I'be been going out with a girl for 5 months now. I know we both really care about each other but no one has said I love you yet. I'm kinda waiting for her to say it first, but she acts more like a guy than a girl when it comes to emotions, she never talks about how she "feels" or the usual stuff that girls talk about when in a relationship. I'm just wondering if she might be waiting for me to say it first to kinda break the ice, and if so should I give in or how long should I wait?
Is it ever OK to say I LOVE YOU first?
- Thread starter Trent
- Start date
Only you know your situation, so you should use your own judgement. Some guidelines for if you do tell her first...
1) ONLY say it if you sincerely mean it.
2) Don't have expectations about her response.
3) Make sure she hears you. Don't mumble and have her be unsure of what you said. It will be awkward if she has to ask you what you said.
dutchie
Senior Don Juan
I would use the word love in a sentence, before you go out and say. "I love you". say something like...blah blah...that's what I love about you...etc etc. Then maybe she will find the love word catchy, and actually use it before you do...if she feels that way of course. I always learned it to be a mistake in the past to say it first. Just my experience. I know some people might disagree, but saying those words first will give her the upper-hand in knowing exactly how you feel about her, without having to wonder about it. Regardless of how much you might think a woman might like to hear those words, I can't think of any situation where it has benefited me to say it first.
Try saying something like this. In a moment of passion or whatever, I am sure you know what I am talking about...say to her "Tell me you love me". Of course this only works if at this point you have no doubt that she does love you but just has been afraid to say it for some reason or another.
Try saying something like this. In a moment of passion or whatever, I am sure you know what I am talking about...say to her "Tell me you love me". Of course this only works if at this point you have no doubt that she does love you but just has been afraid to say it for some reason or another.
GorillaPimp
Don Juan
No. Let her say it first. Then and only after she says it several times...then you say it...but don't get into a pattern of telling her you love her...Say it 1 time for every 5 times as a general rule...Let her crave when you say " I love you ".....and Kill all those warm fuzzy love emotions...I sense your a zombie in love...Change that right now...she'll will sense it...and that will be your downfall....I guy too in love like that makes her uncomfortable...and she will back away...She wants to be the one w/ all that love emotion...not you...Play it cool...
Don Phenom
Senior Don Juan
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GorillaPimp is right, never say it first.
It will be your end if you do my friend, take heed and listen to the words of a Don, but more importantly listen to a guy who has been there and learned his lesson.
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Don Phenom-Unphasable, you couldn't make me lose my cool if you set me on fire. I will not lose!
It will be your end if you do my friend, take heed and listen to the words of a Don, but more importantly listen to a guy who has been there and learned his lesson.
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Don Phenom-Unphasable, you couldn't make me lose my cool if you set me on fire. I will not lose!
Deagleclaw
Master Don Juan
I agree with GorillaPimp wholeheartedly.
In the beginning of a relationship it's all about appearances. You love the person she wants you to see. You may think you know her, but you really don't. You may be in love, but you don't love her, there's a big difference.
DO NOT SAY IT FIRST! She'll use your heart like a toy if you do. You have to let her grow to love YOU first. You have to make her win YOU. Why do you think women are so happy when men ask them to marry??? Because they've won the prize. But there is no joy in winning a cheap imitation right.
Don't let your feelings dictate your actions.
That's why women are so f*cked up, cuz they let their emotions rule their thoughts.
And even when she does say it eventually... don't say it back to her immediately, wait a few months.
Deagleclaw out
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No matter what comes, walk like a man. - Al Lan Mandragoran (Wheel of Time)
In the beginning of a relationship it's all about appearances. You love the person she wants you to see. You may think you know her, but you really don't. You may be in love, but you don't love her, there's a big difference.
DO NOT SAY IT FIRST! She'll use your heart like a toy if you do. You have to let her grow to love YOU first. You have to make her win YOU. Why do you think women are so happy when men ask them to marry??? Because they've won the prize. But there is no joy in winning a cheap imitation right.
Don't let your feelings dictate your actions.
That's why women are so f*cked up, cuz they let their emotions rule their thoughts.
And even when she does say it eventually... don't say it back to her immediately, wait a few months.
Deagleclaw out
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No matter what comes, walk like a man. - Al Lan Mandragoran (Wheel of Time)
anti-trend
Don Juan
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easy man, dont say it. let her do it first. even then dont say it
IntermediateDonJuaner
Master Don Juan
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Well,most DJS will say let the opposite sex do it first. But there's one thing I am not sure here. What's the different between exclusivity and gf&bf relationship?
Are they the same or are they different? Recently, I had an argument with a friend of mine in this stupid topic. So,what's the difference? I heard they said exclusivity means "marriage proposal". THAT'S ALL!
On the other hand,gf&bf relationship is not exclusivity as they are not steady. This means they are still open to seeing others as well in this period. Please explain here. My friend really twist until my head goes round!
Thank you for your attention here and pls reply to this one.
Have a nice day!
Are they the same or are they different? Recently, I had an argument with a friend of mine in this stupid topic. So,what's the difference? I heard they said exclusivity means "marriage proposal". THAT'S ALL!
On the other hand,gf&bf relationship is not exclusivity as they are not steady. This means they are still open to seeing others as well in this period. Please explain here. My friend really twist until my head goes round!
Thank you for your attention here and pls reply to this one.
Have a nice day!
You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
NO, you don't say it, you let her know by actions. Don't overdo things.
Girls have to wonder about you. They must have the chance, the opportunity, to create their own view about you. If they created that view, and things are still going well, then it's perfect. If you are coming on too strong, then you interrupt that process and the girl starts to hesitate in the wrong way after some great moments.
I say a girl has to take you like you are, you don't change for a girl. The only thing that you have to do sometimes is to compromise things.
Relationships like BF & GF don't have to be exclusive if it is that kind of freedom that you like. Such relationships exist. (being gf & bf, but switching partners sometimes.)
However I only prefer exclusivity for an LTR.
That my opinions on these stuff.
Cya,
Neo
Girls have to wonder about you. They must have the chance, the opportunity, to create their own view about you. If they created that view, and things are still going well, then it's perfect. If you are coming on too strong, then you interrupt that process and the girl starts to hesitate in the wrong way after some great moments.
I say a girl has to take you like you are, you don't change for a girl. The only thing that you have to do sometimes is to compromise things.
Relationships like BF & GF don't have to be exclusive if it is that kind of freedom that you like. Such relationships exist. (being gf & bf, but switching partners sometimes.)
However I only prefer exclusivity for an LTR.
That my opinions on these stuff.
Cya,
Neo
BGC
Master Don Juan
You can say it first.
My experience proves it.
My girlfriend and I met to break up. I was devasted (I'd asked on the phone and she'd told me the purpose of us meeting for coffee).
It was horrific, the pain I felt.
As we were leaving, I broke down. I told her I had been falling for her, then she said "What!?" and I left because I'd started to cry.
Just absolutely gut-wrenching paid I'd felt -- never felt anything like it before.
Then we talked on the phone for a long time that night.
Then a few weeks later, I told her I loved her. And she said she loved me.
Now it's about six month's later.
If I'd never told her I'd loved her, I don't think I'd still be with her.
The thing is, I KNEW that she was in love with me because she was ALWAYS saying things like, "I LOVE how you" do this, or that, or the other thing.
But if a girl isn't extremely emotional toward me, I'd NEVER EVER say I loved her.
And, incidentally, don't let how you really feel stop you from telling her you love her.
That's between you and yourself.
There are great advantages to lying and saying you love her.
But I don't think you can EVER EVER then tell her that you don't and didn't love her.
That's be just about the worst thing a human being could say to another human being: "I never loved you -- I was lying."
Aghhh... horror...
My experience proves it.
My girlfriend and I met to break up. I was devasted (I'd asked on the phone and she'd told me the purpose of us meeting for coffee).
It was horrific, the pain I felt.
As we were leaving, I broke down. I told her I had been falling for her, then she said "What!?" and I left because I'd started to cry.
Just absolutely gut-wrenching paid I'd felt -- never felt anything like it before.
Then we talked on the phone for a long time that night.
Then a few weeks later, I told her I loved her. And she said she loved me.
Now it's about six month's later.
If I'd never told her I'd loved her, I don't think I'd still be with her.
The thing is, I KNEW that she was in love with me because she was ALWAYS saying things like, "I LOVE how you" do this, or that, or the other thing.
But if a girl isn't extremely emotional toward me, I'd NEVER EVER say I loved her.
And, incidentally, don't let how you really feel stop you from telling her you love her.
That's between you and yourself.
There are great advantages to lying and saying you love her.
But I don't think you can EVER EVER then tell her that you don't and didn't love her.
That's be just about the worst thing a human being could say to another human being: "I never loved you -- I was lying."
Aghhh... horror...
Unless it is discussed and decided upon that you can both see other people, if you refer to someone as your girlfriend or boyfriend they expect that you are not dating or having sex with other people. Being "exclusive" can be applied to all kinds of situations. You can date someone exclusively (only them) but have no other committment to each other. You can even have sex with someone exclusively that doesn't want an emotional involvement. If you are in a relationship with someone (bf/gf, engaged or married), unless both people agree otherwise, it is assumed that it's exclusive.
Take No Dirt
Master Don Juan
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For me, exclusivity means an agreed upon LTR eventually leading to marriage.
A BF/GF relationship means that you and she are seeing a lot of each other, but marriage is not the end game. You're both free to date other people.
It's so important that you and your female counterpart make absolutely sure about what you two want out of the relationship. Be very frank and up front with each other and avoid the emotional hurt that inevitably results from a misunderstanding.
[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-15-2001).]
penkitten
Master Don Juan
never say it during sex.
at least til you said it a hundred times before
at least til you said it a hundred times before
IntermediateDonJuaner
Master Don Juan
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Okay,now my friend has really confused me. He said bf&gf relationship is based like normal relationship(which means both of you are still open to see others.e.g, you can date others and see others as well.)
But if we mentioned exclusivity(then this is different because once you're exclusive,you stop seeing others anymore. Except going out with your own friends but not with the opposite sex).It also means that you people are going for marriage cause you're steady!
Am I right here? Pls point it out if I am wrong. I don't want to be confused by others
But if we mentioned exclusivity(then this is different because once you're exclusive,you stop seeing others anymore. Except going out with your own friends but not with the opposite sex).It also means that you people are going for marriage cause you're steady!
Am I right here? Pls point it out if I am wrong. I don't want to be confused by others
TheLadiesMan
Master Don Juan
No, let her say it first.. Period...
Nightwing
Master Don Juan
Let her say it first.
TheLadiesMan
Master Don Juan
GIPPER!!! =) thanks bro!!! Been busy, but I have to stop by this board to get my daily fix of info, cuz it's good for me.
I said it before, if you aren't sure about soemthings in your relationship, COME HERE! She will be eating out of your hand.
-TheLadiesMan
Also helps to have Gipper on your side.
I said it before, if you aren't sure about soemthings in your relationship, COME HERE! She will be eating out of your hand.
-TheLadiesMan
Also helps to have Gipper on your side.
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.