Is it possible I have to act more AFC towards my GF?

[Guoy Darko]

I consider myself a natural AFC. I have been like this since my early childhood and it is almost a part of my personality. I wouldn't know how to even fake a tuffguy mentality. It always brought me in trouble with girls, but now it almost looks like I HAVE to act AFC more often towards my GF. Is this even possible, or do I overlook something here?

We're together now for more than two years and the last few months we're talking about moving in together. She originally brought it up, but I've been stalling it ever since. I've read so many negative stories on Sosuave about people moving in together, I never talked about it that much with her. Of course I want to move in with her, but here I learned not to give in to it.

She on the other hand dreams about us moving in together almost all the time and she is reacting on apartment adds all the time. I don't talk about it and I don't look for advertisements.

This weekend we took a small holiday and she was asking me all these questions about how I see my future and where I see myself in so and so many years. I would love to have said I see myself with her, but I don't. I make up some crap story and move the conversation in some other direction.

Also, I need a job... I had a contract for a year but it was not extended to a permanent contract (august 2009). Since my parents have saved a lot of money for me since I was born, I'm pretty laid back when it comes to looking for new jobs. The money made me pretty lazy. But in order to rent a bigger apartment for the two of us I need a job. (She is a student, so she cannot work full time.)

About two hours ago I call her up to ask how she's doing and she starts to cry for about 45 minutes about my almost "cold" mentality. About me ignoring her questions about my future, about me not looking for apartments, about me not looking hard enough for a new job so the two of us can move in together. She interpreted all those things in a way that I don't love her any more. I feel like crap about all this and I put on some AFC rant. Turns out this AFC behaviour makes her super happy.

Now I don't understand this at all. Do I interpret AFC in a total different way as I'm supposed to do, or does she just NEEDS more AFCness from me?

 

[Captain]

Women want a STRONG man, not one who is going to burden them with their own problems. If a man can't take care of his own problems, how can he take care of hers?

Acting more like a chump in a relationship is a mistake made by nearly all men.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Women want a STRONG man, not one who is going to burden them with their own problems. If a man can't take care of his own problems, how can he take care of hers?

Acting more like a chump in a relationship is a mistake made by nearly all men.

So I act like a chump how?

 

[Dante420]

So I act like a chump how?

Well for starters you have no problem calling yourself an AFC but you question the word "Chump"


AFC = Average Frustrated Chump

 

[Weezy]

Here's the deal... Women want to progress and get married, at least most of them.

So while being an AFC will get you punked during dating and even the LTR stages, not showing any sign of long term commitment will also get you punked. I went through something similar with my EX. Once your 2 - 3 years into the relationship and out of college, women are looking for you to sh1t or get off the pot.

So to answer your question, I don't think being AFC has anything to do with it. You are going to hit a crossroad here and if you don't wanna marry her, get out or else she will.

 

[Danton1975]

Okay, I am going to go against the grain here and say that AFC behaviour, especially not in the beggining of the relationship, can and does make the girl very happy. Some are genuinely nice girls and dig the AFC style the most especially if you seem to have other qualities about yourself such as a sense of humor, self esteem, and being pretty secure...then again, some other girls would throw up in disgust at the very first sentence out of the mouth of an AFC guy. You know her best...if you being an AFC makes her happy and you value that over other things, than by no means acting AFC every now and then wouldn't hurt, but do mix it up

However, I do not mean acting like a complete AFC. I would never advocate that. But making a statement or two a bit more lovable than normal would be okay in my book.

 

[Proselytiser]

You'd be better off posting this in the Mature Man section

 

[Guoy Darko]

Well for starters you have no problem calling yourself an AFC but you question the word "Chump"


AFC = Average Frustrated Chump

Oh haha, of course. AFC is almost a word to me, I sometimes forget where it stands for.

Still, I try NOT to act like one, but it seems to make her sometimes unhappy. Captain says I should try not to act like an AFC, because it gets me in trouble. Now I don't see the link between my original post and Captain's reaction.

 

[vagrant]

Bro, f*ck this AFC sh*t. A lot of guys don't know how to handle women. Everything in life is all about balance. Guys think they have to be this alpha sh*t all day long when in fact they become boring like the guy next door for looking like he's the Terminator.

You're doing fine. Just don't ever cheat on your girl. Treating a girl right isn't AFC. Don't make her into your life. Be happy, have fun, do the things you love. The minute that everything you do revolves around her is the same minute that you better be sure she's really into you. That's why moving in together is tough because that's when you get to find out how strong you guys really are. Age will definitely play a role. If you guys are young there are tendencies to look around. Actually it's not age but experience. If you guys had been with a lot of different partners then you guys should know where each of you stand.

Have goals, and take her for a ride. Always improve your life. Always aspire to be a DJ. Be a man in everything that you do with her. Be a man in bed. F*ck her like you haven't had any since birth. Love your girl for real. All in all give her lots of reason for her to cry all day if ever you leave her. Yup, be the Greatest catch bro.

 

[Proselytiser]

Oh haha, of course. AFC is almost a word to me, I sometimes forget where it stands for.

Still, I try NOT to act like one, but it seems to make her sometimes unhappy. Captain says I should try not to act like an AFC, because it gets me in trouble. Now I don't see the link between my original post and Captain's reaction.

Actually, Captain said it is a 'mistake', which it is. It'll eventually kill the relationship.

If you came to your own decision on the matter without being pressured by her, and moved in with her on your terms (or compromised without making too much a sacrifice on your terms) then that would not be AFC.

 

[sodbuster]

YOU already said you don't see a long term future with her. WTF are you waiting for? dump her already and find one more worthy. YOu can find all kinds of women for sex

 

[Guoy Darko]

YOU already said you don't see a long term future with her. WTF are you waiting for? dump her already and find one more worthy. YOu can find all kinds of women for sex

Where did I said that? I want a long term future with her, only I never told her that because it sounds so AFC. She on the other hand wants me to say those words.

 

[Skydiver43127]

Not always acting like you're the Terminator is not acting AFC.

The mistake guys make when they get with a girl is that they act tough in the beginning, but then their inner frame melts and they turn into these clingy onetis types that bore women and drive them away.

It's perfectly ok to show some sensitivity and emotion, as long as it's an incidental thing and not an instant hero-to-zero transformation.

 

[Commandante]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

Iron Rule of Tomassi