Is it over or is she scared?

[oztradamus]

I have been "talking" to this particular girl for about a month. We knew each other for about 2 months prior to us going on our first date. Before we went out we would speak every now and then since we had the same circle of friends but we were not actual friends more like very good acquintances.

Anyway, since we have gone out, everything has changed. Since she is shy and has never had a boyfriend or even dated anybody(even though she is a sophomore in college) at first she would act distant and kind of ignore me in public but when we were alone she would open up a bit and be more comfortable. I also had been told my her best friends that she was indeed interested in me and wanted to just see what would happen with us. So I decided to play it cool and not crowd her in public and just talk to her when she was alone. And after a while she even started to flirt with me in public in front of everybody. So what happend yesterday caught me by surprise.

We went to a party last night, she went with her friends and I went with mine. I danced with other girls and she danced with other guys, but we did dance with each other a couple of times. When the party was over I said my goodbyes to everyone and when I got to her I told her I would see her tomorrow because I asked her out on a 2nd date on wenesday. So when im getting to my car she run up to me and tells me she want to talk to me. When I ask about what, she tells me that she wants to talk about "us". That was the first time she had ever said "us". Then she tells me that she was unsure where we were going and that she seems me as just one of the guys. Then I ask her if she still wanted to go out and she said yes but as friends. So I told her that I would still pick her up and she said ok. At first I was in shock then just confused. So finally my question: is she serious about seeing me as a friend and not wanting a relationship or does she really like me and is just afraid of getting in a relationship so is just breaking it off now so she wont get hurt? Please help, I am a confused man.

 

[playasupreme]

Game over. Either you screwed up somehow or she never liked you enough in the first place. Do no be this girl's taxi service, ESPECIALLY if you like her as more than a friend. This just screams "doormat" in ********.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by oztradamus
I also had been told my her best friends that she was indeed interested in me and wanted to just see what would happen with us.

Well let's see what she saw...

So I decided to play it cool

She saw that you didn't show any interest in return to her flirting...

and not crowd her in public

and that you were afraid to be intimate with her, as if you believed so little in yourself that you thought being around her would make her "uncomfortable"

and just talk to her when she was alone.

And that you didn't want to act in front of your friends for fear of what they might think of you if you "failed".

And after a while she even started to flirt with me in public in front of everybody.

After a while she started wondering if she had been wrong about you, so she dropped the BS games and went for the direct approach, in case it was HER fault you weren't responding to her. You AGAIN didn't respond.

So what happend yesterday caught me by surprise.

You were probably the ONLY one surprised. Sorry, man. Sounds like she was interested, but she wanted to test you to make sure you were man enough to handle her. And she found you wanting. It's happened to me too. I doubt there's much you can do to raise her IL, but like player supreme clone #106 said, taxiing her to a movie or restaurant or whatever is not going to restore her interest. That "just as friends" should've been unacceptable to you. But you failed the final test by saying, "You've told me you're not going to give me what I want from this relationship, but I'll still gladly follow you like a puppy if you pet me."

At this point, HELL with what "she's thinking." The question is, what are YOU thinking? Go find yourself a girl who's willing to be a WOMAN for you and not just one of the guys. And next time, show her you can BE A MAN.

 

[oztradamus]

I guess I should have been more clear when I mentioned her shyness. The reason why I "played it cool" was because after we first went out I was the one the initiated the flirting, she would act nervous around me like she was uncomfortable, so I backed off. On and after our date I tried kino serveral times with mixed results. When I said she was shy, I mean she was SHY. I told her one day that I wanted to come see her at her apartment one day. She was reluctant to give it to me at first but after awhile finally gave it to me. This girl is the queen of attention. She loves to be the center of attention, and other guys that approached her in the past gave her all the attention she wanted and got nothing, so I did the opposite and it worked which is why she started to flirt back with me in public. Her best friends would always ask me of my intensions and I told them that I was not looking at the field and that I was basically really interested in the girl so she knew that I was interested. That is way I am so confussed. Please help!

 

[playasupreme]

You narked on yourself. It's over. Do not be her taxi service she already told you she didn't like you other than as a friend. Learn and move on.

 

[squirrels]

If she's uncomfortable with you from the word-go, shouldn't that be a sign to you?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

"LJBF", not a good sign homey! But maybe that is how she operates and wants to get comfortable with you. Do not aggressively pursue her as other guys may have done - be suave! But for goodness sakes, do not become her buddy!

 

[DJ_Dork]

alright oztradamus.. good story that mirrors most of us DJs have done. Right now.. back off.. I mean way off if you're still interested in her. Right now she sees you as friends because you're acting like that. well.. as an AFC POV.. I would continue wanting to "hang out" or "chat" with her.. but you have to remind yourself this that most of us DJ mistakes have been made: You are not getting any action.. no kissing...no fingering..no sex. THINK of that to yourself and wonder.. Do I really want to hang out/talk to a girl I have feelings for yet she does not see me in a sexual sense?

Move away from the AFC life and look for another girl or just stay away from this girl.

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
be suave! But for goodness sakes, do not become her buddy!

I agree, dont become friends, the equivelent of a male friend to a girl is a fat chick to a guy.
just be cool and kino.

 

[petal]

Oz,

To tell you the truth from what she said. This girl doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. Do you know what you want? Just do your thing for now.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Obviously, the way to get this girl is to NEVER talk to her again, NEVER see her again and TOTALLY ignore her in public.

Does that make any sense at all to you guys?

She was waiting for him to grab his balls and make a move on her. She tried to force the issue by getting her friends to talk to him and then she stepped-up the flirting to further force the issue. She finally got fed-up and tried one last-ditch pre-emptive LJBF to see if he would finally make the move. Running out to the car as he was leaving and all.

Obviously, the way to get the girl is to never put a move on her and wait for two weeks for her to call you. Huh?

 

[prosemont]

Could go either way:

Could truly be a girl who can't/doesn't want to be intimate and when she gets right up to it and has a guy interested and has gotten the attention/affirmation/approval she needs psychologically, she bails. If she ends up being this type of girl, you should eject since you'll get this result no matter what you do and it will just be a long, drawn out and frustrating process to get her to go further than that.

Or

It could the type of girl JustDoIt describes where she's stepped up to the plate and has gotten NOTHING in return for her efforts from you and has bailed herself as a countermeasure and in self-defense. I tend to agree with JustDoIt on this type of girl. She runs out to meet you at the car after you've spent the night dancing with other women. That screams of someone who is in self-defense mode to me. You should have been grinding her all night and taking make-out breaks with her in your car all night.
She should have been eating out of your hand by the end of that night instead of unclear on what your status is so much that she feels the need to LJBF you as a countermeasure.

EITHER WAY: you should take her out again and initiate kino and flirting with her early and KISS her early. Don't do a movie, do something where you can flirt and talk and kiss. If it were me, I would even call her and flirt heavily with her a couple times before the date until her little thong was soaking wet.

If she doesn't respond or you get shut down cold, then consider ejecting after that date.

 

[oztradamus]

A lot of the responses have been consistent with the thought that said "LJBF" as a self-defense tool. Although I think this is true, it is not because she was waiting for me to "make a move" because ever since I asked her out I started to apply kino and got very mixed results. I even tried the kiss test and lets just say I knew she was not ready to be kissed. To my knowledge she has never been in this situation before and is a pretty indecisive when it come to what she wants. Now with all that said, we went out last night and if it was an actual "date" (which im not sure it wasnt) it would have been the best one we've been on. She was a lot more talkative and would actually return my teases, she initiated a little kino on me, and let me pay for the diner, which is something she did not do on the first date. So now do I go along with this "friends" thing while still being ****y/funny, using kino from time to time, ignoring her sometimes, and taking her out every once in a while....or.....should I just take this as she just plain seeing me as a friend which is why she was more comfortable? Any suggestions?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You can take the long arduous route of becoming her buddy and hoping for her approval or you can test her true interest by not calling her and let her initiate first contact.

If you don't have many woman prospects right now, then you may want to inch your way towards her approval by playing 'nice' with her and do as she tells you!!

 

[ManOMan]

She told YOU FLAT OUT

She just wants to be friends. A girl who had interest in a guy would NEVER say that!!!

When a girl TELLS YOU she just wants to be friends, that is what she means, there is no CODE or ******** to be deciphered here. Her intentions/feelings towards you have been expressed.

On the flipside, she could learn to like you as a lover, but that is a long and timely path you must choose to see if its worth the investment, maybe YEARS.

Move on and learn, when a girl says flat out she just wants to be friends, it means she has been considering being intimate with you and decided against it.

Is she scared? NO

Love to a woman overpowers all feelings, she isnt scared, she is not interested.