Is it possible to control emotions?

[SteR]

Because I hear this quite often; how we should keep our emotions in check etc.

What exactly does this entail?

Whenever I reflect on past experiences of anger, fear, lust etc, I've never managed to make the emotion go away, but rather I've just suppressed it and tried to achieve what I set out to do in the first place.

I mean take for example, fear. It's quite common that people are afraid of approaching girls and starting up a conversation. Back when I was younger, I used to be terrified of doing this. The only difference nowadays is that while I still acknowledge that I'm a little scared of rejection, I just force myself to do it anyway.

Is this what 'controlling your emotions' is? Is it literally just suppressing them so they don't interfere with the task at hand?

 

[kingsam]

yes its not too hard to do, its not really supressing them , its not having them, not letting your emotions control you, being "centered" , almost detached from the "reactive ego".

being controlled by your emotions is what women and AFC's do - not thats its bad to have emotions, just dont let them guide your actions.

unreactive to sh!t
develop a mindset of some indifference
not taking stuff persoanlly,
not giving a SH!t,
permissive,
"sh!t happens"

experience will eventually give you these, but being able to cultivate this mindset/attitude will speed things up

does this help?

 

[SteR]

Actually yea that does make sense. In fact I'd say that's pretty much how I behave in general.. it just seems that rarely I'll be in a situation where the emotion is so strong that it's very hard to detach from it: for example my flatmate recently lost his job. If he can't find a new job soon he'll be out the flat and that'll put me in a really ****ty situation.

Naturally I'm worried about this, and while it's easy to say 'dont give a ****'.. it's times like this that the emotion gets the upper hand, ya see? I mean I don't let it dominate my thoughts but it's very difficult to ignore a situation like this.. and I wonder how others would deal with it..

 

[squirrels]

Suppressing them is not healthy.

Instead, try to feel them fully, but without letting them take control of you.

 

[SteR]

Suppressing them is not healthy.

Instead, try to feel them fully, but without letting them take control of you.

You see this makes more sense to me. But I did wonder if there was an alternative way to deal with emotions.. to somehow shut them out. I guess this just isn't realistic though, eh?

 

[squirrels]

You see this makes more sense to me. But I did wonder if there was an alternative way to deal with emotions.. to somehow shut them out. I guess this just isn't realistic though, eh?

No, it's not. You waste more energy fighting to shut them away than you do just letting yourself feel them.

 

[vatoloco]

Like the others have already said, it's okay to feel emotions. What's not okay is to impulsively act upon them.

When you're in control of your emotions, although you may feel pain, sadness, joy, fear, etc., you assess situations in a rational, smart way and act accordingly.

 

[Warrior74]

Feel emotions, control actions.


Just because you feel depressed you don't go jumping off a bridge. Just because you feel some emotion for a woman you don't go acting all afc. Just because you feel angry you don't shoot up your school. etc.

 

[Lexington]

You can't change emotions instantly, but you can alter the thinking patterns that give rise to those emotions over time. Through repetition, the thought patterns in your subconscious mind which produce emotions can be changed.

For example, think about the fear of approaching women. What causes you to feel afraid? For starters, you do not wish to risk embarrassment. You might think that the girl and people around will laugh at you and think less of you.

Most guys also desire validation through the attention/love/lust of women. We feel inadequate when we cannot obtain these things. If a woman deems us unworthy, then we question our worth.

So in order to lose the fear of rejection, we need to change a fundamental assumption: that what other people think of us is reflective of our self worth. You may not knowingly use this premise, but it is an implication in your thought process that produces fear.

If your concept of self worth is not dependent on what others think, then you will not be afraid of rejection. That's because rejection won't affect what you think of yourself. You know what you are and a girl not finding you attractive isn't going to change that.

 

[countermart]

Try this

Do not waste any energy trying to control your emotions:

When you feel a negative emotion or thought such as, "I'm not good enough for her" or "She will just tell me to get lost", stand aside from the thought and say to yourself:

"Mmm I see I'm having that thought about her telling me to get lost again. Thank you brain."

Then just go ahead and act anyway.

Yes I know this sounds stupid but try it and you will see it often works. Your thoughts are not you.

Good luck,
Countermart

 

[SteR]

Do not waste any energy trying to control your emotions:

When you feel a negative emotion or thought such as, "I'm not good enough for her" or "She will just tell me to get lost", stand aside from the thought and say to yourself:

"Mmm I see I'm having that thought about her telling me to get lost again. Thank you brain."

Then just go ahead and act anyway.

Yes I know this sounds stupid but try it and you will see it often works. Your thoughts are not you.

Good luck,
Countermart

Personally speaking, this is something I managed to get under control over recent years ie. I've been in control of my emotions in the way that's been mentioned in this thread. People usually have no idea what's running through my head and I very rarely let it spill over into my actions.

What I was wondering was whether there was any way to calm down the inner turmoil I sometimes feel. The only way I've managed to do it so far is to unload it all on someone I trust completely (ie. my mum/dad/brother) as I know they won't let it outside the family.

What's been bothering me recently is the fact that I've been putting this stress onto them - it's not fair on my parents for me to let them know I'm unhappy.

How does everyone else deal with it?

 

[Iron]

IMHO the best way to limit the effects of emotions on your daily life is to redirect the energy into something the will produce a net gain for you at the end of the day.

Emotions aren't a sign of weakness, the fault rests with the improper handling of emotions. Also, people tend to overreact to events which they later deem trivial. I've also found decent success in controlling emotions by gaining perspective. It's not easy, but rationality tends to cut down emotional issues if you give it a chance.

 

[countermart]

Understand that everybody has hard times, it is just part of life. Try to turn negative things into positive things as much as you can. For instance I have just broken up with a fantastic girl after a year. Yes, I get down at times, but I remind myself that now the whole world of girls is open for me again, all I have to do is get out there and look. So try to channel what you label as the bad things in life and this energy into things that have a better outcome for the future.

Also we label things as “good” and “bad” but for many things we just do not know until way into the future or ever. Sometime losing a girl or a job is the best thing that ever happened to you. You just don’t know it yet, until the girl of your dreams walks around the corner, or you start your own business.

Remember the saying, “The main difference between the warrior and the average man is that the warrior sees everything as a challenge, while the average man sees everything as a blessing or a curse.”

Also and this is something I am trying to work on myself, take a different attitude to failure. I think although I have done well, if I had allowed myself to fail more, exposed myself to more failure I would have done a lot better. Many of us need to learn to “love the fall”, but society is so against failure. However, if you are not experiencing failure you are not risking, and if you are not risking you are not going forward. So get out there and fail more!

When you are going through hell, keep going...

Countermart

 

[emilyammy]

A very good brief descriptions are given here. I am agree with you. In every stage also public place you must control your emotions, and here a very good and best ways are given for control emotions.