Is it even worth responding to seemingly low IL text?

[Peter the Man]

I am new to online dating and dating in general, have been lurking here a while. I am actually looking for a long term partner. I am not looking to sleep with someone I am not interested in for longer term. I met a girl off Tinder last weekend (Saturday).

Date was fine, not too bad from my point of view. Was one of my first real dates ever and I did like her because she did tick all my boxes. We spent 4 hours together at 3 different locations. I touched her throughout the date but at one point tried to kiss her, she didn't want me to.
After the date I got home and sent her my number and left it at that.

The next day (Sunday) she texted me to say it was fun for her. Later that day I texted her back and asked her out again for Thursday.

Then it took her over one day (30+ hours) to reply in the middle of the night at 3 am to tell me that it was fun and that she would really like to go out again but that she is too busy this week because of a family visit. No counter offer.
Then she asked me how the rest of my weekend was.

Is it even worth replying to this question? Seems like very low to zero interest based on her reaction. I wonder why she texted me in the first place, since I said "here is my number, text me if you want us to make other plans". Why get in touch when you're not interested?

I don't want to be rude and just ghost but I feel like I should. The other option would be to just say "Good" or "Okay". It has already been almost two days since her text and I learned that when in doubt to do nothing. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway considering she seems to not care. I have wasted enough time on her already.

What would you do in this situation? Text something back to reply to her question? Wait a few days? Just ghost and delete?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Why do you care how she feels if she isn't interested in you? She's probably texting at least a dozen other guys right now.

 

[RobbyDog]

I wouldn’t read so much into her behaviour—you’re overthinking this and getting over invested. The family visit may be BS or it may be legitimate. I’d reply to her question, then leave it at that. Hit her up again in a week or so and see what she says, then you’ll have your answer.
Women at the best of times will act hot and cold—OLD makes this behaviour worse since they have hordes of men chasing after them.
They’ll also sometimes test you by not acting too interested.
Your best defence is to remain indifferent to her BS and maintain an abundance mindset. You’re young—there will be lots more women in your life. But you’re already one step ahead by being on this site. Wish I’d discovered it at your age.

 

[RickTheToad]

Silence is key. You're in the back burner position. Move on to greener pastures.

 

[Robert28]

I just am never going to understand why women who have low interest will stay on a date for longer than an hour. It makes no sense.

 

[SW15]

@Peter the Man -- Just ghost and delete her number. You don't have time for that shiit.

Start arranging your dates with in-person approaching. The good thing right now is that you are 20 and time is more on your side so to speak than someone my age (38).

 

[Dr.Suave]

No counter offer? Dissappear a week and then text her: "When are you free to go out?" This has worked for me.

 

[Glassguy]

Just simply respond back ( a full day later) with : No worries. My schedule is tight right now also. Hit me up when you can get free again. Enjoy your week.

Knock the ball back over the net and see what she does with it. Then go silent.

Spin more plates.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I am new to online dating and dating in general, have been lurking here a while. I am actually looking for a long term partner. I am not looking to sleep with someone I am not interested in for longer term. I met a girl off Tinder last weekend (Saturday).

Date was fine, not too bad from my point of view. Was one of my first real dates ever and I did like her because she did tick all my boxes. We spent 4 hours together at 3 different locations. I touched her throughout the date but at one point tried to kiss her, she didn't want me to.
After the date I got home and sent her my number and left it at that.

The next day (Sunday) she texted me to say it was fun for her. Later that day I texted her back and asked her out again for Thursday.

Then it took her over one day (30+ hours) to reply in the middle of the night at 3 am to tell me that it was fun and that she would really like to go out again but that she is too busy this week because of a family visit. No counter offer.
Then she asked me how the rest of my weekend was.

Is it even worth replying to this question? Seems like very low to zero interest based on her reaction. I wonder why she texted me in the first place, since I said "here is my number, text me if you want us to make other plans". Why get in touch when you're not interested?

I don't want to be rude and just ghost but I feel like I should. The other option would be to just say "Good" or "Okay". It has already been almost two days since her text and I learned that when in doubt to do nothing. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway considering she seems to not care. I have wasted enough time on her already.

What would you do in this situation? Text something back to reply to her question? Wait a few days? Just ghost and delete?

You are 20. You shouldn't be looking for a LTR. You have much to learn, experience, mess up, and growth from. You are still in my eyes a youngster, many years, mistakes, wins and loses, and suffering away from becoming a man.

Let yourself be a 20-year-old, a LTR can only do you harm in the long-run.

Modern Man Advice

 

[EyeBRollin]

Solid start OP.

Unfortunately, you are not her priority. Answer her question then ghost for a week. Ask her out again then. If she gives you a similar excuse delete her number.

 

[dude99]

I am new to online dating and dating in general, have been lurking here a while. I am actually looking for a long term partner. I am not looking to sleep with someone I am not interested in for longer term. I met a girl off Tinder last weekend (Saturday).

Date was fine, not too bad from my point of view. Was one of my first real dates ever and I did like her because she did tick all my boxes. We spent 4 hours together at 3 different locations. I touched her throughout the date but at one point tried to kiss her, she didn't want me to.
After the date I got home and sent her my number and left it at that.

The next day (Sunday) she texted me to say it was fun for her. Later that day I texted her back and asked her out again for Thursday.

Then it took her over one day (30+ hours) to reply in the middle of the night at 3 am to tell me that it was fun and that she would really like to go out again but that she is too busy this week because of a family visit. No counter offer.
Then she asked me how the rest of my weekend was.

Is it even worth replying to this question? Seems like very low to zero interest based on her reaction. I wonder why she texted me in the first place, since I said "here is my number, text me if you want us to make other plans". Why get in touch when you're not interested?

I don't want to be rude and just ghost but I feel like I should. The other option would be to just say "Good" or "Okay". It has already been almost two days since her text and I learned that when in doubt to do nothing. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway considering she seems to not care. I have wasted enough time on her already.

What would you do in this situation? Text something back to reply to her question? Wait a few days? Just ghost and delete?

"reply in the middle of the night at 3 am to tell me that it was fun and that she would really like to go out again but that she is too busy this week because of a family visit. No counter offer."

What what was she doing up at 3 am. Not what.....but Who.

Look at this sentence and remember this rule : everything before the "but" in a sentence is nothing but craap.

She was saying no, but sugar coating it so you will become her next orbiter.

 

[dude99]

I just am never going to understand why women who have low interest will stay on a date for longer than an hour. It makes no sense.

They do enjoy the free meal and validation even if they do pretend to enjoy your company.

 

[Robert28]

They do enjoy the free meal and validation even if they do pretend to enjoy your company.

But hell it doesn’t take 3-4 hours to eat does it?

 

[dude99]

But hell it doesn’t take 3-4 hours to eat does it?

No but if she is ever hoping to score a free meal and get free attention from a dude ever again eating and dashing would really kill that.

Imagine she puts down her fork 22 minutes in then says i gotta go. Then next weekend she needs help moving .... even the nicest of all simps would say no. She has to pretend a little right?

 

[Stuffnu]

Don’t spend 4 hours with her on the first date, unless you’re ruffling the bed sheets.
She had fun as a friend.
Keep it shorter to keep them guessing and yearning for more.
As Glass basically said, mirror the respond time and leave it with her.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

You'll get no criticisms from me about what you want. It's your life and the opinions of forum members should not matter to you at all.

With this being your first posting, I wish that I could provide more encouraging news. We've all experienced the delayed text and the ambiguous type response.

Sucks as it may, I'd suggest focusing your energy toward a new potential. Although I wouldn't put a lot of further investment toward this one, you could try a last nonchalant attempt; something like...

"okay sounds good."

Then about a week later...
"Busy schedule. Meant to reach out earlier. Before clearing out some phone contacts, thought I'd suggest that we meet for a ____ (coffee, drink etc... ). If no response in 24 hours , delete her contact.

(though unlikely) If she responds back later,
"This is embarrassing. Hate to do this, but may I ask who this is?"

Again, I wouldn't put a lot of stock into this one. If nothing more, you can look at it as "practice."

 

[Robert28]

No but if she is ever hoping to score a free meal and get free attention from a dude ever again eating and dashing would really kill that.

Imagine she puts down her fork 22 minutes in then says i gotta go. Then next weekend she needs help moving .... even the nicest of all simps would say no. She has to pretend a little right?

But the thing that’s happening is dates like this are usually 99% one and done. They never try to keep the guy around, they just send the “sorry, no chemistry” text. So she wasn’t interested, knew she was never going to want to go out again, but stuck around 3-4 hours. I’ve had that happen to me but it’s been a few years.

 

[Robert28]

Don’t spend 4 hours with her on the first date, unless you’re ruffling the bed sheets.
She had fun as a friend.
Keep it shorter to keep them guessing and yearning for more.
As Glass basically said, mirror the respond time and leave it with her.

Exactly. I know it’s tempting to keep the date going or maybe she keeps it going and you’re having a good time and think things are going well. It’s a trick, they aren’t, I’ve never had a first date that lasted more than an hour turn into a second date. It’s weird because you’d think spending 2-3-4 hours together would bag a second date easily but it rarely does. Just another way women have screwed up dating.

 

[dude99]

But the thing that’s happening is dates like this are usually 99% one and done. They never try to keep the guy around, they just send the “sorry, no chemistry” text. So she wasn’t interested, knew she was never going to want to go out again, but stuck around 3-4 hours. I’ve had that happen to me but it’s been a few years.

True. I guess there are guys chick do one and done, and there are some guys they do want as an orbiter

 

[Dash Riprock]

Women warm more slowly than guys even if they like you. Most men don't understand this. It's in the wiring of men and women. 98% of women, especially quality ones, won't barrage you with texts and offers after one or even a few dates. Some are clueless about the counter-offer text too because most times they don't have to. The rules have changed.

A week may be too long if she's actively dating so I'd wait 3-4 days and hit her up with a specific date idea (something cool and unique) and she how she responds. "Hey, hope your week is good. So there's this cool DaVinci display at the art museum I'd like to check out. Thinking about Sunday at 3:00. Care to join me?" See what happens.

Good luck.