is it normal to get ghost'd after 5 dates without warning?

[PlatoPacks23]

went out on 5 dates with this woman, on 5th date we hooked up. before that we had spent a LOT of time together to point where (even early on) she was crying, blushing and saying "How perfect I was". 4th date was for like 8+ hrs and she said it was the best date she's ever had/had in years....she was even playfully talking about our kids names, how I was first relationship she's had in a while (she was in a LTR before that), and cooking meals for me.

anyway admittedly after hooking up I did get fairly needy... wrote her a poem thing that was probably too serious (which she hearted and said was so special... but in retrospect probably a mistake), and then tried to call her twice but she didn't pick up.. (when prior to that we had talked on phone like 3 times at like 30-50 minute each time). When I tried make plans twice, first time she said she couldn't but offered another day.. then agreed to it.. then cancelled day off. Then most recently invited hr out and she said she couldn't for work but then asked me a question and then that was it.


Now obviously, I plan on just not inviting her out anymore (possibly 1 more time in like 2 weeks and ending it)..... but is it common in dating to just ghost someone after 5 dates and like 50+ hours together? Like I'd think common courtesy would be to just be honest about it esps given amount of time we've spent together, and how she talked about how much she valued "kindness" etc...


So not really a question of what should I do.. but more of that is just common? Or is this a rare case of someone?

If this is how things go in general, I just feel like I can't ever let my emotions get involved and not trust anyone whatsoever no matter what is shared..

 

[Solomon]

Sadly in 2024 it is normal does that mean it should be tolerated or acceptable? heck no

 

[Mertz09]

As mentioned above, what is "normal" today is anyone's guess. I was reading a post that mentioned "cold approach." It got me thinking that when I was younger, before the internet and dating apps and smart phones and text. Cold approach was all there was. Or you met a women at school or from friends. Back then cold approached worked well. It was all there was.
I feel that social media has in some ways made interacting with people harder and less "personal".
So the new normal is......fill in the blank.

It sounds like your girl got cold feet or doesn't know what she wants. No contact her.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

As mentioned above, what is "normal" today is anyone's guess. I was reading a post that mentioned "cold approach." It got me thinking that when I was younger, before the internet and dating apps and smart phones and text. Cold approach was all there was. Or you met a women at school or from friends. Back then cold approached worked well. It was all there was.
I feel that social media has in some ways made interacting with people harder and less "personal".
So the new normal is......fill in the blank.

It sounds like your girl got cold feet or doesn't know what she wants. No contact her.

Sounds like she is unsure about a relationship

the one excuse I can give is that Valentine’s Day is next week so it might feel awkward for her

so giving 2.. maybe 2.5 weeks and then reaching out and if its a no I will send a mean text then end it lol

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yes but you more than likely overlooked some red flags

 

[CornbreadFed]

went out on 5 dates with this woman, on 5th date we hooked up. before that we had spent a LOT of time together to point where (even early on) she was crying, blushing and saying "How perfect I was". 4th date was for like 8+ hrs and she said it was the best date she's ever had/had in years....she was even playfully talking about our kids names, how I was first relationship she's had in a while (she was in a LTR before that), and cooking meals for me.

You answered your question. This girl is a SPOT ON hopeless romantic. Learn to spot the classic signs of a hopeless romantic and either pump and dump or leave her for the streets.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Yes but you more than likely overlooked some red flags

Well yes, she has depression and was married for 5+ years before (still young though) but I don’t care ! Being with her was so fun and “easy” to be around

 

[PlatoPacks23]

You answered your question. This girl is a SPOT ON hopeless romantic. Learn to spot the classic signs of a hopeless romantic and either pump and dump or leave her for the streets.

What does this mean moving forward? She wants this to be a long drawn out process?

I low key don’t mind that but if she isn’t interested I’d rather just know now

 

[Nitrozv20]

you wrote her a poem and didnt **** her good enough, youre done.

 

[Mertz09]

Well yes, she has depression and was married for 5+ years before (still young though) but I don’t care ! Being with her was so fun and “easy” to be around

I understand. Go no contact for a while and then "check in" Who knows.... LIGHTNING MAY STRICK!

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I stopped reading when you said you wrote her a poem. It’s a wrap.

This is exactly why chicks are running around (no matter what they look like) behaving the way they do.

Put this chick on ice and focus on other things. Study film, see what mistakes you made, practice and drop 60+ next game. Leave the Alfalfa poems for another simp to write.

Yeah that was too much.. she said she liked poems and after I sent it she hearted it and said how special I am.. but yeah it was a mistake . We were sending each other songs and etc before that and she was sending really deep songs.. but yeah

 

[SW15]

You are now able to ghost with a 'Goodbye Pie' from Pizza Hut....

Goodbye Pies

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goodbyepies.com

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is it common in dating to just ghost someone after 5 dates and like 50+ hours together?

Yes, it is common in 2010s-2020s dating to do this. Millennials were a non-confrontational generation and that's continued into Gen Z. I have ghosted people after 3-4 dates and been ghosted after 3-4 dates.

you wrote her a poem and didnt **** her good enough, youre done.

So true. Poem is way too beta of a move. No more poems in the future. @PlatoPacks23 needs to be more stoic and not express feelings. Getting amazing at sex will also help too.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

You are now able to ghost with a 'Goodbye Pie' from Pizza Hut....

Goodbye Pies

Deliver the spicy breakup in a sweeter way with new Hot Honey Goodbye Pies.

goodbyepies.com

Pizza Hut offering ‘Goodbye Pies’ to help couples break up before Valentine’s Day

Through February 14, lovers in New York, Chicago and Miami can order a “Goodbye Pie” and have it sent to their soon-to-be-exes.

nypost.com

Yes, it is common in 2010s-2020s dating to do this. Millennials were a non-confrontational generation and that's continued into Gen Z. I have ghosted people after 3-4 dates and been ghosted after 3-4 dates.



So true. Poem is way too beta of a move. No more poems in the future. @PlatoPacks23 needs to be more stoic and not express feelings. Getting amazing at sex will also help too.

Well yes no more poems in future.. but I was stoic and unreacrive for like 5+ dates and 50+ hours before that.. I’m also not that experienced..

so any amazing girl I meet is automtically
Going to ghost me once it gets to sex?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I stopped reading when you said you wrote her a poem. It’s a wrap.

^^^

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

so any amazing girl I meet is automtically
Going to ghost me once it gets to sex?

Any girl you meet is going to ghost you once you switch from stoic to simp, sex notwithstanding.

You'd ghost a girl too if she went from slim hottie to fat warpig.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Any girl you meet is going to ghost you once you switch from stoic to simp, sex notwithstanding.

You'd ghost a girl too if she went from slim hottie to fat warpig.

maybe she can change back. I just can’t believe one slip up is going to change hours and hours of past things. That’s insane

I understand it may take time but that’s crazy to me.

 

[SW15]

so any amazing girl I meet is automtically
Going to ghost me once it gets to sex?

If you are not good at sex, then you will get ghosted. Women expect all the feelz, all the time. Most women live in a state of abundance. If you meet her on an app, realize she has a queue of 200 guys she can replace you with at any time. Even women not using apps know they can exponentially increase the amount of prospects they have if they download an app. I also haven't mentioned what's in her DMs on Instagram either, which adds to it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I wouldn't say it's normal but I would say between the 8 hour date and then you getting needy after sex she probably determined that was going to get messy quick and bailed.

Don't ever, ever, ever go on an 8 hour date with a chick you just met. A great way to say "I have nothing going on in my life and nothing to do" without opening your mouth.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I wouldn't say it's normal but I would say between the 8 hour date and then you getting needy after sex she probably determined that was going to get messy quick and bailed.

Don't ever, ever, ever go on an 8 hour date with a chick you just met. A great way to say "I have nothing going on in my life and nothing to do" without opening your mouth.

the 8 hour date (on date 4) I dont think was the issue, she cried, gave me a gift and said it was "the best date she's had in years". and said after on text how much she liked me

the needy after sex etc was most likely it which is odd after already spending 40+ hours together

 

[SW15]

I would say between the 8 hour date and then you getting needy after sex she probably determined that was going to get messy quick and bailed.

the needy after sex etc was most likely it which is odd after already spending 40+ hours together

Needy after sex is bad. You are likely dating a Millennial or Gen Z woman. Millennials and Gen Z are non-confrontational, so ghosting is normal to them.

Don't ever, ever, ever go on an 8 hour date with a chick you just met. A great way to say "I have nothing going on in my life and nothing to do" without opening your mouth.

the 8 hour date (on date 4)

Agree that an 8 hour date on a 4th date is too much, too soon.