2.0 said:
I don't hold judgment against women who make their own sexual choices. I hold judgment against women who break their promises. If a woman and I have promised each other not to have sex with anyone else, and she breaks that promise while I keep it, that's not fair to me, because I could have been sex with others but wasn't out of integrity.
I think you're right about this. People need to keep their word.
I really admire your emphasis on ethical behavior. Most people don't know, but I'm sure you do, that ethics is a source of power. Ethics attract people, and women, to your life. That's not to say judgment or arrogance does. Of course it doesn't. But forgiveness does, and living a humble and righteous life is very attractive. Ethics require you to know yourself, and nothing could be more attractive.
I'm sure that your insistence on goodness and consideration for others and yourself lead to a lot of success in your life. I think that's a really great example!
My post above was not meant to be anti-ethical or Machiavellian in any way.
I have never allowed anyone I knew had a bf to cheat with me so far.
I do think, though, that strictly from an ethical standpoint, there are more considerations for the betterment of our world than whether or not people faithfully adhere to an outdated, some would say demeaning, social contract.
I agree with you that it is a serious problem to break an agreements one has entered into voluntarily. I just feel there are other considerations to balance this against.
One thing that upsets me personally is some of the ways that society unfairly limits the choices that women have. Many women feel they cannot be sexually liberated, and choose freely who they sleep with because they will be labeled a slut. They lose their reputation and therefore their ability to be married, and have long-term security. They are labeled a door-knob, easy, and their viability on the market suffers.
These are values that society as a whole creates, without necessarily any one person specifically articulating them.
Many women I know feel obligated to enter into exclusive relationships to protect them from ridicule. It is an awful choice - limit freedom or be ridiculed. Many choose to limit their own freedom. Although they enter freely into this contract, they do so choosing the least painful option, considering that our sexuality is a need for all of us. I don't feel that many choose
as freely as you might think. Many feel liberated when they hear about a more progressive notion of dating. Still, I am planning to have high expectations about her openness with those in her life.
I do not advocate hiding anything. In general, women know that I will not help them hide. If I meet the other guy, I will tell him the full extent of my relationship with a girl. On the other hand, I'm not really looking to own any property right now.
Generally, if I know a girl is in a relationship, I don't do anything with her. I wait until she is more upfront with the guy about her social contract. It's not really a policy for me, I am just turned off by poor communication and self-knowledge.
There are some cases where I think a girl would not make herself available to other guys unless she believes it will help her. I have probably been in this situation without realizing it. I still believe that she knows best what she needs, and has her best interests at heart. Her social contract is not my social contract. I would be ethically fine with that if I did something with a girl like that. Not only am I acting under ethics that make sense to me, but I know I will uplift hers.
I have only recently changed my values to more progressive ones, though. So it can be hard to predict how I will react. I do have a lot of self-control, though, and tend more and more to act according to my values.
That said, I've been mostly meeting friends of friends recently, and haven't had to many situations where I didn't know a girl's background.
Anyway, I really admire your commitment to ethics. It is an ingredient that a lot of guys here are missing.
Izza
PS
If a woman and I have promised each other not to have sex with anyone else, and she breaks that promise while I keep it, that's not fair to me, because I could have been sex with others but wasn't out of integrity.
That's true. If you want an exclusive relationship that is truly fair to you, you would be wise to date a girl who is already sexually liberated (by that I mean, is above believing that by having sex freely she "has no self-respect"), and therefore chooses to be exclusive with full knowledge of her options. A girl like this is actually choosing freely and instead of choosing the least of two evils.
Izza
PPS My use of the word "free" may seem a little odd, unless you've heard of a philosophical thought exercise I believe is called the "locked room" experiment. Does that mean anything to you?
