senses that I am over her, what is the best way to make a move?

Should I wait for her to start calling me? Or should I not show any interest for a few weeks until she starts trying to get my attention and then ask her out?

 

[Player_Supreme]

I have a question to ask this board/forum:

What is going on with men these days. Is mankind breeding the type of men that are genetically programmed to obsess over one woman.

This poster has over 300 posts under his belt and he shoulda known better. He has been exposed to the real truth of dating but still did the AFC thing.

But men seem to be programmed to obsess over just one female and you guys are genetically programmed to look for the hottest females that YOU think are hot as if there was some new kinda program running on what's hot or not.

The more I read the more I see the tragedy that is modern man. I guess natures way of adjusting the wild rough mountain man to adaptation to society where you can't go pilliaging and plundering around anymore and having wives in every town.

It seems that the new man only has the focus for just one female, and society supports this as if it were tradition. Forgetting that in mankinds past it was customary to have more than several wives, until the kings and churches got together so that the king could have more plunder for his harrems.

I too have felt the pull of oneitis at times, so I question if this isn't a new program that nature is running on us men.

 

[Matt Rogers]

I hear you Player Supreme. I should know better and I have been dating other women and getting out and getting phone numbers. But this girl is the one that got away and other girls just don't seem to be so interesting in comparison. Of course there are other unattainable women out there, but as I barely know them, they don't hold the same thrall over me. I am competitive and hate losing.

And yah, I wonder what it is in us that makes us obsess over a single woman-who is no more special than the others and eminently replaceable. I think it is some chemicals that are released in the first few weeks when you know a woman who you find very physically attractive that creates this strong infatuation that seems to persist for so long-perhaps natures way of ensuring you stay with the girl long enough to mate and raise her children.

 

[lbfan1638]

oneitis is a *****...i had it bad...3 years...ugh it sucked...so much time wasted...never waste so much time on a woman...there is always another one a few feet away

 

[Trance]

The point of becoming an ex, is NOT coming back!

I learned it the hard way trust me. And now my current girlfriend is 10x better then my previous, and the other before, and so on.

 

[pff]

I'd like to share a quote from this board that I really like:

"Look, ex-girlfriends are like reading a book... Even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time... it still has the same ending.

 

[Desdinova]

Past LTR gfs are easier to get back than past STR ones. Most likely, you didn't do anything with this woman that will make you stick in her mind for the rest of her life, and she's probably completely forgotten about you and moved on with her life. Why don't you do the same?

Looks don't necessarily have anything to do with good sex. A woman can be a fvcking supermodel, but she could be a carcass in bed.

 

[NewMan]

Playa_S.....

I don't beleive this is "New Prgoramming" - Ever since man had independant thought I believe one-i-tis has been around.

How many men in hostory have ruined their lives over women?

I think you will many examples of powerfull men who have been ruined by women.

I believe it's truely biological.

I hooked up with the really hot chick from where I work. She had the biggest, most amazing t#ts. I mean they were huge - tight waist - nice a## (but not overly large). We banged about 5 times - but I had to end it. You see she had this smell about her. Not an unclean smell - but just a different smell - I can't describe it, not perfume, but her. I could smell it in my room afterwards... I could smell it where-ever we went. It turned me off. The same thing is happening with my current girl, although the smell sometimes is undetecable - but it's there occasionally.

....

To the originaly question - I believe your situation is salvigable - you didn't go out with her very long. I think you can turn this one around - if you play it very cool.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Would you want to get back with an X? Have some self-respect man. If she isn't PLEASING you in the way you desire to live life, move on.

P-S is right. Too many men have fallen under the rapture of a false belief that "one" exists. Or even that fairy tails happen.

Because men are so visually oriented, its EASIER to become quickly attached without even KNOWING her, that much I grasp. And women can have one-itis, too, when a guy fits her mold of a man. Because our factors are different, it isn't as likely for a woman to become attached so quickly UNTIL she's had sex and become emotionally attached.

And it's not so much a program, P-S, as it truly is the wussification of men. I good read to clarify this is: Iron John. I suggest all members get to it somehow.

Men being raised by women.
Fathers absent to work.
No 'rite of passage' from 18 and beyond.
No culturing by older men to younger men of ways and customs.
Society's desire to control the oft-uncontrollable male hormones.
Changing paradigm in society.

At 18, rarely is there a leap in masculinity. At 21, it's not quite seen either. And by 30, some men are still livin at home, under the mental cloak of their parents.

To the OP, if it happens, it happens. Don't exert ANY influence on it. Block it out of your mind. COnsider it with no thought, and move onto other women. LET IT COME TO YOU.



A-Unit

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by NewMan
Playa_S.....

I don't beleive this is "New Prgoramming" - Ever since man had independant thought I believe one-i-tis has been around.

How many men in hostory have ruined their lives over women?

I think you will many examples of powerfull men who have been ruined by women.

I believe it's truely biological.

I hooked up with the really hot chick from where I work. She had the biggest, most amazing t#ts. I mean they were huge - tight waist - nice a## (but not overly large). We banged about 5 times - but I had to end it. You see she had this smell about her. Not an unclean smell - but just a different smell - I can't describe it, not perfume, but her. I could smell it in my room afterwards... I could smell it where-ever we went. It turned me off. The same thing is happening with my current girl, although the smell sometimes is undetecable - but it's there occasionally.

....

To the originaly question - I believe your situation is salvigable - you didn't go out with her very long. I think you can turn this one around - if you play it very cool.

NewMan when I ment new I ment in the last few hundred years. You are absolutely right. Look at Napoleon when he lost Christine and his downfall.

But if you go back a bit when we were tribal, man didn't have the onitis focus. It seems that when we learned to harvest grains and became agri-societies this change came about.

I think it is natures way of adapting men for what was to come:

civilization.

The old model of man cannot function within modern civlilized societies. Look at our prisons.

Or maybe it is a function of society to program this kind of behavior into it's men so that the society can function better.

Eitherway it's still a bytch!

 

[NewMan]

Playa_S;

I would say the last few thousand years.

Wouldn't you say that even in tribal society there was a form of one-i-tis. The alpha male got all the pvssy he wanted, when her wanted. And there was no muscling in from others until HE was done.


I would say though - that one-i-tis has come from mans greed - and mans desire to own sh#t.

Ever since we began to build up walls and determine who owns what - women have been part of that as well. The "This is my woman" thought.

Have you ever come to think why is it that when men on this board dump the woman - there is NEVER (hardly ever?) any one-i-tis from the man towards the woman. The man did the dumping - he gives up ownership if you like.

When the man get's dumped - that is where we have one-i-tis. The man owned the woman - now some other guy does. And The original guy wants what he can no longer have.




Just my thoughts on it all.

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
But men seem to be programmed to obsess over just one female and you guys are genetically programmed to look for the hottest females that YOU think are hot as if there was some new kinda program running on what's hot or not.

The more I read the more I see the tragedy that is modern man. I guess natures way of adjusting the wild rough mountain man to adaptation to society where you can't go pilliaging and plundering around anymore and having wives in every town.

Player why do you think that you are some sort of an old-school-prehistorical man? Fck you are as much part of the society as Joe The AFC, even though you might not follow the rules.

And men had a protective instinct over their mates even back in the old OLD days, they did not go from town to town fcking chicks... well at least not the average dudes, but there's exceptions to every society and the DJs are somewhat of exceptions to the modern day one, although I'm sure there are plenty of naturals who do what this board tells them to completely naturally and unaware that there's actually written record of it.

We all have filters in our minds to judge quality of the environment around us, so it's perfectly normal to see chicks who pass trough your filters and to pursue them. From personal experience whenever I had a girl like that, who I liked a lot since she fit into my model of the world I failed miserably in getting togheter with her, so the first thing you need Matt if you have the faintest hope of getting with this chick is total emotional detachment from the situation, and attitude of just watning to push the envelope because and ONLY BECAUSE of curiosity of what might happen, not becauase she's OH-SO perfect and most certainly NOT because you have this pretty picture of you two lying togheter in some tropical beach cuddling and making out... cause that ain't going to happen if she turns you into a jellybean again.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Well I don't really give a damn about her anymore. I certainly don't see her as the goddess I used to-I idealised her as I hardly knew her so I made her an image in my mind to fit my ideal girl. To be honest she is incredibly boring and shy, and very flaky. I get infatuated very easily but once it passes it rarely returns. I just see her as a hot girl who I would like to **** and have some fun with. I also see her as a challenge and a satisfying conquest-as she is somewhat unattainable.

Also she is hardly an ex. She is just a girl I had a few dates with, before scaring her away by being a wuss and too pushy.
I know she probably hasn't given me a second thought, but if I see her again it would give me a chance to build attraction again by being ****y and funny, and cool and detached.

It is just a matter of deciding my strategy. She is probably going to think I am still infatuated with her and will expect me to act like a wuss. Hopefully when I do the opposite: play it cool, make fun of her, and make her chase me-it will intrigue her. Unfortunately I will only see her a few times next term unless we arrange a meeting-which rather reduces my chances to show the new me.

I can either play it cool and show no interest at all, and wait for her to call me. Or I can play it cool and disinterested for a while, then ask her for a drink. Or I can just be incredibly ****y-pretend nothing happened, flirt with her and then ask her for her number.

 

[Panda 2000]

Interesting, my ex (a real hottie, just my type of woman, I'd really give her a 10) whom I dated for like 5 months called just the other day (it's been like 6 months since we broke up) and sounded al confused and schoolgirly like and wanted to know if I had any free time. Interesting stuff happens.

 

[Don_Marko]

or LJBF her and make up a new love in ur life

There's no right for sure answer for this... what happens happens, play it by the moment

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by NewMan
Playa_S;

I would say the last few thousand years.

Wouldn't you say that even in tribal society there was a form of one-i-tis. The alpha male got all the pvssy he wanted, when her wanted. And there was no muscling in from others until HE was done.


I would say though - that one-i-tis has come from mans greed - and mans desire to own sh#t.

Ever since we began to build up walls and determine who owns what - women have been part of that as well. The "This is my woman" thought.

Have you ever come to think why is it that when men on this board dump the woman - there is NEVER (hardly ever?) any one-i-tis from the man towards the woman. The man did the dumping - he gives up ownership if you like.

When the man get's dumped - that is where we have one-i-tis. The man owned the woman - now some other guy does. And The original guy wants what he can no longer have.




Just my thoughts on it all.

I would have to disagree. Nature didn't need a oneitis man. It needed a breeder to insure the survival of the species.

These symps of today are a result of too many breeders around so I think there has been a subsciounscious shift in the male programming.

Look at how man fellows are now lacking in that masculine type of body

Go look under Anything Else and the post your photo thread. Especially look for one guy who claims to be 18 but looks like he is 12 years old and is now a uhh never mind who he is...

The old archtype of man is no longer needed. That type is taking over. Skinny, with slighty big heads, almost hairless faces...slightly effiminate...

Then look at the women how they look like these guys. wirey bodies...slight lack of true femininity...kinda androgenous...aggressive...raspy voiced....

There is something going on with the world.

 

[DJDamage]

Oneitis has alot to do with biology. When ever you meet with a woman whom you desire to have sex with, your brain and your body automatically shift into a different mode. You cannot control this change and it comes naturally like the rumbeling of your stomach when it needs to be fed.

You can put Oneitis at the same level of an addictive drug like heroin. When a man and a woman love each other, the chemicals and signals that are running between them are proccessed through the body and the brain and thus they are in a state of happiness towards each other. If the woman decides she can get a better state of happiness with another guy and dump her current guy, she wouldn't really give a damn about her ex because the new guy gives her a higher state of happiness and a fix.

That is why its important to never develop oneitis, a man should have at least two women he sees on a constant basis, until he is sure the female has oneitis for him first, and not the other way aroud. If the man has two women, he would not suffer withdrawl symptoms like he would with drugs, because if one woman decides to stop seeing him, he still has another woman to connect with and supply his fix.

If you ever seen a drug addict withdrawl symptoms and being heartbroken from your oneitis, the symptoms are almost the same. Its pretty hard to explain all this but I hope you all got the jist of it. And this is a comparison for a severe case of oneitis and does not apply to all.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

"I hear you Player Supreme. I should know better and I have been dating other women and getting out and getting phone numbers."

Yes, you should have been, and until you get that attitude, you will keep getting oneitises.

"But this girl is the one that got away and other girls just don't seem to be so interesting in comparison. Of course there are other unattainable women out there, but as I barely know them, they don't hold the same thrall over me. I am competitive and hate losing."

You are letting your tremendous ego drive you. Once you start getting laid you won't be really caring about this crap so I suggest you go out and bang some 6's or 7's if you have to.

I have a number one girl now and I am constantly on the prowl to bang other chicks and I do. I don't care about HB 7's, 8's, 9's or whatever anymore - if I'm attracted to her, even a little, be it personality or looks or both, I will f*ck her if I feel like it.

Stop obsessing over a girls looks, I don't think guaging looks is healthy. I've been attracted just as much, even moreso to both HB 7s than I have HB 9's, and vice versa.

Some might say waiting to guage a girls interest is being AFC. I won't lunge at what is likely not going to happen. I will work on what's interested in me, and I WILL seize the opportunity every single time.

If she ain't making it at least a little easy for me, then I'm moving on to someone that is.

I think guys are watching too many movies with crappy romantic situations in them.

Blockbuster movies have sh*t that is supposed to appela to everyone, so they insert romance, and then us guys see this sh*t and think it's legitimate.

Just go with the attitude of p*ssy is all the same and as long as you ain't banging fat ugs then everything is cool.

 

[Kaine]

Interesting, I was watching a BBC documentary called walking with cavemen. And even our ancient ancestors used to pair off if not for a short time.

There is something going on with the world.

Yes thanks to processed food and microwaves the breasts of asian women are steadily growing bigger! It's not all bad.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Possible? Yes.

Desirable? Nope.