Is it ok to make fun of myself, on first rapport building?

[Canadien]

Ok, this is something new I'm trying, and I'd like your guys opinion on this approach..

As it goes I've been trying out lots of new activities, and I go through lots of funny stuff as I try to learn first dance moves at the dance school, and as I learn to skate and fall over again and again, trying to skate and dance at the same time:cheer: ..


So, is it ok to talk about, this stuff to get the small talk started as I initiate the initial rapport building? I consider this stuff to be really funny even if it happened to me, so what would you guys say? YES or NO?

For sidenote:

I look, and act very confident, and have first class style, and positive outlook on life, yet I'm still working on humour side of things, so will this new approach work or will it backfire..

 

[War Against Betaism]

Never make fun of yourself. If you should, just mention the subject and then say something like "Yeah I'm a work in progress but I'll catch up to you soon." It doesn't have to be that, just as long as you don't make fun of yourself.

Is the girl you're targeting in your dance class or someone you skate with? Having a familiar connection is already gaining rapport with that person. I remember going to a party an hour away from my hometown and someone mentioned they lived there too. No openers, instant rapport, and I got her number. If it's not, and it's something you just want to bring up as a subject, then that's not the way to go. It'll appear like you have low confidence.

 

[The Bat]

No, don't do it. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. A stranger comes up to you and starts cracking jokes at himself/herself. Of course, you'll laugh. But what exactly are you laughing at? Or should I say, who exactly are you laughing at? You catch my drift?

I think you'll just end up looking like a clown even if you act confident, dress classy, etc. Nobody wants to get freaky with a clown. Nobody.

 

[ready123]

nah it's fine

being able to make fun of yourself is a plus - it shows you're human and kills the playa vibe, it shows you're socially intelligent enough to be aware of your faults, it reframes those faults as something with value, and it also helps your inner game. just remember it falls within the greater context of social calibration so if you're calibration is off, you're gonna end up looking stupid

a lot of the guys on this board who get depressed one-itis should make fun of themselves more often

 

[DJVladdy]

are you guys for real? Being able to laugh at yourself once in a while is always good. Make a sarcastic, light comment about urself... humor and fun is the key word. Obviously let people see that you have self respect and standard about what fits/does not fit in your world. Keep the vibe good natured, u know.

Exception: if you ARE a chump, and a pushover, then do NOT make fun of yourself... But it should not be an issue after all you have learned.

 

[MacAvoy]

I agree that its ok to make fun of yourself. However make sure you don't go on and on. Make sure you exude confidence afterwards. A women will respect that you can laugh at yourself and have fun.

The guys who say never make fun of yourself are insecure. However don't over do it.

 

[MacAvoy]

I think you'll just end up looking like a clown even if you act confident, dress classy, etc. Nobody wants to get freaky with a clown. Nobody.

Thats weird, I see funny guys and guys who peacock get laid all the time. We must live in different worlds.

 

[Brokeback Larry]

Disagree

i disagree with not being able to joke about yourself, but only on a limited basis.

getting a girl to laugh is what you're trying to accomplish and yourself is the easiest target so once in a blue moon, comfortably crack on yourself and let her know your confident enough to get laughed at. if you do it too much she's going to see you as just some class clown and that can only get you so far.

and dont be too negative, nobody want to hear any depressing crap......

"man, i love banana's but im scared of the color yellow, i know im a big panzie but maybe you can help me over come my problem?"

"its prolly bc i was bullied as a kid, up untill i saw that movie karate kid.....OHHHH let a 8yr old try to mess with me now!!!"

Peace Playas

 

[War Against Betaism]

It also depends on how you're making fun of yourself. The idea I got from the OP is what I see on corny romance movies; exuding low confidence, putting head down, scratching back of head. Even though he said he'll act all high class about it, the first time there'll always be slip ups. When I "make fun of myself," I always add in something there like "But don't think too highly of yourself now shortstuff," added with a little kino.

 

[War Against Betaism]

getting a girl to laugh is what you're trying to accomplish

I disagree with this hindsight. Not necessarily disagree with it, but it's self detrimental to your success with women. If you feel like your goal is to make her laugh, make her smile, etc, then you're just leaving room for failure. You don't owe women anything.

 

[Canadien]

Thats what I'm thinking too...

nah it's fine

being able to make fun of yourself is a plus - it shows you're human and kills the playa vibe, it shows you're socially intelligent enough to be aware of your faults, it reframes those faults as something with value, and it also helps your inner game. just remember it falls within the greater context of social calibration so if you're calibration is off, you're gonna end up looking stupid

a lot of the guys on this board who get depressed one-itis should make fun of themselves more often

I am studying lots of NLP, Calibration and positive frame set and this is becoming the central trait that I'd like to exemplify,

I also read in one of the ebook called "how to make women laugh" that you should always see the world through funny goggles..

Considering Before I used to have serious stiffness and insecurity when talking about myself, now it seems or I hope to see talking sarcastically that I come out witty and socially calibrated as I learn to make fun of my adventures and be ok with it..

But nobody uses this here? I'm suprised..

 

[MacAvoy]

I've used NLP a little bit and actually have contemplated taking a course to become a practioner. However I'm not convinced that there is widespread enough acceptance to make it worthwhile financially.

 

[Interceptor]

Canadien,
IMO there's no absolute NEED to 'make fun of yourself" IF you have true confidence.
Be careful of tryikng too hard to make Rapport wiht a stranger.

Being self deprecating is ok for certain types iof guys.
It is a little hard to ascertain thsi for you since we don't know your type iof persoanlity in action, in real time.

Having said that, you don't want to go overboard and be too UN Emotional and Unresponsive, and take yourself TOO SERIOUSLY.
My feelin gis that if it's not NEEDED then don't do it.

And if it is, then do it when you are surrounded by humor.

Here's a weird thing, oftentimes, people want you to be 'the Man." And they want you to be Superior.
They don't really like it for you to make fun of yourself too much.
But..sometimes, with the Right person, they will think "Hey this guy doens't take himself too seriously. That;s cool. He's a little more approachable."

ANother thing, remeber genrally speaking, let's try to look at what Builds Attraction, not necessarily AFFECTION TOO early on.
Really think about what you're doing here.
And who the persn you're withis like, and what you are trying to achieve in the interaction.

 

[Brokeback Larry]

I disagree with this hindsight. Not necessarily disagree with it, but it's self detrimental to your success with women. If you feel like your goal is to make her laugh, make her smile, etc, then you're just leaving room for failure. You don't owe women anything.

i guess u have a little point but having the level of humor and how easy it is to make everyone enjoy my company without even trying is an advantage over the avg guy who has nothing interesting to say.

it never have goals when im meeting someone new im just myself but i feel successful when she is genuinely smiling, so i dont get your room for failure comment? i dont owe anyone nuthin but when i put out they put out.....feel me dawg

 

[The Bat]

Canadien,
IMO there's no absolute NEED to 'make fun of yourself" IF you have true confidence.
Be careful of tryikng too hard to make Rapport wiht a stranger.

Being self deprecating is ok for certain types iof guys.
It is a little hard to ascertain thsi for you since we don't know your type iof persoanlity in action, in real time.

Having said that, you don't want to go overboard and be too UN Emotional and Unresponsive, and take yourself TOO SERIOUSLY.
My feelin gis that if it's not NEEDED then don't do it.

And if it is, then do it when you are surrounded by humor.

Here's a weird thing, oftentimes, people want you to be 'the Man." And they want you to be Superior.
They don't really like it for you to make fun of yourself too much.
But..sometimes, with the Right person, they will think "Hey this guy doens't take himself too seriously. That;s cool. He's a little more approachable."

ANother thing, remeber genrally speaking, let's try to look at what Builds Attraction, not necessarily AFFECTION TOO early on.
Really think about what you're doing here.
And who the persn you're withis like, and what you are trying to achieve in the interaction.

I think he just elaborated my point a little bit more.

You don't have to poke fun at yourself. Watch some observational stand up comics. Familiar examples are Jerry Seinfeld, Dane Cook, Lewis Black, etc. These guys are the best because they can create humor out of everyday things and other people.

The catch with making fun at yourself is that you have to be very good at it. If you are anything less than great, I guarantee you'll come off as a clown. You'll become the butt of all jokes from there on out.

 

[War Against Betaism]

i guess u have a little point but having the level of humor and how easy it is to make everyone enjoy my company without even trying is an advantage over the avg guy who has nothing interesting to say.

it never have goals when im meeting someone new im just myself but i feel successful when she is genuinely smiling, so i dont get your room for failure comment? i dont owe anyone nuthin but when i put out they put out.....feel me dawg

You said what you're trying to accomplish is getting the girl to laugh. Having that mindset sets you up for failure.

 

[ready123]

I think Interceptor has the middle ground you generally want to be at. Make fun of yourself if the situation calls for it (IE everybody staring at you wondering wtf you're doing!) but if the goal is to get the girl to laugh, there are better and less situational ways to do it

on a tangent, if making fun of yourself is something you're not used to, just try it every once in a while just to see how it plays off and see if you can calibrate effectively. the thing about an insecurity that makes it an insecurity is that you've decided you have to hide it, because you feel it makes you look like a wuss. but if you have the courage to share it while reframing it as something "human" (using humor), you obliterate any weakness it implies. if you can calibrate well, you'll recognize this

another thing, skating and dancing are things, if you suck, everybody knows you suck. trying to pretend you don't suck at a physical activity when it's obvious you do and everybody is staring at you is totally lower value - it'll come across like you're overcompensating for a fragile ego (like the people who try out for American Idol and act like they're the sh!t in the pre-interview but really can't sing a lick). when you vocalize awareness that you do suck, while conveying it has no effect on your ego (that's why humor is important), it shows you have a very grounded reality, which raises your value. once again it's all calibration based though

also, for humor, work on your observation skills. train yourself to recognize quirky things about the girl, about life, about your environment. when you're in a good mood, these will translate naturally to humor

 

[DonGorgon]

NO!.... make fun of her.. then compliment her.

 

[Brokeback Larry]

You said what you're trying to accomplish is getting the girl to laugh. Having that mindset sets you up for failure.

i guess it comes to easy then bc i may be set up but i dont fail, you're over analyzing the situation

 

[Obsidian]

as an abstract idea, I don't think there's any serious problem with it, but it would help to hear an example. If you're overtly insulting yourself instead of just playfully joking, then it's probably bad.