Is It Emotionally Damaging to be Dating Multiple Women?

[Audiophile]

I pose this question after a year and a half of consistently seeing and dating 4 different girls (Some have stayed the same, others have changed, but this isn't really important), and just becoming more and more emotionally vacant to them. Not to say that I don't have fun with every girl that I date, and I don't enjoy myself, because I do. But lately I've been feeling as if I'm being spread too thin. I think Neil Strauss (And a few others in these forums, Neil is just the only name that comes to mind) touched up on it briefly, when he stated that when he was being extremely successful and dating multiple women, the problem was that they just became numbers and lost a lot of their mystery and allure.

I guess what I'm feeling is that each girl I date (while special in their own right) isn't that meaningful to me. And the only solution is to either completely shift my socialized mindset (that of polygamy being immoral and "wrong", this is something that's been coded into most of us, whether we like it or not) into accepting polygamy, or just dating 1 girl. Obviously the 2nd option is less drastic and I would wager much more satisfying.

Now since it seems like I've actually found the solution to this dilemma, why am I bringing it up to you guys? Well, I'm just questioning the whole "Spin plates" mentality that's so pervasive in forums like this. I understand the basis of it, that dating more women means that you'll treat yourself like more of a prize, you'll be more confident, and you'll be less prone to their bvll**** (which, let's be frank, will ALWAYS happen). But after gaining a lot of new insight from just being a straight out playa' I'm kind of sick of the whole thing. Maybe it's just another step in my own maturity, and that I'm realizing that the only true way to have a good relationship is to really give it your all.

Maybe we're all just a bit scared of wearing our hearts on our sleeves in fear of being hurt. I guess everyone does that though... it's just been a while since I've actually felt really great about a girl, wondering what you guys think about this whole subject.

 

[May_Day]

Why get into an LTR with chicks who are just DTF? That is why you spin plates until you find a girl who is worth bring in an LTR.

Not an LTR at all, just f*cking and hanging out, everything is extremely casual. Walking around the city sometimes, maybe watching a movie at their place, it varies on what I'm feeling like. It's possible that I just haven't met a girl I'd like a LTR with though, like you said.

Why do you want to be with a chick just to be with her? Enjoy being single until you find someone that can handle a relationship. No use having all the drama when you don't need it.

 

[Audiophile]

Not an LTR at all, just f*cking and hanging out, everything is extremely casual. Walking around the city sometimes, maybe watching a movie at their place, it varies on what I'm feeling like. It's possible that I just haven't met a girl I'd like a LTR with though, like you said.

That's solid advice, May. I am single though, and all of these girls (I make a point) know that we're not exclusive. Obviously I don't tell them who I'm seeing/if I'm with anyone else, but I don't put up an illusion that we're "together"

 

[LiveFreeX]

You are training these women how to act. Imagine the poor men they will go on to marry. Imagine the children they will go on to have and how the children will look upon their actions. You are training women to lose their natural ability to bond.

"BUT BUT BUT... how will I show I'm dominant and get a date with Toronto women if I don't pretend I'm a bad guy?!?! "

Maybe you shouldn't be dating women who subscribe to this at all?

"BUT BUT BUT where do I find women who aren't like this... all women are hypergamous, all women are purusing bad guys and PUAs all women.... "

Not all women. You must leave the 1st world princesses in the dust of the old world where they belong.

" BUT BUT BUT, I don't want to do that, its not a CHALLENGE, its boring, I have more skill than that! I want to use it!!! "

You reap what you sow.

 

[JT12]

its only emotionally damage if your normal. If your a sociopath with no consideration for others emotions than your a ****. Though I'm not sure, I have never dated four women. Though you did not entirely elaborate on their mental states towards you or yours towards them beyond they are apparently meaningless beyond sucking your c0ck. Though I'm not a jerkoff nor do I care about others but lets be honest. You had something to prove to yourself and you proved it and now you want a normal life.

The love and comfort of a person who is your total partner. Not these nameless *****s. This is a moral dilemma you have to sort out on your own and realize who you are in this world and whether you have the ability to continuously lie. You can construe it as "not telling the whole truth" or some **** or say the girls are probably "lying" anyway but those are lame and your still a liar.

 

[Audiophile]

The love and comfort of a person who is your total partner. Not these nameless *****s. This is a moral dilemma you have to sort out on your own and realize who you are in this world and whether you have the ability to continuously lie. You can construe it as "not telling the whole truth" or some **** or say the girls are probably "lying" anyway but those are lame and your still a liar.

You're completely right here, but I've already started to break it off with every one of them today. Have to meet with em all personally to let them know what's up. I did have "something to prove" to myself, really. And again, I did. As much as it stings to hear advice like this, I know that it's true. Thanks

 

[gravityeyelids]

You're completely right here, but I've already started to break it off with every one of them today. Have to meet with em all personally to let them know what's up. I did have "something to prove" to myself, really. And again, I did. As much as it stings to hear advice like this, I know that it's true. Thanks

This is why I like this forum

 

[GotED?]

Dude you are only a boy becoming a man at age 20 (no offense but maturity is somewhat age associated, as well as wisdom).

I have never been the 'Spin 20 plates at once' kind of guy. I am not ashamed to say I am a single-minded, LTR kind of man. I can not be what I am not, so why try to be something you are not and spin multiple plates??

However, I think there needs to be a strong definition of what exactly is 'spinning plates'. Although I don't date multiple women at once, I have found the value (if you are a LTR-minded kind of guy) of not getting Oneitis by having MULTIPLE interests in the beginning of a dating scenario.

In the past, I would focus only on dating one woman at a time and it would develop into too much fantasy/expectations/oneitis. After 40 years, I have found a nice balance of in the initial stages of dating (or still being single), I would try out multiple women on a 1st or 2nd date, sometimes 2 or 3 women in the same time frame.

This does not imply I have fooked them all, actually - I am against that because I hold myself to a higher level of intimacy and can not do ONS (nor am I ashamed of that because that doesn't prove anything really but your PREFERENCE of intimacy). I would actually not focus on one woman until after I have had sexx with her, then drop all the others that I was seeing (never beyond a 2nd date).

I am not extreme by nature, but this strategy has helped me become a true DJ where I am not succumbed to a woman's existance or pedestaled her because I have OPTIONS. OPTIONS can be felt by women and they desire a man that other women WANT. But I don't go as far as SPINNING PLATES because by definition to me, that means you are having multiple sexx partners at the same time and that is detrimental to my emotional/mental makeup (which is fine, not everyone can handle multiple partners at once).

What is important is that you follow what you feel is most appropriate and happy for you in life. That you respect who you are (despite what a lot of people push on you concepts here in SS which may be opposite of your values). There is no right or wrong in life to the extremes, just differing preferences.

Good luck,

Exodus
(shut up Brown Bear!)

 

[Boscus]

The problem isn't seeing 4 women, or 5 women or 10 women...

The problem is YOU!

If you were truly ok with it, there would be no problem. But your male ASD and disney is kicking in, telling you ''it's wrong''

You need to get rid of this betamale mindset.

No, it's not fvckin wrong, if you want to do it, then do it. You do realise you can have emotions for a woman, that is ok? just don't act needy and clingy and you are good to go.

I have a feeling you aint very experienced in the poly department, look up how to handle open relationships, Blackdragon, a very talented Pua specialises in open relationships, I learned a tonne from him.

Peace

 

[zinc4]

i will say that it does feel empty after a while because it is impossible to fully invest in or connect emotionally with one when seeing others on the side...definite pros and cons...to it....depends on what you want i guess...

 

[Taistelukalkkuna]

What´s the problem? Women date multiple men.

 

[Boscus]

Here's a next level concept

Stop looking for happiness outside of you!

99% of your problems will be eroded.

or, continue living your life in fear, ngativity, unhappy etc up to you.

And I encourage you to fvck 10000x women.

 

[BrownBear]

No, it isn't.

Exodus

 

[Bokanovsky]

I pose this question after a year and a half of consistently seeing and dating 4 different girls (Some have stayed the same, others have changed, but this isn't really important), and just becoming more and more emotionally vacant to them. Not to say that I don't have fun with every girl that I date, and I don't enjoy myself, because I do. But lately I've been feeling as if I'm being spread too thin. I think Neil Strauss (And a few others in these forums, Neil is just the only name that comes to mind) touched up on it briefly, when he stated that when he was being extremely successful and dating multiple women, the problem was that they just became numbers and lost a lot of their mystery and allure.

That's not a bad thing though. Getting women should not be your main goal in life...In fact, it should not even be in the top 3. Remember, women cannot be the source of happiness in your life. They can only be a source of certain secondary satisfaction. Treating women with a degree of emotional detachment is the ultimate manifestation of what it means to be an alpha male.