My experience as a guide...
Spinelli said:
Hi there guys,
Some months ago, I was a totally "nice guy" and I didn´t have a clue that it was destroying any chances I could have with a girl. I even have declared my feelings, gave her gifts, compliments.. and then I found sosuave, David DeAngelo´s and Carlos Xumas books and all that DJ stuff, just to find out what a dork I was being.
I wish I knew all that DJ stuff before, cause that way I would not screew my chances with her. So, I wanna ask you guys if you think it´s possible to DJ´up a relationship after it got "wussed out". I know the most obvious answer is to next her, but even so, I´m taking this as a personal chalenge now.:box:
Dude, I was in the exact same position about a year ago. For the first 6 months or so, I tried to change in to a 'DJ' because then she might like me. ABSOLUTE WRONG MINDSET. Quite simply, (and this was the only thing that mattered), because
she was still defining who I was.
Further she will know (and this girl did) that you are acting different for a good reason. She will
feel it. In my situation, that in turn lead to it being uncomfortable when I was around her because she could
feel I was thinking about what to do, what to say, posture etc.(she even said as much to some of our friends) Fortunately, I got a 4 month break from her over the summer holidays (I'm at university), worked on my inner game, cultivated a productive, fun but most importantly of all,
goal orientated life.
The difference is remarkable. We live much further away (different sides of the city) from each other than we did and she's always keen to meet up and says how much she misses me. More than that though, I believe that
I can feel that she's sensed a change in me. And she has. I've changed a lot for the better. I play both types of guitar in a band, am in a football (soccer) and hockey (field)team and am reading a lot to write some killer papers. In fact, now I don't even think about girls. I think about chord progressions, my diet and various philosophers and theologians. And guess what? The girls come flocking cos they can sense I'm a guy who's
driven. Yes I flirt, yes I tease but fundamentally I see it as just a big experimental game when I'm out. If I score, great, if I don't, it honestly doesn't matter... I'll just go home grab a Bud watch some hockey (ice) and screw around on my guitars!
Why? This is the crux. Because it is
those activities that make me happy. Hey if I died now I'd have lived a pretty damn good life.
I derive my happiness from these
activities. My real happiness is located in, and for me,
only in, my success in these areas. In short, girls are the icing on the cake not the cake itself.
To return to your original query, what you'll probably find is that if you seriously get your life on track, explore other girls,
your very desires will change. you may well find and I have, that you simply don't want her any more. If however, you still do like her, your truly satisfying (new) life should allow you to think the following: It's not that you don't think your old one-itis is attractive any more but rather that you can fully embrace her beauty because you know that there are a plenty of others around who want a piece of you. Certainly where I've arrived is: 'Yes she's (the old one-itis) amazing
but there are hundreds of amazing girls out there'.
When you truly think like that, you really know you've changed for the better.
